"How odd I can have all this inside me and to you it’s just words." - David Wallace
The mere idea of your person
is a tonic, potent enough to intoxicate.
And intoxicated I will be
as long as your words
roll of your lips
and ring in my ears.
It's hard to say
but it's easy to feel:
all I want is you
and all I need is a chance.
A connection made is a chance for it to fail,
and some thing never loving is better
than taking the chance of losing love.
I could not disagree with these people more.
Perhaps they have never met someone like you
and perhaps they will never.
Perhaps they have never been drunk
or perhaps they refuse to alter their
state of consciousness enough
to allow lust to manifest itself
into a physical ache.
More than mental yearning,
I can feel it in my gut;
pulsing and pounding,
feeling its way to every corner of my body.
Perhaps the brandy is actually what's intoxicating me;
for every glass I drink
the pulsing becomes quicker,
the pounding becomes harder
and the feeling reaches parts of my body
I didn't know could feel.
Better grab some while you can.
Remember when you said "no, you ain't my man?"
Years from now you'll be alone,
and I'll be writing novels, my talent full grown.
A single tear from your eye will fall,
but don't even bother wasting time making a call.
You made a decision, now you gotta live by it,
and they'll be paying me to speak, tv and shit.
Someday, your boyfriend will by a book,
he'll read you one line from it and you'll know its me without even a look.
You have a man, he's on your arm,
when you see my name on the shelves, I'll be long gone.
You'll realize what you had,
but you threw it all away, you must've been mad.
Someday, you'll see that it's all true,
no need to debate, I'm the best at what I do.
You might be thinking "damn, this boy's arrogant"
but you gotta fake it 'till you make it and then a little more.
But for now, I'll sell my shit to buy drugs
and when I'm all out of shit I'll start stealing
and when I've stolen everything, I'll start earn it.
And when I've earned the highest accolades
I'll just smile
because I told you so,
and you told him he was the one.
Someday you'll cry because there won't be a sunrise,
and you'll realize the mistake you've made.
I may be a loser junkie right now,
but the next bump will be last
just like the one I blew five minutes ago
just like the first time I ever tried it a high school bathroom
just like every bump in between.
On the first day I noticed nothing but your hair.
How it caught the sunlight and reflected it tenfold.
How it swayed around your neck.
On the second day I noticed nothing but your lips.
How they individually felt between my teeth.
How they left marks upon my neck and thighs.
On the third day I noticed nothing but your mouth.
How the words flowed out, powerful as an ocean.
How your teeth would bite me ear, drawing blood.
On the fourth day I noticed nothing but your hands.
How they held mine, always eager to calm them.
How they pulled the needle out of your arm, quivering.
On the fifth day I noticed nothing but your legs.
How they powerfully allowed you to stride great lengths.
How they were ever in motion, even in your deepest parts of sleep.
On the day sixth I noticed nothing but collarbones.
How I wanted nothing more but to crawl in to them and rest.
How I could gently suck on them, causing your whole body to palpitate.
On the seventh day and for years since I have noticed nothing but each individual hair on your body.
They each have a name, Kassandra, Jared, Peter, Ryan, Falyn, Jacob, Hammed, Caroline, Audrey, Yo-Landi, Diane, Khajjitt, Daralyn, forever and ever and ever.
On the last day I noticed how I never noticed your eyes.
But you were gone,
and I could not tell you what color they are.
The Outlaw Josey Wales doesn't shoot so much anymore,
he has nothing to shoot at.
The sun blazes and it blazes and it burns all those under it
with extreme prejudice.
From the Alpha to the Omega the teeth of wolves are sharp
and they tear through flesh with such disregard.
Jack Kerouac is still writing, the ink still rolls from his pen on to paper
but now, thankfully, nobody knocks on his door.
Death will come once, and death will come for all,
and I'm sure when death comes, I will be cold
and all alone.
but I'll be able to accept it after a few more shots,
a couple more hits,
and maybe a line,
but as I am in a semi sober state
it is hard to believe.
Hard to believe that you chose him over me,
hard to believe you swoon around him,
and don't bat an eyelash at me.
It's hard to believe he's my best friend
and I'm letting him do this.
Be careful sharing your heart with me.
I fall in love with those who open up.
Like a levee breaking
my love with flood in to your heart.
It will be beautiful and it will be fierce
and the currents will be of a Biblical magnitude.
So please be careful;
you're far too pretty to hurt.
joined at the hips
and the lips.
With our words we shared stories
and with our mouths
we opened up to each other.
We were aware of each other
for quite some time,
at least me of you,
but we shared only a few
and only two
One was spent in the cold.
On a couch,
and only one blanket,
but you had me to keep you warm,
and you kept me plenty warm.
You left early in the morning,
and I kissed you before you left.
I tried to go back to sleep,
but it's hard to sleep when you're smiling.
The second time was warm,
in a bed,
and my best friend in the next room.
and we kissed
and we kissed
and we slept
and then we kissed some more
and in the morning it was my turn to leave early,
but you kissed me before I left
and I hope you were able to sleep.
You're out of sight
but not out of mind.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I'm not sure what I'm thinking.
I do know that,
Just like the moon,
I will die cold and all alone.
God forgives us our trespasses.
Friends are not so easy.
Family is not so easy.
I don't know what's going to happen,
and even though I get this feeling often,
it is still quite unsettling.
The sun is setting earlier than it did yesterday,
and you look nicer than you did yesterday,
and I think I love you more than I did yesterday,
and I'm having more doubts than I did yesterday.
I was always a needle kind of junkie.
My friends thought I was crazy, and I suppose I was.
They say to take baby steps,
but addiction never works like they say it should, does it?
I went from pot to pills to blow to needles just like that.
It was nice though,
seeing how I've always been a fan of instant gratification.
Tie the knot, wet the cotton, heat the junk, slap the veins, stick it in, get high.
Easy as pie, nothing can be simpler.
Nothing could be more complicated.
I've been home for ten minutes,
and I promised myself this score would last me through the week.
I'll be happy if it lasts the night.
My track marks were starting to fade,
due in part to probation,
and also in part to the love I've been surrounded with.
Who needs to shoot up when you have people to love you?
I would like a million things,
and a million more,
but why would I want things,
when I can score.
Nothing could be simpler.
Nothing could be more complicated.
I'll write about you
for as long as I want.
I am powerless to
I can quit you.
And so I will write about you until you love me
and I will continue to write about you until you don't.
Because everything fades, and everything dies,
and just like the spring,
your love will fade,
if it blossoms at all.
It isn't the first
And it won't be the
Would it be too brazen
me to say
I feel that it
be slightly out of
for me to say
But I like '
And nothing can change
way I feel right
Except maybe a
and a hundred
and also a
and a thousand
If you were to call
"Let's get out of here"
Baby, I'd be gone.
were to hop on a train
the tracks could never
be too long.
were to sit atop a hill
and kiss, my only wish
would be to never see the setting sun.
Whether it's scientifically proven or not,
I know it to be true;
the best cure for a hangover
is more booze.
A noise woke me up.
Stumbling through the empty house I
struggled to find it.
It was odd,
seemingly everywhere I went it got louder and louder;
this thumping, pulsing, rapturous noise.
I reached for the half full bottle (the deciding factor to a bottle being half full or half empty is not the attitude of the drinker but the contents contained in said bottle) of vodka,
took a swig,
chased it with orange juice,
took a swig,
chased it with orange juice,
and so I began this day as I had ended the last one.
In a glorious and raging state of mind I stumbled...
(no, I've already used that)
... I fell down the stairs and watched the sun as it climbed and climbed
and I'm not sure how long I lay sprawled on the wet November grass
but I know how long I thought of you,
and I know how long I've been thinking of you
and I've been thinking of you for days.
I'm all ears.
Kiss my neck
and baby, I'm yours.
a little longer.
We have yet
to satisfy our hunger.
I can't stop
and take time to think.
No, it ain't my nature,
would you like a drink?
Just sit back
to all the nights
when you were mine.
What nights were you ever mine?
Do I really want you?
Do I deserve you? (not in the slightest)
Would you be good for me?
Would we be good to each other?
With your mouth
you allowed me to feel your love.
With your teeth
you left your mark upon my collarbone.
With our legs
we ran through the corridors.
With our hips
we became one, if only for a night.
With your lungs
you sang a song to me, never to be repeated.
With my ears
I listened attentively, never to miss a beat.
for lighting up this room
just by entering.
And thank you
for talking to me;
I know it can be hard to do.
for loving me
and all my faults.
I've been thinking about you
I've been drinking
it is a lovely combination.
Cast your eyes down from the shooting stars;
I am everything you have been wishing for.
I am everything your father does not want you to bring home
and everything your mother wishes your father was.
I fuck like you wish your boyfriend could
and my tongue will sing you a song until your abdomen explodes.
My writing causes girls to cry like all the boys wish theirs could
and the pain in your chest will recede with every kiss I give you.
I fight better than my father and his father, all the way to Cain.
only, God won't see what I've been doing and He will not forgive me for it.
I don't know what you're thinking
(if you're thinking)
but I want you to take a minute to rethink it
(or just think)
This doesn't have to turn to shouts
(it always did)
I'm glad she's gone
and out of my life
but I don't regret what happened.
I wouldn't trade it for anything.