This girl is in love with a girl who wants to be a guy.
She said all his features look right.
She calls him her boyfriend & doesn't think twice.
She wears his t shirts like the other girls do their boyfriends.
She says the he carries himself is tall & strong.
But something must be wrong.
Because this girl is in love with a girl who wants to be a guy.

Took me 18 years to realize I didn't want to really live because I wasn't living.
You're not living when you feel like you're dying everyday.
You're not living when you break down & cut lines across your skin like tally marks.
You're not living when you can barely breathe.
You're not living.
But you're alive & there's nothing you can do about it.
Pain & suffer.
It's a game.
You're facing your own monsters because you learned they weren't hiding in your closet but instead they're hiding inside you.
You're fighting against your soul.
Your body.
You don't know how to defeat them without defeating yourself.
So what do you do?
You give up.
You lost.
It's over.
Good night.

Walk.
Don't run.
You might miss the morning sun
Or you might forget to breathe.
See, it's easy to get caught up in the world.
If you're always looking down at the technology no bigger than a basketball then you might miss out on your partner looking at your lips just waiting...
For a kiss.
Or
Maybe if you're stuck at work in a cubical typing with the sounds of a hundred clicks a minute then you might miss the chance to see the rainbow after it rains or
the little man with the *** of gold.
Just walk for a moment for the sake of our generation.
Let go of the idea that technology runs us & get outside & run with your dog or actually get down & play army men with your kids.
One day it'll be too late & the world we know will no longer be a world
We want to live out.

I told you I'd do anything for you.
I told you I'd give you my coat
when you're cold.
I told you I would love you
even on your worst days.
I told you I'd travel oceans
just to see you.
I told you I would kiss you
when you were hurt.
I told you all these things,
thinking you'd do the same
in return.
Turns out,
you kept your coat so
so you wouldn't freeze.
You took your love back,
when I was struggling.
You didn't even cross puddles
if it meant you had to get wet
just to see me.
You wouldn't kiss my scars,
which hurt me
second most to you.

I never hated you.
I never wanted you to go away.
I just needed you to change.
From ever since I was little
I wanted you to be what I like to call
Better.
Different.
I wanted you to be who you're suppose to be.
There's no where to go.
I wanted to wake up
& you just be a dream.
I don't want to hide behind this frame.
I don't want to run & cover & avoid obstacles.
I never hated you.
I just wanted to be me.

I will give you my hoodies
when you're cold,
even if I'm cold too.
I will buy snacks when you're
in the mood for something sweet.
I will rub your feet after
a long day.
I will try to fix your car problems.
I will cook for you
at 2 in the morning.
I will run your bath water &
wash you down if you're too tired,
or not feeling well.
I will run to the drug store
whenever you need medicine
so you don't get sick.
I will kiss all your booboo's.
I will buy you little gifts
& I will clean the house for you
just to give you a break.
I will hold your hand so you
don't feel alone.
I will kiss you right before you go to sleep
& right when you wake up.
I will love you.
Oh yes,
I will love you.

For years of feeling trapped.
For years in hiding.
For years of making everyone else happy.
I quit.

I'm breaking open.
I'm busting my shell to pieces.
I'm tearing the walls down for good.
For me.

I cut my hair.
I dressed how I wanted.
I am who I am.
For me.

But I'm still trapped.
But I'm still in hiding.
But I'm still not me.
I'm lost.

With these breast.
With this voice.
With this body.
I'm not me.

My *** won't define me.
My looks won't save me.
My voice will hurt me.
I need to change.

I'm forgetting society's idea of "normal."
I'm not a 'princess,' I'm a 'prince.'
I'm going to be happy.

Trans.

No more pain.
No more hiding.
No more being scared.