Come to me, serenity,
In the form of midnight rain.

Where all we have to worry about,
Is the pitter-patter of rain drops,
And wet pavement against our bare feet.

Come to me, serenity,
In the form of midnight rain.

Whiskey to me,
is like holy water to the devil himself,
I know that now.
A hole in the cellar door,
and a shattered shot glass left on the ground.
My head is pounding,
and my thoughts are flying in all different directions.
I feel like I'm going to puke if I don't hear some real good country,
And turn all the god forsaken lights off.
Whiskey is holy water to the devil in me.
Especially when I'm hurting.
I've learned.

This is our generation.
We will think we know everything,
About everything there is to know,
When in reality,
We have a lifetime to learn.
We are young and we are stupid,
But we will not admit to this.
We will fight until we feel we've won.
We will take charge,
Where no charge was needed.
We will argue until our opponent backs down.
And we will believe that we are better than everyone else,
And that everyone else is just stupid.

We will skin our knees,
And rip our jeans,
And cut and dye our hair,
Until we fear it may fall out.
We will turn the music up way too loud,
And scream along to a song we've never heard.
We will drown out everything around us with headphones,
And risk going deaf in the process.
We will make stupid decisions once,
And do it again,
After we swear we've learned.
We will make promises just to break them,
Find all the risks just to take them,
And try to learn to fly.
And shortly after, crash to the ground.
We will then have our hearts broken,
And stomped on.
We will think love doesn't exist,
To then only think we can't live without it.
We will think we can't live without someone else,
And then we will hate everyone.
Including ourselves.
There will be days where we want to die,
And days where we wonder why we ever thought that.
We will feel invisible.
We will feel numb.
We will be so depressed,
We just want it to end,
But we will know,
that if it doesn't get better,
It isn't over yet.  
And then we will even doubt that.
We will doubt everything, until we hate ourselves yet again.
And this will not change for a while.
But when it does, it will be amazing.

I wish I could tell you this is avoidable,
But we all share the same fate.
In a world of teens,
Is a world of dreams,
That we will break our backs trying to make reality.
And in a world of teens,
There is a world of parents,
That have a right to say no.
No matter how much you think otherwise.
We are the wise ones.
Or so we think.
Really, we are the idiots, just trying to belong,
And failing, mostly all the time.
There is nothing we can do to change this,
Except wait.
Wait until you know everything.
But let me tell you.
You don't know everything,
Until you've accepted that you truly know nothing,
And you've got a lifetime to learn.

I like this.
This freeing feeling.
Being away from you,
Has somehow let me,
Become new.

Now, I'm realizing,
That you were a crutch.
Enabling me,
My pain.

Because when there was a "we"
There wasn't..
It was you,
And me,
Two people,
Tangled in thorn bushes of distrust.

I'm not saying I didn't love you.
I'm not saying I don't now.
I'm just thinking,
Maybe it was leaning,
More towards infatuation.
Which led to strangulation.
Suffocation.
No breathing.
Wire ties, tied so tight,
They cut the skin,
And left us wounded,
Openly bleeding.

Maybe we were meant for seperation.
A trial, meant for error,
Maybe we were meant to hurt,
Feel the pain we caused eachother,
And learn,
Then make better choices based on the lesson,
And so on.

Maybe being together,
Taught us its better that we're apart.
And also, that after awhile,
The pain stops coming back,
And we learn to move on,
Like I'm finally starting to.
Because let's face it,
I said I was fine,
But I was practically dead for a while,
Faking a smile for your benefit,
And crying behind the comfort of closed doors.
Turning up the radio way too loud,
And screaming until my throat was raw.

Why do you think I wouldn't sing for you?
Even after I promised to.
Not only the nervousness,
But, also being scared that you'd notice,
Notice the difference in my voice,
When I try to hit the higher notes.
I've screamed myself sick so many times,
My voice has changed,
There's a certain aspect to it,
The over all raspy tone,
And it would have killed me for you to notice.

For the longest time,
I was so afraid of you peeling back the layers,
And seeing the reckless hatred for myself,
But now, I honestly don't care.
I will cry and scream, and just let it go from now on.
Because I can no longer live in hiding.
I'm done.
And not just hiding from you, either.
Everyone.

I will roll my sleeves up,
And take these fucking bracelets off.
I will no longer be ashamed of these marks I've created.
They do not define me.
I am not that girl anymore.
She was never me.
And I will never again become her.
You know why?
Because for the first time,
In a long time,
I'm fucking free.
All because of a little bit of seperation,
And mental disconnection.

Mother, have I sinned?
Are you now ashamed to see the one,
you once called your baby girl?
Does it hurt to look,
and see pain staring back at you?

Mother, have I sinned?
Will you ever be able to forgive me?
Or will you spend the rest of your days,
wondering what has happened to your baby?
Well mommy, this pains me.

Mother, have I sinned?
Are your Christian bones aching?
Do you long for the day,
that I accept The Lord as my savior?

Well mommy, I hate to tell you,
but this god you speak of,
is not the god I wish to pray to,
so tell me mother, if I've sinned,
because I'll most likely continue to.

They say,
you can't hold the whole world at once,
but, once he's in my arms,
that fact becomes myth.

You are the master of deception,
and you haven't learned yet,
that girls are not to be messed with.

Am I seriously being played?

I am not a musical instrument,
I was not meant to be played,
Nor am I a toy,
I can't just be replaced anytime you find something better,
But don't be mistaken,
This doesn't put me in any sort of distress.

I'm just gonna move on,
because obviously,
to you I'm not worth it.

"You know, you've been acting like a bitch lately."

Yeah, because when someone is depressed,
you can't expect them to be all "sunshine, and rainbows, and pretty pink ponies."
I'm sorry I haven't been meeting your standards..
But I'm having trouble meeting my own.
I'm sorry I haven't been acting right..
But I don't feel right.
I'm sorry I can't be okay..
But there's nothing I can do about that right now.
You're my best friend, and please don't read this and think I'm being a bitch,
I'm just telling you how I feel.
You're right, you didn't do anything.
You really didn't.
and I'm sorry for making you think you did.
I just can't help it.

I'm not trying to give you some sob story.
I wouldn't do that.
I'm just trying to get you to understand that I have a problem.
And that calling me a bitch doesn't solve shit, it just creates more of it.
I've told you before, I'm not perfect, I have issues that need to be resolved.
And darling don't try to tell me you're perfect, because I swear to god, I will contradict you in every way possible.
You're far from perfect, as am I.
So lets just live with eachothers problems, and move the fuck on.

I remember,
Burying my face in your neck,
As your fingers traced paths down my sides,
And clutched me, in a way that was so wrong,
But oh so right,

I wanted so desperately to be wanted.
So I let you bite my neck,
And leave marks for the memory,
Because you knew I'd wanna remember.

And even after all the trouble it's caused,
I can't lie, I have to say,
More than anything,
I want that feeling again.

I want your teeth to leave impressions on my neck,
And your scent to linger on my clothes,
And the taste of your lips on mine
You are now a craving I won't give up.

You said I'm seductive.
Well, maybe I am,
But only because you bring it out of me.

Let me ask you,
Is it the way I talk?
Or possibly the way I smile?
Maybe the way I crinkle my nose,
Whenever you say my name.

In advance, let me apologize,
For any past feelings this may bring up.
Or, present feelings really,
Because they never left me.

They still corrupt my thoughts,
Letting me get nothing done,
The way you smile still haunts me,
In the most beautiful way.

Wow, after reading this,
You'd never think I was the one,
To end it all.

A flower does not simply die.
it is killed, by the very same thing that created it.
Soil. Though now, much less nutrient.

Its honestly quite ironic,
how the things that create you,
are also capable of destroying you,
like nothing.

I mention irony,
in terms of my mother,
whom is now using her bony fingers,
as knitting needles,
to bind my eyelashes together,
as if to blind me from the obvious.

She wasn't meant to be a mother.

No, definitely not a mother.
maybe a toddler,
whom spends her days nursing a bottle,
and then occasionally falling,
flat on her face,
whether its up the street,
or down the stairs,
her face has to leave blood stains somewhere.

She was meant to be alone.

Alone, so she couldn't,
suck the life out of anything that came near,
like she decided she would do to any vodka bottle,
that crossed her path,
dumping me on a road to destruction as she went,
and never came back to save me from myself.

Honestly, I don't know what she could've been.

I just know she gave up everything,
for a bottle and a good time.
shes the flower that sprouted early,
and died in the cold.

Has anyone ever noticed,
As time goes by,
We not only grow older,
And wiser,
Matter of the fact is,
We get closer to the sky,

Or being put in the ground.

Hot water,
immerse me.
rid me of any and all impurities,
replace them with tranquility.

Give me the strength to pick up a razor,
without the temptation of,
disassembling it,
and sinking a blade into my skin.

Help me,
give me the strength,
that is needed for me,
to help myself.

Hot water,
I beg of you,
please,
save me tonight.

Run.
Don't stop.
That feeling you get is called adrenaline.
What a rush.

Ignore that aching feeling in your chest,
Eventually,
It will go numb.
Just run.

Feeling energized yet?
Good. It's working.
That's the endorphins kicking in.
Ever heard the phrase 'natural high'?
Well guess what,
You've got it.

Happiness floods.
You've never felt better.
God, who knew drugs had an alternative?
And all you have to do is run.

I know a girl who pours her heart out to a razor blade.
And a sweet faced boy who lives life with glassy eyes.
As if living life sober,
Is like putting pins in his eyes.

In these two people,
I see nothing but a call for help.
For someone to reach out and let them know,
That life is something more than one long ride through hell,
That eventually, there'll be something to look forward to.

I'm here to tell you,
That things could change.
But I can't do it for you, because well,
I'm not sure my fingertips can balance the weight of your mistakes.
And I hope you realize, that you've got a long ride on the road to recovery.

And not every part of it will be pretty,
You'll see things that will make you want to go back where you started.
But please whatever you do,
Stay away from the razor blade,
And don't even so much as pick up a joint,
Because after all you'll have worked for,
It won't be worth giving in.

I've just had an epiphany, that solves everything.
Maybe not the way we'd like it to be,
But it's better for both of us I promise,

Long distance relationships.
I hate to say this,
But they can be damaging.
That ever present longing,
To be with that one person,
That you know can't even get close to,
That's beyond hurt.

I really hate to end it. I do.
But I'm coming to find out, it's necessary.
For both of us to be okay.
And because of this,
From the bottom of my heart,
I'm sorry.

Just know that doesn't change how much I love you.
That will never change.
You're a part of me now.
One that won't go away.
And even though we're no longer what we were,
I hope I can still be considered your bestfriend.

Because that's always gonna be what you are to me.