Arizona    1999 -    
The poets eye, in a fine frenzy rolling, doth glance from Heaven to Earth, from Earth to Heaven; and as imagination bodies forth the forms of things unknown, the poet's pen turns them into shapes, and gives to airy nothing, a local habitation and name.
--- William Shakespeare
The poets eye, in a fine frenzy rolling, doth glance from Heaven to Earth, from Earth to Heaven; and as imagination bodies forth the forms of things unknown, the poet's pen turns them into shapes, and gives to airy nothing, a local habitation and name.
--- William Shakespeare
A Fine Frenzy
A Fine Frenzy
1 day ago

All I want to do is scream.
I lay in my bed, looking at a picture.
A picture of my family.
My brother and sister with their half siblings.
With their cousins.
With their aunt and uncle.
I want to scream
"Why the hell don't we take family pictures when I'm home?"
I want to scream that I am still
A part of this God forsaken family.
"Your father adores Kendal," she tells me.
I want to scream that he loves me more because I'm his child and not some step kid.
I see my family.  
I know who they are;
But yet they're strangers.
I am no longer a part of their little family in their eyes.  
But they are still very real to me.
What they said and did,
And say and do,
Is still very real and vivid in my brain.
All I want to do is scream.
But nothing comes out,
And I lay in my bed driving myself crazy because I just want to be accepted by a family that will never accept me.

A Fine Frenzy
A Fine Frenzy
2 days ago

Christina,
I miss you. I miss you being there for me. I miss your voice. Everything about you. Lately I've been thinking about you. More than when you were alive, sad to say. I guess it's because now that you're gone, I wish I could have gotten to know you more. You, the funny introvert. You, the kind smile on my snapchat every day. I miss you, my buddy. We're hanging in there.

For Christina Grimmie
  2d  A Fine Frenzy
Vanessa Gatley
Vanessa Gatley
3 days ago

All I want is him
His voice in my ears
His touch on skin
Just us being free

Dear Jack,

This will be the last one. I don't know who you were when I met you. I don't know if that was an act or not. Your social media says it wasn't an act, but I read something on your YouTube channel. I read your description and it said "I love giving money to pretty women." So maybe you have always been a whore. Casey said you cheated on her and I believe her. I believe her 100%. I'm still incredibly mad at you. I'm cold. Not as in "I'm so numb that my blood has frozen" type cold. But cold as in "I'm so angry that I don't give a rat's ass anymore" type cold. You know the feeling? Where it feels like someone just pumped ice into your veins? That's all I really feel anymore. Obviously I hide it under a mask. I really thought that you were different. That you were 100 times better than Mark was. But you're not. You're just a piece of shit that can't deal with his problems like an adult. I hate you Jack. Drop dead.

Bye.
#hate   #goodbye   #angry   #mad   #revenge   #rage   #byeforever  

I hope from time to time
That you think of me like I think of you.
In my dreams you appear;
An apparition with the clearest face.
Your voice so soft; a whisper
But yet I seem to wake up deaf.

Like another ghost, you haunt me.
I see your face in the dark,
Your shadow disappearing around dimly lit corners.
And yet, you're an ocean away.

The worst part is when I lie awake at night
Losing sleep wondering if you're
Thinking of me.
Wondering how you could just let go
Of the late night phone calls,
All the inside jokes,
The intimate moments.

I wonder how you sleep at night.
If you sleep okay knowing I'm alive.
Or if my sobs still echo in your head
Every now and again?

My voice begging you to stay.
My voice on the verge of giving up.
My voice shaking as I tell you I love you.
My voice cold and hard as I tell you I hate you.

I wonder if you think about that like I do.
I wonder if you think of me at all.

You used to.

What happened?

I hate you so much but all I need is someone to talk to and you were the only one.

He doesn't love you anymore.
He certainly doesn't miss you.
He doesn't love the way your eyes shine
When you talk about the people you love.
He doesn't miss the way you call him
To make sure he was awake in time for work.
He doesn't love the way your hair looks
Pulled back with your glasses on.
He doesn't miss the way you'd laugh
When things were bad but you'd joke anyway.
He doesn't love the way you say
"I love you."
He doesn't miss the way you blush
When he told you he loved you.
He doesn't love you anymore.
He certainly doesn't miss you.
And the worst part is that you're still here,
While he's moved on.
You're still here,
Waiting for that phone call or text that never will come.
Your still here,
While he's in the back of your mind,
Making sure you'll never be moving on.

Fuck you.
#love   #heartbreak   #sad   #hate   #depressed   #lost   #angry   #stuck  

How can I be myself when I don't know who that is?
How can I be myself if I don't know where to look?
"Just be yourself."
Why is it that when I am myself,
People always ask me to change?
Why is it that when I am myself,
I feel so uncomfortable around my friends and family?
"Just be yourself?"
I've tried. And I've been stomped on
By so many people when I was
Myself.
So please stop telling me to
"Just be myself."

I'm a lost puppo
#sad   #depression   #anger   #depressed   #anxiety   #lost  
 
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