The man in the hat always stares
The man in the hat is always there
The man in the hat holds the key
Under his hat, no one can see
Everyone is looking at me
The man in the hat is there
Can't you see?

Here in a pinch and gone in a flash
How long are these supposed to last?
Who knew it was this late?
I always lose track when I hallucinate.

Am I crazy or are you?
Keep staring, it's nothing new
But, have you seen the man in the hat?

No one ever sees the man in the hat
But, on my bedside he sat
Plain as day, clear as crystal
He sat there by my side

They say a sickness and I say a blessing
Someone there is all I've needed
And now the man in the hat is here
I am well now, my dear.
Nothing left to fear
My man in the hat is here.

As the sun sets

My body I lay to rest

After years of pain

I lay it all to rest

I rest the hatred and the demise

The jealousy and the pain

Rest now dears

Rest now so the sun can shine

And feed the gardens of my life

Let the sun set on the pain

So on my life, the sun can rise.

Yeah run that same game
It's always my fault
It's always me
When you'd talk me down
And I'd feel so small
You'd say it was my turn
But, I couldn't talk at all
You disgust me, too
You asshole, you prick
But, I hope you're happy
Because hate isn't worth it
You'll be runnin that game
With the next girl you play
And I hope she sees it
Can look passed the game
Maybe you need a black chick
Maybe whats her name?
You played the victim the entire time
Now it's my time to shine
If I said I hope you die
I'd be lying
You don't deserve that much of my time
So hate me all you want
See if I care
But hate is more than I could stand to give you
I've done more in the passed day
Than I have in a month
And for that I thank you
For letting me go
So I could see how low we've become
But, I'm climbing again
And I'll say I'm much better
And if I see you around
I'll just smile and wave
Because to you, I am no longer bound.

All along I thought you were there to help me
Little did I know you were the cause of everything
All the tears and all the pain
When I just wanted to take it all away
It damaged so much
Nearly took all of me away
But, now that you're gone
I get to put the pieces back the way they came
No longer shrouded in your shadow
Seeing the sun for the first time in months
Hurts my eyes and makes them tear
What do you expect after a year?
But, the pain will slowly fade
Day and day, it'll get better
That's more than I can say for you
I'm not the only one who needs a mirror
But it's not about you anymore
As it never should have been
Who knew that I was never broken
It was just you telling me your truth
You wanted power to cover the pain
I let you touch my heart, now it's stained
But, without your shadow over me
Finally, I can breathe.

One by one
Trying to make the pieces fit
Of what is left of it
My heart, my mind, my soul, my trust
Shattered.
Now just scrambling
Until the day that I feel better.

"Gotta change my answering machine
Now that I'm alone"
Oh how I used to hate that song
But, now rings with the sound of relief
No more fighting
No more crying
No more you
No more me
No more us
Now more we
With waves of grief I grieve
But, never regret or believe
That it was always me
The safest place was in your arms
I felt no harm
I trusted your word
And I was your sword
But my blade was dulled
And your shield grew weak
Now my heart, you no longer keep
I hope you buy the next one flowers
And I hope you hold her hand
I hope you never forget me
Because I never can
I will never forget the things you did
Both the good and the bad
So I don't repeat the past
It was a good run
But, we just couldn't finish the race
Now rest your weary bones
And I'll sharpen my blade
Until the next one comes again.

Both for the better
Neither for the worst
Never wishing ill
Always there to help
No more "we"
No more "us"
Though we could have been on the cusp
You had my full trust
To not hurt me and help make me better
And now it's gone
And so are you
I'd be lying if I said I hated you
But, these feelings are true
Raw to the bone
Like a knife searing me
Waves crashing into my soul throughout the day
Short of breath and bleeding
But both of us for the better
Here's to something happier
You made a stronger person
But, that could be said about the rape
About the alcoholic
Was it good or was it bad?
Whatever it was, it was a trip and a half
Between you and me on my back
It was like a verbal attack
Then all the promises of forever
I guess you couldn't keep
Telling me to not quit when the going gets rough
Well, I guess the tables turned
Now I've learned.

Can't breathe
Can't sleep
Can't dream
Can't eat
Dan't drink away my feelings
Till they hit the bottom of the bottle

Can't talk
Can't scream
Can't take the person staring at me
Because she just isn't good enough
For anyone, not even me.

Can't do anything but cry.

To think it could have been over
That's a nightmare I no longer fear
To think we would have lost it all
I'm so glad you're here.

The rush of air
And the glimpse of gold
Shimmering light
In stories of old...
Not here, not there
But, everywhere
The sounds the sights
All rushing in air
With the sound of the music
Be careful, don't lose it...
Just let it settle in
Relax
Now breathe in and begin
In and out of time
Swaying with the melody
You are not you
We are not us
I am not me
I am one with the sound
I am the air in the atmosphere
Clouding and shimmering
How much do I dare?
Push and pull
But, always settle...
Tell the tales of old
The shimmering lights of gold
In the eyes of the people
In the eyes of the world
Show them the sights
And open their eyes
Show them how bright the starry nights can shine
With mystical, whimsical lines and rhymes and chimes
Listen to the wind...
Carry the sound and let the sound carry you
Because you are not you
You are the sound.

Each night it creeps on
The yearning growing stronger
Until I'm not there.

The crazy comes
The crazy goes
When does it begin?
Nobody knows.

I'm sorry I'm crazy
I'm sorry I lose control
It's like a ticking time bomb
I never know when it's going to blow
Until it does and I cry
And I scream and you try to hide
I'm going to drive you away
It'll be my fault that we leave this place
And that makes me crazier
Because I don't know what to do
Because I'm trying to keep cool
I'm just so tired of dealing with it
Sometimes I wish I could die, too
Just to make it stop
No more tear filled days
No more fearful nights
No more wondering if today will be the day
Just make the pain go away
For everyone around me
I know they see
But, I can't help it
When it takes the best of me
Never knowing when or why
Until the last string is pulled
Then it's do or die
And sometimes I wish it were the latter
Because just when I think I can't get much sadder
I'm proven wrong
I feel the pain and guilt
I wish I had never been built
Because who wants this?

The crazy comes
The crazy goes
When it'll end
Nobody knows.

Like the sun and the moon
With stars that kiss the surface
Never touching
But, always admiring
Living to see the other rise each day
But, never getting close enough
To kiss the moonlight with the rays
Never letting the moonlight bathe
Live for the mere existence
Never touching and always looking
Settling for the starlight that shines
But, even that doesn't touch
While I have darkness
You have blue skies
But, even that just doesn't feel so right
Because blue skies mean nothing without your baby
And the dark serenity doesn't mean a thing without my love
But, every once in a while on a cloudy day
While the clouds pour and rain
You may come to bask me in your rays
I may steal a kiss or more
But, only until the clouds go away
Then it's back to yesterday
And we'll settle for blue skies and starlight.

I try to hide my pain with humor
Cuz' I think the pain will end sooner
Rather than later but,
All the pain is doin is sittin and festerin
Cuz' the only person I'm fooling is myself
And even I'm not totally convinced
So just stop this shit.
Let it out and let it breathe
Because that's all you need
Don't be scared to be free
Of the pain and insanity
Of every day to day worry and fear
Those are what got you here.
So, let them go and live your life
Give it a second try
Because you have too much to give up now
Go ahead and make that vow
To get serious now
Because you're still young
But, youth doesn't last
Make the most of it before it's past.

What words can I make this poem say
When I just want to tell you I miss you
I've told you time and time again
And there's not much else to say
But, I'm still writing anyway
I miss your smile
I miss your eyes
I miss everything all the time
I miss your touch
I miss your kiss
With you, everything is bliss.

Have I mentioned that I miss you?
Because, baby, I really do
I miss the fuck out of you.

Though the sun is shining bright
Dark rainclouds hang in my mind
Thick drops fall onto my heart
Making it harder to see out of the dark.

Come dance with me
No, wait, you're gonna get burned
Get up off the ground
I'm just gonna sit you back down
Spinning words like a web
Venom in my words like a curse
You think you're free
Then you don't know me
Just try to breathe
I might let you free
I'm schoolin you like a teacher
And no, I ain't no preacher
I'm just telling you what I see.

Come dance if you're brave
But, once you're with me
No one can save
Whatever is left after I get a hold
Who knew words could be so cold
Feeling like ice
Try taking a roll of the dice
They're loaded in favor
Of the mistress you savor
Just come dance
I promise it won't be your last.

How's it feel to be someone's little chew toy
Oh, now don't try to play coy
Just dance with me baby
I want to see everything you can be
But, it won't be enough to play with me
Rolling with the big girls now
And you fall with a pow
Without a single touch
I didn't know I'd feel this much
Now come dance
I promise I'll make your last
With this fire in my eyes
And no more tears to cry.

You can try your hardest
To dance this dance
But I move so fast
And you fall to the ground
Get up and try again
Because it'll be worth it in the end

Trust me...

This is when the tears start to fall
When I've started giving it my all
Fuck it
I just want to say
That I love you anyway
But these problems we've made
Are they here to stay?
Both of us say no
Tell me it isn't so
Because now I'm in it to win it
And we're the prize
Lord knows that I'm trying
And now I can't think through the tears
It feels like I'm dying
Between the stress of this mess and home
This started out for you
But now I don't know who
I can't find the lines to read between
All the riddles and hiding
Even today, I was trying
To read the riddles and to pry the pain
Because, baby, things ain't the same
I may have hid but, now I'm back
Now you can't hide and expect me not to crack
I just want to move forward from this pain
Because, I'm tellin you, I ain't the same
No more upper-hand
My words are plain...
Lord help us if you forget my name...
And I can't think through these tears
Because I'm afraid
That now I've gone and laid everything out
Torn my heart out of my chest and gave it to you...
I can't think through these tears...
Because I love you.
I almost told you good bye
But, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't all a lie
Because I'd do anything to see you stop crying
I'd go to the edge of the earth to see you smile
I'd walk to you right now if I had time
But, we both know that just wouldn't be right
But, if I had my car, I would have been there last night
Because...though we both said that we'd get better
I can still see the end in sight
The end sounds so bitter and we both know it ain't right.
This is harder than I ever thought...
But, my heart, you have caught...
You can let it go whenever
Just give me some warning before you sever...
You say you're worried about me crushing you
But, it's you who can do the crushing, boo boo.
I can't think through these tears...
Each tear feels like acid going down my cheek
And maybe it's just me being weak
I just miss you so much
If we were together things would be better
And we wouldn't have to write these love letters
Because we'd look into each others' eyes
And that's where nothing can hide.
I don't know where I'm going with this
Now I'm just left longing for your kiss
Because then we would know
How much we could grow.

Dear cup of coffee,
You're all I need
In the morning
To get me through the day
Or at least until two
Then give me another
Another cup of coffee
To get me through
An ode you, coffee!
To me you have always been true!
Pick me up in the morning
Wind me down in the evening
This is an ode to you!
Always cherished and always loved
You're like a gift from above
When I indulge too much the previous night
I always wake up with a fright
But, there you are holding my hand
My dear coffee can
This is my ode to you
Forever shall we always be true!

I feel the need for the words to pour
Yesterday was rough
Today I'm sore
But, I live to see another day
Of my life.

You say this is a mistake
Yeah, it could be
But, it's mine to make
I make my own mistakes
In my life.

This time it's rough
And yeah, I may have fucked up
But, everyone does it now and again
It isn't the end of the world
I'm not ruining my life.

I'm already hard on myself
I punish myself when I mess up
What makes you think this is any different?
This isn't a walk in the park for me
I evaluate my life.

I may not have a plan
How can I when this is so unpredictable?
But, I'll try my hardest to make something of myself
If it takes getting a 9 to 5 job, so be it
I will make the most of my life with the resources given.

I have friends that love and care for me
I have a family that provides and loves me
I will have people there to pick me up when I fall
If I can't get up off the ground
I appreciate the people in my life.

This is my life.