That crushing realization
That no matter what you do
Or how hard you try
You'll never mean as much to them
As they do to you.

You know how hard it is
for me to tell people how I feel
so when I told you I was feeling low
and especially alone
I was half hoping you'd hop in your car
and drive as fast as you could to get here.

But the doorbell never rang.

You never came.

You made me a rose today
Out of the aluminum foil
From your burrito at Qdoba..
And that was the first time
A guy has ever given me a flower.

I hate that I can still smell you
On my sheets long after you leave
Because when I fall asleep at night,
(Alone, like always)
It's your scent I breathe.
It's a constant reminder that I'm lonely
And that you don't love me
(you only love to fuck me)

No strings attached...
But what about the ones attached to my heart
And wrapped around your finger?
Just one pull and I crumble
Just one flick of the wrist
And I come undone.
No strings attached,
Isn't it great?
Yeah, until you move your hand.

And my heart breaks.

For someone who prides themselves on always being honest,
                          I am really such a liar

And for someone who likes to act all cold heated and tough,
                            I'm a lover not a fighter

And when I say "I don't care, I don't care, I don't care"
                          It's because I care too much

And when I seem level headed, collected, and calm,
                            My insides are really mush

So when I inevitably get shit faced and text you:

                                        "I love you"

Or,

               "I  hate you"

Or,

                         "I hate you because I love you"

Please let me down easily

Because for someone who constantly claims you mean next to nothing to her,
                                           I am really such a liar.

I'm not the kind of girl guys want to date.
I don't know how to do my hair
make-up, or nails.
I don't even know
how to dress myself
most of the time.
I'm awkward.
Unsexy.
Crazy.

I don't know how to dance
but I know how to throw a football.
I don't know how to cook
but I can make a basket
from the free throw line.

I'd rather go camping
than stay at a resort

I'm always
"one of the guys"
and never
the girl
guys wants to date.

I always think guys are too good for me.
That they are all out of my league.
That I deserve less than the best
The hand-me-downs.
I shop for guys in
the 99 cent bin
at Goodwill.

I always think that I'm never good enough.
Guys would never want me
I'm no playboy model
My stomach's not flat
and most of the times
I'm unsure how to act
like a normal girl.


But I like to think
that if anything,
I've got a good heart
that's gotta be worth something,
right?

You've got me writing cliche love poems
and listening to Taylor Swift songs
You've got me sleeping as much as possible
just for the chance to see you in my dreams
You've got me spending all day miserable
because I can't be where you are
You've got me finding any excuse to text you
or doing anything to make you smile
You've got me going completely crazy
acting like those kinds of girls I laugh at.
You've got me
But I don't have you.

No matter the distance
or the setbacks,
the sticky situation
and the bad rep,
we were meant to be,
me and you
music to my ears
you're all I wanna see
let's meet in the middle
start a life together
you and me.

I had a dream last night
that you were madly,
hopelessly,
in love with me.
And not the other way around.

You hopped in your car,
drove the 1,767 miles
from where you are
to my front door
just to see me.

But I knew
something was amiss
because you would
never leave her,
the mother of
your daughter.
I don't think
I'd want you to.


So no.
I don't have you,
and you don't love me
but I have dreams

Every single detail of my day
I want to share with you
-like a movie I watched
that left me feeling sad
or an excerpt in a book
that made me smile
(and think of yours)
but I can't.
Because I'm not allowed to feel the way that I do
and I can't be just friends like you want me to
and I can not sit back and watch you love her
and I can NOT love you.
But I do.

Stupid heart
It's like you have a radar
for finding guys
you can never have
and choosing them
to fall in love with.

Stupid brain
For thinking that maybe
just this once
you should ignore your instincts
and go for it anyway

Stupid girl
for already knowing the outcome
but still being heart broken by it.

You're all so fucking stupid.
(And thanks to you,
I'm in pieces.)

I fell in love with Las Vegas
I fell in love in Las Vegas

But both the city and he
will never, and can never
love me..