Sam Schroder-Shaddow  

1993 -   

Poems

Jan 17, 2011

Broken down and undefined
your so much worse
then I thought in my mind
reality hurts
especially at the first look.
Take a taste and never question
weather or not it is food. You passionatly suck at expressing
yourself
and it makes me sick.
Just like the food you give me.
your helplessly asking for help without asking and its annoying to watch you try to talk with your mouth closed.

...and don't even get me started on the word try...
Jan 17, 2011

Its hard to wallow in sorrow
its even harder to watch you do it.
I don't love you or care about you
or know you
but I want to.

It's ok that we forgot how to feel
so I guess its ok that I am in pain now.

Can we remember?

I want to
just fucking, stop, trying.
go do something.
It's pathetic.
Your pathetic.

Carry a flower by its petals to the icy marble of an upside down statue of a Catholic reverend mothers torn womb.

Torn petals
broken flowers
let it move and
slide through space
pressed tightly between
two pains
of glass
the juices excrete
from the flesh
of a flower.

Its really beautiful.
My mind is so happy, the satisfaction of watching the life squeeze out of a flower under glass makes me feel safe to express the emotion love.

Excuses are easy when your dealing with the English Language.
Jan 12, 2011

Electronic microscopic
unlimited data storage
reprogrammable detachable
secure and hidden
in a cute red ribbon.

It holds some files that might make you cry your eyes out.
Photos of dead things and living things one after another.

Pixilated imagery redefines your minds third eye
and its natural production of dimethyltryptamine
its very mean
to think that death
smells good
in mass.

Sensory data, delete.
Forget about it child
your too young to think
its crazy, and abnormal
don't be abnormal, it is dangerous
to be too free because in freedom
you can become a little dumb
loose your mind
forget what living is.

Go plant a flower or a tree
take a walk sometime
its healthy
to move.
Because you talk about how stagnate society is getting wail you sit there every day out of your mind exploring something you cant even see or feel. It's really silly to try to get something out of nothing, but data.

The ribbon would be easier to look at if it were blue
Jan 11, 2011

Hello
you there, blind one.
where have you put your eyes?
forgot how to see forgot how to fly
it's hard to never know, why
you are stuck.

take a bite of an apple, what do you taste...
are you human? nothing at all.
oh but just how delicious can the most delicious of all the ripe apples be,
if your blind and cant taste and forgot how to fly,
those apples will be stuck in the tree.

apparently they are not for you

Jan 11, 2011

creative
expression
can
only
be
judged
by
expressionless
creativity

Jan 10, 2011

expression is the most amazing thing
I want to feel free
we always have

it is not a thing
it is and never wonder why
a way of being
it's expensive

this is all interwoven
I love how much I care
because none of it makes.
write about why you think, you?

any sense at all?

but always think
and how creative
in my mind

this is all
can be

when you just try
forever separate and your
and stop doing forever
fucking delusional to think

that I could ever stop loving you

Jan 10, 2011

silence is as silence does
they tell me this is all because
we are free and you are not
to be the one
who is no... one at all
rounded by something skinny and seen through
a letter and a book and a fire
of burning
paper
and words thought out by ideas called paper and pen and man and why?
dissolve it all
it's all unreal and forever here
there is near
infinity

I hate writing
Jan 10, 2011

The
healthiest choices made are
final and official
never always.
dissolved in solid
molten
cast
?

isolates
solidified
error
Jan 10, 2011

as the silence falls you wonder why
it's all here for us to appreciate
it's bitter and very sweet
to put it on top
of the tip of your nose and then let it fall into your mouth, it is a big red cherry that will make you happy,
let it fall.

back into my arms
and hold me  
inside the love here
thank you and forgive me
it's done but not really
I never know
I want to be
and feel
everything
forever. Because it sounds blissful.


all I have to say is good and nice are shitty words. I love you tooooooooooooo myself.
again,
Get it through your thick skull, you are the only one
who?
loves you for me. because it's beautiful. and so are you


When I stand here or sit there wondering why this is all happening, I remember that I always forgot to ask how to make the fractals stop after I got them going and it's all quite sill now because I still have no understanding of the word I

I wrote this for myself and it hurts to think that I tried writing it for you because it will never make any sense...
Jan 10, 2011

The simplest
and the most beautiful
we are all
art
expressive.
Dissolved, questioning.

It’s beautiful to splatter everywhere
Sometimes.

Colorful and clear.
always there and very
real

but never clear, enough?

You make me smile sometimes
and cry a lot
its beautiful

and colorful
period.

I love it and don't know what love is so its ok for me to sit here wondering why I try to understand nothing that is all constructed by a bad trip staring into the endless reflection of a painted lampshade on the surface....

of a mind. Or shiny thing that reflects.

endlessly.

Can you think of me
as a bridge or sea?
endlessly following you
or surrounding you
never supporting you
only in your
mind?

Your so microscopic and I love it
fuck you we made this!

I love it all and its ok because no one really made the sea or the bridge that crosses it anyways... it’s all not really there. I wish it was, but it isn't. Because I
Because I
Because I
Because I

feel? Nothing of it.

Now paint me again and rinse me white
coat me with your tender sweat device
it’s called a thought running through my mind
meaning nothing and everything at the same time
wipe me off again because you know I love the paint
more then the white canvas.

It’s brilliantly beautiful, sometimes, especially in the sunlight.
Because man made light doesn't shine just right
It’s so complex and hard to define but not even worth the fucking time
I love it every time I notice that word coming up in my, writing?

It’s all just nothing anyways?

because some of the most beautiful canvases are unpainted
Jan 8, 2011

happiness
is
only
as
thick
as
the
finest
smile

Jan 8, 2011

I can only take it so many times
why do you bring that around?
you must be trying to prove something
it's intently cruel
I'm cold and wet and emotionless
drowning in emotion?
this is strange

waves
Jan 8, 2011

I love myself, I really do, somewhere.
It's hard to find something I have buried but it's ok, I got it.
Everything is ok.
I love it and it's free and beautiful to see that I am really me.
I love to be me and free and open and back to myself again.
It’s really pleasant to feel like I can just be myself again, for no one but me who I love so dearly.

Jan 8, 2011

why don't we hold eachother
what is is that makes us hide, we all know what we want
we're starving for affection
it's painful
I just want to hold you
and feel you hold me too

Am I turning on myself?
do you turn because of my actions or your thoughts
why?



I'm so torn inside and it's showing on the outside
I'm killing myself, slowly
not fast enough
there is nothing much to do apart from die when you barley feel

I just pretend like it doesn't hurt

________________________it does________________________
Jan 8, 2011

it's really hard
to alway feel
like a child
lost
always trying to find them
again
forever missing mother and father

it's really painful to never know where they are
you look into their eyes
they're not really there
it hurts to miss them
and wonder
will they ever be back?
It's hard to love yourself when they were never really there to show you how
to feel
and love you
it's hard
to have completely forgotten how to be

.
Jan 8, 2011

the feeling is free, I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
whatever, it's nothing but another game in life
another question unanswered?
that other life, unloved
I wonder if Euler ever met his soulmate...
well when will we ever get around to anything important?
it's ugly to see you sit there wondering if this is written for you.
it isn't

reflections hold less light than their mirrors
Jan 8, 2011

fading from the winter
rolling into your eyes
opening the sunshine
for a brighter white
to reflect off your pride

It's really hard to read someone's body language through a mirage

when you have never seen them eye to eye




mirrors are dark places, almost as dark as the places they reflect

dirty and dark


and never

again
loved.
Jan 8, 2011

I feel so new laying near you
fresh and clear delusional
your mystical and freeing, I hate it.

Devour me, all I can do it devour.
eat me first
You are a danger to us all

ecstasy.
Jan 7, 2011

beauty is so relative
so destructive
and so ugly.
It's really beautiful to see someone crying in happiness,
falling down to grasp something beloved,
or running free for nothing at all but simple,

beauty.

Jan 6, 2011

I wear a mask so that I can feel safe looking at you
I know you see me thorough it
Twirling in place revolving around myself
exposing a new mask broken and untied
falling from my face it is my own skin
no one will ever see anything below
broken bones and bleeding veins are all that lie beneath this mask
this image you all hold so strongly is really nothing now
the face I once was is forever nothing inside the palms of my laughing hands looking upon the structure from which it fell
bones and flesh mean nothing without eyes
feeling hurts

 
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