You know when you said to give you a minute to"Calm Down"?
Well why did you need to?
Like how did it happen?
Was it because you pushed me to the wall,
And it just came tumbling down?
Was it something else?
I don't know.
But i know that i really like you.
But she likes you too.
Now don't just go passing this off as a simple "girl on girl drama".
Because I'll just back out.
Cause that's what i do.
Maybe i'll go have some Uganda.
Or do some marvelous jumps.
Or maybe even x?
I want to go to a concert with you,
And lose my breath.
To the bands,
And the people,
And the moonlight.
I want to be able to reach up my head and be able to kiss the stars.
To make you wish,
That you were them.
I want to lose all my clothes and dance naked in the rain,
And in the pain.
Just to feel it loving my skin.
Because I've never felt that before.
My virgin self.
That rush when you know.
That feeling that makes you want to be those stars.
And be all that you want.
That day when she said "I did him"
And I just replied with "haha nice".
Knowing that I didn't mean it.
Knowing that I felt betrayed.
Knowing all the pain that I would dance off with you.
In all that rain...
But where are we anyways?
Now I know that I'm just a piece of ass.
I know that I'm a girl who you'll pass and say "k".
Because that's what YOU do.
Now I'll be able to surrender my clothes,
In that skin that I was born in.
That skin that loves me.
The skin that God loves.
And the rain loves.
And all the people who I get to call "lover" without it being a problem, love.
It's a problem.
But I'm not the problem.
And I'm sorry.
I know that today is just another day.
But to me it's the most important day of my life so far.
I know, I know.
I'm being over dramatic.
How many times will I turn 16?
I wished for a day full of love and fun.
And what did I get?
Rejection from my friends...
I just want to feel something other than loneliness.
I don't think that will happen though.
I want to be loved,
And sang to,
Like how I was forever,
And he was my always.
The perfect match.
On the perfect day.
I just want to be loved...
I just want to have today to make my wishes come true...
Just today... That would be nice..
This place with its walls like a polymer that only heat destroys.
And there is no heat here.
There is no love to create heat and kill those oppressing walls.
Just knock them down.
Forever and always fitting together like the hands of a mother and her new born baby.
Made perfectly, to bond instantly.
Sweet sixteen isn't sweet at all...
Like the bitter bite of this everlasting cold,
In this place with no heat to beat the walls.
I'd like to know what everyone thinks of me today.
Just for today so that I can know who to stay away from so I don't get hurt.
The old one said mean things about me.
I once heard that when girls get bad comments about things like their hair,
Or an outfit,
They will NEVER wear it again without thinking only about that one comment.
He said "that girl" like I was a disease he'd found on the handle of his car.
He said "yeah the one with her hair always messed up."
She said to him "It's naturally curly and I like it."
I can't believe that he would say that.
I can't believe that he is the boy who was always and I was forever.
There is this other boy now.
He wants to go to far with me.
I want to ask him,
Do you even know me?
Do you even know my middle name?
I miss being loved.
I miss no drama.
I miss especially,,,
Even if i don't get anything i want out of today,
I really, truly love Oregon.
No doubts about it.
But it's my sweet sixteen,
And i just want one thing.
To be loved.
I thank you
For all the things you gave me
For the love
The World that you showed me
I thank you
and all that you are
and ever will be
I thank you
with all of my spirit.
I thank you.
In the night,
When my dreams
Mix with my reality,
I roll over
To look for you,
But you're never there.
only the cold sheet.
I don't know why
I think you will be there,
But I do.
And I hope still.
I'll roll over
And feel you next to me.
Instead of only feeling the space
Where you should be.