When you and I met
we were two new souls
already rotted with the years that had been prematurely pushed onto us.
We were already so empty of life
so jaded and hopeless.
The feeling of knowing just how bad it is
but needing to keep quiet had already plagued us for too many years.
When you and I met
I thought you were arrogant and cruel
you thought I was apathetic and content.
All the late night conversations
the confessions of traumas and thoughts
the people out there who just wanted to take advantage of our seeming naivety
made us each other’s closest allies.
But the world is cruel
and it forced you out
all the uncountable hours
I had spent talking to you
the inside jokes and the utmost secrets
out the window
more like off the bridge.
You saw the world through warped glasses
twisting everything into an ugly blur.
There were times when you were almost lost
but you reached out just in time to be pulled along.
I say that I could never know the way you felt
but oh how I felt your beautiful consciousness extinguish that evening when I heard the news
read your last work as a writer
the last line of your personal story.
All I can tell you is this             sorry excuse for an apology
I used you just like the rest of us did
you were the reason that I’ve lived this long
maybe if we’d never met
never shared our inner workings
you would still be here and I’d be coating the bottom of the overpass.
Now that I know I couldn’t help you, a goddess compared to my filth
what meaning does my life still have
I’ve never been this emotional about a death
they’re all so predictable and ordinary
just another horrible person lost, swimming in the Styx
But this time you’ve pulled me into the water with you.