loewen-s-gravesWhisper

American
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Things I will have to teach my childrenSometimes I want a baby so bad that my entire abdomen feels empty, and I clutch my stomach thinking of the day when I'll be old enough, mature enough, to have children of my own. But other times I think about the things I'll have to teach them. I want to teach them that everywhere they look will be hands waiting to help them up if they fall. I want to teach them that there is fruit their mouths will not believe they are tasting. I want to teach them that they will have mentors who will inspire them and show them things they're sure are too beautiful to be real. / But I have to teach them more than that. In my freshman year of college I sat in a classroom where we were talking about survivors of genocide. My professor asked us to respond to the question, "If you had experienced something terrible, something you were scared your child would one day experience, when and how would you tell them?" I watched my classmates ponder this question and wanted to tell them that I already know. This is already how I feel every time I wonder how I'll tell my children that I was ***** by someone I loved. I want them to know that I love them, that I would never hurt them, but how can they ever trust me once they know what was done to me? / They'll start to believe that love is an empty promise which will never be fulfilled. They'll learn to flinch at every hand that comes near them, whether it's a stranger's or it's mine. They'll know that even if they love someone with their whole being, it could be thrown back in their faces at any time. This is what I was taught, and it didn't save me from being ***** so I wonder how it could be different for my children. They'll have depression, anxiety, insomnia and paranoia woven into their bloodlines, and even if it skips them, it could hit their children, or their children's children, and the cycle will never end. I'm terrified that no matter what I do, no matter what I tell them, no matter how I shelter them, my children will never be safe. The world's children will never be safe.
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Dec 4, 2014
Quietmy compassion keeps me / grounded, if I didn't have that / I don't know who I'd be.
51
Oct 17, 2014
harmless (trigger warning: suicide, trauma)i couldn't carry my heart / into the cold of the emergency room. / it was crumbling between my fingers
53
Apr 2, 2014
sext for memories of summer, 3amwhat i remember about summer / isn't quite sunshine, isn't beach and isn't / ice cream or flip flops or picnics
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Nov 19, 2013
sext for springtime, 3ami want you / to cup the budding bloom / of my petals between your hands,
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Nov 19, 2013
sext for winter, 3amsome days i am as cold / as the clouds at the heart / of the snowstorm
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Nov 19, 2013
sext for rainy days, 3ami want to become the rain / so that i can fall / from the greatest height
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Nov 19, 2013
sext for every season, 3ami am the hanging branches / on your willow tree, / you don't wait
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Nov 19, 2013
sext for autumn, 2ami am a maple leaf, i float / on your puddle and soak up / your dreams and your heartache
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Nov 19, 2013
Love isn't always magic.Sometimes it's just a conch shell / I am tired of holding / to my ear.
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Apr 3, 2013
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