Will start writing poems again soon, sorry for the wait...

So I have a theory. You know how they say that when you die in a dream, you die in real life? And you know how they say that when you die, your life replays itself? Well what if you think you're dying in a dream, but it's your life replaying itself because you're actually dead and how you died in the dream is how you died in real life and that's the last thing replaying before everything goes black?

                                B.S.

"Stop."
"Why?"
"Please just stop."
"Come on, you'll like it"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Just no."
"I'll make you feel so good."
"Please don't. "
"Tell me why."
"I'm not ready for that."
"I want you so bad."
"That's too bad."
"Come on baby."
"No.......please stop. Please."
"Why aren't you wet baby?"
"...."
"Go down."
"What?"
"Go down."
"No."
"Come on. Please?"
"No."
"Just for a second. Come on babe."
"I don't want to."
"Let me have you."
"No."
"****, please? Just go down for a second"
"I can't."
"Why?"
"I'm not ready. I don't want to."


This is where things got physical and God, let me tell you, I've never felt so violated. I hate myself. I ******* hate myself.



                               B.S

Am I? Am I

good enough? Looking at my reflection through this broken mirror. Maybe it's just showing me what I really am on the inside.

         I don't know... I never did. Slowly sliding down this brick wall, the coldness cooling down my heated flesh, Curling up into a ball wrapping my arms around me like its a life line.
        I mumble to myself "am I? Am I good enough?"  for you to hurt and betray me then I must not be.

     But that's ok, I can never say no to you no matter how hard I try. Your touch, your breath, your words... are like poison that runs through my veins.
      But its alright because for a moment I felt alive, not anymore, no those days are over. I'm dead inside. It's just an endless void of darkness swirling all around me that I can't seem to get out of.

     It's all right, I take last glance at my bleeding wrist and say to myself "I was never good enough anyways" slowly  my vision fades I'm starting to feel free, then...it goes black.