You say you want me
To make my responses personal
But you don't really want
To see what I have to say
When I look deep inside
Because my inner thoughts
Are dark
Manic
                                   And chaotic
And you teacher
                  Friends
                                   Lover
Can't handle
What's inside
The death
                                And my hate
For me
And you
Resonating
And now
I'm gone
Different
                              YOU     friend
                        Made me change
So you
               Need to fix it
Because I hate you
And I'm bitter
So you want to see what's inside teacher
Then open the doors to your own destruction
And pray for me if you like
But god has no place in my twisted mind
                           And soon nor will you

For the first time in my life
I can't explain how I feel
For words do no justice
To how I feel about you

You are my rock
The ground that supports me
That gives me the stability to build
To create my empire upon it

You are my warmth
My comfort and support
Always their for me when I'm in need
And never going to let me down

You are my hope
The reason I fight on
The purpose I strived for
The sun that shines for each new day

You are my tenderness
The one that whispers you miss me
That makes me feel
Like I'm the only guy alive

You are my happiness
The reason I smile and laugh
That brings me so much fulfilment
I'd never have hoped to be this happy

I thought words could do you no justice
But maybe I've undervalued the words
And for the first time in my life
I finally understand the words

I love you

The rain drizzles down
In a miserable mist
That dampens my mood
And saturates my body

Shivering with cold
And thoughts infecting my mind
This mournful wailing from above
Suits my lonely depression

If only it were god
Crying for my heart
But not even he
Knows of my existence

Rain not even formed enough
To match the tears
Streaming down my face
Morphing into the same drizzle

And inside my heart rages
Battered under the storm
Alone with out you there
Paining for your existence

Outside the world is damp
Smothered by their own troubles
As they too are cried on
And nothing seems right

The ground soaking
The trees shaking
The flowers covered
Their scent smothered

They know it's not the end
And the sun will come out again
They've adapted to the rain
Until its nolonger painful

They need the rain to grow
The misery will go away
And when it finally leaves
They will flourish

The leaves shine and glimmer
The buds will all open
the flowers beautiful and big
Filling the world with their scent

They've learned to accept
The things they can't change
But I am still suffering
As the rain ebbs inside me

My poems are all
So crazy and insane
So what do they mean
What's this deeper meaning
The order
Never contestant
I have no rhythm
The lines
So short
So unordered
So insane
But some lines are longer than they should be
Some short some long
Tell me teacher
What does this mean
I say the curtains are blue
You say I'm depressed
I cant cope with life
And I've had some great tragedy
No
All wrong
This isn't how it's supposed to be
The curtains are fucking blue
I said what I meant
That's all I meant
You add meaning to this
For I have none

I can't seem to write
A happy poem
They're corny
The are clique 
They make no sense and all seem forced
So tell me doctor
Why you think I'm sad
That I can't overcome my childhood issues
And force happiness
Upon myself
Mr Freud would have a field day
Making up symptoms for me
So tell me professor
What I am saying

When the music stops
The smile disappears
The talking ceases
And it becomes too much
Sometimes the only barrier we have
Between going over the edge
Is to accept you're already there
And just scream

The man sat on the train
Alone and forgotten
Invisible to the world
Unnoticed by everyone else
He was beyond their spectrum of view
Their expectation of society
Yet still they passed him with a wide arc

Nothing but the clothes on his back
Torn and stained dirt brown
From months of use at a time
And seasons come and gone
His only shower for years
Has been gods given rain

In facing the harsh world outside
Nobody knew why he was there
Sitting on their clean trains
A modern wonder of their new
Fast paced technological world
With no place for outcasts

They did not even know his name
Or why he was an outcast
But he had been labelled
And that was all they saw anymore

He might have been a soldier
Scarred from a great bloody war
Fighting for the country that despised him
Or maybe just a helpless drunk
Liquor conquering his once vivid dreams
But none of that mattered now

He was homeless and alone
Riding the trains all day
The world passing so swiftly by
And he passes the world by
In a sense of tasteless irony
He rides the trains all day

I can't cope anymore
I can no longer concentrate
And I'm struggling to survive
To keep my head above the water
Of this sea of books I'm drowning in
The water is rough and the storm is raging
The sea is crashing against my fragile body
And the wind chilling my body and heart to the bone
The rain adding to the sea raising it
The storm is sucking me underneath but I fight it
And the weight of depression gets heavier
As these iron clad chains around me drag me to the bottom
I can't free myself of these chains
Wrapped around my chest, my heart, my mind
I'm loosing the battle and I'm wearing out
Tired and distressed I can't continue this fight
And I reach out for something
I grab for the bar above me reaching to it
A rail of support and friendship in this lonesome existence
But my handrail of support is getting slippery
My chains are pulling away and I can't hold on anymore
The sea is rising and lapping at the rails
They are wearing eroding
And my grip to them is fading
And they begin to disappear off into the distance
I'm seeking for a beacon of light
One last glimmer of hope in this world
Eyes drooping and mind fading yet I search for it
But my vision is blurred and my head is below the water
The sea is think and I can no longer see clearly
And as I look for the light I'm drowning

Memories flashing
Flickering
In and out
Of myN focus

Flecks of red
On tainted steel
Cold and hard
Impressed on my mind

Crimson red
Roses red
Blood red
Tainted red

Pouring endlessly
From within
My rifted soul
And broken body

Slashing to pieces
My innocent
And sanity
Beyond such repair

This tainted red
Weak and impure
Is all but gone
Purged from within

And yet still
All I see
Are these tainted
Flecks of red

The bright white moon shinning
Reflecting off the waters shallow surface
Movement of the swell scatter the rays
Bouncing around everywhere
An yet never all together
Never whole and complete
Distorted it's shape changes
Up above the sullen lantern hidden
Imprisoned by the fickle leaves
Blowing and swaying with the wind
Catching the moons gentle light
They sparkle and shine in a dazzling array
Beautifully transcribing the bright orbs glow
Yet never drawing back quiet enough
To see the complete circle hidden behind
Scratched and clawed by it's branches
And as I march onwards
Trees and water left behind
I look up one last time in hope
And at last the moon breaks free
It's pale light illuminating
Silhouetting the peaceful word bellow
And fore a second there is hope
Until the thick clouds roll over
And off I must depart
Maybe ups where I'll go

Do I like her because she is amazing
Or is she amazing because I like her
All I know is that she is truly special
And to me that is all that really matters

I think I'm loosing my mind
Everything is changing
But if I didn't know better
I'd think I was going crazy
Drifting away from reality
Life and meaning fading
Sliding into my head
The only place I'm safe anymore
Distractions my Euphoria
But I know I'm not going insane
Because I'm already there

They are just words
Etched into the pages of a book
Safe between it's black cover
Held together by the binding
And these are words
That came straight from my mind
Poured out of my soul
And what was hidden deep within me
Is out on these pages
And now they are nothing more
Then just words on a page

I don't know
If I want to reveal
What hides inside me
And show the darkness
That eats me away
And bring it to light
But I don't think
I am ready
Will ever be ready
So I shove it back down
And deep inside me
It corrodes

Don't you realize
Who you are
And what you mean
To me
You are everything
My life complete
Deepest desire
An undisclosed truths
I can't ever muster
The insane courage I need
To take a chance with you
A chance with love
And a chance at life
Happy and complete
And every time you leave
Or choose to ignore me
My insides die
Gut wrench pain
And the endless waiting
Until you reply back
Reviving my heart
Ready to be broken
All over again
By your unknowing hand

I know
I am ugly
But it is not something
That plagues my mind
I know
That I am annoying
But it's not something
That keeps me awake
I know
That I'm different
But it's not something
That distresses me
I know
That I'm alone
And it haunts me

The only thing
That we can be sure of
In our short little lives
Is that the world is hopeless
Man will always be greedy
Man will always kill
Man will always die
And then one day
Man will be no more