i love driving alone. its comfy in a silent car, cause you can just think and think and think about whatever you want to think about and you dont have to think about what theyre thinking about and you dont have to think about what theyll say next or what youll say next or what they think of you. your only job is to think about yourself. can you imagine not being able to take your thoughts off of the person next to you? thinking about someone else is exhausting. i know cause i did it once.
i was driving on some back road somewhere and saw this guy standing on the side of the road with his thumb out. i dont know what came over me but i just pulled over and let him in. he looked at me and i looked at him and… we just looked at eachother. for a minute i couldnt think about anything but his big beautiful eyes. but then i kept driving and- i couldnt stop thinking about them. it made me angry. angry bc he had taken my thoughts. they werent in my head anymore, they were over there. in the passenger seat that should have been empty, swimming around in his big, beautiful eyes.
id never thought so much about someone besides myself and it made me tired. so tired that i just wanted to sleep, but when i closed my eyes all i could think about were his eyes and it made me angry all over again, now because i couldnt sleep.
i drive alone now. still. because that way i never have to not think about myself ever again. my thoughts are mine, and i like it that way.
wrote my own monologue for an audition. inspired by "all my friends" by dermot kennedy