There is fear behind your whispers,
But understanding in my ears.
Sometimes.
Empathy is turning off the “do not disturb.”

Tonight I turn it off for you

Call me.
Any time❤️

Born from ice,
On a mountain called love.

I know too much pain.
My lungs continuously fill with frost.

I am numb,
Yet I feel everything.

Inhale.
Exhale.

Again.
And again...

Until one day there will be but one.
Be it fire, or ice.

I love you.
The three most simple words to explain the biggest human experience.
Because it will never fit inside a sentence well.

How can you fit lingering stares, reminders of "text me when you get home so I know you're safe," midnight tums runs, laughed-filled kisses, sticky fingers, "I made your favorite," gentle caresses, wrinkled hands held across a park, and memories into one sentence?

You can't.

We have to oversimplify the most complex thing because while it is real we cannot describe a law of force that isn't confined by limits.

A football game picture with an "I hope we win!"
And all of the sudden you ask where I've been.

I decide to be polite, ask if anything's new?
You respond, not much-how are you?"

Fast forward five minutes.
"Can I ask you a question?"

"Why are you such a tease?"
Excuse me but my sole purpose isn't simply to please.

Better question, why do you assume I am?
My worth has nothing to do with pleasing you, you sham of a man.

You backtrack, saying "You're beautiful and you know it" Which really translates to "You do this to me on purpose, now show it."

Well I have news for you son.

A woman is beautiful, whether you comment on it or not.
We do not change based on attention from men who are worth less than a thot.

So the next time you tell a girl to smile,
Just remember that we keep our lips closed because we don't waste an expression on men who aren't worthwhile.

And you my friend aren't a man, but an ***.
One who doesn't know the first thing about class.

I've come so far.

3 years ago I had everything.
I was becoming everything.
Right with him by my side.

2 years ago I thought I did.
But I acquired pain & loneliness.
With him by my side, becoming my undoing.

1 year ago I started over with nothing.
I'm ambidextrous.
I've re-invented myself--it took time.

My healed heart chose not to sacrifice my self-worth for just anyone.

After healing came acceptance.
Acceptance that I stutter, constantly at a loss over words & phrases that used to come so easy.

Those three little words used to leave my mouth faster than uncontrolled laughter.

I once thought myself ambidextrous.
But it turns out I am not.
My emotions are like frayed nerves, afferent only, no expression.

Regret is soon to follow--whether from facing rejection or holding it in I don't know.

You scare me.
And the fact that you might not be "just anyone."
And the fact that I might be "just anyone" to you?
Scares me.

Turns out I've found quite the worthy opponent in dancing around the subject...

I cannot take a compliment.
Or so I've been told.
Yet I still have to accept them, like unwanted gift cards on my birthday.

Compliments.
They are not taken.
They are given.
Even if they are not needed.

I've been told all my life I can't take one.
Then why must you insist of giving them?

I understand, I do.

A close friend speaking from kind admiration is sweet.

But listen.

A wildflower does not need validation.
It grows despite any spoken words.

Dandelions require sweet nothings,
The whispering kindness of desire.

It takes little more than a breath to blow them over,
They break underneath anything other than quiet breaths.

I am a sunflower.
I stand tall and proud beneath a hot sun.

I grow to my own height and no one else's.
I sway beneath unkind assaults, and it takes more than battering words to break me.

So try to understand, I don't need your reassurances.
Tell me not what I am, but what I do to you.

In a world full of weeds, try to grow a little wild.

You always remember the moment you felt the most broken.
That was the day I had to ask permission;
The day I realized he belonged to someone else.
There were no soothing circles.
Only regret wrapped tightly around a steering wheel.
I was holding someone's else's hand.