Matthew P Hill
"The rage, for it's MAN who built each wall,
who has locked himself in concrete, is he afraid of nature?" ~La Rage
Pin holes in the sky, below the webs of light
a tree reaching high, against a the pink and blue
catchy tunes, the smell of roast and leaves
night between buildings, setting sun in the rafters
panoramic view of the ocean, reflections of the flowers
puddles on the road, spirits of last winters snow
create contrast in my heart, let the wind blow
My whole being quivers...
You are an engaging ember
Through all those beautiful thoughts
I've Caught the match that you have thrown,
you sought to fan those flames
as it turns out...
I am coal ,the brilliance of diamonds snuffed out
By your tiny spark
"I'm sorry that you feel like I hurt you."
This is something to fear.
Dusty faces. Beaten by the years. No, beaten by a "Person".
Chains of emotional torture. An affliction so devastating.
Locks left dents in their wrists. Freedom from bondage.
But is that enough?
1 vile "Man"
Where does reality hide when it needs to rest?
In the cracks of free will, I'm sure it has found the way.
He marks in blood a story of his conquest, spiraling out of control.
The sunflowers tell the tale of old, breathe in deeply the world.
Nothing stimulates agression more then our peaceful religions. Our differences in other peoples' sexual preferances. Our political up bringings. Our desire to fix the image of the world, with our own influence in mind Only. Our competitive nature boxes survivers into a corner. And we wonder what is everyone so on edge about? Trying to flight for the front, violence in a flock of doves.
I clap my hands slowly like poison around the fire, the loot rises
the spirits, of us dreary travelers. Our faces sting with the frost
natures punishment for our curiosity. A large fellow belts
out in lore of the giants that live from behind the rocks,
a story that mystifies us and keeps us close. We have crossed
oceans and prayed for warmth till our fingers turned blue.
We wear the look of the gods we pray to. We watch smoke
drift with our wishes, the pipes potent with tobaccos bitter
sweet therapy. And our runes never lie, the day we see the future
we'll know just how we die. We can take up swords, but against
the enemies unseen- we leap into the darkness and realize we
are scared of nothing. The battle cries of Ragnarok are the only things
that stand the test of time. And the fire burns out, and all that is left
is ash. And when the sun comes up, we are on the move yet again.
Humming the tune, us adventurous wanderers- seeking the heaven
that the earth has to offer. Fertile, sensual, and powerful. We are
crossing streams- no strife. Knee deep us men and women, fight.
Survival is a goddess, and we wear the amulet proud. And if I die on land
will you bury me out in the sea? And the nine worlds come crashing down,
like waves on the beach. Life is like a tree. Sprouting through the snow
of our foot prints. I beseech you, that is your soul we need to reach into-
Pull out the high notes of birds- they sing of Valhalla we can hear it resonate,
carry it in every bulky movement, as we step over trunks and crunch branches.
Like the blood of wolves, running through us, We trudge on through the mud.
Bound to the stones the tricks that lurk us blind. We lose our lovers along the way.
War is of the past, but we live it every moment. Slaves realizing freedom
as ever second sways.
I can love the highway the lights that flash on
When the night comes in full bloom
In the dream of games and neon
I can love the forest the crooked paths and trees
admiring the rhythm of the solitude
only hearing my feet move
I can love the ocean the waves that cradle me
lulling me off to sleep weightless
land giving me something to hope for
I can love the thought of you
but I'd rather be there holding tight
the world sees me searching
I light the wick.
A black candle, wax running--
Down in thick tears.
Hooded Sweaters blury colors nights cloudy pockets church drag hand hits man man men child cower corner stairs detailing details bandana mix joking, not joking misdirection smartass lesson being taught cash bring money talk mask bud smell drink eyes run push ferocious babble screaming help alone singled out victim of existence. Shoes smashing the sound of help in the distance.
I'm making my way.
Thanks for your support.
I recognize I've been stressing this too much.
I guess if i keep wanting to be your confidante I should stop arguing your points. Regardless if I agree with them or not.
You are not capable of seeing things the way I see them, and that may or may not be your fault. Your world views have some truths in them (though grossly exaggerated to me). I need to realize that this Is a personal journey... For you. The more I instigate conversation-- The further you seem to drift from wanting to keep open communication (I feel that way but maybe I'm wrong). I don't want you to lose this internal struggle (though you may feel like there is not one at all). I think your rational mind is just exploring its limits, which hopefully will help you in the long run. It is not my duty nor my obligation to help you more then I am capable in this matter. Considering I am doing what I can. You will find yourself, or you wont. I have to accept that. I guess I've had a hard time believing you though all of these matters because I have had a hard time perceiving you as a trustworthy or reliable person before-- So the situations that have arisen are also making me now feel the same way. If what you are saying is indeed a problem I will not know. I am not you. I will just have to trust you. I will call you out from time to time. If I am backed into a corner. If you want to be left alone, say so.
Sometimes I wonder brother if you mean what you say
if the distrust you feel towards others is just a ploy.
Brother I'm there for you. But I can only give so much...
I can barely support myself. The expectation from you is
taxing. And the results are never satisfied.
There is a paranoia in our genes. Something too complex
to be examined hypothetically. All the realizations you've made
... Just the advice others have given you over the poor choices
you've overridden. You seem to be above it all. Untouchable victim.
Victimized. How? How is that? Not everyone is out to get you..
The way you internalize things. You approach with a sense of
arrogance and pity. But you yourself, have little to do with self care.
Your hair is tangled, clothes unkempt, teeth rotting with nicotine and
gin stains your breath. Though you maintain you've quit cold.
Weight lost you're a child again. Frail. And in your mind, you are still better.
I have anger. Resentment. No. I am upset. No, I am disappointed. No. I am....
Feeling frustrated and defeated. How can I help?
Should I even? I have reached out to you more times then imaginable.
I have reached a gesturing hand, and it was spit on. Bitten even. I still love you-- Even so.
But I am afraid for now. My safety. Yours.. maybe you should learn to trust yourself.
I have to. I have to leave Here.
This sanctuary-- One I keep behind the war
of every moment following.
The masses don't know shit and owe me zip
can't take care of ourselves wounded animals
giving others the slip, taking over the streams
water runs the show charging people just to sip
Birds flaunt their freedom over the tree tops
and through the cracks the envious
four legged things that slither
eyes p e e k i n g out of the dark thicket
wanting to fuck each-other over
People maintain they evolved
from risen apes
but some think we're fallen angles
who raised the stakes
I think we just got better and faking
the whole time
justifying our destructive nature
Culture is the collapse of something greater
^ My friend Mike Alvarez Introduced me to his wonderful work.
I call it head change music haha. It is a fantastic blend of Electronic & Dubstep music.
I asked him ever so nicely to write a poem based off his song thoughtful...
This is the poem, How Thoughtful-- Thanks Mike! ( Aka. KoNNa-ReBoRN)
Radiating inner peace the many arms that spiral branching out into unfathomable distances
a heat that one stares at to once recognize that love makes us blind but fills us with a humming anxiety
that sand. Where as the trees of the oasis, palms. Waving in the breeze, of storms. Shade over the Nile, running deeply. Where I walk the bread is offered, get behind me. Hug me close. Share to this the blood of the lamb. Animals born with knowledge too intrinsic it must be carved on stone. Pyrites granite and
pyramids. Aglow under the Alcyone. You're beauty floors me to build higher. My snake charming eyes peer as I'm chiseled, the pinnacle of an empire.
Our presence grows like the unraveling of a rose
we never know how beautiful we can become
until we all stop hiding
and come outside
. . . so ethereal
Maybe the planet has finally fallen from its orbit
And the heavens are calling with rays of sunshine
how could we not want to go towards that light
how could we not rush for that calling
and even as we get to the reaches of
how far oxygen can take us
we keep going and take a new breath
there is somewhere beyond the bricks
there is somewhere beyond the glass and
stone there is somewhere beyond the place
we call home there is somewhere beyond the
concrete and tombs there is something in our
minds that releases us from the shackles
there is a place beyond how we've been raised
there is a soul in our head that sits on a throne
scepter in hand fresh sent of pine cone
there is a spirit in my molecules
the laws of nature flow like a river
everywhere it goes soothing diction
there is science to the fictitious
and though I don't believe in a figure head
for any religion or gospel seems; too worldly at this point
there is a voice that rises above all the others
like an angle when I sit and listen
to the sounds that tempt me
I let them tempt me
I sit quietly listening to looping tracks meant to bring me closer to
God I guess
fixated eyes like gemstones the stars humble me
staring at pictures of outer space and programs that are creating swirling patterns
deep from some designers ego cash driven imagination
in some far out place
But I'm not going there
This state of consciousness
I'll never leave cause it's too comfortable
I'll only veg out and watch the particles
Jumping form my eyes and fingers surprise me the words that
hit the screens nothing but an idea
what is in an idea
Before it is an idea
I never thought of that
Leave it for a moments mediate on the night's I've cried lonely
howling to the moon the only mother not to disown me
till the sun comes up and I'm faced with reality
that I'll come up with something
better come up with something
I've been pretty relaxed lately spacing out er what I mean to say is things
are hectic but - I'll get to that later
And all the clicking of my key board delete button is more
soothing then a million erasers doing their thing
and less messy can you relate with me?
So I give up stress of cleaning up anything everything is behind me not gonna
settle for writing out my enemies
"Ride to battle!" I'll make the protagonist say
while the antagonist sits in a dark room
the good guy hoping to save the day
the bad guy
with a dungeon full of people rotting away
Never gonna disrespect anyone ever again
If I keep to myself
maybe I can win
If I have at least my mind
And the images of a past
that I can look back on
Can they ever really take me
will the tracks ever turn back
I doubt it
I wanna say
They are the ones
That end the night
That begin the day
It takes a strong soul
to admit they can't
I have to believe
it takes a stronger soul
to bring this to an end
Making love in silhouettes promising myself one day I'd cross fantasy,
thinking too much about stepping over the fine line and the fancy ' lingerie
your sculptress fingers running down my body. I want to brush the cool shades
along the nape of your neck, around your collar to plant a blemish with teeth.
My eyes lose focus on a glint of knowing in yours, shouldn't I take this chance to
let you in on what I want? I need you like spring needs snow, the melting
water for soil. Cool lips to adjoin in avalanche.