I've been in love with you
for so long
that I've lost track
so why does it surprise you
that I'm going to feel incomplete
until you love me back?
I constantly act stronger than I really am
I'm a big girl, I can handle it
It's fine, I'm fine I always claim
When behind closed doors
I break down
Every time I think of your name.
And you think we can just be friends
After everything we've been through
Like it's that simple
To just stop loving you...
My bed feels too big
knowing you'll never share it with me again
and my heart is breaking
knowing that I'm losing my best friend
but I've wasted all the love I have
on someone who will never love me back
I've wasted over a year
trying to get you to love me
only to be left staring at my bed
and thinking how it looks so empty.
Every second that passes where you don't love me back is killing me
and I've been starting at the hands of the clock
just begging that they'll stop
Nobody ever writes how physically painful heart break is
Stomach clenched, lungs gasping for air
Chest caving in
They write that "love is patient, love is kind"
Then how come I'm in love
and feel like I want to die?
The secret's out
and now you know how I feel
thanks to an alcohol-induced break down
and hearing you say
that you don't love me back
was the most excruciating sound.
I just want someone to see all the potential that I don't see in myself
Believes that I'm so much more than what I really am
Someone who'd be proud to show me off
Not be embarrassed to hold my hand.
Someone to love all the flaws that I've grown to hate
to love my imperfections and make up for all that I lack
Not someone who only loves me secretly, under the covers.
Is that too much to ask?
Or do I not deserve that?
I finally figured out why you don't want me.
You don't think I'm good enough for you
You've got me starting to really believe it.
I never thought a guy could do that to my mental health.
And I've been too busy wondering why we're not together
that I haven't had the time to notice
that being in love with you
is making me hate myself.
That crushing realization
That no matter what you do
Or how hard you try
You'll never mean as much to them
As they do to you.
You know how hard it is
for me to tell people how I feel
so when I told you I was feeling low
and especially alone
I was half hoping you'd hop in your car
and drive as fast as you could to get here.
But the doorbell never rang.
You never came.
You made me a rose today
Out of the aluminum foil
From your burrito at Qdoba..
And that was the first time
A guy has ever given me a flower.
I hate that I can still smell you
On my sheets long after you leave
Because when I fall asleep at night,
(Alone, like always)
It's your scent I breathe.
It's a constant reminder that I'm lonely
And that you don't love me
(you only love to fuck me)
No strings attached...
But what about the ones attached to my heart
And wrapped around your finger?
Just one pull and I crumble
Just one flick of the wrist
And I come undone.
No strings attached,
Isn't it great?
Yeah, until you move your hand.
And my heart breaks.
I probably should have given up a long time ago,
after the fourth or fifth time you said we'll never be together.
But what did I go and do?
(Fall in love with you)
And I've been holding on for seven or eight months now
onto this foolish hope that you'll change your mind
Hey, maybe you'll love me back!
Maybe you just need some more time!?
But if you didn't love me then
and you don't love me now,
how long do I have to wait?
A year? Three? A thousand?
And I never can breathe when you're near
No, my breath gets stuck in my throat
and I've been dying (quite literally) to tell you I love you
but every time I try?
I suffocate. Constrict. Choke.
And I'm at quite a loss
I really am confused
because I'm miserable either way
(with or without you).
I play my music too loud
To try and drown you out
But with all these thoughts
I can't hear a sound
For someone who prides themselves on always being honest,
I am really such a liar
And for someone who likes to act all cold hearted and tough,
I'm a lover not a fighter
And when I say "I don't care, I don't care, I don't care"
It's because I care too much
And when I seem level headed, collected, and calm,
My insides are really mush
So when I inevitably get shit faced and text you:
"I love you"
"I hate you"
"I hate you because I love you"
Please let me down easily
Because for someone who constantly claims you mean next to nothing to her,
I am really such a liar.
I'm not the kind of girl guys want to date.
I don't know how to do my hair
make-up, or nails.
I don't even know
how to dress myself
most of the time.
I don't know how to dance
but I know how to throw a football.
I don't know how to cook
but I can make a basket
from the free throw line.
I'd rather go camping
than stay at a resort
"one of the guys"
guys wants to date.
Everything I feared
that people hate about me
turns out to be true.
All I'm trying to do
is be me
and it's not working.
I always think guys are too good for me.
That they are all out of my league.
That I deserve less than the best
I shop for guys in
the 99 cent bin
I always think that I'm never good enough.
Guys would never want me
I'm no playboy model
My stomach's not flat
and most of the times
I'm unsure how to act
like a normal girl.
But I like to think
that if anything,
I've got a good heart
that's gotta be worth something,
I want to
so you can
and you can
feel my pain
all the way
You've got me writing cliche love poems
and listening to Taylor Swift songs
You've got me sleeping as much as possible
just for the chance to see you in my dreams
You've got me spending all day miserable
because I can't be where you are
You've got me finding any excuse to text you
or doing anything to make you smile
You've got me going completely crazy
acting like those kinds of girls I laugh at.
You've got me
But I don't have you.