Being blonde is overrated,
but I dye my hair anyways.
Dark eyeliner transforms girls into racoons,
but I pencil it on everyday.
A big chest is a man's dream,
but my booty makes up for it.
Scarves should only be worn during winter,
but I sport them year round.
Nail polish is a girl's best friend,
but we have a love/hate relationship.
Thongs are the sexiest undergarments,
but boy shorts are so much more comfortable.
It is a fashion sin to wear black and blue together,
but those colors shouldn't only signify bruises.
Wearing heels all the time means you're a skank,
Guess I'm the biggest skank of all then.
Who cares what is in or out?
Break the norms
And just be you
Because I am me, and that's all I ever want to be.
Is this worth it?
To me, yes.
But who am I kidding myself?
The ball's in your court.
It always has been,
An I'm sitting on the bench dying for a chance to take control.
Do you know that I can't leave?
Even if I try?
Because for some odd reason
All I want is you.
All I need you.
Yeah, only you.
Never been one to be alone, but here I am,
Just myself for months,
Passing through the weeks just to make it to the days when I can see you.
Take a look at these words.
All about you.
At least on the surface.
Could be some shitty metaphor to describe how self-interested I am, for so strongly desiring you.
Just so damn frustrating,
But momma always told me "life isn't fair",
And with all the stories of rape and child abuse and natural disasters headlining the papers, I know she's so right.
It's not that God enjoys taking a shit on His creations,
But let me ask you this.
Can pleasure come without pain?
A virgin screams before she sighs.
A mother bears pain to birth her baby.
And if I didn't have to work so hard for you, would it be worth it?
The evaluation, act carefully. He exhilarates risky sensations.
But under the love exists rage.
Why can't we just be
What is love?
The butterflies in my stomach when I’ll soon be seeing you?
Counting down the days, the minutes, the seconds.
The fact that I think about fulfilling my need for you far more often than think of satisfying the biological necessities of life?
So much for Maslow’s Hierarchy…
The complete contentment inside me when I see you smile?
I have to admit, your grin is contagious.
The fierce confidence inside me while I bare it all for you?
Completely exposed, not worrying about my flaws.
The ironic insecurity encircling my thoughts when I don’t hear from you?
“What’s he doing?”
My desire for you?
The urge I get to trace every contour of your body using my fingertips?
Shh, just lie still.
No, simply indescribable.
So bear with my when I say…
I love your smile. That lopsided smirk.
I love your laugh. Such a fantastic sound.
I love how you dress. Uniquely, to say the least.
I love your compassion. It shows through continuously.
I love sleeping with you. When you kiss my back in the middle of the night.
Do I love you?
Who knows what love even is?
Do you love me?
Don’t answer that.
I’d rather not know.
May we are just lovers… but that is okay with me.
High heels, pencil skirt, painted nails.
Do you see me now?
Good grades, hard work, top achievement.
Do you see me now?
Compliments, empathy, little gifts.
Do you see me now?
Lust, Passion, Need.
That’s what I feel.. but why can’t you see?
Forget it, never mind, don’t worry about a thing.
I know who you are, I see you now.
Life has a funny way of twisting your experiences away from your expectations.
I see you for the first time and damn,
He is handsome, but I need to snap back into reality
If you know me, you know I’m not the most realistic person.
Fuck the norms; embrace the impossible.
I want to run after you because you’re constantly running through my mind
With your damn orange sneakers.
“Hey there, tiger”
“Lookin’ good today”
I promise I won’t get you in trouble if you stop being so irresistible.
Feel the tension? Full of lust? God, I hate waiting.
Why do you keep repeating “raincheck” when the sun is shining outside that very window?
I take your hand, lower myself onto your lap.
“Get outta here”
This has been the longest month of my life.
Are you ready? Is it time? How about tonight?
I’m driving through the calm darkness, but suddenly I don’t feel so calm.
I’m as shaky as a heroin junky in desperate need of a quick fix.
Trembling as I turn the knob, the door opens, and you appear.
Taking my hand and looking into my eyes,
“Wow. You are so beautiful”
Is this seriously happening?
Your hand slides up my back, and I’m pushed to the wall.
I want this, I’ve anticipated this, waited so long for this.
No place I would rather be right now.
My shirt comes off.
Do you like what you see?
Just want to impress you, just want to wow you, want you to keep wanting me.
Shit, you’re so hot.
Pick me up, throw me on the bed.
Do whatever you want, I don’t care.
There’s no going back now.
Your clothes come off. Completely. Wow.
Skin on skin, bodies melting together,
My lips travel all across you, your whole body.
“How does this feel?”
“Do you like that?”
Lying together, still unclothed,
Baring it all, my body, my emotions, my complete satisfaction.
But who cares?
All I know is I am at ease with you, yes you.
Keep touching me. Don’t worry, your hands fit my curves perfectly.
Speaking of perfect, you’re perfect, so perfect… to me.
Your breathing is slow, a stark contrast to your quickened breath earlier.
Sleeping? No. you kiss my shoulders, hold me tighter.
I could stay like this forever. Could you?
Nevermind, I don’t want to know.
“Ignorance is bliss.”
“Free at last, free at last”
And it feels so good, amazing actually.
No one to tell me what to do, no one to hold me back.
I’ll eat whatever the hell I want,
Come home whenever the hell I please,
Let my laundry stack up to the ceiling,
Make bad decisions, make good decisions, make just plain crazy ass decisions.
As powerful as crack cocaine
But now I start to crash.
The high is gone and I miss the safety, the security of being home.
When I left, I thought about the new experiences I would encounter,
But now I recall the old experiences left behind, shrouded in a hazy fog.
The confusing love, no… complex love.
The nagging parents… no, caring parents.
The unbearable high school… no, the nurturing educators.
The boring old town… no, the relaxing place I grew up in.
Maybe this new environment was not made for me.
“Change is good. Change creates opportunities.”
But what if I just want to be home.
You were right, Dorothy.
No, ruby red slippers do not go with your horrendous blue dress.
“There’s no place like home.”
Damn incandescent lighting,
My worst enemy.
Or maybe it is me, the toughest critic, the hopeless perfectionist.
Brushing my teeth and I can’t even look in the mirror,
Can’t face my own face because I don’t want to see.
Tired of picking apart my imperfections, subtle flaws
“Look at me! Focus on my faults!”
Makeup, diets, exercise, fashion.
All vain attempts to be who society wants me to be, but why can’t I just be me?
I don’t know who I am, who I am supposed to be, what I want.
What’s racing through their minds, what flows through their streams of conscious observations?
“She looks nice. She looks tired. She looks lost.”
All labels to describe me
From the outside looking in.
Sometimes I feel like I do know.
An epiphany? Enlightened? Omniscient?
But at the end of the day, I look into the mirror…
Just a quick, accidental glance.
“I don’t know you, and damn… that incandescent lighting makes you looks fat”
“Get good grades, sweetheart”
Paper. 10 Pages. That’s bull shit. Can I double space?
“Only straight A’s will get you into grad school”
When’s that deadline? Today? Crap.
“Knowledge is power”
But how do I keep that knowledge locked in my mind when I am spread so thin?
I give up.
Let me educate you.
“fuck everything and just relax”
I bought new underwear.
Black lace, pushup, the whole works
To impress you, to seduce you, to persuade you.
Did it work?
Listen to the lyrics.
I want you, I want you so bad.
It’s driving me mad, it’s driving me mad.
Left a note on your car
“Meet me later, tiger”
You’re flattered, but you take a raincheck.
Just wait, wait, wait. Always waiting, wishing for more.
Darkened apartment, low music, dim candles.
“God, you’re so beautiful”
You tell me what I want to here and it feels so right.
Bodies intertwined, anticipation, needs satisfied.
Addicted after one fix.
And now even if I want to walk away from you, I can’t.
You’re my dirty obsession, continual craving
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
A heady rush and giddy thoughts
Flow into my mind.
Whenever you’re near, I feel like a school girl
A stupid teenager
Infatuated with the abstract of the feeling that
We, society, the hopeless romantics call love.
I don’t know a single thing about you
Aside from your preference of boxers over briefs
And how you hang the toilet paper so it runs over the top of the roll.
You’re a stranger, yet I’m so damned dependent,
And my mom told me “never take candy from strangers”
But your kiss is so sweet, I just can’t resist.
I’m tired of being a parasite,
Sucking compliments from your mouth, survival contingent upon your existence.
I want to scream, beg you to tell me why this doesn’t seem real.
“What do you want from me? Will this be worth it in the end?”
So many doubts, so many insecurities
Clouding my mind like an ever-present fog in a shitty old horror flick
Is this all in my head?
Driving to your place at the usual time.
And I know exactly what to do, what to say.
But all resolve is lost when I feel your arms around me
And hear your voice.
“I’ve missed you so much. I’m so glad you’re here.”
Maybe next time…