Mandy Berry
some might seem like they're written in haste
I always write them as I think
Or they are lost, if I stop to blink.
I write only of what I know
How I feel or how my day has been
You're free to comment or criticize
But I can not make a poem from the life I have not seen :o)
I have been told that my poems are infantile but I can laugh about that, pity he can't :o)
All my poems are copyright registered and protected
I have always been the bit on the side, the spare part the afterthought.
Even when married, I was in fourth place, missing a position on the importance podium, behind his job, drinking time and the other woman.
I'm the odd one out at the family gathering, the lost looking, single misfit in the corner of couples, who has nothing in common with anyone, so has nothing worth saying or listening to.
I used to have friends, before husbands saw them off, (fearing them a threat to their overall control of me?) and took charge of my, by now, nonexistent social life.
I was allowed out, with no one but he, who decided the time, location and how much money was to be spent on what.
I've been single, dating or friends for quite a while now but I'm still on the edge of thoughts and minds, kept there for no more than a fleeting moment before someone else has the attention or a better looking prospect comes into view.
There is always a ready excuse for the lack of communication and affection quota and I wonder, does someone else get that some story?
Will I ever feel like I'm the centre of someones universe?
Should I sit quietly in my corner and not complain, for fear of rocking an already unsteady boat, perhaps running the risk of having no man in my life at all?
Best
Benefits Friends
Friends with Girlfriends
No Friends Boyfriends
Marriage
Have you never realized that it's because of you that people act the way they do?
Have you never stopped to think, no matter how much you kick up a stink, that life doesn't revolve solely around you?
Have you never thought that you obsess over people madly or considered that perhaps that's why your relationships seem to end so badly?
Have you never noticed how much your words might hurt, or thought that your self centred actions might drag others through your dirt?
Perhaps it's time to stop, think, consider and realize that you might be alone for a reason and that being obnoxious will bring you a very cold, lonely, lifelong wintry season?
Those eyes
Once said, by many, to be the most beautiful eyes to ever have gazed upon their face
That hint of a smile
Always played upon lips, eagerly awaiting a tender kiss
Arms
Spread wide to embrace dear ones and the coming of each new day
A heart
Open to love and be loved but all too easily broken, by those who promised never to do so.
Those eyes
Hollow and empty but for the tear, ever present in a lonely glance
Those lips
No longer kissed, have lost their smile, only to find a tremble of sadness
Arms
Closed and wrapped tightly around, to save yourself from falling apart.
That mirror
Does it lie?
Fragility, a weakness, I try desperately to hide
I need the strength to stand alone
When there's no one on my side
I can't rely on anyone but me, to live my life
I have to keep battling along
To fight through my daily strife
Perhaps you think I'm hard faced
Or possess a heart of stone
Nasty, unguarded comments though
Can cut me to the bone
I have to conquer weakness
Be a strong parent to my girls
I have to hide my loneliness
Before my confidence unfurls
You have no idea how hard I have fought to bury the hatred I have felt for someone once before in my life.
You have no clue how much I hated myself for being weak enough and allowing him to make me feel such hatred. It was crippling the person I used to be before the hatred came along and it was throttling every chance of future happiness.
Every last fibre of my being fought to be free of him and stay sane, to hold my family and myself together.
You have no idea how much I had to struggle to get out of bed and function normally, for the sake of my children.
You have no idea that the hatred I felt could have driven me to kill him, had we been in a different place and a knife had been close to hand.
You have no idea that you turned into him, in my eyes, with every drip of poison from your lips. The loathing seethed inside me and there he was, in your face, your voice and your words.
You have no idea that I hate you now, in this moment, as I hated him then.
The difference now is, I won't let you win and take away my self esteem or dignity because I know I am better than you.
You are dead to me now, as is he, and I don't need a knife in my hand to kill you.
It's those words left unspoken that I long to hear but, try as I might to persuade you, I can not pries them off your tongue, nor kiss them from between lips, always so carefully clamped to hide your true feelings.
I try and guess what they are, anticipate that you feel something deeply and strongly for me.
I search for a glimmer of hope, for a future together, but your eyes give no clue and your secrets remain enclosed behind some impenetrable barrier of loneliness, built to shield you from love intruding on your freedom.
You hold my hand or wrap your arms around me, embracing my warmth and affection for you but it's your heart I want to be holding, as you have captured mine, keeping safe from harm and loving back to life.
I want to feel that you love me.
The words "I love you" are all you need to say.
Do not compare me to a summer's day, for though my cloud has lifted, it is ever present awaiting its chance to rain from my eyes once more.
Do not compare your struggles to mine, for no one knows of the battles another fights on a daily basis, just to stay sane and in control of a topsy turvy life, sometimes deserved but others, forced upon them.
Do not compare your pain with mine, for no one knows just how hurt another can feel or how much heartache they are capable of inflicting.
Catastrophes to one are a mere blip to another, someones loss is always another's gain and an ending always follows a beginning.
We all face our own demons, it's just that some of us can slay them more easily than others. Some can ensnare them and lock them into the depths of a determined mind, while others continually fight and remain afraid. We all have our secret fears and even the bravest soul can quake.
Do not compare yourself to me because you will never know how hard it can be to raise children alone, nor how easy it can be made with a few extra pounds in the bank or a heap of extra cuddles to get you through the day.
I don't know how hard it is for you to be who you are and do the things you do. All I know is, all humans fight their daily trials and we all have the right to live.
We can not compare because we can only be a single being in a world full of differences.
My heart still beats and I will survive. Compared to the alternative, life with all its struggles, is good.
Never the bridesmaid
Always the bride
No talk of swings and roundabouts
When life's always on the slide
Never to be happy
No matter how hard you've tried
Marriage vows pledged forever
But we all know you lied
Like that plaguing cupboard
Under the stairs
Try hard to forget
But we know it's always there
Packed full of memories
But no one wants to share
Hoping for a tender touch
In a life that's so unfair
Times gone past, kept hidden within
Growing old and frail
That was your only sin
Left to be neglected
Or just plonked in a chair
Longing to be loved
But left mindlessly to stare
Like that plaguing cupboard
Under everybody's stairs
Until the day it's time to die
Knowing no one really cares
A
Spouse
Isn't covered
by
your
New for Old
policy
Comes
with
no
lifetime guarantee
or
chance
of a refund
I went for a swim in the sea
And saw a genie looking at me
Now though he was rather endearing
This genie was so hard of hearing
That when I asked for a man, with my wish
He conjured a plate full of fish
The ultimate swear word to all confirmed bachelors is
COMMITMENT
It seems to prove true that a lady is at her most desirable when she is not free to be desired.
Once single and available to be loved and lusted after, she quickly loses her attraction?
Forbidden fruit perhaps tastes the sweetest but can leave sour undertones.
You used to sit adoringly and wait at my heel for any scrap of attention I chose to throw you but now, when the feast is yours, in which to partake freely, you choose to starve your appetite or take your lust and share it with another?
Dull security lost it's pull and was abandoned to capture your heart, yet the ties I wish to cast are not binding.
Others have tried to win my love but have been dispatched because my heart and interest has long since belonged to you.
Are you to say now that you don't want me?
Drip feed me passion
'Til I feel I'm getting close
When I'm hooked
And I'm your junkie
You cruelly take away my dose
Passions captured
Hearts enraptured
A single lie
L o v e is f r a c t u r e d
