Listing along aimlessly,
Trying to find a direction,
Heart hurting, not helping
in knowing where to go.
Words from all sides,
Steering me one way or another,
But I end up driving drunk,
An erratic mess on the road.
Swerving to avoid the obstacles,
But I know I'm going to crash,
When and where lies a mystery,
But it'll fucking hurt.
I keep on truckin' alone,
Unable to bear the responsibility,
Of taking down others with me,
Even though I know that's what'll happen.
No one comes out alive,
In the road that is my mind,
It's a dangerous, winding road,
One best traversed with care.
Paper stars and hearts,
Decisions made by day,
Prolonging the depart,
Searching for a way.
Still following the path,
My fate laid for me,
Living through the past,
Unlocking with the key.
The long desired course,
The truth comes to pass,
Nothing could be worse,
If you let it last.
The light shines ahead,
The darkness left behind,
Many tears will shed,
Of many different kinds.
Circles and circles,
Tightly wound,
Trapped enslavement,
Tightly bound.
Stoke the fire,
Pave the way,
Hiding passion,
Run away
Cold and empty,
Heart of pain,
Crying inward,
Tear stained.
Embracing cold,
Pillows held,
Marks of wear,
Bloody bed
Sweet remorse,
Under masks,
Bitter hearts,
Daunting tasks
Pairs of eyes,
Crossroad track,
Sorrow-made,
Glittered cracks.
These thoughts I'm starting to think,
And again, I'm beginning to sink,
Into that self-destructive place,
Every moment my mind starts to race.
There hasn't been a moment's peace,
Where my head has been at ease,
Destructive, socially inept,
Feeling like there's nothing left.
Trapped again in a dark void,
Trying my best to avoid,
Stumbling, nowhere to go,
Pushing emotion far below
Making attempts to share,
Doing what I can to know they care,
It's just that, no matter what I do,
I'll always feel I have me, not you.
So much to hide,
Hurt inside,
So much to show,
Nowhere to go.
Knowledge none,
Mind on the run,
Flowing down,
Always a frown.
Full of shame,
Nothing to gain,
Hold in pain,
Try to refrain.
Hear the call,
Can't stop the fall,
Losing pace,
Feel disgraced.
I never felt so bad,
This hurt and pain I feel,
It makes me everyday
want to leave this world.
This feeling of being crushed
under the weight of sorrow,
The ongoing destitution
The mental destruction.
Homeless, unwanted,
Heartless beings.
Searching for a place
to find my heart's solace.
Damned to search
to find my potential.
Carried off in isolation --
My heart is alone.
Fate has brought me to place unknown,
I follow wherever the wind has blown,
twirling about like a leaf in the air,
wandering so free, without a care.
Cornered by thoughts that torture me,
wondering how they could have come to be,
life's horrors, the pains, and the such,
driving me crazy, for it is too much
I reach the hill, up to the top,
at the peak is where I stop,
over the horizon for miles I see,
is everything the way it should be?
Paranoia consumes my thoughts,
dries up my spirit as if in a drought,
I scream to the sky, no one can hear
the pain, the suffering, the outburst of fear
Hopes, dreams, consumed within,
I watch as the bright light grows dim.
Myself and the darkness have both become one,
by the end of the day -- transformation done.
Lightning strikes, thunder roars.
Light can exist no more.
Children of the night come out to play.
Welcome, those who have gone astray.
Walk for thought,
actions fought,
don't know what,
I should ought
...to do.
Lives at stake,
got to make,
no mistakes,
all heartaches
....are through.
Lonely and alone,
cold like a stone,
coarse like the sand
rubbing across your hand.
I don't know why
I feel what I feel,
one minute I cry
and my heart's about to peel.
Devil, demon,
in my heartache,
wakened dream,
wakened nightmare.
Lost I wander,
alone again,
craving love,
craving beauty.
Shake, shiver, die,
heal wounds, cry,
blank, cold, alone,
myself, I, none.
Dark, blind, damage,
pain, hate, love,
sigh, stare, think,
fear, age, poor
Struggle, cage,
mirror, face,
empty soul,
worry, goal
Far, trapped, stuck,
long awaited luck,
courage, despair,
not there.
I live in land of misery,
hoping I will soon break free,
unlocking with a magic key,
the many things that I will see.
Friends will come through thick and thin,
making sure that we will win,
to escape we will soar high,
by taking rainbows to the sky.
I have a wish to ask,
It has been a dream,
It is not a task
as big as it may seem.
The wish I want to be,
a wonder, soaring high,
the beauty of the sea,
the dreamer of the sky.
The wish I have is right,
to be with all my friends,
we fight with all our might
to stay together to the end.
This is what I see,
this is what I hear,
this is what it's going to be,
I will not shed a tear.
Fifty women,
Fifty brides,
Fifty girls,
Fifty lives.
Running away
from fifty men,
wanting to escape
the marriage pen.
Don't want cages,
Wanting love.
Fifty men chasing
from the chopper above.
Like a S.W.A.T. team,
hunting down,
fifty brides
in their wedding gowns.
Brides make an oath,
they make a pact,
A lust for blood
in the wedding act.
Hearts are hard,
time is now,
kill them all,
make no vows.
One.
Is home, good boy, too good for you.
Two.
Next door, doctor, married, five kids.
Three.
Visits every Sunday, doctor, married, five kids.
Four.
Cherub and sweet, tender, joined the Church.
...Splat.
Five.
Businessman, wrong people.
...Splat.
Six.
Married a German girl.
...Splat.
Seven.
Left for America.
...Splat.
Took Eight
to America.
...Splat
Came back for Nine
in America.
...Splat.
Ten.
Politician... oh well.
...Splat.
Eleven
Soap opera star, not killing people.
Twelve.
Love affairs, bad marriage, gets into fights.
...Good men are hard to find.
Thirteen.
Rides motorcycles, movie actresses, parties.
...He's my baby.
Darkened skies ripped by streaks,
Hearts melted by humid heat
and sorrowful longings,
putrid stench the soul of your mind,
an eyesore for the blind.
A song for the deaf to hear,
the power of an eye of truth,
the shoreline receding,
indication of a tide of lonely.
Dawn approaching but yet so far,
the sun a speck of starlight,
the moon a fading face,
the gray of misty vapor,
the symbol of a mindless venture.
Weep in sorrow for me,
for I am the child of fear.
The heart of love for the fetal home
has turned into ice and stone.
And now I run.
And now I roam.
And now I travel
to a new home.
I will be missed and
I'll miss all.
But I have to go
before I fall.
Where do I begin?
Certainly can not from the beginning
Enter the darkness again
Exile from the light.
Stay in my infantile thoughts,
My selfish whims,
My horrid delights.
That's what I'll do.
Go back to your silent reverence.
I'll go back to mine.
You want hidden?
I'll be hidden.
You want to be silent?
So will I.
Loss hits hard.
Thoughts begin again.
Late night attempt.
Insomniac attack.
No laughter heard.
No joy sounded.
No smile seen.
No tears fall.
Exanimation at its best.
Not depressed,
Not sad,
Not happy, nor mad.
Just Dead.
These are the times to dread the most.
Rather than feel,
You die inside.
Ever felt light and shadow all at once?
Ever felt darkness and day at the same time?
Ever had every feeling of every emotion you can imagine
bottled up inside?
Understand the feeling is incomprehensible,
it is non-understandable,
it is unfathomable,
unquestionably surreal.
Death and life thoughts together,
oceans and thunderstorms,
coarse and smooth,
fluffy and rough.
All of those at once,
who knows how to handle it?
Who knows how to control it?
Who knows how to rein it in?
