Kasaundra Watta
"poetry is a sense of art, in the eyes of a painter, and ii get to control the brush.."
lies, all around me
all he did was lie
lie to me, lie to my family
lie about everything.
all he did was want to make me snap
he wanted to make me scream
he wanted to watch me break
he wanted me to blow up.
he makes me cringe
he makes me cry
he makes me want to slit my wrist
he makes me want to die.
hes nothing but a piece of shit
hes nothing but a waste
a waste of skin and bones
with the intellegence of a rock.
hes got enough brains to let him talk
let him walk
let him chew bubble gum and walk at the same time
and then the intellegence stops.
hes nothing to me anymore
hes broken all trust with me
hes killed the feelings i had
hes destroyed the heart i held together
just for him.
hes the one i would kill off
if only i had the chance
the chance to break his neck
to stab him right in the heart
to make him feel like he made me
to make him feel like death was his only escape.
i want to make him feel like me.
i want him to suffer
i want him in pain
i want him to completely scream
just because thats the only release.
I want him, to try and fill my shoes.
and see if the lies he told me, would be
something he'd take back.
he put that ring on my finger,
and looking at it kills me.
but everytime he tells me he loves me,
i say it back.
even though i don't mean it.
i dont think he knows...
there;s someone else.
some i actually love.
someone i cant go a day
without thinking about.
someone who has no idea i'm falling
in love with him
i wish he knew.
i wish he would see how much he means to me
i wish i knew if he loved me back.
getting mixed signals all the time...
it hurts.
it tears at my heart.
and my soul.
i wish i could straight up tell him
baby im falling in love with you
but im scared of what his responce could be
i wish it was "me too.."
cause then i could be his.
which is all i want.
i just wish he knew.
everytime i see him my heart cries
everytime i text him
my heart jumps to my throat.
i wish he knew how he makes me feel
how he makes me smile..
i wish he truely felt my love..
but he doesnt.
and therefore,
my heart cries.
everytime i look at you
i see your shining smile
i look into your gorgeous brown eyes
and see into my denial
i know that i love you
i know this feeling is true
i just wish you could see
how much I truely mean to you
i try to avoid the pain
of seeing myself with him
when i deeply want to be tied to you
ill dump him on a wim
sweety i would love to have
your fingers intertwined between mine
maybe you not wanting to be with me,
is only just a sign?
i tell myself to let you go
time and time again
but in the end all i do
is cry and cry like rain
tearing me slowly apart
is the thoughts that i have had
contimplating and knowing i want you, so badd
even though i wish i didnt
i know that i love you
i just wish that you could see
how much I mean to you...
Left alone to survive
in a world, unsurvivable
graspin onto anything
knowing life is faint, is undeniable
trying deeply to put faith
toward something unrealiable
stepping closer to something
shining very black and dank
stooping apon a ledge, trying
to think, but drawing a blank
when your whole body goes numb
and all reasonable thoughts have sank
when pullin you closer
to the black darkness starts,
and once you fall to your death
your world is suddenly ripped apart
while your body goes pale
you realize you have no beat to your heart
there is no way she could ever love you
not like me.
never.
there is no way anyone could.
the way she looks at you,
and pulls you closer.
the way she kisses you
and cuddles close.
she will never love you
not like me.
never.
the way the sun shines to your eyes,
and she protects you.
the way she hold your hand,
and holder you tighter when she sees me.
she'll never love you
not like me.
never.
i wish you could see
that i could love you better.
i could hold you tighter.
i could kiss you more gently.
i could pull you closer.
i could protect you moree.
baby, i wish you could see,
i could love you better.
the way she stares you down,
and runs her fingers through your hair.
the way she shows how much she cares,
and giggles at your jokes.
she will never love you
not like me.
never.
three hearts, perfectly mending
at the start
now without you,
my heart is falling apart
how could i let
the sweetest of dreams slip away
and im afraid
the hurt is here to stayy..
lost in a prevailed passion
of overbearing burning love
for two different guys
and souls above
left alone
in bottomless agony
to suffer in pain
the feeling is strangling me
no one to help
but my own bearing soul
destroyed once ago
from the devil's loving toll
he slowly sucks away my soul
leaving me with flesh and bones
i am now a nobody
living in a world of the unknown
tryin to be helped
by the people around
but none of them
hear the screaming sound
my heart shreaks
as though in pain
but in the end
its the devil's gain
sliding up and down
no fraction at all
i feel like i am
just going to fall
and you will not save me
youll leave me there to die
cause your rollercoaster of love
just keeps passing me by
then it finally stops
and we can go together
riding hand and hand
i could do this forever
but then once again
our realtionship stops
and i go to the bottom
instead of the top
waiting in line
for just one more chance
you munipulate me
and leave me in a trance
and once again,
i go back up
and you drop me down
feels like our love just blew up
mommy, you have raised me
from such a little girl
now im so much more
then just your little purl
mommy, youve been here for me
when i just felt the need to cry
and youve helped me through the times
ive just thought to die
mommy, your my role model
you raised me so well
youve kept my spirit up
when my confidence fell
mommy, i have grown up
youve lighten up my life
and youll be the one to walk me
when i become someones wife
mommy, you will be there
when my first baby screams
and youll be there
when my baby has bad dreams
mommy, im lucky to have you
always by my side
you defend me till the end
until one of us diee.
mommy, i know it hurts you
to see me walk away
when you tell me "i love you"
i dont know what to say
mommy, i know i dont say it back
not very often at all
but in the end you know i do
and ill catch you if you fall
mommy, you have picked me up
when i was to weak to stand
you have walked me on the right trail
leading, hand in hand
mommy, i just wanted to thank you
for all that you have done
and tell you mommy, i love you*
in my secret world
there is no pain or tears
in my screat world
there is no screams or fears
in my secret world
there is only smiles
in my secret world
there in no denial
in my secret world
there is love and lust
in my secret world
there is no such thing as trust
in my secret world
there is no mudd or dirt
in my secret world
no one can get hurt
in my secret world
nothing ties me down
because in my secret world
im the princess that wears the crown
the flavor of your kisses
leave me suddenly stunned
pulling back my hair
as you pull out the gun
press it to my shouder blades
and pull the trigger back
as you say those hurting words
"this is for the love you lack"
hearing you begin to cry
while im laying on the floor
motionless am i,
as you say "it was you that i adored"
shooting me again,
all down my broken spine
you laugh maliciously,
and you hear me scream and whine
finally you numb my pain
with one more blow to the head
congragulations to you,
i am finally dead
from my abrupt body,
my soul begins to rise
and then i see you from above,
the tears pour out your eyes
i can hear you praying
quietly to yourself
i wish i wouldve though
of more then just myself
now i am in heaven
still watching over you
and everyday i see you cry
because theres nothing you can do
you cannot fix
what it already done
now im laying on heavens floor
as you drop the gun
then you cry for hours on end
cutting your wrist so thin
as an angel, i protect you
but not from your feelings within
you look up to the black sky
staring at the stars
then you say "i did love you"
and look back down at your scars
then you pick the gun back up
and hold it to your head
then you say "baby ill join you"
as you shoot yourself, dead.
now in heaven, you lay next to me
and we reunite
a tragic end for both,
for one loveless fight..
Daddy, please dont leave us
you know you cannot go
you cannot leave your babygirls
not before you watch us grow
daddy, please dont tell us its alright
when we both know its not
just please please please,
dont let us go tonight
daddy, you have to be here
when we fulfill our dreams
you also have to be here
when our first baby screams
daddy, you cannot leave us
without you we'd go nowhere,
and when we graguate from college
daddy, you must be there!
all the nights waking up screaming
and all the past days
that you've woken up
hardly breathing
daddy, when you fall
all we wanna do is help you up
and when you tell us no, to stop
we both feel our hearts quickly drop
daddy, when me and vicky
see pain through your eyes
our own very eyes
start to slowly cry
daddy, please we love you
you gotta hang tight, for us
you have to save three lil' princesses
and prince charmings heart
daddy, we need you
to a longer extent then you think
we need you here with us
to guide us to our dreams
daddy, knowing we're slowly losing you
is a pain we cannot bear
and killing us inside
is the thought that one day
you won't be here...
"baby, your smile
makes the sun shine brighter
your kisses, make me feel weightless
like im a hundred pounds lighter"
my heart is now broken,
this is no longer the case
heart shattered into millions
it can't be fixed, nor replaced
so now i grab the knife
and hold it to my skin
i slowly twist it to the light
and press the point in
into my wrist,
watching the blood caress the blade
i was scared at first
but i am no longer afraid
i lift my head to the now darkened sky
the tears tardily roll down my face
as i pray to the lingering air
to the tune of my hearts, unsteady pace
i raise the blade out
and see the shattered veins
i look down, now knowing comepletely
that this will be the end of my days
makeup smeared down my cheeks
as i prey not to awake tomarrow
i hope no one finds me like this
not laying in my own sorrow
the puddle of blood surrounds me
as i look down at the gash in my arm
i start to think of everyone else
this will eventually harm
i reach for the phone
hardly seeing throught he tears im crying
but i no longer have the strength
i can feel myself quickly dieing
laying on the floor, completely helpless
nothing i can do, nor anyone else
the blood still pours and pours
slowing down my pulse
i am on the edge of death
and i try to scream
i get out a bit of a tune
before i started an unending dream
ohh..
your breaking my heart in two..
but..
ohh...
i cant help fallin' for you..
you make my heart go;
boom, boom, boom
baby..
you got me cryin'...
i better see you;
soon, soon, soon
my heart skips beats for you..
ohh..
baby..
i'm falling hard for you..
youve got that perfect smile,
every girl dreams of..
you've got the eyes,
every girl thinks of..
you've got the body,
every girl imagines..
baby..
i'm so glad that your mine..
ohh..
ohh, baby!..
you..
you drive me crazyy!
but ohh...
baby..
you've got me..
got me..
got me trippin for you.
you've never seen the world
through my life and eyes
i never would've loved you
if i knew it was just lies
but now the pieces are broken
and it will take more
then just givin a lil help
and all back together again
and all the blood lost
and all the scars made
will never make up
for all the lust filled days
and it wasnt just lust
for the love
but for the blood
and if i move at all
youll see the pattern of the cuts
and there will never be
enough drugs
to take all the pain
away from me..
words echo
from a dead-ended call
i dont know if you talking at all
things seem silent
and impatient
i dont know how long
i can take it
the time to wait
is to long
i didnt think
you'd be gone this long
and if you never come back
i guess its my fault..
i now know
what it is like
to lose.
to lose the person
that you hold
closest to your heart.
to lose the one
and only person
that ever ment
anything in the
world to you.
to lose the one
who made you laugh
who could rarely
make you cry.
and the one
who could always
make your day..
he might not always be faithful,
he might not always tell the truth
but in my heart he's amazing
or it might just be my immature youth
he might not always be trustworthy,
he might not always keep it in his pants
but to me, he's truely perfect for me
he makes me so happy, i just want to dance
he might not always be the sweetest,
he might not always see the bright side
but in my eyes he sparkles in amazement,
and his body would make any girl faint and die
he might not always be the smartest,
he might not always seem like he cares
but the way he holds me in his arms
makes my love for him go up in flares
he might not always like what i do,
he might not always see my point of view
but hes so irresistable and his body, tempting
the only thing on my mind is you!
you might not always be the perfect person,
and you have earned my respect
and wether you love me back or not
i love that your prefectly unperfect
Got that pretty boy swag,
got his pants down to his knees
got that gorgeous girl style,
still not good enough for his needs
supposedly im the bestest,
and we were gonn last forever
but then i found out he cheated,
second chance? no, never
fuck life, fuck love,
nothing cures my broken heart
the blood now rolls down my arm,
there is no end to this horrible start
no girl could ever be pretty enough,
nigga got his ego so far up his ass
i definitly am way to good,
for the kid with the hidden weed stache
he's to sexy for me?
just because he's got eight flowers?
no way he wouldn't cheat...
and now he's got a daughter..
and where am i in this shit?
fuck the little prick and his fucked up ways
i am at the end of his priority list,
how long we been datin'? im done addin days
this shit pissed me off
and wrecked my heart to pieces,
this is one thing youll never fix
not even swearing on your grandmothers ashes..
you probably feel ashamed
for the scarlet dress i now wear..
well you shouldve thought about that before
cause i know you truely dont care..
this is my last goodbye
im done and out for good
i have went through more pain
then any human being should
the destruction of my heart
and the slowed down beat
makes me think that maybe
my exsistence should delete
my confusion fucked it all up
and in the end he made me choose
well i took to long and now hes gone
there's nothing else to lose
pulling my hair out
looking for the feeling we had yesterday
so this is my goodbye, i love you
thats all i have to say
i have unfortunetly lost you,
i miss having all your attention
i miss your touch, so so very much
and your comforting affection
but in the end i just wasnt enough
at least not enough for you
you had me wrapped around your finger
but that still made 'my love untrue?'
this was your excuse to leave me
dangling on an edge
as you walk slowly away
after pushing me off the ledge
i guess you can consider
this my suicide letter,
nothings ever gonna
make this better
maybe i will meet someone
and actually stay together, forever,
its time for my lights to go
with a shot of glory
yeahh, this is my life story
i met this girl i was gonna marry
i know she was the one but now im
confused and stunned everyday
i feel more and more pain
within the blood in my veins
i cant tame it anymore i feel so ashamed
im gonna leave her cause she seems to be
happier this way
so im not gonna fuckin stay
i dont know what to, yeahh i do
imma end my life because
shes never gonna be my wife
put a knife to my throat
a gun in my mouth
pull the trigger and watch
the lights go out
goodbye for fuckin good
im finally leaving out the hood
maybe i will find someone in the afterlife
because this knife seems to be the only thing
that can stop this unbearable pain
im done, done crying,
im done, done hurting,
cause shes with him and it seems
like im never gonna win
i give my all and only get half back
always bein yelled at
for everything i do..
and you thinkin imma cheat on you
its time for my lights to go out
in glory, i got the gun in my mouth
and the bloody knife in my hand
can someone just knock me out
