I think it really could have gone
somewhere
you know, could've been what
it wasn't
but I lost it.

I always do that,
lose the important things
the things you put it your pocket intentionally
and say, "Okay...STAY."

Like when your mom gave you her necklace
a shiny jeweled fish,
wiggling on its golden line,
and you promised you'd take care of it
but you didn't
and it ended up at the bottom of your toy box

That,
is this.
This same feeling
was here. I had it.
I was going to love it
take care of it
watch it grow
into something beautiful.

But I lost it.
I checked all my pockets
and my toy box twice
but it's gone.

The rain pours and pops ,
outside my window pane
and I can hear thunder rolling in,
behind the hills

The white of my comforter
is stained wet from sweat,
and feet
and summer skin

I try to keep your smell,
pressed into my sheets
and the pillow case,
that once held your head

Bronzed and beautiful,
a body built for two
and to always be
touched,
kissed,
and forgotten

But I won't forget you, love
and for every drop of rain
for every splash and ping
I will fall ever the more in denial
that our love was not,
meant to last.

I stopped,
stared...
and tried to remember,
what your mother looked like

Or how I,
had remembered her

It was a long time ago, huh?
we were just babies then
playing house until the sun set

Catching fireflies,
without a care in the world

We didn't know what would come,
for us
and we were too innocent,
to realize
that we had it all.

My skin is dry.
I watch it crack and peel,
flake and fall down,
roll off my body to the floor

My hands are tired
from sleeping with closed fists,
from trying to hold on,
and fighting to let go

My body aches
and my face twitches
while my head pounds
with loud thumping,
in my ears.

I think something's wrong.

I guess I've been trying my best,
to avoid this
to keep the beast from waking
and to stop the noise,
before it gets too loud

But it's coming,
just like it always does
and I can't hide from it now.

No, spring
won't come soon enough
to save me from the winter's wind
and its deafening chill.

So here we lay,
in the valley of unrest
Broken, bare, and waiting
in perpetual loneliness

But could it be,
that you're unlike me?
and this soul
is but a distant memory?

That splays open,
my body,
my womb
that darkens my heart,
my cage,
my tomb.

Today I let you go,
and it didn't hurt
and I didn't cry

Last night I released you,
while I was sleeping
Like a soft,
quiet exhalation
that no one heard
and no one saw

I woke up wondering
if I had left you.
Or if,
I was ever in the back of your mind

Perhaps that nimble little moon,
that brought us together
finally decided,
to rip us apart.

Sometimes I drink,
to numb the pain
Or to feel something outside
of the murky, grayish
lonely ticking
That replaced my heart’s beating

But the funny thing is,
and always seems to be
When I drink to make you foggy
you just become more in focus
While your sorry, belligerent
excuses replay in my head

Over and over
until I’m forced to forget
my reasons for hating you
and join you in bed.

I can still remember
the silent chill of that december
when my body and soul,
I tried to dismember

I can hear it now,
my gentle crying
as I was desperately trying
to make a sound vow

I spoke through my tears
abandoned my fears
and knew I could never
look back at those years

And then like a gift from a dove,
life was put in my wake
as I prayed my soul to take
you answered with guidance from above

But oh, to hear the melody
such a heartfelt symphony
made me stop and tremble
and forced me to believe

That what moved inside my soul
was a rare, impenetrable force
and nothing less than greatest itself

I cannot wait,
forever

Without hope,
or some kind of sign
that this impossible love
is a possibility

No, I can't go on,
waiting in the dark
or screaming in silence

Dying day by day
watching you break my heart
without touching it at all

You wanted one,
ever since you were young

Thought you found it,
once or twice
but it never lasted long

Home,
You've got a home
in me

There's a place in my heart,
where I built you a home
Made of sticks and shabby stone,
I'll keep it there my love,
I won't leave it alone

Home,
You've got a home
in me.

Move in my darling,
take your leave
I'll keep you safe,
and give you everything you need

I'll paint the walls,
and wash the floors
I'll make it a palace,
and keep unlocked the doors

Your kingdom I will build,
upon my sturdy back
I'll keep you forever,
your love is all that I lack

Home,
You've got a home
in me.

I wanted to be the one,
who could hold you so completely
love you so fully
keep you safe in my heart
protect you, care for you
forever and ever and into the abyss

But you wouldn't let me
didn't realize what you were fighting
what you were really giving up
when you left and forgot to return

I could've loved you
and baby I would've loved you
better
and stronger
than anyone could prove possible
no matter
mother, lover, or friend

I could have loved you better
But even though you said
you were ready for real life
you're not

No, your young heart can't take
the power of a love like mine

I said "fuck me"
but what I really meant was
"love me"
"hold me"
"don't ever leave me"

I let you inside my body
but really you were moving
through my heart
and into my soul

I grabbed you tightly
because I didn't have the words
couldn't say, couldn't do
what I longed to

Now you're gone
and I feel as empty
as an old
tin cup

I sat and watched
the bottom break out
the inside shatter
and the nothingness seep through

I was cold next to you
my hand creeping towards yours
as your body shied away

And there it was
the love we made
the heart we shared
was gone

This is low of letting you go
and the way it feels
to feel nothing

Because once it dies
it can't live again
and once my love is gone
you will never get it back