It was perhaps the first of the few times
when I had started looking for a father in random guys
sitting by my window
calling the ones walking on the street papa
maybe I used to miss him a little back then,
but surely the things changed when I turned seven-
not young enough to understand why my mom cried &
yet too young to know
why he won't be the one
who'd bring chocolates for me
who'd be the one who'll stand by me and
wipe my tears when I'd weep
who'd help me stand when I'd fall
who'd be in my failures, the first person I'd call.
who'd teach me about the important lessons of life
who'd not make me realize, how humiliating it would be to be someone's wife
who'd be the first man I'd love.

We exist because we think
or we think because we exist?

I see my existence in your eyes.
I exist because you think of me.
I exist because with you
I don't need to think about myself.

I don't exist when I don't live in your imagination.
I don't exist when I don't live in your thoughts.

Don't look into my eyes
as I open my jar full of glow worms
& let out one by one
the light kept caged in my heart-
it helped me fight many violent storms.

Why was it caged, you wish to ask?
I will tell you as
one wise man once told me,
"accepting your mistake,
is step one of putting remorse to its task."

Fear drove me in different directions for years.
On one such maneuver when I was tired
and my eyes were full of tears
I found this really nice man
who shared with me his light
gave me a reason to carry on my fight.

But as he shared with me his light
I extinguished his own.

(He thought the world was nice
and sharing was caring,
not realizing I was wary and soulless
after all my experiences scary.)

Seeing the world dipped in the color of my soul
I protected this light
buried it deep inside,
to not let the ones who were like me
steal it from me
how I stole it from him-
by looking into his eyes.

Now, looking back in time,
as my soul gets cleansed
by regret and remorse
while
the nice man shines brightly in the sky,
even as
I wish to get rid of this stolen light of mine,
to die,
to be blessed with a less insecure afterlife.

Hence,
I release my glow worms one by one,
but
don't look into my eyes,
and try to steal this light-
escape my fate,
don't make the same mistake as mine.

Let's weave a cloth
using thread of lies,
one colored in your biases
the other in mine.

You believe what I tell you
& I will believe in you,
but take care to remember
what you say isn't true.

Let's keep it low key
& use only light colored threads-
a lie too bright
can show the lack of facts.

We'll use it to hide our skins
whenever
our sand castle we shall leave.
But careful!
Don't step out in the wind-
Beware of the power of truth
that takes the strength
out of this fabric we weave.

Look at him,
oh, how composed he looks,
like a tree on a windless day in spring

But alas! Our eyes see as much.

His heart is in pieces and bits
as, in love,
he pulls her up to fulfil her dreams

while

she holds onto the rope
that drags her baggage and
still a little hope.

Look at all these
hopeful coins in a fountain.

They echo the truths
kept caged otherwise
in so many

(broken
desperate
love-thirsty
tortured and
a little empty)

hearts~

Whispering the secrets behind one's
hope
pain
sane and
insane.