Staring down looking at the lines on an empty page
not sure what exactly to write about
love, hate, fun times, or just flat out rage

Should I say to hell with a sappy love theme
or reality that comes to us all
or maybe write about what happened in a dream?

No tears of sadness written here or jotted down
no leaping for joy for I found my lives true love
neither will be etched of a hint of a frown.

No signs of a booby trap or locked in a cage
troublesome times not found here either
just blank stairs down at an empty page.

The canvas is blank as it can be
for what I choose to write or not
I know it's all up to me.

So a story is where I begin growing old with age
maybe in a later time or in the future
as I begin to tell my tale on an empty page.

Alone once again on the Lovers Bridge in Cheshire, Mass. Looking down some 30 ft above a small narrow stream. Remembering the time my love and I holding hands sitting on the old bridge.  He carved our names at the 15th tie.  Looking at it as the weather and time nearly worn it away. This is where my love had proposed to my heart as we were on a path to live for one another.   I said yes with tears in my eyes my soul leaping for joy.  The old bridge barley stands today, but the day he was taken from me; I never returned to old lovers bridge that he had named.  It wasn't till years and years later when I gathered the strength and courage to walk those lonely steps with out him by my side holding my hand.    I sat in the same spot the day he asked me that meaningful question.  I heard his tone, and saw his handsome face in my head smiling at me. He was so nervous he almost dropped the ring.  I can not forget the times we had picnics on the old bridge laughing and just being ourselves.  Today I wonder if he knew how much I loved him and wished he didn't have to leave. In my hand I held the ring that he nearly dropped some 20 years earlier.    With a kiss and my prayer to him hoping God kept him safe.  dropped the ring and walked those lonely steps across lovers bridge that he named.

Taking a break from this so-call life of transition
in a few months time I saw horror as I reflected
back to earlier times of my younger years

Pain and happiness does not blend so well
neither does emptiness and careless bliss
displacement and discouragement comes hand in hand

To top things off I was in the middle of all this chaos
not knowing where to go or not knowing what to do
then till came a friend out of the darkness

Helping me to cast off the demons to show a brighter light
oh where have the good times gone?
why do we live such miserable lives?

Thinking of the future and how much better it will become
wishing and hoping that it all comes true
then once and for all I can breathe again

To be finally out of this transitional life

Sitting here thinking of you and what could be
a million thoughts zoom inside of my mind
in the darkness sipping on green tea

Wishing and hoping i could bring meaning to your life
and there is only the two of us
hoping that this would be over what i call strife

So, sitting here alone enjoying the spring breeze
for i cant get you out of my head
on the porch sipping on green tea

The very thought of lovers walking,
holding hands, and making love in the grass
in my dreams wishing it was us

Together one day it may be you and me
sitting in this very spot
sipping on green tea.

Places within my heart has you plastered on it's wall
the sound of your voice
the touch of your hand
the softness of your kiss
the warmth of your embrace
How it became so easy in love with you I did fall

The man who has tamed this youthful heart of mine
made me love only one
made me loyal
made me devoted
made desire you
you and me is a perfect painted picture when were intertwine

When the moment comes when my heart will beat its last
my dreams
my secrets
my desires
my fanticies
My heart that you have captured I will share with no other till I past

I drove from I-95 over to I-90/94
Yes you can say I put the metal to the floor

Drove all day and into the night
Guess I was going to fast now smokey is in sight

He stopped me and laid on me one hefty fine
He said slow down and be safe wow! he was kind

Went back to the driver seat to color in my log
Rolling down the highway pretending to be a big dog

Have a hot hot load and no time to spare
Running my face on the CB acting like i have something to share

All ready 3200 miles into this trip
Just hoping and praying that I just don't quit

Oh lord the chicken coop is open and pulling me around back
Lucky me Mr. DOT man letting me know I have a missing stack

Shut down of course till the repair guy fixes my truck
Have to call the company now just to pass a buck

Down too many hours wore out and beat
What can go wrong? have a broken air-ride seat

No border patrol or radio stations here in Montana
Have only one Cd why on earth did it have to be Santana?

Jamming to the only tunes, my truck doing all bit of 68
Driving illeagle to get there and cant remember the last time I ate

I'm in desparate need of real hot shower but I'm almost at the receiver
Stopping in to get some fuel, Just my luck got bit by a golden retriever

This has been a trip from hell no doubt about that
What else can go wrong? what that sound to notice I have a flat

I'll limp the rest of the way  have 10 mins. to get check in
After I get unloaded and the tired fixed I"ll do it all over again.

Yes It is I the Notorious Break Down Queen
Been to every big city and every hick town in between
Broken down more times than a little bit
All I do is hurry up and wait but most of time is just sit

Waiting in the shop to get my truck repair
Must have open Pandora's Box. does anyone care?
clutch rod bent, steering rack and pinion went to crap
stuck in a truck that's a rolling death trap

Finally I get rolling thinking this must be a curse I'm under
Good God what that sound? My engine sounds like thunder
The Truck God's are against me I just know it
I'm so mad right now I could just spit

Injectors one through five and the turbo just blew
oil and fuel all over the hood and wind shield resembling something like glue
four days in the shop in San Larenzo California
3600 dollars later repair guy say "hers a nice little bill for ya"

Not long after the breaks got hot and the air chambers took a dump
must have had happened when I ignored that darn speed bump
now what all the indicator light just came on and my oil is low
maybe I should set fire to it and watch it burn slow

this is perfect I'm just in the nick of time
get into Gallup N.M hit the nearest bar and order a corona with a lime
My truck is fixed and I'm ready to roll
I just pray when I back out I don't hit a poll

In Arkansas In a town of population 12 and one coon dog
Hung up on the rail road tracks due to the heavy fog
Two cranes later they send me on my way
a rock hit my wind shield I guess in Chicago I'll stay

Sick and tired of the hotels motels and shops
trailer lights are out get escorted by the Indianapolis city cops
Broke down again and not a penny to my name
have a water leak which I cannot tame

Held captive  against my will in Atlanta for I am pleading
only for them to tell me i have a low voltage reading
will it ever come to an end I will never freaking know
almost in Minersville, PA plowed in by 9 inches of snow

A mixture of all the minor and major stuff
This makes my job that more tough
the little fixes and the big repairs in between
Now you know how I got my name the
Notorious Breakdown Queen.

He sits alone on a bar stool
sipping on a drink in a filthy place
songs over played of love and hurt

Next to him is an old man
telling stories of forgotten times
and past loves and a short skirt

For he cant seem to get her out of his mind
he roams his fingers in his hair
drowns himself in whiskey and beer

The fowl stench of perfume fills the air
looks around to see if she stepped in
repeated words where did we go wrong my dear?

Her voice whispers in his head
everything he sees reminds him of her
even the softness of her touch

Favorite past times are just a memory
another lost soul in a dingy place like this
telling himself he needs her so much

How did we end up like this he asks himself
looks at a woman with flowing brown hair
for a split second he thought it was her

A smile came and gone so quickly
holding a single rose
ordering another bottle of liqueur

Holding a picture just to take another glance
says a prayer for his only love
as he sits alone sipping on his drink.

Careless and reckless
the more you became
you are still you
but not the same

No regards for others
no sympathy or care
yet you wonder why
no one is ever there

You become cruel
and truly that's a shame
pushed everyone away
only have yourself to blame

Tried to help you to be there
all you did was work against me
my friend have no time
for your games don't you see

It's all or nothing this is your choice
run and hide or step to the plate
or this game you play
can end in stale mate

Rid of these hateful acts
it's just a false wall
let your true self shine
and let the persona fall

I can help you and be your friend
but to be honest and fair
you have to make the first move
if you want me to be there

She will drink more than she should again
get a little wasted
get a little crazy
even have a one night stand

tomorrow will be another day
but she really doesn't care
she is a groupie
for a fallen heavy metal band

who knows what will become of little miss
strung out on drugs
having no self respect or self control
she has become every mans whore

what she will do for a good time
is what the guys say
her eyes are black, arms full of holes
she'll be asking and begging for some more

little miss who had a dream
of making it big on the silver screen
she wanted to be a star
only to be a guys favorite lay

they feed her hungry appitite
of sex and drugs
they pawn her off to strange men
this is the price she will have to pay

years go by she looks and reflects
in the mirror there was a beautiful girl
now only to see a wasteland of a temple
a woman half way in the grave

perfect young teen who had it made
she had parents who gave her the world
had her friends who wasn't so good
it all began when they took her to a rave.

To him it's just another typical night
it's beautiful weather
for another lovely street fight.

For him this is just a job
throwing punches and
being surrounded by a mob.

No rules, no refs, no bell
gotta be smart and cunning
how this night will turnout
no one can tell.

All bets are in; no holds bar
many unhealed wounds
he remembers every scar.

No weapons brought here
just him and another man
having no worries, having no fear.

His only weapon is his hands
no music being played
no manager, no fans.

Using everything he has learned
skill, and street smarts
his opponent being caught
with a right as he turned.

With his weight and with all his might
swings the final blow
he knows he just won this fight

No medals or victory crown
no hurrays or cheers
just two guys worn down.

Fleeing the scene of midnight brawl
he walks away with his pay
the other slowly coming to a crawl.

Many preserved memories
places hidden tucked away
unforgettable loves we once had
the heart is like unread diaries

People come and go so swiftly
names are barely mentioned
untold confessions never surface
pictures placed so neatly

Crimes of passion never told
secrets not spoken of
stories that are whispered
these moments we can only hold

A strangers heart is a deep abyss
for we are one in the same
it holds powerful feelings
yearning what it once miss

Freely without reservation
give to be broken
receive to be whole
lives for ones attention

It bleeds crimson tears
beats with love
knows no boundaries
having very few fears

Hello is a good place to start
maybe in time we can share
in a place where we want to be
in each others strange heart.

As I sit and wonder if he will ever see my soul
knowing he is in love with another
that I know will never love him like he should
for I know I  can love him better ten times fold

She treats him good on the wire
she tells him everything he wants to hear
but he will know what is in store for him till
its too late
when his heart gets set on fire

I tried to be the one who to love him and show him I'm there
expressed myself in more ways than one
all most nearly a year goes by
but all it did was get me nowhere

He is everything I ever imagined to be
for she will break his heart in two
and I'm still  the one who is left to care
can't he see who truly loves him? Its me!!

I feel he is my best friend that I can confide
dirty little secrets between us
and all the dirty little lies
I cant make him love me but,  all I can do is try

Maybe in time when its all passed over
maybe then he will look my way
but till that day comes I will always be in love with him
sitting,  waiting for him in the patch of clover.

As the story begins he wasn't in love with me.
feeling very small and insignificant as a humanly
as can I possibly feel.

How it can ache in places that you never
knew had inside you. It doesn't mater how many
glasses of wine you drink with your girlfriends

You still going over every detail wondering what
you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood
and what in the world what was I thinking of

For that brief moment I cant believe I was that happy
and the worst of it all you convince yourself
he will see my beautiful soul and show up at my door

After all that he makes the decission to move on to
someone new. for that split second he makes
you feel worth while all over again

then you try to pick up the little pieces of
your soul hoping they will come flying back
to make you feel good and come alive.

you still end up going to bed going over
every moment of your life that you have
wasted then the picture eventually begins to fade.

The author has a story to tell
whether its romance, fiction
poetry or horror
in his own mind is where he will dwell

So many topics to choose from
drama, comedy
non-fiction, or on life
he wants to be greatest not just hum drum

To grasp his readers attention
and coming back for more
he takes  you on a journey
for this is his authentic invention

The sweet sounds of Johan Sebastian Bach
His story has only begun
a beginning of a tale
it must be firm but yet solid as a rock

Weather he writes a poem or a book
placing you in with his words
that are penned
he captures you with his  rod reel and hook

He sits back and takes a drink
wine or beer
brandy or whiskey
he gives himself time to think

The author has only one fear
not writers cramp
or running out of ideas
just the dead line as it draws near

He tries his best to stay on the beaten trail
not to lose his train of thought
he stays on point
for he knows he cannot fail

As the deadline comes to a cease
he over looks his work
kisses the pages
for he completed his masterpiece

In the mists of my awaking you come to me
softly and slowly with out warning
is this real of what I see?

Dancing on the clouds above
softly across the midnight sky
together;  like a beautiful flying dove

Our eyes making one single connection
piercing with passion
on the water is a perfect reflection

Two bodies acting as one
gliding, sailing
pressed, intertwined
from you I never want to run

In the midnight sky I hear our favorite tune
the sweet sound of music in my head
pieces of my heart you prune

This cannot be, no more perfected
I will cherish this moment
only the beginning of what is being erected

In this exact moment in time
caught up in the rapture of you
it can be everything except for a crime.

Please I beg, never let me slip away
here in the midnight sky
we dance and in each others arms we stay.

I'm not sure if this is the right place
and even if its the right time
but no words needed
for I can see the expression on your face

My mind wanders in places unknown
the deepest and darkest abyss
already have the answer just by your tone

I give up for I have no other option
left in confusion
left in awe
I question myself to places I have been

Words are mere words nothing more
expression
devotion
what else should I do kneel to beg on the floor?

Below the standards I will not fall
hurt is a promise
death is certain
emotions flare but this deal was very raw

Should I sell my soul to win your embrace
and kiss your passion
living your dream
wishing it was me in her place

No spoken words of a goodbye
felt betrayed
a knife pierces my beating organ
no honesty just a bold face lie

Nothing more I can do for your mind is made
I will leave silently
with a trail of petals
in the shadows I will begin to fade

A promise is meant to be kept to the end
its an obligation
a contract if you will
not to be broken not to bend

My promise is quiet simple but all to real
love you forever
sharing my soul
for my heart you did steal

Give you my hand
give you my flesh
loyalty, honesty
passion, and trust

Truth is all a virtue I must uphold
respect, commitment
hold you and keep you safe
bring you back to health when you catch a cold

Communication will all be a must
no secrets
no lies
all for you my heart will always lust

Partnership, friendship
a love affair
keeping you intrigued

From hell to high water this promise I will keep
to be there at your waking moment
at your sleeping side
no boundary that I wont leap

All or nothing but I prefer to give my all
suggestions
or crazy ideas
but my love for you will never go into a stall

This is my promise to you and only you
till my life comes to an end
my love, I will always ,always be true.

In the third round beat like a dog
seeing double vision, head in a fog
blood running down
hoping to win this one last round

Sound of the bell rings its chime
to win in a sub-mission this one time
tired as hell but have to push through
what else is a fighter to do

Punches hit like a on-coming train
have to stay focused even in pain
knocked down put in a hold
doing everything that was told

Have no more energy inside
on this rush what a ride
doing the best one can do
in a choke turning blue

Have no choice have to tap out
hold it as the the ref shout
illegal hit to the head
different approach should be used instead

This is it down to the wire
hands  and legs feel like they are on fire
lost this fight but cant win them all
still standing in this brutal brawl.

Here is a little poem of love sent your way
to the four most important people in my life
in your lives my love grows and here you all will stay

From the time of each of your births I was in bliss
holding you for the very first time
with tears of happiness on your heads I did kiss

Couldn't wait till I held you in my arms
counting each finger and every toe
from this day forward I knew I had my lucky charms

So precious and beautiful; from me you will not be taken
I'm so very proud to be called your mom
my wonderful girls Brittney, Tiffany, Bridgette, and Laken

Years have gone by so quickly it seem
your all almost grown to live your own lives
no mater the distance you will always be in my dream

Brittney your 20 and your a beautiful woman in college now
I give you support and do your best
what ever you do please don't throw in the towel

Laken your 18 and you too are in college just like your big sis
set your goals but too far where you cant reach
even though were miles apart I send you this kiss

Tiffany your 14 and your first year of high school wow where did time go
don't be breaking those boys hearts
but,  always remember let your true self show

Bridgette your 13, andmy youngest and the last of them all
so pretty and smart hope to follow your big sisters
just remember if you need me just give me a call

As for my truly wonderful girls I love so dear
I miss you with all my heart and soul
Please do your best and don't have any fear

Happiness is the way to unlock the heart with a key
never doubt yourselves my loves
Love to you my precious ones Tiffany, Laken, Bridgette and Brittney

Love always Mom