Staying up on nights that dont matter.
Listening to music that holds a key to forgotten locks
She breathes like an old flame.
Sings like the greatest of godesses.
I knew her then..
She had some temple to watch over,
be it in herself
or her lovers after me.
The road pulled her feet
not the other way around.
My one wish was that you’d someday
want me.
While I keep my soul somewhat untethered
and blowing in the wind..
I keep it on a first name basis
with you only.
But the reality is
is that
you get to become a movie
a poster encased in bright lights
- An overpaid actor who doesn’t
understand
the dialogue quite right.
You get to become
my favorite movie..
The one I never watch
again.
The one I memorize every
stupid
line
Just to make sure I
fall asleep before I feel
a thing.
My father is a hypocrite, my mother was a saint.
My brother has his own life now
Myself? I need a drink.
My fathers father died a drunk
his wife buried with a bottle of wine.
My mothers mother died too soon
& now i’m worried about mine.
My aunts & uncles have their share
of wealth & poverty.
The wrong ones live while the good ones die
& I wonder how that can be.
My father became what his money attained
My mother let him go.
18 years of untrue love
with nothing left to show.
A son who couldn't stop lying
just to prove himself.
The other, simply trying
to make the best of Hell.
In haunted places
something lingers of former lives
sounds played but not recorded
but by nature & her guise,
& the stone in the floor.
The seasons that leave & come back;
something short of an anxiety attack-
-in nature.
The immortality of it all contained in
energy & vibe.
Postmortem spies. (Ghosts.)
I don’t want to believe that I’ve wasted all your time.
Every set of lips that ever met mine
Every conversation past 3 am.
Contradicting vibes that color inside the lines.
I don’t want to know if you never really missed me,
Just wanna get through tonight without feeling tipsy.
Define a problem by the way that it lingers;
My problem is the way that my brain remembers.
How to go forward with so little truth?
Be it left lane
or
freight train.
Take me with you.
and
at that moment
there was a reason the fan was spinning
left to right
another instance of
highway driving
night time
no one in sight
front of you
behind you
cruise at
about
78.
my peaceful night.
Every contender begins a beginner.
With wisps of gold passing through my essence
the dancers dance with no proper introduction; (unnecessary!)
For we see who they are
as they dance
in the shadows; with wolves
or in the light; rehearsed and uninspired.
Say what you will,
but
the wolves always sang more in key
and with more soul
to me.
Within my life, love has always gone away to die.
Whether it be between my Grandparents on my fathers side
or
the collapse of a middle class family in denial.
My mother, the saint
My father, the preoccupied.
I spent my whole life just watching them try.
I watched my extended family start to run dry
between every visitation & cancer
&
every divorce without answers.
The simplest thing I could do was sit by
& learn from the mistakes / the taking without giving.
The heartaches for no sake.
But still to come in my life is the difference I hope for.
The truth that I wish upon a ring to embody something more.
It could represent all that i’ve seen to forget.
& bring two stories together -
Neither in shame nor regret.
Covered in frost from a storm too shy; Bits of you meet my eye
Telling truths from the gut, into the blender of the soul.
It’s just me here now and i’ve got nowhere to go.
All these doctors, all these people
never imagining ends by any means
although I prefer it when it rains,
you make the storm last all week.
Only fools allow puppeteers to negotiate their homes
from their beliefs to their thrones - you are the master of your own.
All a poisonous gas created from and by each other.
It’s a wonder we’re still here
blissfully blinded as the mother.
Covered in frost from a storm too shy; Bits of you meet my eye
Telling truths from the gut, into the blender of the soul.
It’s just me here now and i’ve got nowhere to go.
All these doctors, all these people
never imagining ends by any means
although I prefer it when it rains,
you make the storm last all week.
Only fools allow puppeteers to negotiate their homes
from their beliefs to their thrones - you are the master of your own.
All a poisonous gas created from and by each other.
It’s a wonder we’re still here
blissfully blinded as the mother.
I am only shame without a number,
no parlour to your tricks & greed.
I hold within something that slumbers
and when i'm awake it tortures me.
This feast of heathenestic ideals
no room for sense unless it bleeds.
I am the fear of no tomorrow
and of no sleep until next week.
A place for counting all the numbers
add them up to feed the sheep.
Maybe Jim will go home early
or maybe Jak will sleep alone
Maybe all the things we think we know
we really,
truly
don't.
You say it’s funny that I couldn’t come through like I said
You said, “Yeah, you’re in luck, you’re just like the rest.”
Playin’ schoolboy loves schoolgirl,
but with a broken heart on the mend.
My stain on your staircase is forgotten at best.
Like that outdated invitation,
to your Halloween party.
Or the streets we used to walk,
and I’d constantly worry-
that you’d find somebody else, between then and now.
I guess I was right, and I guess things work themselves out
But for the most part, I feel like
I helped push you away.
I guess most of the time, I get the feeling
this is how things will stay.
Simple patterns place the tune
into a new earshot of space every afternoon.
Withering and twisting it all looks the same
but it feels different on the inside
it knows its own name. The key and the flats
The vicious cycle of white, black
or both.
Some technicolor grey.
You've got to really accept it
that the heart knows what to do
if you don't, the pressure changes
and the your life ends far too soon.
Time will hit you like a brick
being thrown from
a hurricane
& in time, those of us who know our name
will still be somewhat sane.
I couldn't promise the plan
I couldn't promise anything.
But I could feel the way you felt
when you knew I was taking on everything.
Maybe you waited to watch as I tripped on
myself.
Stummbling through a violent storm of mind
My own Hell.
I’d send out an s.o.s.
with no reply.
I’d endeavor the moons of my mind
between lunch and dinner-time.
I’d sail between forests of orange and green
just to hike back and see if I’d still believe.
Oh, hollow tunnels through the mountain of my heart.
bring me back to the winds that tore us apart.
Show me selfish sin and i’ll give you the rain
for lack of better man, i’d give you my name.
Wake and toss
the bed slides on the floor
so you
remember more
instead of drifting off.
There are no sides
no conflicts, really
just a drowning in tides
so to speak.
The small lights from my computer
linger
the hum of the fan
and the
leftover plans
I said i'd do yesterday.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow, i'll say.
Pajama pants
milk in glass
watching clocks that don’t move fast
enough.
Leftovers
&
the same.
Microwave myself away
past the unsettling thoughts
into the very daunting forefront.
May I never sing like an angel again
For you, and no one else that cares
for more than a drink and a meaningful stare.
I'd lost my way with words for a bit
to ever think i'd live with it
the fleeing summer
& love's final dream
It tears my soul
it rips and screams.
I don't know much of
what I think
but I know
I know
it helps to drink.
Can't count on diamonds to show
themselves-
Can't count on the ancient ways,
& you can't count
on it
to be raining when
you really need it.
You can't count on everyone to
stay.
You can't count on Christmas forever.
You can't count the hundreds
of
lights.
Similar
in which
I imagine you
&
I know
that maybe
you're right.
I count too much
I'm covered in rust.
But,
all apart from
fading to dust-
this
must
be
the next big thing.
This must be falling in lust.
Such the night,
The clouds and a 'lone tower;
in hindsight;
a moon and spring flower.
to begin with,
it was too beautiful
for
some spectre
not to
come crashing down upon
us.
& the days that would
let loose
and carry mud
to all the walls,
they'd remind us.
they'd remind us.
What is it so that
shakes me?
Does no sleep invoke
such haste things?
& how is it
your eyes can wake me?
Maybe
somethin’ about them take me.
Something beautifully intelligent
&
kind.
Something,
in your eyes.
Partial laundry
lazy thought
the whites and the colors
it begins with the spots
and we sort it all out
combing crumbs from our hair
and as we slide into our own
we start to feel the pinch of our stares
Never-weather will always be
and evidently you're still
unhappy.
Something close inside of me
begs the question of eternity
but something closer still to see
shines too bright for such a speech.
No one wants your God and bread
No one needs your hand in hand.
The sorted and clean will find a way out;
a scapegoat and a martyr,
an election that doesn't count.
A breathless wonder standing taller than time
and in a few short seconds
&
a rev of the engine
Such a sight is simply lost
with no way to rewind.
It begins with the spots
and we sort it all out.
We fix things, we say
but we really tear them all down.
