Blood on the interstate,this world is an awful place.I don't know what I can doto convince you to make a change.Why can't you understand?There is nothing that gives a manthe right to abuse and destroythe animals or the land.It seems death is everywhereand nobody seems to care.How can you just keep drivinglike you don't see the bodies lying there?You've paved over all their homes.Now they have nowhere to go.You kill them without a second thoughtif they dare to step on your roads.Your apathy just breaks my heart.Your cruelty tears it apart.How can I make you see this when I don't even know where to start?

It seems I fall in love every daywith those who bare their soulsthrough the art that they create,the words that they write,or the music that they play.Only they make me believe thatsomeone understands my pain.I can't talk to people that I know.I never know just what to say.So I imagine the artists I admirewould understand me anyway.Though I only know them in my mind,they still are not as fakeas the people I have come to knowin the real life I have made

There were six of us but only one of me.I knew you all so well and I could seethe great men each of you could beand I knew you would eventually.I fell in love with each of youI know it sounds stupidbut I promise it's true.I didn't knowwhat I could do.So I just waited for one of you to choose.Another friend was all you saw.Sometimes I thinkyou didn't see me at all.Still I couldn't help but falland sit in my room wishing one of you would call.

I'm sorry for what I did to you.I never meant to break your heart.I sometimes wonder if things could be differentif we made a new start.You should know that I'm confused and scared and I don't know what to do.All I know is that sometimes I wishthat I was still with you.In the beginning you made me feel so goodbecause I thought you needed me,but I just didn't understand how very hard these things can be.I felt that I had lost myself amidst that chaos that we shared.I didn't like the person I was then.I wasn't even sure the real me was still there.I know that none of that was your fault.I never really let you seethat there were times I needed you just as much as you needed me.Instead I let my anger grow until I thought that I would drown.Ending what we had together was the only solution that I found.Now when I look back on our timeI wonder what might have beenif I'd just had the courage to tell youall of this back then.You were my first everything.You opened up my heart.When I think of that it seems so crazyfor us to be apart.And yet I'm scared to try again,scared of the pain that I might cause.I don't know if you realize how terrible it wasto see how badly you were hurtby something I had done.But I didn't know what else to doso I decided to just run. I wanted you to know that,in all my adult life,that night we talked in that parking lotyou saw the only tears I've cried.

I desperately need to believe in the potential of humanity,that there is the possibilitythat we can all become better.I know that if we learn to change eventually there will come a daywhen we will live the right wayand give up all our evils. I imagine a future timewhen we will see the value in every life,all humans and non-humans alike,and there will be no more prejudice. We will learn to protect the earth.We will love her and see her worth.We'll vow to never be like we were,so destructive and selfish.We will learn to live in harmonywith each other and all we see,and we'll know there's no need to beangry, greedy or frightened.We'll restore all that we have harmed,release the innocent from inside their bars,instead we'll hold them in our armsand never again will we use them. No longer judging by appearances,we'll see everything for just what it is,and acceptance is all that we will giveto those who are not like us.There will be no more need to fight over what is wrong and what is rightbecause at last we will see the lightthat our beliefs do not matter.That our actions are all that countthere is nothing to worry aboutjust as long as we live withoutcausing pain or suffering.

I am a canvas,that's all that I am.I've painted myself the best that I can,but the truth is it's lifethat has changed me the most.Every person I've knownstill haunts me like a ghost.Everything that I've done and everywhere I have beenyou can hear in my voice,you can see on my skin. Evey choice that I've made,each opportunity missed,has left it's own marking,it's own little kiss.I've been colored by placesand shaded by time. So which part of myself can I truly call mine?Now who am I really?Which part is me?Without all this paintwho would I be?

Things look like they're changing,

but they are really just the same.

I am still just as lonely,

no one even knows my name.

No matter what I try

I am still just as worthless.

No matter what I do

I still feel just as hopeless.

Bombs exploding in my chest.

My brain is bleeding in my head.

The tears I won't allow to flow

burn like acid down my throat.

My body shakes with all the pain

of these thoughts that mutilate my brain.

I try to make myself appear

as if I'm not being burned alive by fear.

I put a smile on my face and fake

that I've accepted my mistakes,

but inside I can feel my heart

as it's slowly ripping itself apart.

I love and I hate

all of the people in this place.

They’re so full of contradictions

I just don’t think I can take.

If you ever need a hand

you know that they’ll do all they can

just as long as they don’t know

you’re not like them.

They will take you in,

treat you like a friend

though they’ve not known you before

and they’ll not see you again.

If you look deeper you will find

that beneath their kindness lies

violence and prejudice

that they don’t even try to hide.

Depending on your situation

you may find you loathe or admire them.

They do so many evil things

but with such good intentions.

They stand so  strongly against

anyone who’s different.

Yet if you fall within their group,

in them you can have confidence.

I just don’t know what to think

of these mixed emotions that they bring.

Should I consider them my friends?

or should I call them enemies?

It seems they have found a way

to somehow always stay

in a strange gray area

between my love and hate.

I was born in the wrong time.

I think that’s why I can’t find

my place in this world.

I really just don’t belong here,

that becomes more clear

to me all the time.

I should have lived in the 60’s

I would have fit in among hippies.

Now I think I’m the only one.

I should have lived in that time

when it was so easy to find

people with compassion.

Today there’s such violence and hate

and all these people I just can’t relate

to in any way at all.

If I could travel into the past

I think I’d find comfort at last

in those who understand me.

When people found meaning in life

they had causes for which they would fight.

Now people are so apathetic.

They loved each other back then.

I think how wonderful it must have been

to feel that connection.

Today everyone feels so alone.

We each face this life on our own,

and it’s just so sad to me.

I want to stand up for what’s right,

but there’s no one to stand by my side.

Why does no one care anymore?

I’ve decided that I want to

cover all of my scars with tattoos.

I’ve decided that from now on

I will make myself brand new,

remove the signs of pain and sadness,

and create a brand new point of view.

Though to all my scars I am quite grateful,

many times I think they’ve saved my life,

I’ve really no more need for them

and I’ve grown sick of trying to hide.

So I’m taking something ugly

that’s a source of insecurity for me

and I’m making something beautiful

that I’ll want everyone to see.

I am going to let my skin express to you

all the things I want to feel inside

and hope that will be a catalyst

to create change in my life.

Each and every time I see these scars

they remind me of old hurt.

If I am ever to heal my emotional wounds,

I’ll have to banish the physical ones first.

I am the inverse of a human being.

I’m not like anyone I’ve ever seen.

I only like the things that bring me pain.

I don’t know how I ended up this way.

Try to make me cry.

Try to make me bleed.

Try to make me suffer

maybe then you’ll see

only when I’m in pain

do I feel relief

from all of these demons

that have been haunting me.

You can keep all your encouragement

and any happy feelings you have sent.

I would rather hear from someone else

who feels the way I’ve always felt.

Give me sadness.

Give me sorrow.

Give me self-destruction

maybe then you’ll know

that all your hopeful words

will only serve to show

that I am out of place

everywhere I go.

So please don’t try to make me smile

or try to make me happy for a while.

Your cheerfulness just underscores

all of the things I’m longing for.

It seems destiny has

conspired against me

to make everything turn out wrong.

It seems all the good things

in life move to quickly

and the bad things always stay too long.

I just can’t understand

why nothing is easy,

why no decision can ever be clear.

And I can’t understand

why it is that I’m always

paralyzed by this deep-seated fear.

Each time I start to think

that my life’s on the right track

something happens that changes my mind.

Each thing that I feel

will at last make me happy

just makes me miserable time after time.

Why do some people

just know who they are

and what they want in life right from the start?

And why do some people

never seem to realize

what they truly desire in their hearts?

I want to find something

that will make me feel better

about who I am and what I have done.

I need to find something

that will help me discover

the person I want to become.

I feel there’s this force

that’s trying to stop me

from ever finding my true place.

It seems that in my

endless quest for fulfillment

I must be defying the fates.

There is no one who knows me

or has the slightest understanding

of anything that’s happening

inside my head.

I wish that I could find someone

who I could trust enough

to tell the honest story of

who I am.

But I don’t know if that can be.

I always search but never see

much of a possibility

that I’ll find that.

I need someone who I can trust

with all my fears and all my love,

who will make me feel that I’m enough

the way I am.

I look around me and I know

if I ever let the real me show

my loneliness could only grow.

They’ll never understand.

I mean really how could they?

We see the same world every day

but to them it will never look the way

it looks to me.

I have tried to be like them.

I’ve made an effort to fit in,

but I could not even begin

to feel at home,

among these people that I knew.

Though my affections for them grew

I could never let myself show through.

They never really knew me.

Though I considered them my friends

I’d have to leave them in the end

or be required to pretend

for all my life.

So I decided not to stay.

I chose to let them slip away.

I never knew just what to say,

so I just disappeared.

Now I fear that I will never find

this sweet fantasy of mine

someone who’ll help me leave all that behind,

so I'll  no longer be unknown.

Life’s all about evolution.

I know I’m not who I used to be.

I look at pictures from a few years ago

and I can’t believe that it’s me.

People are constantly changing.

No one ever stays the same

yet we try to fit people into different shaped holes

we think of it like it’s a game.

We seem to think it’s so important

to categorize everyone

saying “he’s one of these” and “she’s one of those”

and we’re left all alone when we’re done.

We should all learn from each other,

help each other become our true selves.

Instead of pretending that we’re all so different

let’s forget all the lies that we tell.

And when we get down to the bottom,

the real truth in it’s purest form,

we’ll find that we’re much more alike than we’re different.

There will be no need to fight anymore.

We’ll know the truth

that we’re all the same.

We’ll see that we

can’t carry on this way.

We’ll put an end

to all our past mistake.

A little understanding

is all that it will take.

Why’s it so hard to accept that

no matter what group they are in

people are people and we all have our faults?

We never know who we’ll be in the end.

So lets all let go of our bias,

give each other a chance to evolve.

Let’s forgive past mistakes and look to the future

and let our hate be drowned out by our love.

Do you believe it is true

that there are just some people who

can never be happy?

I wonder am I incapable of

ever truly feeling wanted or loved

and will I always feel empty?

Is there just something missing in me

that makes it impossible for me to see

the good things in my life?

I can’t seem to find anything that

can ever manage to distract

from the hopelessness I feel.

For the first time in my life

I feel a small bit of freedom

but now I find that I sometimes

miss the prison I came from.

As far back as I can remember

I’ve hated feeling so trapped,

but now that it’s gone

I sometimes want that feeling back.

Now that I’m free

I find I have no excuse

for not doing the things

I always said I would do.

With freedom I’ve found

comes the power to choose

but with each choice that you make

comes the chance that you’ll lose.

With each opportunity comes a new chance at failure.

With each blessing comes another new curse.

To be trapped by circumstance or my own indecision

I can’t decide which one is worse.

When you can see no way out

you make the best of you cage

and you learn to find enjoyment

in the most unlikely place.

When you don’t have a choice

you just do what you have to

and every good thing

seems so much better to you.

Now that I have choices

each one seems so hard.

Trying to decide

feels like being pulled apart.

I know my situation

is much better today,

still sometimes I think

I’d be better off if I’d stayed

in the freedom of captivity.

Just because I seldom speak

doesn’t mean that I don’t think

and worry just as much as you.

Really if you only knew

what it feels like to be me

to see all of the things I see

I’m sure you would be shocked to find,

with all this running through my mind,

I still don’t feel the need to say

every thought I have every single day.

Just because I’m not like you,

telling the world everything I’ve been through

doesn’t mean that I haven’t felt

plenty of sorrow and sadness myself.

You don’t know even one single thing

about the thoughts that I have or the life that I lead.

Think what you want I really don’t care

but don’t talk about me when I’m standing right there

and act like it’s the funniest thing you have heard

to pretend I don’t understand a single word

about trouble or hardship or even simple stress

just because I don’t complain like you and the rest.

You act like I’m just a silly little girl

unaware of the problems that exist in the world,

when in fact I know much more about that than you.

I try to always be aware of the truth

and do what I can to make things improve.

So tell me, just what the fuck do you do?

Do you make any effort to cause things to change?

or do you think it’s enough to sit there and complain?

I’m so sick of hearing how hard your life is

and that it’s unfair how very stressed-out you get,

when all of your problems are so trivial

you never even consider the fate of the world.

My life may not be as complicated as yours,

but I certainly think about existence much more.

I wonder what legacy I’ll leave behind

and if there will ever come a day when I’ll find

a way to make myself believe that I have

the right and the reason to continue to live.

Today a poor sweet

innocent life was lost.

It was by my hand

so I must pay the the cost.

But who understands?

Who will let me confess?

Will anyone tell me

how to repay my debt?

What could possibly equal

the worth of a life?

I have stolen a treasure

that is without price.

How can I express

the intensity of

the regret that I feel?

Nothing could be enough.

What could I have done?

It all happened so fast.

Everything moved so quickly,

I could not react,

but in flashes of memory

I see each detail

a maddening view

of a creature so frail.

In my mind I can see

a look of pure fear

and a small helpless scream

of agony fills my ears.

Cries of “I’m sorry”

that no one will hear

as my face becomes covered

with self-loathing tears.

I think of the terror

that poor creature felt

as I pray for forgiveness

I know I’ll not grant myself.

In an act of atonement

I do what I swore

was something I would

never do anymore.

A memorial and apology

for the life that I took

will be my reminder

every time that I look

at my flesh that’s now marked

a symbol of regret

that will be there always

so I’ll never forget.

I dream of the day

when I will find that place

that finally feels like home to me.

I hope one day I’ll know

just where I should go,

and when I get there it will become clear

that at last I have found

that place I’ve dreamed about

and now everything will be okay.

This sweet fantasy

is what sustains me

it’s what stops me from losing my mind.

Because there must be an end

to this nightmare I’m in,

surely it can’t go on all my life.

When it feels like too much,

like I just can’t rise above

this frustration I feel everyday

I retreat to that lie

that I hold deep inside

and try convincing myself that it’s true.

I hope so much that it is.

Then perhaps I will get

a real chance at the life I long for,

a life filled with love

and all the joy of

an existence with meaning and worth,

and a place I can go

where I’ll always know

that this is where I’m meant to be,

a place of beauty and light

and clear starry nights

a haven where I will feel safe.

Tonight as I fall asleep

I will pray for sweet dreams

of the world I have made in my mind.

Loneliness

can be infinite

when you choose to live

by your heart.

No compromise

you’re willing to fight

for what you know is right

in your soul,

each and every day

no matter what they say.

You’ll never feel okay

if you don’t.

Never give in

you can’t let them win

just stay the person you’ve been

all along.

In a book I read

there was an owl that lived

in a tree that was dead

and decayed.

He was resigned

to the fact he would die

when the tree could not find

strength to stand.

And like that owl

you will find out

that you must stay bound

to your choice.

Ignore the cost

far more would be lost

if your morals you did not

follow.

It’s better to

always be true

to what really matters to you

in the end.