Will I find serenity
In this act of serendipity
Your beauty intrigues me
With every sentence my mind
Feels like it enters a mine field
Your answers with your angel’s voice
Is my minds shield
Every word rings softly
And yet so loud
As they are a comforting shroud
That blankets my mind
And warms my heart

Tonight my thoughts lie in clarity
In a tranquility of melancholy
As my heart is hewed
By the blade of emotion
And I realize it is only you
In this clear vision

The rest of my mind
Is crashing
In the perpendicular of my eye
But I can’t seem to look away
From your graceful sway
As you dance and twirl
And create the only clarity
In my world

To society a vermin
To myself a burden
A weight on my chest
I say this in good jest
I have never been blessed
My minds all messed
Actions I cannot confess
And thoughts left to rest
That kill me inside
Knowing that I lied
I am sorry I said goodbye
I know that I do love you
But I just couldn’t put you through
Another lie

Flutters of the heart
Where do I start
With the kiss on the cheek
That makes me tremble and weak
The devotion to making you smile
Is a very rewarding trial

Even though I am away
My heart flutters every day
As I think of what I’ll say
The next time we cross paths
To hear and see you laugh
As I hold your hand
And be in paradise once again

Thoughts of you
Suppress my brain
With each thought
My heart gets a shot
Of pain

I hear you are moving on
Starting to date
I am glad for you
It is only me I can hate
I am the one to blame
I miss holding you
Watching the candle flame

Never knew
That both fires in the room
Would burn out

As I think of simpler days
Before we went our separate ways
And these thoughts normally pass me by
The life and love of you and I

What if we tried, what if we went
Back to the love that seemed heaven sent
I believe with you my heart would be well spent
But would I be happy, would I be content?
The fairy tale of always hearing your laughter
Would that be my happily ever after?

I try to decipher this riddle of us
Is this true love or is this lust?
Will I perish if I don’t get you?
Or will I perish if I do?

Sorry I never treated you the best
You were better than the last
My love for you will never rest
The spell is permanently cast
I will love you till I die
Even if it is not by your side
I am sure I will see you
Before I see death
A part of my heart will always be yours
Until my last breath

Stare at the one I love
Is like staring at death
With each moment of looking at her beauty
Leaves me longing for less breath
Pain, a synonym for love

As I inhale this toxin
That takes years off this pitiful existence
I try to get back the feeling
Of how you have already
Taken my breath away

As I drink this poison
Trying to forget the years of this pitiful existence
Just helping the feeling
Of how you are already
Slowly killing me

Her beauty, even Helen of Troy would be jealous
She freezes me with her eyes like Medusa
Makes me shine with her touch like Midas
When she lets go I am stone once more
Her voice like the Sirens call crashes me into the shore
I can’t fight it, I can’t resist
She is a goddess and has me transfixed
With all the horrors and beauty of every Myth

I feel a feeling so familiar
Each time its felt I act similar
I get all shy
and than wonder why
I did not speak
and let the moment
pass me by
I see your pretty face
And my heart starts to race
I think about you and I get a rush
It is called a crush
Because I’m gonna get crushed

Woke up this morning
Christmas morning
Should have had a smile
Instead I had a frown
Thinking about what I want
Only puts me down
The boxes under the tree
Don’t have you from me
No presents from you this year
No more holiday cheer
Because you are no longer near

Christmas makes me depressed
From the happy memories I try to repress
I didn’t get much today
People ask me what I want
I just don’t know what to say
You are all I want
The boxes under the tree
Don’t bring me any glee
Because there is no you and me
No you and me to bring me cheer
To the holiday this year

The abyss of lights
Makes the dark void of the night
Less empty and alone

What kind of fool am I?
To let it creep in again
This imaginary high
From this drug that’s all pretend
I had a kiss and now I’m addicted
Is it my brain or my heart?
That has been afflicted
How does this start?
This spiritual or emotional affray
That leads me astray
Longing for you
Needing you
I told myself the last time
Would be the last time
But here I go again
A slave to pretend
Something I can’t see or touch
But long for so much

What kind of fool am I?
For something fake I’ll give it my all
But here I go again
Ready to put everything on the line and fall
If it means love will prevail in the end

What is happening in life
What happened to us
What happened to the love
What happened to the trust
The way I made you laugh
The way you made me smile
The way your kiss on my cheek
Made life worth while

Now as I sit here alone
And contemplate the unnecessary
That would make it known
How much I love you

A path I’ve walked before
A path I know so well
A path that was old
This time the path was cold
As I walked it seemed new
New and fresh feelings
New like freshly fallen morning dew
Like morning dew is wet
So were my eyes
From my cries
As I walked home

As I walked I wept
As my mind tried to sweep
The pain and tears away
By demons I am blessed
But it’s an angel that got me messed
I’ve never had much luck
It seems I’m always stuck in the muck
You could have saved me
Demons are in my head
From what an angel said

What kept me walking
Was thoughts of your laughter
What made me cry
Was the thought that came after
The thought that you didn’t want to save me
Even though you’re my angel
You sent the demons to me
My loving angel is gone
Because she done wrong

You will always be my angel
The angel that made me glad
Glad to see your smile
Now I look at pictures
I get a taste of bile
I’m getting sick of missing you
Sick of the demons that haunt
The demons that taunt
That this is a useless life

What keeps me going
Is the thought that your still there
I still need an angel friend
To stop the demons from time and time again
So I call you up
Listen to your voice
I know it drags on the suffering
But I got no choice
You’re an angel with power
And your presence is a cleansing shower
From the demons that are around

I’m walking a new path now
A path in my mind
That I thought I’d never find
A path that should not have been found
A path that you, an angel did show
A path were the demons follow as I go
Will you ever save me some day?
Or will another angel have to help me find my way
I wish it could be you
But I guess the devil
Was an angel too

With every exhaled breath
And every second passed by
My thoughts are in distress
The problems piling high
Makes me miss you more
And more
I have no sanctuary to run to
What is this inhaled breath for
In this life that feels useless

Where did I lose my way
When did I lose my grip
How did I let this life slip
I search my memories
Search for clues
Search the past
For answers
But all I find is you
And now I look in the mirror
At a stranger staring back
Who is getting more familiar
As my memories, my life
Are draped in black

Are my inside rotting or freezing
Is this blood coursing through my veins
Or is it madness, anger, sadness and shame
Is my heart disappearing, turning to ice
With every breath a memory of you comes twice
And my minds working overtime
Trying to keep alive the past
Trying to make a happy thought last
To keep the depression at bay
As my love, my life
Starts to fade away

For all you’ve given me
And all you’ve taken away
All the joy you gave
The tears you saved
The tears you let fall
For giving it your best
But not giving it your all
For showing me life
Showing me death
Bringing me through heaven
To put me through hell
All the truth you told
The lies you did tell
For all I had
And all I will miss
I thank you
For giving me at least one kiss