She never had a drink,
She never had a smoke,
Forty years down the line,
She was taken by a stroke.
Tell me, Tell me,
Did she tumble smoothly down the stairs,
As if taking flight?
And landed by his bed,
Where he had kissed her goodnight?
He sat outside his window,
As he did for many years before,
Only now he was alone,
Without his love to adore.
Tell me, Tell me,
How can he enjoy the seasons,
Or the changing of the leaves,
Without someone to share it with,
Why does love always leave?

When the leaves are turning,
like shades of gold, falling to the ground,
it takes me back to the days,
when you were still around.

Like the composer, standing on stage,
Silent and stoic, directing with rage;
I'll throw my hands with no thought to grace,
Waistcoat and bowtie falling out of place.
The music brings visions of horses to water
Led by the same who led lambs to slaughter.
The melody brings forth tears from dreams
Like ones from childhood with frayed edges and seams.
I step back to survey the concert-hall burning;
World and life and souls ever-churning,
Standing to watch from a distance
Withering things offer little resistance.
I supplyed the moment with my own destruction
A beautiful disaster complete with instructions.
Then I spread my arms, turning raven to fly
Dancing with ashes in the void, the same damn sky.

Enter now,
Into this stainless steel room!
Where the lucky are fixed,
And the doomed are entombed.
Center-stage is the body,
Flesh and bone peeled apart,
A brain complete with memories,
A giant crack runs through the heart.
Enter the surgeon,
Take a bow!
The room is all prepped,
And we can start now.
He takes a moment to set the spine,
Aligning his head with the stars to be proper.
He pulls away his surgical mask and whispers:
"You can trust me, I'm a doctor!"
The defeated corpse on the table smiles,
Raises his hand to the sky
Thinking, "A surgery is serious stuff,
So who better to do it, but I?"
Realize now, my friends,
That they are similar in face and name!
The doctor and the patient,
Mind and heart in the same!
So with somber eyes and shaky hands,
He grips the scalpel by the blade.
He was a proffessional by decision,
Certainly not by education or trade.
After a few calming breaths;
The plunging thrust!
Exploring himself beyond skin deep,
As all of us one day must.
All the while, a man in pain
As headache and heartache rage inside,
Oblivious to the inner progression of mutiny
To his very own Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
"Let's see," says Mind to Heart,
The visage of doctor and corpse maintained,
"What part of you is so damn difficult?
What part must I cut back on to keep you contained?"
He shifts the skin, and
Stares deep into the abyss;
A pool of black and empty space
CLEARLY, something was amiss.
"Where's the fire,
The love of fun?"
No answer pierced the air where
Only silence hung.
He poked and prodded,
Prodded and poked,
Pulled a cigar from his pocket,
Mumbling, "You won't mind if I smoke."
With a snap of his fingers
He produced a flickering flame,
And lit that cigar
Of some obscure brand name.
He stood over this gory piñata,
Impatiently blowing a few smoke rings
As he mulled over all of the hearts dilemmas,
From big to small, and trivial things.
Finally he decided that to think of more,
He must distance himself, and walk away.
He took one last puff and extinguished his cigar,
The corpses mouth his new novelty ash tray.
Suddenly! With a shout,
And a measure of less-than-grace
He exclaimed, "The problem is YOUR heart!
It's in the wrong place!"
Then, singing softly to himself
In tune with sorrowful songs,
He ripped his heart from his chest
Where it apparently did not belong.
Furthermore, casually,
With an air of routine,
He did the most puzzeling
And practical of things:
He turned from his corpse,
And tossed the heart to the side,
Hearing it shatter on the concrete
As he started forward in stride.
With every step echoing,
Making the next step more deliberate, and bolder,
He smiled a little,
And said over his shoulder,
"You have bite marks on your dog tags,
Long nail tracks in your skin,
The lipstick silhouette of a kiss on your neck,
And dark memories broading within."
Finally, at long last,
He'd crossed the entire floor,
And without missing a beat
He kicked in the swinging door.
The next room was much larger,
Filled with labeled crates and rusting carts,
Mechanical devices, prosthetic limbs,
And oiled, wind-up hearts.
He began to change his clothes,
For this next part, he'd need all-new attire,
And donned the garbs of a toymaker,
Trading surgical instruments for the tools he'd require.
He picked up a wheelbarrow,
And lazily pushed it around,
The squeeky front wheel
Providing the rooms only sound.
"I'll need some of these,
Oh, and certainly some of those,"
He reached out and added an item,
"Though I'm not even sure where THIS goes.."
The toymaker wheeled back around,
He hurried to the O.R. with haste,
The brain was far from planning, it was hands-on demanding,
As a smile began on his face.
When the heart came to, and started beating,
He didn't quite feel himself.
He opened his eyes, and was shocked to find
Important internals of him arranged on a shelf.
The brain stepped in front of him,
And blocked his view, saying "You don't want to look at these."
He paused for a moment (for dramatic effect)
Before gushing, "But you'll be very, VERY pleased!"
He added, "Your heart is made of iron and steel,
I'm serious, not jokin'.
Should be a hell of a contraption that ensures us all
That you'll stay toughened up, not broken.
I've replaced parts of your brain with a radio chip,
And put a targetting reticle in your eye,
So now I'll know who you're setting your sights on
And I can communicate my advice."
Externally, he felt strangely different,
(The man they occupied)
Though on the inside he felt much better, and none the wiser
That internally, he had died.

Walking alone, and what do I find?
A handwritten note, unloved and unsigned.
Curious to me, curious as it was read…
Curious enough for me to share what it said:

Come one, come all,
Be the one to watch it fall!
Something so… surrounding.
It’s really quite confounding.
Not the ship that cannot sink,
(Which lies on oceans floor)
Nor the eye that never blinks,
(A million times before.)
A bald-faced lie, a vibrant truth,
As ancient as the Fountain of Youth.
The RUIN, my love, of you and me!
A colossus left in a rubble heap.
A paragon of… untimely dues.
Neither true or false for us to choose.
Watch it now, the end of day,
Both clouds and sun passing away.
Shhhh… share this silence with me, and whisper,
Lest the crisp air hear us and get even crisper.
…But HERE! My friend, I do not care!
Let everyone hear us and see what’s there!
Not a damn thing, no, no special view;
The ruin is me, the ruin’s in you.
You may ignore my words, close your eyes,
But..hear this.
It weathers eternally behind your closed lids.

I looked around me, and saw no trees,
Nor the ocean, nor the skies the birds once flew in…
Just the foundations of ideas,
Just the stones of the Ruin.

It's 3am. She cant sleep,
Woke up from the same bad dream.
All too familiar, that salty taste,
As the tears streamed down her swollen face.
Against her body, a pillow gripped tight,
She pretends that it's him, everything will be alright.

She clenches her fists and tries to hold back her cries,
Lets out a sob and closes her eyes.
She begs to God, when they open,
He'll be by her side, all this sadness forgotten.
The sunlight creeps in, and settles on her cheeks,
She tries to get up but she's too feeble, too weak.

So long he has been gone off to war,
she's in so much pain, she cannot sleep anymore.
The letters have ceased for the last several weeks,
She tries to refuse it, but she knows what it means.
She can't give up, not til she knows for sure,
And with that thought, 3 knocks on the door.
Two soldiers and a chaplain all in Class A's,
They don't open their mouths, she knows what they'll say.

"We're sorry to inform you, he has been taken away
we're here to help you with the grieving, in any way.
Here is one of your letters, he never had the chance to receive it."
She took it firmly,
She couldn't believe it.

Again the tears danced, like a sadistic ballet,
She opened her mouth but had nothing to say.
The lipstick kiss on the seal revealed right away,
Her nightmare had now become her day.
So cruel, so messed up.
And the reason it hurt so badly....
That was the letter he'd find out,
He was gonna be a daddy.

(I wrote this when I was maybe 12 years old. I hope you all like it)

I go through life like a domesticated animal,
finding things to fill my day, but never feeling full.
I have this hunger, this desire, this need,
to remove this mask, and just be me.
Iniside, I hide what can't be seen, afraid that others consider it weak,
to be emotional, non-judgemental, open, afraid to speak.

In public, I'm happy, but hide how I feel,
because my heart has been broken, has yet to be healed.
No one knows what its like inside my brain,
its full of thoughts of confusion, heartache and pain.
They say
"She's confident, she's strong, she follows her heart.",
Is that even normal,
when my heart has been ripped apart?

I've always been read,
but no one ever turns the page,
its like I'm locked inside a cage!
I've been used, abused, lied to, and cheated,
I feel my confidence has been defeated!
How can I be confident,
when my voice can not be heard?
I just want to be that eagle,
but I'm a fucking mocking bird.

Fuck it.
I'm breaking out of my cage, you all will see....
I'm going to fly, I'm going to sing.
I WILL BE FREE.

The weeds twist and trap
Me in a pocket
I choke and cough
Till out comes a locket
Black skies above
Or is that mud?
"It's safe to go...
THE b o m b s A dud"
Zombies cry and build
Your casket
"IT PUTS THE LOTION
IN THE BASKET!"
The background b l u r s
And becomes another
With skeleton sons
And a banshee mother
The Sky's an eye...?
Staring right into me!
A tree cracks a smile
But it's too t o o t h y
I scream and cry
And my world ends above me
I want to wake, cannot wake
My nightmares are too lovely.

Cast down so deep,
I can't speak
Walking through ghastly bell peals
Into truth, into sleep
Truth lies in shadows, reality is only fiction
The deepest recesses eddy to me
A wellspring dramatic, catching fire from friction

Loose the hounds of slumber
Let them tear my cerebral form
Strip me down to what I really am
Something you'll never know

Twas' the night before Christmas,
When all through the house,
not a creature was stirring,
except for Grandpa,
who was busy reminiscing about
World War One.
Which happened thirty years
before he was born.

Grin and put on the mask again,
search through porcelain eyes
Believe every word
we utter
we scream
we breathe in heady whispers right to your ear.

We can see right through you
you're ugly inside,
ugly like we.
Whirl through life like a play
actress, center stage
utter your soliloquy to break our hearts
and make us realize we were wrong,

that you were never ugly
and our words hurt you so dear.
Actress, stage left
curtains close
the audience claps and smiles then
forgets your face.

I am the elusive one
of many faces
of many facades
of many names.
But call me Legion.

They tell me to march again
for glory!  For triumph, they scream
with bloody throats and missing
eyes.

I was the one who faltered
out of love
out of hate
out of greed
but always for you.

Again, they mold me as they want me,
making me what I once was.
A tyrant,
a beast,
the Legion One In All

So I fight fate with a broken sword
but my demons inside scream "Oh my Lord..."
"you fool"
"you tool"
"you sonnovabitch"
"you'd throw our lives in the side of a ditch?"

I smile and
nod.

Right hand holds a knife for you, my dearest, my damned,
Left hand holds lipstick smeared cross a mirror, my damned, my dearest.

Choose for a second and think in my eyes, my darkest, my lovely,
Break through the adages that flesh once bound us to, my lonely, my sinner.

Don't think for a second that you've gotten away with murder...
Cause' murder begets, murder begets me and I wonder:

Why the animals haven't cannibalized against the machines in their fur.
Dependent upon the artificial aftertaste that fuels bloody lust.

The mirror is covered in lipstick, my dearest, my damned.
Reflecting genuflecting parishes and perishing Phantoms.

Death has many faces, each one a visage that you once held.
Cannibalize against the machines that hold you back, machines that weld.

Together spirit and steel, break free, be forever more
A human inside and beast throughout.

Deep in the past I was once a maggot like these
Self-destructive, idealistic prismatic regimes.

Held together by nothing more than veins and teeth,
Chewing through one and another,
family bonds broken beneath.

Bloodstained Romantics cry like poets and plagiarists,
Covered in what was once a love,
begetting Separatists.

And sealing emotions deep within a blackened, rosy view
Of a world that needs no change,
needs no love, needs no you.

He looked out his window,
carefully studying the outside world.
In his cell, he was alone;
but outside was dangerous, made his blood curl.
It's safer to stay inside.
Just let your life pass you by.
Don't dream of the world out there,
it's not like there's someone who would care...

The chains dragged tight to his wrist,
and the pen dropped from shaking in fear.
Fingers curled from an open palm to a fist,
that beat the walls until blood began to smear.

But he chose this isolation!
Gave his soul up to desolation,
let his mind be rocked by his own machination.
But he couldn't hold onto his own preservation.

With a shaking mind, and a shaking heart,
the agorophobe unmade his shell.
What the window showed threatened to tear him apart...
But it was better than his safe and secure hell.

The first breath tasted of flowers,
and he was intoxicated by gentle showers.
He faltered, like a barely-swimming minnow,
but now he was outside,
looking in the window.

I wrote you a song
But I burned all the paper
I wrote you a story
But I forgot to use ink
I left you my heart
But I didn't leave it beating
Forgot just what to say
So tell me what you think

Of my love letters
Written to be erased
Bloody-minded analogies
Of you when tears traced
Down your cheeks

I tried to tell you
But my words came up choked
I tried to love you
But there's only so much I can do
The rhymes echo in my head
Just like a spike
So tell me, how did you like

My love letters
Thrown out of the trash
My heart's pouring
Right before you caused the crash
That sent me
Through this warring

I know you thought you're right
But you're always wrong
I don't want to fight
But I won't just sing along
Please meet me at midnight
So I can show you
I've been yearning all life long

Saw your face and took a picture
But it never developed
A toast to you, drink this tincture
It's my soul enveloped
In the poison you left behind
A raging kind of whirlwind
That blew away in my mind

She called him on a Wednesday,
She said, it's no big deal.
She was a golden flower,
That simply couldn't heal.

Only one day later,
He went out for a drive.
He heard her message boldly,
And quietly, he cried.

Each word as if a razor,
They cut him to the bone.
He knew things would be different,
having no place to call home.

How could she never tell him,
His whole life was a lie.
This anger builds inside him,
His hands reach for the sky.

In the fog of intoxication, his face emerges from my mind.
His voice putting my mind to ease and caressing my face just as he used to.
He was running his fingers through my hair as he once did,
and I awoke with the heaviest heart that I had ever experienced.
My mind was whirling and tears flowed from my eyes as freely as the wind.
Even now my heart physically tightens with anxiety and pain.
I could feel sadness weigh in my stomach and mind.
What am I to do?
I feel as though if I ever truly loved him, I should let him go as he obviously has me.
There was a time when I could forget the past.
A time where I could actually mask my pain even to myself.
Oh I sound like such a twit.
But is that not what makes love so significant?
Is it not the torment of love and hate that spin our hearts out of control,
and thenceforth our minds and words?
It will be his name that dies on my lips with me.
And if he plans on not coming back, I'm not going to ask for my heart back.
I gave it to him because I loved him as I do now.
Some leave to remember, and some to forget.
I can never forget what we had.
And I hope that not a day goes by where I don't remember the night, under a pale canopy bathed in moonlight that we made love  for the first time.
I hope I never forget how, with the sunset on his shoulders, and in his eyes, he asked for my hand in marriage.
And how my heart truly flew from my ribs, as he smiled when I said yes.