maddie-reedWhisper

American
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Defining DepressionDepression is hard to understand. The dictionary naively refers to it as, "feelings of severe despondency and dejection." But what does the dictionary know about depression? I think depression is more complicated than that. But I don't quite know what that consists of. I've been trying to figure it out for months now, and I just can't seem to understand. I don't know what depression is, but I can tell you what it's not. / Depression is not polite. Depression doesn't knock before he barges in. He just lets himself in, unannounced and unexpected, and leaves me gasping for what little air is left in the room. / Depression isn't clean. He doesn't tidy up after he makes a mess. He comes into my life like a hurricane, and leaves me to pick up the crumbled pieces of my rubbled life.
9
Mar 2, 2016
My final pleaI was once a little girl / I smiled and I was free / Until I had trouble keeping up
24
Jan 12, 2016
clarity came to me on my loneliest of nightsIt was 3 in the morning and I was clinging to the only reason I had to stay like my life depended on it. Because it is the only thing my life depends on. She is the one thing keeping me alive. But I've started to think that maybe she doesn't even want me anymore. She's my best friend, but she has better friends than me. She loves so many people more than she loves me. A hug, a text, a smile, or any signal that she still wanted me in her life would have been the only thing I needed to stay. But it never came. Everything became so clear. I'm not good enough and I don't deserve her friendship. It all makes sense now. I mean, I wouldn't want me in my life, so why should she? Now, I don't even know what's keeping me here anymore. It's time for me to go.
1
Dec 30, 2015
Life is a warLife is a war and today was a battle. I suited up for the day with armor around my heart and a brave face to hide what a mess I am inside. I keep marching, keep staggering on no matter how much it hurts, and I choke back the tears forming on the brim of my eyes. / Soldiers don't cry. Soldiers carry on even when they're wounded. Soldiers have to be strong. Soldiers have to fight. But, what if I don't want to fight anymore? / Now, I'm laying in bed after another long battle. I made it through this one. I may be exhausted, but I'm still here and I guess that is all that counts. But, the fact that I will have to lace up my boots and do this all again tomorrow makes me sick. Everything in me wants to waive my white flag and surrender. I'm so tired of fighting for my life. It's pointless, fighting for something I don't even want anymore.
4
Nov 22, 2015
The Night and ILast night, I went for a drive. The last text I sent was a lie I told my mother, that I was going to get ice cream with some friends. Then, I powered down my phone and started up my car. / My head was buzzing and my heart was aching. I needed it to stop. So, I hopped on a seemingly unending road, turned my music up to drown out my thoughts, and I just drove. / The city of Omaha slowly vanished behind me as the shadows of country roads set in. There were hardly any cars accompanying me on my thoughtless journey, and for once, I actually felt okay with the loneliness.
12
Nov 14, 2015
First DateThe lights are dimmed. / The movie is about to start. / But all you can think about is the boy sitting next to you.
59
Jun 29, 2013
We Are All HumanBlack or white, / We are all human. / Straight or gay,
40
Jun 27, 2013
Hopelessly in LoveI don't know why I do this. / I don't know why I care. / I don't know why I waste my life
40
Jun 22, 2013
Honest FoolsI'm an honest girl. / You're an honest boy. / Let's let love make
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Jun 20, 2013
MirrorsA mirror is a girl's worst enemy. / We know what pretty is, / But we don't see it in ourselves.
38
Jun 16, 2013
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