The absence of something
An abyss
Emptiness
Nothing becomes alive
To define an
absence: makes the
void realized by definition
Therefore
does nothing exist?

I can hold
nothing in my hands
I can feel
nothing in my heart
I can do
nothing with my life
Nothing seems to be
just as palpable as
something/anything/everything

More so that everything
because no one can hold
everything
So the weight of nothing
in my life
is greater than
the weight of everything
that I cannot have

I am the daughter
of hatred and mercy
A parallel and division
The perfection imperfect

A mind rages for two
Realms: never to be
satisfied
Pride and love that
battle for preeminence
to determine my
motives
Pride wins
Most often than naught
It does not counter
my lineage, but
defines it

I am determined by:
where I come from
I am defined by:
what I choose to become
Daughter of light and darkness
Inexplicably: Human

Cold black eyes stare potently across the room. Blood dripping from the manacles around her wrists connected to the wall, she struggles vainly. You know she knows you. I'm not talking about knowing as in a vague inclination. A knowledge of behaviors or words like someone who occasionally meets up with you at the local coffee shop to catch up. Knows. She knows who you were, are, and who you may be. Staring into your soul just waiting to undo you.

"You are nothing, but you know that. Nothing. Nothing. A tangled ball of worthless activity, if you could call it that. What have you ever done that has made a difference."

Why listen? She is just antagonizing. She knows your fears.

"You don't fear me, but you should. I am the only one who could undo you. I'm your worst nightmare. Haha. Mommy made one to many critiques. Sister is too pretty. Love has come and left. Didn't want you did they? You bared all, literally. You whore. Vulnerable and honest till the end. And they still didn't want you. These men who you have been taught that lust upon the first view of flesh. The ones that will deceive just for a taste, and they didn't want you. You who loved so much. Gave them your morals and your past. Left you standing, naked and alone."

Silence.

"No one will ever love you. You don't deserve to be loved. You don't even take care of yourself. Why can't you be more like the pretty ones? The ones that people do want. The ones who didn't screw up their lives. The ones who stuck to their innocence and morals. You failed. Instead of growing and learning, you stay in stasis. You never change. You sit there in your fairytales to escape your sad reality. Sleep to forget. What is life without living? What is living without life?"  

I can change. I have the capability. I could - "But will you?"

She smiles darkly. Chuckling to herself. Her head lolls to the side. She's mad. Deranged. She's the one shackled. She's the one with blood on her hands. You keep your eyes steady.

"You won't win. You can't win. You, who do nothing. You, who are nothing. Fat, boring, UGLY NOTHING. WHY AREN'T THERE OTHERS HERE TO HELP YOU? Because no one cares enough to. You have no one. Without love, you are no one."

You turn away. Time to leave. The door swings shut behind you as she laughs.

"No matter how many times you leave, you always come back."

Do you think
s o m e d a y
someone will
love/appreciate/marvel
at the h              s  
        e       \  /       h
      a                         a          
           r                  p
                  t    e
freckle on my thigh?

The whisps of f l y ....... away
blonde hairs
on the -k-c-a-b- of my neck
that always c       l
                      u   r
in the heat?

The p/i/e/c/e/s
that I cherish
and the ones
that I [hide] ?

What about loving
the way that I c
                            r
                               y
or the : (faces) I make
when I read,

How f
            a  I
               l
                 l
in love with words
a
little
more
each day?

I guess what I'm asking
with a           of hope
            b
         u      e
        b         l
             b
Is while the rest of the world
       /(se)-(es)\
the "BIG" picture,
Will someone
ever notice
the paint
strokes?

Brandished metal sees the world                                    
Through fierce, onyx eyes                                                  
Sharpened ivory clench together                  
For fear has no place inside

Hard, calloused stones cross over
Ropes of muscles across your chest
Legs as swift as deer because
For man there is no rest

Warrior, Soldier, Knight, Hero
Impervious to the world, made of stone
If stone should crack, should we see
The heart that beats alone

I see you not as iron
Nor as a statue, cold
The onyx eyes are flint
That spark fire in my soul

As I kiss you, brandished metal
I feel the flesh of man
Yet, my veins are liquid fire
Man, though not human

Your metal kisses like sunshine
My face is set a glow
Your stony caress is the rain
That makes Nature grow

Statues stand forever
Or so the poets say
But faces fade with time
And stone is chipped away

You think the world built
With stone, metal, and steel
But rock moves not with thought
For ideas, the mountains kneel

My warrior, soldier, knight, hero
You change my heart anew
Your flesh of man, I see
Beats with mine as two

Will as strong as iron
With a heart of gold
My statue with eyes of fire
Walk now and not alone

Stone fades, I see my Adam
Vulnerable strength is shown
For man defeats the iron
When his heart of flesh is known

Flesh of my flesh
Bone of my bones
Kiss me, my love
For you are not stone.

Do you want to know my heart?
To see the soul within
To know me as I want to be
To know me and my sin

I used to be a boundless field
With sunlight, dew, and dusk
Without a care or worry there
Where life thrived 'neath the thrush

The fawn and fowl mingled there
Flowers, un-trampled, grew tall
No footprints upon the soil
Till knight stumbled, I recall.

He found the field pleasing
None had tread this far;
A home he could make.
In beauty was left a scar.

The work seemed too much
Poor knight could only toil
The Sun that brought Nature's life
Seemed only to make his skin boil

A tower grew under that Sun
A spot upon my heart
But knight grew tired of his work
Thus his ruins left their mark

Others came throughout the years
And tried to make a home
Yet all found their time too tough
And took their leave to roam

The field once barren, now is filled
With ruins and decay
Memories of time gone by
Antiques of love's melees

Some knights battled there
Some had built alone
But none thought their damage
Would be to me alone

Now scarred and deserted
With ruins all around
I wonder who would dare
To tread upon my ground

Will anyone want me
Now that my field is filled
With death, decay, and sorrow
Of dreams that have been killed

So when I ask you, timidly
If you want to know my heart
I know you'll see my ruins
And want to be a-part

I will settle for your kisses
Blind me with your lust
Make me believe
For a second between our lips
Parting and pulsating
That I am loved
And wanted

The drug will wear off
I will remember the truth
But for now
While my head swims with
The contact of another's
Skin and lips
I will pretend
that you are my soulmate
who wants my body
because you are
already
part of my soul

Dotting eternity with their light
Shining to show the way
When they fall, a wish is made
And people gaze in wonder

Stars, etherial beauty
Pinpricks of hope in a cavern of darkness
Are you lonely, Dear Ones
As you give us your light

Together, you multiply the heavens
Together you caress the sky
But do the stars know they're together
In the stillness of the night

Stars must be selfless
To shine up there alone
To give us light and romance
And watch us live beneath

They give without receiving
Watch without doing
Seeing hope and madness
Without faltering their light

When my heart is heavy
And tears begin to fall
My gaze travels to the heavens
Where I realize, I'm not so alone
After all

My life feels like a fountain
All structured and fixed
The same water filtering
Running
Dripping
Over the same
Bumps, cracks, and filters
The same conversations
The same activities
Repeated
Over and
Over

People love the look
and sound of fountains
In their homes
Peaceful and serene
With it's man-made
Stone architecture
With the sound of
running water
Droning

Their sound of peace
Is the sound of vapid
and meaningless
Noise

I prefer a river
With changing water
raging streams
and quiet valleys

The same but always changing
Rivers connect and join
Not fixed by man
But charting it's own way
Across earth and time

Maybe someone will come smash my fountain
My water will run out
and join a river
That will forever change my life
and Theirs

Someone said
The world's shortest
horror story is that of
the last man on earth
Hears on knock on his door

I disagree

The world's shortest
Scary Story is more horrifying.

There once was a person who fell in love and gave their heart away.
They trusted, hoped, planned, and promised with the person who received all their loving.
One day, the person who loved and trusted discovered a horrible secret.
The person who garnered their love and dreams turned out to be the one person they never should have loved at all.
One person becomes two, and the life that was cherished turns out to be nothing but a fairytale.

Discovering your hopes
and love to be nothing
But a fading dream,
That is the scariest story.

I carry your soul into places unknown
Where trees whisper love to the wind
Where the sun blushes roses red
Where warmth surrounds
Like a father holding his child

I carry your soul to the places
Men's eyes cannot behold
Secret and quiet

Between memories and passions
Through sorrow and loss
Across the bridges of my love,
Some new and safe
Some blackened and burned

I lost your soul along the way
I can only offer mine
I could not ask your soul to leave
For I would have nothing to give

We carry our souls to places unknown
For they belong to we alone

There is something so harsh in tapping a tree
Cutting through the core
Drilling through the layers
Meant to protect and conceal
Not stripped away, but searing through
The sweet, sticky syrup spilling forth
As if the heart has been drained
Of every thought, feeling, and word

There is something cannibalistic
About how we fill buckets with this life blood
To smear on our food
To enhance sweetness
Savoring the flavor
Leaving the bucket to collect the rest
Syrup continues to pour
Tree becomes hollow
And all that is left
Is the shell of a tree
The protective covering
With nothing to protect

I hope you enjoy your waffles.

Blue Eyes and a Letter
Soul shall love.
Want rain.
Eyes miss brown.
Green make right.
Color long.
Heart Blue.

Apple Meat: Eve's Story
Saves instead.
Lips hemorrhage.
Spear meat.
Wounds wound.
Blood bends.
Know flesh fruit.
Apple savored.

Forgotten Embrace
Don’t night touch.
Slip blur.
Loneliness remembers.
Arms need.
Need causes feel.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall
Ways sections think.
Ignore complete wall.
Suddenly takes another’s mirror.
Grown haze illuminates imperfections nearer.

Maybe I do not hate winter...
Heat daze.
Hate face.
Warmth endorphins.
Blanket maybe.
Allowed stupor.
Winter life.
Pleasant body create.

I am a woman with my wits about me.
I can keep my head in most circumstances, despite what my heart may be doing.
However, blue eyes.
Crystal blue eyes that draw you in and make you want to drink.
You drown within their depth without a want for oxygen.
They pierce your heart and see right through you.

Brown eyes see kindness. They are the color of earth and warmth.
Brown holds gold within its center as if hope blooms forth from the soul.

Green eyes are mysterious and rare. They are quick and flirtatious.
Green eyes are not to be trusted, and yet we insist on trusting.

But blue.
Blue is different.
Blue is hard as stone and soft as rain.
Blue is the color of a river sparkling in the sunlight on a hot summers day.
Blue is the feeling you get when you walk alone in the rain watching cars speed by to their own adventures.
Blue can tear you apart and make you new.
Blue, of all others, is dangerous.

I suppose this is why I have only loved men with blue eyes.
It is that piercing gaze.
How can you not love a man with blue eyes who seems to know your soul?
Sapphires glittering with knowledge, cruelty, and rain. Always rain.
The pitter-patter that tap dances across my window always makes me think of blue eyes, fog, and memories long past.

Perhaps, my love, we shall kiss in the rain.
We shall embrace one another in the warm rain of summer.
Make love in the dew without a care or thought, other than two hearts beating as one.
I shall love this as I shall love you.
I miss you, one I have never met.
Do you miss me?
Does your heart long to be with me?
Can you feel that part missing from your whole even when all is right around you?
Do you have blue eyes?

How could she know
That the fruit was flesh
Disguised by her own illusions?

How could she know
That soft peach-like fuzz
Would damn her a cannibal?

Teeth sinking into meat,
Wiping the juices from her mouth
Blood drips from un-licked lips.
The fruit, once whole,
Now hemorrhages with its wound.

She wounds not only herself
But Him, the one that saves
What she has savored.

It is as if she bends by
his side (and instead of spear),
Pierces his flesh
With her own kisses
So she, who destroys,
Is covered in His blood.

How could she know
That her first meal
Would be the last supper?

I lie alone in my room.
Life lives outside while I brood about,
Lonely and indifferent.
Sleep keeps me company.

I lay down to wrap myself
In a world where I am not alone,
And find that I cannot remember
How it feels to be wrapped in someone's arms.

I try to imagine
Someone's strong arms encasing me
To keep me for himself
And share the same breath,
But I can't.

The fleeting memory is there:
The love and the warmth
The want and the need,
But the feeling is gone.

I remember the difference
Between being held by
A someone who wants you
And a someone who chooses you,
Despite the obvious.

I just can't feel it.

I went to a party the other night.
Everyone in a blur
Caused by their own loneliness
And Malibu Rum.
A someone asked me to play
A mindless game,
But he touched my hip.

A small touch but
How a touch can affect someone
Who is so alone.

That's when I realized
The depth of my need
For people.

Anyway, I still don't remember
How it feels to be surrounded
By the body of another,
So familiar and so foreign.

Nothing to do now but slip back into my dreams