That was probably a Sunday
or a Monday
No, Tuesday.
Could be a Wednesday also.
Could be a Thursday, Friday
Or Saturday.
Well, that was a day.
No,
that was not a day only because
it was full of sunshine.
In my life it was a cool dark night.
I was feeling cool. I felt feverish.
It could be 100,102 or 104-degree
Fahrenheit.
I stood for a while on a platform
as long as I could.
Watching the train going far away
taking you from my life, finally.
This train was so destined to come
to take you from me forever.
No, I’m mistaking again.
You never belonged to me.
We were mere companion
in a journey
to forget each other too soon.
A fellow companion in life
can no way and never be said
belonged.
Everyone forgets and so I was to.
No claim sustains not to forget.
My inability was only my concern.
No need to explain that I was
now completely broken.
I could not hold my pieces anymore
So I laid my worthless life breathing
hot air onto a public bench nearby.
This was the end of an episode
but for a while I thought it was
end of a life.
No, it was indeed an end of a life
if life is not the sum total of breaths.
This was also an end of an assignment
self endorsed.
So I felt free from a burden
which I carried against my will
since so long.
No, I carried that burden willingly
because no one else compelled me
except my heart.
Only I knew no way how to
put aside a commitment
made to myself.
Now I was freed from that burden
that too against my will.
Lying on the bench perhaps
for a while I thought
Now it was time for me to think
what would I do next with me .
But I was feeling too sleepy,
too weak to think anymore
so I fell into deep slumber
to awake into a new world
to start living a life without you.

Limitations are fate but
unbound wishes to rise
backed up by
efforts relentless
may take you to the sky
of shining fortune.

Thus I seem to believe
Though side-by-side
I fail not to remind myself
else I’ll have to survive
close to this earth
where wishes myriad
are often miscarried.

Such plan contingent
weakens my wishes
reducing my chance.

More you have plans
more you have chances
to get diverted.

May be a consolation,
a bronze or a silver
will suffice to limit
your journey to the sky.

Likely even you won’t
ask for a gold or a diamond
to abandon the path
almost like that child
who weeps for a car
to smile with a toy.

Know this from me
neither you nor I
deserve that ultimate joy.

In a distant call more and more you wish to know
about more and more people closed in a frame old
of forgotten time and place where we together lived.
My replies as if instead reaching to your ears
come back to hit my mind soon loudly resonating .
Now I hear you speak less about certainty of changes
occurring in life as I visualize those days rushing
right before my eyes for a moment flashing alive.

Politely narrating my limitations and constraints as if
I'm trying to convince not you but my own inner self
that I’m the last person to be blamed for the breach
realizing my words constantly pinning my conscience.
Instantly I visualize numerous rifts in the relation plane
which I could easily refill with little efforts in time.
Trying to fill those gaps with clever words now I feel
There are more cracks in my heart filled with sadness.

You can see an elderly man very inaptly trying to
adjust clutch and gears for riding a motorcycle
failing which stopping too often in between traffics.
You may also see him while passing happily rushing
through the wind to quickly reach your destination.
You may also have had little fun on his futile attempt
to move forward with a silky smoothness as you do.
But you cannot see the boy that lives within this man
Who peddled bi-cycle years ago most aptly racing.
You have only one destination to reach so you move
Leaving this man behind who has to move forward via
vistas of forgotten time rejoicing his lovely memories.
Know it from me; here you are not the winner alone.
This man also wins allowing you to smoothly pass by.

Life I live and the life I wish to live are often not the same.
I remain confused which one I wish to live and which one I live.

More I climb the stairs upward more I’m pulled to the ground.
Peace of mind, rest and satisfaction seemingly nowhere they are found.

Life remains there either behind or in front but never with me
Alas! I pass my days said living not living but crossing a mirthless sea.

Had you only plenty of complaints
against me!
Had you only showered very angry words
on me!
Had you only cursed me
in the presence of our friends.
Had you only  done
just anything what one does
when betrayed
I could lastly somehow reinforce my first
belief that you loved me.
But nothing happened as such
when I opened the door for your exit.
Your silent escape from my life
had only reinforced my doubt instead.

I have reached to a corner.
Here I’m self-forced to live
all alone.
The alphabets of language
I know
are not the same you speak.
They are outdated,
not in vogue any more.
In your modern outlook
I’m an alien
waiting all alone to board
my last breath to fly away
to my known ancient planet.

Life lives in future or past
depending where you are
at present.
One too young
greedily looking to the top
of a time tree
for grabbing life fruit
or one too old
looking below
Where it had fallen.
You spend or you
just waste time,
aspiring to taste
this fruit forbidden.

Whom do I live here for?
Do I really live for me?
I'm often very confused.
Somehow I’m in a notion
My elastic life elongates
Long, Longer to keep alive
a promising buyer who will
have to live here at any cost
till he hasn’t bought enough.

Every life here is very precious
but not in the same sense.
For some my life and yours
are the lives of valuable consumer.
Your life and that of mine
are lives of great concern to them.
we live to earn but for some
I assume we live only to spend.

This life is like a funny trap here
While we believe we're consuming
We are being stupidly consumed.
Say me not what we have gained
More than what we have lost here.
Here on earth we are actually worth
of our great ability to hate ourselves
for our inability to buy more and more.

Time and again I come back to time.
More I speak about time more I feel
I have not spoken enough about time.
I have witnessed time in more shapes
than I could have narrated elsewhere.

There are many impressions of time
deeply embedded in abyss of my mind.
I feel the urge for digging much deeper
to explore fossil reminiscences of time.

There came a time when hardly could I
Move anything applying all my forces.
All my efforts would always go in vain.
Nothing would yield positive till end.
Time would laugh at my helplessness.

My logical mind would fail to explain
Why everything went wrong with me.

And in contrast I have also witnessed
time when everything went too easily
things would move almost effortlessly
like a magic show, leaving me surprised.

I wish to never walk, never again to pass through
a few lanes in my life before it is time for me to die.
Time and again, to and fro, I crossed them with you
a different man with a different soul years ago.

I wish to never revisit the places where you killed
my innocent love for you strangling day after day.
I wish never to go there before I come to know
It is finally time for me to actually die.

King’s men are the ears to the king.
King as usual sees through them.
You are as good or as bad to the king
As king’s men narrate you to the king.
Don’t confuse today
there is neither any kingdom
nor there any king.
There are too many kings’ men
there are too many kings.
If you are not stupid
Please the kings’ men to please the king.
Or they hold the power
to destroy you in a blink.
You need not worry how are the kings’ men
Or how is the king.
For saving your soul first
to please kings' men sing.

Yesterday and today
I thought very differently.
I thought I was
becoming too wise.
I thought I was
becoming almost unwise.
I thought I was trapped
in a labyrinth of calculations.
Everyday weighing everyone
With a measure stick
of past deeds, misdeeds
I found no one was perfect.
Everyone I found defective
Undependable, selfish.
Thinking this way everyday
I found I was becoming lifeless.
I thought I needed people to talk,
People to have a chat.
They need not be very perfect
They need only be people.
I felt an urge to meet a friend,
a relative or just anyone,
Just someone to talk to me.
So keeping away all reasons aside
Day before yesterday
I visited a friend
To day again visited a relative.
Now I'm feeling comfortable,
now I feel I'm
coming back to my life again.

Always trying to become too good
to too many persons for too long now
I have reached to this place where I'm
only little better than becoming too bad.

I thought on how could be the life
Without having to work for money.
After all this is the money which we work for.

Had we only have enough money to spend
We won’t have to toil our body or brain.
Solution also  seemed very easy to me.

Just have a lot of mints to mint money.
Make as much  money  as may people need
Give them as much as may people want.

All problems are seemingly soon gone.
The root of all evils I thought could be
the root of happiness of all kind instead.

“How could this easy way out be overlooked?”
Thinking furthermore I thought.
We need mints and we need paper and ink.

We need banks and a lot of ATMs.
People will get money and go for shopping
So we need ample shops. In shops we need products.

We need make shops and we need make products.
but we also need people to run them.
So some people will make paper and some ink.

Some other will work in mints and banks.
Some will work in shops and making products.
Rest all the people will only happily buy things.

Thinking up to here my thought jumbled.

People needed money so they worked.
If money was available for doing no work
Then why should there be anyone to work?

If no one works then where from comes paper and ink?
Where from comes money,banks and ATMs?
Where from then comes products?

Without products how could then we live and enjoy?

So we need products and for products we need to work,
to get people into the works we need money.
So it was that money could not be made free.

I thought "People have already thought it before me."

Looking through the rear window of my life
Now I understand I fell too short to become
your beloved in your measure stick of love.
You loved love, which is not spoken out.
As I opened my mouth about my love
My eligibility for your love decreased.
You believed in love, which is only rewarded.
You wanted me to run fast to win your love.
But what you wanted was your trade secret.
On the contrary love to me wasn’t a trade
To me love was an wonderful imagination
a free flow of desire and passion.
Hence your never spoken terms and conditions
didn’t match with my imaginations of love.
So you smiled and walked out of my life.

Pleasure becomes a pain.
Pain becomes a pleasure.
I wish pleasure not pain
I get pain with pleasure.
Pleasure, pain, pleasure
Pain, pleasure, pain
I confuse what to wish?
Pleasure? Pain? Pleasure?
What not to wish? Pain?
I don’t wish but it comes!
As if pleasure and pain are
made to come together!

Shifting
from a belief I’ll not die
to a belief I’ll also die
is completing a lesson
called  growing up.

Now this is time
for choosing a path
which will lead you
either to heaven or to hell
not a destination but an way
which you will pass through
before death.

Walking in this chosen path
Is perhaps called living.