Silas  

1980 -   
Most of my life I've searched for belonging. In a strange way, I've found belonging by committing to a place where I'm growing. My community isn't perfect, but it's my home, and a good soil that's allowing me to explore ways of expression like poetry that I had left behind in the past. Poetry like hope rises out of me these days as I live one day at a time.

Poems

Apr 4

I used to afraid of everything and everyone.                                                     Fear immobilized me.
Frozen into a paralysis of emotions and resentments.                                      I stopped growing.
I slowly started dying on the inside one day at a time.                                    I wanted to fade away.

Today, I am still afraid, but not frozen in fear.                                                   I walk towards them.
I am not alone today, and my heart fills up with hope.                                   Love guides me through,
Slowly my heart and soul is awakening on the other side.                             to a life open to the present.

Mar 21

I was afraid of silence
The type of      silence  that felt heavy and oppressive.

The                  silence            before my father's fists would land on flesh.
      

But there's another type of  silence,                  one that is freeing.
The silence before laughter,                                silence that connects.
The silence that feels like the Great Void,        infinite and whole.
                                               silence that bridges all the
                                             fragments of pain and longing.
                                                         silence before
                                                            f­lowering
                                                             ­     of
                                                             ­  LOVE

Feb 18

the vast silence explodes into the night
i am lost in thought,
but found in solitude

God seems so infinitely silent,
and yet the Word spoke
in the void

silence awakens in me a new life
love breaks into me
in the quiet solitude of the night

Jan 23

i am filled with                 gratitude
joy                                       for life
love                                     for connection
peace                                  for forgiveness
serenity                              for things i cannot change
courage                              to face my fears
wisdom                              to ask for help
laughter                             while playing
life                                       to be present

Jan 2

shik-gu
the word and idea had the
power to make me tense involuntarily.
it's strange how we hurt the people
we love the most.  

for a long time, i lived my life like a tornado,
not caring who i hurt.  often the people in my
path of destruction were my um-ma, ap-pa and
hyung [momma, pa, and brother].

time heals all wounds or it can make deep resentments
fester.  i'm glad i've chosen to walk the path of cleaning
up the wreckage of the past.  

today, my family still aggravates, but see them for who they
are, people with their failings and strengths like me.  
and little by little, i walk the path towards embracing
my own humanity, my brokenness and all.

Jan 1

a year has flown by                                              twenty-four-hour living                          no longer
12 months, 365 days                                             is all i have to live today,                         afraid of the
of my life.                                                            ­   with a breath in and out.                         future.

new friendships made,                                       my breath leads me to my                        no longer
old ones mended, and                                         heart and my soul finds                           ashamed of the
some let go.                                                            peace.                                                          p­ast.

i've found hope this                                             life is lived one moment                           no longer
past year, and a community                               at a time, when i choose to                       escaping the
that helps me live in hope.                                 embrace it all.                                              present.

Dec 26, 2012

i was a child of chaos
always chasing after that dark oblivion.
i thought i could fight loneliness with a bottle, but
it only brought more pain and emptiness.
now i seek peace.

i'm walkin' the road of connection,
where sometimes i have to feel by pain, joy, and loneliness.
never thought walking through fear would bring me a joyful life, despite
the ups and downs of life.  i've also learned that i do not have
to walk this path alone.

Dec 21, 2012

.                             bodies                                   more
                                colliding                    ­          than an
                                        gently in                            emotion
                                         infinite                             tied to physical
                                       space and time                connection,
                                           unfolding into                and yet found
                                        each other                         in carnal lust.
                                     and becoming                  a language spoken
                                            one.             ­              in silence.

Dec 20, 2012

broken bodies                              with open hearts
call forth                                       inner change
my mind                                       seeking for peace
releases into infinity                   in a simple touch.

Dec 16, 2012

i fell in love with the Tao,
                        when i wandered the mountains of Korea
                                                             ­                                                  as a child.

i cannot name the Tao,
                        or hold it conceptually like religious deities
                                                             ­                                                 unspoken.

i love the Tao,
                   when my heart is aflame in the great reality of
                                                             ­                                               now.

            
                                          i am fully alive,
                                                         when i flow with the great
                                                             ­                                               Tao.

Dec 15, 2012

compulsion erupts into desire
molded into empty shame.  
sexual desire gone awry,
when all i wanted was
not to feel alone.

                                                             ­                     desire burst into a full on
                                                             ­                     obsession, and the loneliness
                                                             ­                     i tried to fill only gets bigger and
                                                             ­                     bigger.  
                    
                                  A life built on lies only lead to
                                  more shame and guilt.  
                                  It wasn't until I desired to try
                                  something different that I became
                                  free of compulsion.

I  am free.

Alive to live my life,
Moment to moment.

Free to
Run into
Eternity with
Ease and peace.

Nov 27, 2012

little moments break
                              into thousand little
                                                          fragments colliding into
                                                                       space and time

i used to think i was spiritual,
                              when in reality i was really
                                                                 chasing oblivion.

oblivion is bottomless and black,
                               but paradoxically it can be solid earth
                                                      in which i rise out of
                                                                  with the help of LIFE
                                                                              and LOVE.

it's a mystery that
             God does not hate me.  
                             everyday, i choose to
                                                  believe in a God that loves
                                                                                            me for
                                                                                                       me.

Sep 22, 2012

i'm no longer that shy awkward kid
that walked this path 10 years ago.

                                                                           maybe a part of me will always be that kind, but today
                                                                           i'm also a man in his 30s walkin' tall.

i used to chase oblivion, because
it's all i knew how to do.                        

                                                                          i embrace peace, even at the price of boredom, and
                                                                          welcome silence even when it means being alone.

Aug 31, 2012

.                                             love is
                                              o
                                              v
                            love is love
                            o        
                            v
                      love     love
                      o          o
                   love is love
                      e           e

Aug 31, 2012

I'm always starting and                                                stopping
trying something new and being stuck in                the   past.
Today is a new day.  I greet it with a deep                  breath
letting go of my need to control, and  just                    be

Comatose,                                                    ­                   frozen to new possibilities.
Living in fear                                                             ­    of a future yet to unfold.
Being present                                                          ­       to here and now is so damn hard.        
Becoming aware                                                            ­of this new day with an open heart/mind

Aug 20, 2012

.                                              duality           ­                    diversity
                                               lost                                      found
                                               in                                         void
                                               yin                                       yang
                                               male                                     female
                                               energy                                 flowing
                                               dark                                     light
                                               finite                                    infinite
                                               destroy                                create
                                               death                                   life
                                               in                                          out
                                               loneliness                            intimacy                                               

                                              
                                               letting go                            holding firm
                                               walking with                     walking away
                                               moving out                        moving in
                                               embracing silence             cuddling chaos
                                               making out                         sitting alone
                                               loving fully                         craving love
                                               loosing fear                         desiring power
                                               past actions                         future promise
                                               healing wounds                 festering resentments
                                               being aware                        choosing ignorance
                                               centering prayer                running away
                                               sharing life                         hording death

Aug 19, 2012

.
         presence                            is                               love
         interwoven                      web                            given
         freely                                created                       to
         saturated                         into                             creation
         breathing                         life                              for                  
         infinitely                          always                       illuminating

Aug 17, 2012

.                                                 is                         life                                                        ­    VOID
                                 God                breathing                                     ­ into the                    
                                 O
                                 D                                                      g
                         God is love                                     n
                                                             ­              i
        God             is                   space       d  
           i                                                 o    
           s           breath                   l
                                              p
    laughter                    x
                                e

Jul 20, 2012

life is like jazz
                 sometimes all you can do
                                                          is improvise
                                      based on                            the template you know
                                                 doing the best                               you can
                                                 going with the                              flow                          of life.

musical notes                         blending
                                                                                                         into one,
                       sometimes      blaring into                                    cacophony               of sound.

Jul 20, 2012

time  breaks
                                   down to a single moment
                         becomes                         infinite
                         free         of                     perception


                                                             ­    breathe   deep
                                                  
                                                             ­    breathe free of worries

                                                             ­                                                      in

                                                             ­                                                     and


                                                             ­                                                      out

                                                             ­                                                               
                                            silence breaks into silence
                                            movement becomes stillness
                                                silence and stillness
                                                            m­erge
                                                             ­ into
  
                                                             ­   o
                                                             ­   n
                                                             ­   e

 
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