How can I call it a loss
When there was nothing there
Nothing to work with
Nothing of value
You were never a friend
Infuriatingly ignorant
Of the poison you pour
Down everyone's throat
No, this is not a loss
But a liberation
Free from spite that you carry
Free to not worry about what havoc
You will unleash when I am not there
To keep you at bay
Away from my family
Away from my friends
Take your Spite
Take your Jealousy
Your Hated and Envy
And place them on someone else.
And don't fool yourself
Make the decision for me?
No, you just beat me to the punch
Telling me I was not your friend
I don't think we ever were.
Stay by my side
Listen to my troubles
Be there for me as I am for you
Give me a shoulder to cry on
Open arms to rest against
An open heart to shield me
From even my own fears
Fill me with warm reassurance
Of a promising future
Hear unspoken words
And I will listen to the beat of your heart
Though that is what we do
You and I
Listen
Talk
Stay close
My Soulmate
Keep me always by your side
Love me when I'm at my worse
Kiss me truly and with passion
Then make love to me with even more
Hold my hand always
Take me places
Show me off
Keep me close
Let me curl in your arms and be safe from the rest of the world
Let me love you
In every way that I know how
My True Love
Starlit lady read my strife
Tell me something of my life
Tell me lady what's your theory
Draw a card to hear my query
First I see a table setting
Nine cups maybe at a wedding
That oh so long ago had passed
Since time went quickly, oh so fast
But those cups are upside down
Lady whispered with a frown
I see much effort has been sworn
A whisper of reward was torn
Now there is a break in space
Away from ruffles and the lace
Justice now prevails, the savior
Mental clarity in your favor
Slashing at their every word
A queen you stand now with a sword
Standing tall and shining bright
Independent of their plight
Shackled in your mind I see
Five more cups scattered in glee
The past is clouding up your mind
Those little thoughts you always find
And yet another sword shall lay
Amung the cups in a display
Of a king so very fierce
Your body now his sword has pierced
Four fires lit, four branches broken
Leaving wands now for a token
Though broken wands matter not
Apathy, my friend, cannot be fought.
She took a breath, her face contorted
Some issues you need rather sorted
Then I begged her to move on
Before night left and came the dawn
The queen has fallen from her throne
Regret I now heard in her tone
Eight swords have pierced her body so
She feels restricted and alone
Though now I see a knight has rode
To the aid of your abode
To lay his sword down for your life
Offer An answer to your strife
How I knew what she had meant
I slumped forward, my neck bent
Trying hard to hold back tears
Trying to hold back my fears
She did not know what he had said
How he got into my head
He is my friend, so very close
He is the one I trust the most
He was kind and gentle in a way
Talking things I'd never meant to say
He offered me a lovely future
But without my love, it would be torture
Love me, not him! He had pleaded
I told him not to be conceited
He told me it was not conceit
But hung his head, in defeat
Think about your future, love
You're caged just like a palace dove
So long I want to see you soar
so long I need to hear you roar
You shine so brightly in my eyes
To him, you're just another prize
I love him not you, please understand
His heart then cracked inside my hand
You're afraid, the starlit lady spoke
Not of this knight, not of this bloke
But of title you'll inherit
Drama queen that has no merit
She tapped her finger on the card
I know you think it's very hard
The queen here tells me you are strong
Though you've picked up just a wand
So now a queen of sword no more
A knight of sword came to your door
A queen of wands is now your name
A knight of wands is now your claim
The knight brings forward no solution
No ending and no resolution
Though this should be the very end
Conflict I see now is your friend
Starlit lady now has spoken
I'd never felt so very broken
It doesn't seem you have a choice
I could not seem to find my voice
I picked the cards and set them straight
Now all I had to do was wait
I found no answers to my plight
Nor a way to set it right
I put the deck into its case
And then I lifted up my face
To stare directly at the lady
Who was now so quickly fading
She faded back into my mind
I'd never felt so very blind
For the lady was replaced
By a reflection of my face
You think you have the upper hand?
Ha! I say to you, good sir
Ha I say, you delusional fool
Bring it on
Your hurtful words
The hidden threat behind the syllables
Careful what I wish for?
Nay, if I actually get what I wished for
Then you would be a man
You would treat her with respect
With dignity and honor
But it is a failed wish on you
So go ahead
Do your worse
Just try to reach me up here
this feeling inside of me
this hatred, this jealousy, this worthlessness
leave it me
leave me be
i want no other feelings
no love, no hope, no faith
just because of a single fear
that my emotions would intertwine
maybe one day those feelings
can come out of the hiding spot
that I stashed them away in
to protect them
but until then
let me cradle those negative emotions close
so at least i can feel
something
I didn't lie when I said I wanted to be alone
It was a mantra I repeated
Engraved in my mind
Forever a scar on my brain
Maybe that was when I broke
When I thought I couldn't be with you
But now that I am
I'm afraid that I dragged you to hell
With me.
just stop
it hurts
this pain so deep
what do i do with it?
she said yes!
how can i stop it?
i found someone way hotter
is that all i am?
physical attractiveness?
that's all i was
she was better?
awful red hair
you never liked
so what if she's a 32DDD?
like my body for me
i'm not pretty
and now
i realize i wasn't pretty
in your eyes
either
i'll never be
pretty
because you hurt so bad
and i'm scarred everywhere
i don't know how to
move on
i just want
to be held
and loved
without ifs, ands, or buts
but for now
just stop the pain
I want to be your princess again.
but your princess was cruel.
so I'd rather be nothing.
i am the wicked one
i am the damned
when I am near
the world goes black
i recognize who i am
do you know who you are
my guardian angel
by my side all along
i hate myself
never you
i caused you pain
made you hurt
she still haunts me
that fiery wench
she touched your soul
after i was blinded
i want her gone
i want her dead
i want her to suffer
for making you happy
she gave you a false sense of happiness yet still
you wrote for her
you sang for her
you gave everything for her
you would have chose her
had you not seen
your charge
a destructive mess
i am the wicked
all i deserve
is to die alone
and you kill me with love
love that i don't deserve
that makes me cry
because i will never live up to you
because you have stopped believing i would ever live up to you
my wicked guardian angel
I can kiss you
but damned if you kiss me first
damned if you even show for a second
that you want me like i want you
I reach for your hand
but damned if you grab mine first
I love running my fingers through your hair
but damned if you brush your fingers through my hair
You're so handsome
but damned if you tell me i'm beautiful
i need you sometimes
but damned if you let me know you want me
my fingers can ghost over your skin
but damned if you touch me at all
i can kiss every inch of you
but damned if you kiss my forehead
i always listen to your troubles
but damned if you lay a comforting hand on me
i turn to you for support
but damned if you rest your head on my shoulder
i love sleeping next to you
barely enough space between us
but damned if you want to cuddle with me
i know that you want everything that i do
but damned if you will ever admit it
do you realize
what you do to me
i give
and give
And want
and need
but you don't give in
not to my needs
but maybe to hers
always to her
do you remember
our day?
you remember
her day
the day of you and her
never to see the day of you and me
It comes to my attention
what a fucking hypocrite you are
whisper love into my ear
and then tear me apart
i'm very simple in how i feel
i love you with my entire soul
but my words are like silence to you
and my actions make you blind
it's fine for you to be jealous
as long as you hold me in your arms
i'm completely yours, you know it
take advantage
all i ask is that you listen
listen to my heart as you pull the trigger
as the bullet connects
as my frail glass heart shatters
and i'll bandage your fingers
as you piece it back together again
