John Patrick Robbins Aka Gonzo
Im a madman insane kinda weird legend of Hello.
Better known as Gonzo and yeah i own the pub.
Im a baroom poet influenced by Burkowski. And Hunter S Thompson Im a music freak and have been inspired by many songwritters to many to name.
Im alot of things website owner insane nut.
and a out there writter but hell im fun
Cheers my friends your drinking buddy for life
Ps if ya ever wanna join the real pub feel free to come on over
Hey and if ya like my humor and rather hear than read it check out me out
on youtube at
Just think Gonzo live yeah i know but hell i need the views and fans or crappy comments hey i already know im untalented cheers Gonzo
I sat nursing a overpriced draft in a underated dive
I won't go into the details of it's location.
I won't be there by the time of anyone reading this.
And moments are just that and best left alone.
It was a empty bar .
Only me and the bartender and we weren't here for conversation.
I was avoiding the heat and like some B movie vampire in his coffin.
I found no need to view the light only burn my night world existence.
I never really liked bars much.
The people were pretty much the same social circle rejects and broken
highschool hero's who relived glory one beer at a time.
They always hated the jukebox .
Me I preferred a good song over some far fetched lie
about how some jock asshole saved the game.
Honestly I enjoyed a good drink and some even better music.
As well as the night's silence.
Simple people hate silence.
It forces them to think.
And thinking is a dangerous task for a halfwit.
Course I had to escape my hermit existence sometimes.
Air out my stale thoughts at least for awhile.
I sat there spending what little I never truly had to begin with.
Semi cold beer and smoke the perfume of my thoughts.
I shared only with the wasted page.
Hey mind turning on the jukebox?
I asked the silent man sitting across the bar.
It's broke he said and nothing more.
Well seems me and that machine have something in common.
Sometimes stepping outside seemed like a good idea.
Until you realize outside is filled with a bunch of annoying pricks!
I never went back to that dive although I hear the jukebox was later
With some game that sat at the end of the bar like some idiot box microwave.
Still I think it has more personality than that bartender .
Course I believe at abuck a play it's overrated to begin with.
Ego was the monster that drove you from my arms or was it just another's charm.
It wasnt poetic simply one lights fade to yet another act in a much to dim lit sidewalk's scene.
If you go I wont care so many bitter words stand are refuge of pain togather we shared
it if only for a moment.
Maybe it was a nightmare made possible from a dream.
Maybe it was nothing more than a glimpse at what was never to be.
I closed that door now it seems a shame to view these scars yet once again.
Please dont ever let me leave you.
I recall you asked one of to many fargone nights embrace
I lie to say i could never recall.
Why did it seem like promises were empty as broken hearts games of the grown remain
evergreens of childs play.
Alone I allow you to invade my thoughts one last time.
Sunset from the shore always seemed empty just like are time togather.
Why must you haunt me still.
Watercolors fade still I recall that embrace.
Farewell my friend.
Pain is a burden to you no more.
Sometimes a turned shoulder is all thats left of a deadend street.
So if noting beats a fail better than a try.
My forever linger 's twisted as spanish moss hanging from some hidden tree
Long forgotten to a red sunsets southern sky.
I as animal violently fighting the clutches of it's steel trap.
In hour's of endless try and a stalled loss sometimes the reflection
seldom matches a well intended delusion and a has been heat.
I saw the road ahead yet still followed the path.
Tommorow maybe you hold more than failed embrace.
Old page and of chapter's past have you dealt me my final hand.
Like some broken horse put to pasture never knowing it's prime.
I saw the signs I just simply chose not to care.
Mocking friends and often ignored replies .
Tomorrow hope is a dream.
Seen to all but I.
Sad thoughts a burden I only wish you didn't have to know.
Brightness of eye's color please never match this life's backdrop of gray'
Whenever the child's sense of poetic logic and yearning have died.
A creative well now just a side thought of silliness so we believed.
Cast aside dreams a such beautiful lost causes we can't deni.
A spring of innocence was tempered by a farwell's regret
Sweet dream and soon diminished bliss.
Much like soothing rain you were never bound to last.
Such bright eye's I wish only you could true.
But wishes as of childhood were nevertheless a one way street.
Bound by day's fade and a porch lights clock.
Drift as a dream for you're the essence of a throwback time.
Bright eye's so true to what has long since died.
How only to this day I wish I had only known.
Another night of television hell I was in the middle of a hell of a block.
And withoout the funds my usal cure of hookers and cocaine wasnt a open
road so to speak.
I was lost I wondred the streets like hooker in need of a john.
When through the darkness it appearded a well lit haven in the middle of
a thoughtless storm.
The cinema cafe drinks and films hmm from looking at the marquee seems
there wasnt much to choose from .
It read like a preschooler had puked apon the board.
There were sequels, and prequels, gay vampires that walked around in the day,
Weirdos who flew around on broom sticks and loads of treenage shit minus the porn.
Dear lord! I had to get to the bottom of this problem.
The pimple faced kid at the booth asked me in a squeeky yet firm semi manly
voice can I help you sir?
Yes my dear crater face whats with this shit you call films here ?
Umm I dont make em sir there just whats popular.
The greezy faced hampster had a good point in what he said that is.
cause other than that I had no clue what he was working with really what do you think
I am some kinda pervert?
Let me ask you something do you like this shit you sell tickets to?
Fuck no dude its garbage for halfwits and retards and some people from Canada.
Who the hell wants to see that cunt from twilight play snow white?
Let me ask is that a adult film?
Duh no dumbass we dont show thoose here.
Would you know were I could see thoose films?
Im doing some umm research on human sexulality it involves alotta big words
which i cant spell so i'll spare you the details just point me in the right direction
and nobody gets hurt.
Dude they havent shown thoose kinda movies in theaters for years.
Oh yeah and theres this thing called the internet once is way better than writting on your
Kids there really great smartasses.
After some back in fourth who gives a fuck or really reads this shite banter.
The man with the pizza face finally hit his limit.
I dont make the shit ,I dont watch the shit!
If you gotta problem take it up with the studio exects in Hollywood.
You gotta point there sparky give me your keys!
Give me your keys or else.
Or else what grandpa your gonna hit me with your walker.
No you silly bastard.
Or else I'll shoot you.
Ya see young man that should wear a iron mask.
You may have a I Phone
But I have a handgun and that always wins the debate no hand em over.
After a brief moment of the little smartass shite crying and begging for me not to kill him.
Really he watched to many TV shows I wasnt gonna kill him besides.
Im allergic to prison and it wasnt even a real gun what a dumbass.
I was off in my borrowed car to the land of bad ideas and great boob jobs.
A place more fake than barbies dream home minus that dickless tool she always
hung out with not that I played with Barbie's but she does have some really kickarse boobies
and im a big fan of boobies hell what great writer isnt?
It was a drive that seemed to take forever but finally i pulled up to the front gate
of Warner Brothers studios.
The little weird looking gate keeper looked at me and said .
can I help you sir.
Yes please direct me to your leader strange gaurd troll.
Uhh sir this is a closed lot only people with passes can enter.
Well what if i know the secret word?
Who told you about the secret word?
I had him with that one.
These Hollyweird vampires couldnt have enough brain power to
keep some pass on them.
Okay whats the secret word sir?
I had to think deep and from such a shallow mind that was asking alot.
What could it be it had to be something that rang true like snorting a line of
coke of Katy Perry's tit's.
Dear lord I had it.
Brad Pitt sucks donkey balls.
The man looked at me in utter shock I wasnt sure if he was gonna let me pass
or try to pull me out my slightly worn odd smelling borrowed car.
Alright sir it's lot 69 hahaha yeah I know im demented.
Right next to the lot there filming Winds Of Change Fart The Musical!
Staring Johnny Depp and Bogo the horny chimp.
Dammit i wish i wasnt busy that chimp seemed like he had a good head on his shoulders.
Well when he wasnt jerking off and eating bannans while throwing his poo.
What a talent indeed.
I found myself in the studio people running every which a way.
It was total confussion seemd like no one had a clue what the hell they were doing.
Hey asshole shouted some weird little man in a chair who the fuck are you!?.
The little red haired man must truely be dellusional.
How could someone not know Gonzo?
Well sir just who the fuck are you? I replied.
Well im Ron motherfucking Howard bitch!
Hmm never herd of you are you a director or something?
Ever hear of Andy Griffith or Happy Days?
Oh yeah your that little dork that hung out with that cop yeah what a snitch.
I was playing his son dumbass.
Dam well seems this ginger finally explained to me why that man always had him around
it all makes sense now i just thought he was some kinda pervert.
Course seems like he had picked up some bad habbits from that Fonzie guy
never trust a man who calls the restroom his office but what a man does with
another man in a dirty restroom for plesure or profit is his own bussiness.
Look jerkoff what the hell do ya want?
Lets start with a gallon's of nothern light maybe some top shelf hookers some good music.
Maybe a couple hits of some lets say nose candy maybe turn off the lights and see what happens.
Im just saying sometimes ya gotta let nature take it's drug filled course.
Im not talking bout from life dip shit i mean what the hell are you doing here?
Oh shit sorry there carrot top.
I wanna see the person in charge that green lights all this remake shit you souless
morons put out and call entertainment.
The little red haired devil was silent as he explained to me no one ever saw the
studio head it was like meeting Santa Claus or Hitler or being in the pressence of a unicorn
really whats the diffrence.
He warned me of the dangers of meeting such a great mind yet like I do with
most people I simply shook me head and agreed much like i do with
women im trying to sleep with duh like I care about her tweenty seven cats.
Finally after learning I wasnt taking no for a answer he lead me to a room
And in this room was a screen and apon the screen appread a face.
Who dare question the mighty head of the film studio!!
The voice was loud still it had that comfoting quallity that you just have to love in
a windbag arsehole.
You well who the hell are you?
Duh dumbass im the long winded arsehole writting the story.
Oh well what the fuck do you want?
Sir I wanna know what the hell's wrong with you people.
Look im a drunk but i could never be drunk enough to pay a fortune to watch half the shit you call entertainment between remakes and films based on gay ass stories about vampires
and dudes who run around the woods calling themselves werewolves.
You mean you actully saw twilight?
The voice asked me on the verge of laughter.
Duh i see a bunch of hot chicks going anywhere im following without asking
much like the mindless drones that watch that shit.
Sir your a sad sad man.
The strange face on the screen vanished out from the curtan appeared
what looked like OMG it was Bugs Bunny !!
What's up gonz?
Dammit i always knew you were real much like Fergie and spanish fly.
Gonzo i know half this shit sucks but its because mindless idiots love studip shit.
Look you were once a popular writer and you cant even spell.
Ouch now go ahead mighty furry samuri.
Ya see whatever makes money we put out and really stupid young girls much like your teenage
wife love that shit and being perverts like yourself wanna get laid you'll take them to that shit.
Bugs are you saying it's all about money?
No shit dumbass.
We talked drank watched backroom casting couch tapes of early starlets like
Harrison Ford no wonder he was so good with that whip.
It was magic minus the money loving nazi mouse that'll sue your ass.
Bugs I gotta ask you a deep question?
Shoot there Gonz .
Is Mickey really just a cross dresser calling himself Minnie?
You are messed up in so many ways Gonz.
We laughed swapped dirty stories like the time Bugs slipped
Daisy some extasy and got a blowjob in the magic castle while goofy watched.
What the fuck is Goofy?
My furry amigo said to fuck if I know.
Untill next time kids stay crazy
And remember if you wish apon a star ya better make sure to whom thoose copy rights
belong to truley are.
Cause thoose rich fuckers will sue your ass .
As from the window a gentle breeze did ask the struggle.
Why must we linger to pain apon winds we shall cast.
Dust of sunset tears of goodbye.
Cast the shadows none left as I.
A rewind of childhood a still frame of my time.
Often I smell the rain one more is a tease please take all yet leave me this.
Direction without map turns by insticnt and vision we embrace.
Moments left apon a clock almost struck.
Sunsets we'll chase togather again.
No answers to all but so many to question.
Often I see now turns have passed.
As to sea and of shore.
I bask here nevermore.
A roads end and farwell view.
I think it was far to short.
Now it's been handed to you.
Traces were there yet still we danced in wreckless thought.
Vain as children now ghosts to page.
Give me one for I bleed many with thought.
Past images of watercolor now erase my
Sometimes you realize theres never such thing
With me it's always off the top of my head.
Its always more of a feel than a thought.
The road behind still seemed more tempting than the wasteland of hollow thoughts and
empty dreams that lay outside my hotel room window.
I'd long since given up on having anything known as a comfort zone.
Still although it was hours since we landed still my thoughts rambled like some child as he sits listening to a trains whistle on a long dark night.
My fellow shadows had long since learned a private room was better than a front row seat to
my often insanity spun sideshow of late nights and bitter rants.
It was me and my thoughts a plague of my own creation in full swing and obsecure few
a stiff drink and some good pills kept the thoughts at bay for the moment.
We found areselves in the city of Angels but it reaked more of devils torment and wicked excess.
Hookers cheap sex and some overpriced drugs.
The blood of dreams covered the streets and old starts of the fames lure slept next to the broken and homeless.
Why had I ever came here was it ego?
Or just a good time to flaunt in the face of all thoose caught in the gears of
the day to day grind.
This land of empty thoughts and cursed remakes there was nothing creative bout this scene kids just give your neck to the vampire and pray he yerns for a taste.
Maybe you'll be one in the few or just another hideline.
Fallen star found dead outside some overpriced nightclub.
Me I was here for a gig and nothing more .
To provide some laughs between drinks i had no illusions of fame.
To me I looked in the crystal ball and just saw another cheap snow globe
of nothing more than candy coated lies.
This wasnt my scene it wasnt anyones scene just a playground gone
wrong a wasteland of bad ideas and hollow thoughts.
That made Vegas seem like a good idea at the time.
Neon lights and lost thoughts haunt the hours spent like some
silent witness to a future crime scene and a redlight work of art.
And as I recalled the nights show I tried to forget the faces from behind the lights
that seemed broken by some plastic surgeons wet dream.
Give me women with flaws and unsculpted fools.
Perfect people can have this place that seemed more like a gateway to
a delusion cast hell than screen print paradise.
Course many would paint it diffrent if they held the brush but I wasnt
much of a painter to begin with.
And as tommorow loomed with the smog I packed my suitcase thinking.
If we could just drown half the suits and give it to the miscast freaks
pretending to be superheros for tourist pics what a fucked up
theme park we'd have then.
A few hits and alotta drinks later we were gone and there was no question
If we had left a empression.
Only a weirdo of a much higher degree would wanna leave anything there.
Except maybe a pipe bomb in a suits office bleeding some old franchise
for every drop it was worth.
No my friends the rearview wasnt looked in often.
What did you think of it?
My fellow traveler asked as we counted potholes and passed the bottle
Well it sure wasnt Kansas my friend.
What the fucks in Kansas?
Anything but this fucking place amigo.
Hey Kids ever wonder why people are such a pain in the arse?
Well thats usally cause they have to work for a living and unless
your in porn that really sucks well I guess in that field you get paid to suck.
But enough about what certain people I cant mention do in there free time
im just saying.
And ever wonder kids why your parents are so fucking uptight?
Duh its cause befor you mom and pop used to be total freaks.
Now Pop is lucky if he gets at least once a month from moms sister.
Yeah thats why they invented hookers I know what a dumbass .
But enough about global warming cause really I just live here on the planet.
Why should I care about it?
Some people often ask me.
Gonzo dont you think you should put the bottle down and give up the drugs and dirty
Hmm yeah probaly when hell freezes over and hopefully it does cause I have never
looked forward to moving to a warmer climate.
Yeah sure I could stop being a party animal and hooker with a heart of gold.
But fuck that duh then what would I write about?
Being misreble like everyone else really doesnt sound all that fun.
Hey ever wonder if im really insane as you belive.
Well just send me a key to your house and find out.
One time when was but a young little Gonzo.
I stole Grandmas credit card and tried to hire a hooker
for sex ed class I always was a more hands on student myself .
Yeah it would have worked if that old bitch hadnt noticed it gone
Thanks Granny you totally ruined a kickass party.
Its okay she talks to the wall in the old folks home now.
Im kidding like id waste that sweet social security check on a home.
She's doing just fine in the shed out back dammit that reminds me i gotta
feed her and take her to the park for a good run yeah I know im all
heart except fro the rest of me.
You know I think it's unfair hookers never give discounts.
Hey look every other company does even fucking subway.
Yeah the footlong isnt really a footlong some people really
dont know what to do with a tape messure.
Hey remember its not the size that matters yeah news flash
if she ses its a good size then locks herself in the bathroom
for a hour and you hear a motor going off as the lights dim
on the whole dam block .
Well women lie just like men except way better.
Sometimes I like to get really fucked up
I know your shocked.
Ever wonder why weirdos love to hunt ufo's and bigfoot?
Duh you cant live off star treck reruns alone.
Some people think im a pervert and a drunk and a womanizer.
And a drug addict well and a sick bastard as well.
Words they really hurt well at least to people who give a shite.
Sure they said alot of good things about me but they also left out a charming
mispelling half wit duh what dumbasses.
You know sometimes I think.
Hey it could happen.
Just remember kids whatever you think of me.
If you dont have a sense of humor you'll fucking hurt yourself.
That and Gonzo loves you all and especially if your hot.
And if you have any pics send em to www.learntotakeafuckingjoke.com
Untill next time hampsters.
Remember that little bump on some chicks face aint a beauthy
mark its probaly herpes.
Dam you Cindy Crawford well at least i'll never forget you.
Im kidding she a good girl it was just the clap.
Stay crazy Gonzo
The night always falls a sweet embrace to the citys bitter reallty.
And I it's ever pressent bum a nothing in a sea of so called movers and shakers.
I saw them all rise and in that growth I also saw that which made them special turn to the worst of the mundane .
A sort of flawed perfection.
Now just a run of the mill joke.
Anyone can be good show me depth and most will just ask how much does that truely cost?
Take my traggic ending make it something in a empty lie to suit your dreams .
I still preffer my nightmares reprise.
Am I not the artist but have I killed the clown to give all till all is what none did ever require?
Please find comfort in a happiness I myself could never grasp.
And ignore bitter tears drown in many rivers yet to embrace the flood
and a pressent future.
I preffer a bloodstained past broken hearts existance.
What is left still fucks with even my own thoughts.
You should have stopped while your ahead my boy fuck how I hate advice.
Maybe im a reject of a long gone feeling we no longer share.
Maybe I simply stopped giving a fuck altogather.
Heres the punchline Ive lost it friends lets drink to a sunset and a passing tide.
Whats left is a chaos inspired novel and a unending addiction i can no longer control.
Maybe a it's hell but what a night we shared time's a bitch who's dance cards often full.
Laughter covers the uneasy feelings I view in the readers mind.
Watch with fire for certain its burn we know when we have played.
But yet another night closes and im just another lost whisper of a forgotten conversation.
dont darken my grave if you've never stood at my door.
We all saw the truth just some choose to ignore its end.
And others never gave a dam to begin with.
One day we'll all understand the street lights fade and the silence
does erase us all.
Sunrise I care less to greet your return as i truley linger to embrace your fade.
Honestly I speak more apon the page then I ever could in the flesh.
Change is fierce monster often left in shades of a lamb.
No pressense more cruel than that known as love.
Can we lie only to make this illusion so grand not appear traggic in design?
We question are truths beliving are thoughts instead of asking the one beside .
May we share this space only to distance areselves a little more at a time.
Picking apart the reason as in any situation we just always seem to lose track
of what it was that brought us here to begin with.
Anger can only mask my fears so long.
If you never understand then you'lll probaly stand with many.
Screw the numbers it's a losing game to speak of to begin with.
Cold as rain in a approaching storm we can ignore the truth
if only to embrace are lies for one last time.
When did I ever become the shell?
A stranger in the wings to my own half thought logic .
Time makes a fool of us all.
As for me I sit without thought for to fight what never will be is a thought of another
The wolves howl at night only to hear themselfs die.
Tommorow you sound of hope in a hopeless void.
People togather in doorways hide from the rain and sometimes find there
placement a blessing.
Some find emptyness a solice I could never explian.
No man could ever be described so simply in one line.
Myself I find a stranger often ive seldom cared to understand.
Im far from the image yet close to the tale.
Maybe storms suit me well a gray sky to a ever distant wind.
Sands bury the traces yet a thought leaves it's mark.
No matter my past ive found eyes still find that dust ridden cover
Fuck my flaws for the subject is never understood.
For if Heaven were a endless highway id probaly be headed south.
Sunset at my horizen and far to much regret apon me.
The story forever the same a jilted lover a midnight kiss.
Often ive tasted the wine to avoid the saltwater tears and a distant shores redemption.
Lights from the carnival tatterd dreams and the Jersey shore.
Far gone my thoughts hollow is the bottle burried in sand.
Why do we embrace the pain to only understand the stage traggic by design.
In eye's often reflected I recall you but never understood myself.
As children we yern for what seems a ghost hunt in a moments time.
Im still walking but no longer can I sense my return.
Footsteps burried in saltwater washed in a long vanished time.
It only takes a song to go back yet a foolish pride and a storm couldnt make him
turn to her.
Ive known many faces yet never understood one.
Take me to sunsets demise and a night skies birth.
Toast a broken soul and bastards logic for it's all I have to give for now.
The lights from afar seem no more distant than I.
the sunsets my canvas the waves crash my song.
Whispers of what never was pillow talk and tommorows thought.
All intentions often merge with the same long walk.
I understood nothing more clear .
Then when she uttred the words goodbye.
The scene was utter madness the good long fell to the boring and bland shite that now I write apon.
Old faces had long since been replaced by these like button zombies.
Hey commenting is hard I could hear them amoungsnt all the other voices in my head.
And here I thought everyone had a opinion just like a arsehole.
The zombies were at the door my trusty Pub the one true place i could talk shit about the sites owner without getting banned and taken out back while being tortured having to read the darksides blog for hours listening to Yanni and Justin Bieber.
Good lord man its like starbucks and twatter had a bastard baby and called it Hello.
My fellow comrades had long since left for higher ground or the nut house really finger painting and graham crackers are so overrated.
Trust me I know cause i have alot of crazy friends who told me so.
Im kidding its cause im fucking nuts just when im off my meds that is did anyone hear that?
The like zombies just kept pushing that fucking button.
I mean really if it was a free drinks or a blowjob button id get it folks.
Hell id probaly have corpral tunnel by now duh that would kick ass.
Comments had fallen to the evil zombie button of doom.
And no matter were I turned I couldnt get away from it.
This write has fifteen comments.
No the fuck it doesnt there fucking likes yes much like herpes the shit was spreading faster than
clap in whorehouse not that id know.
I couldnt take it any longer moving at the breakneck speed of drunken hampster who cant stay in the wheel
I was off.
To the land of no return the offices of the website inwhich ive annoyed the shite outta for way to many years
no not facebook I only go there to read shit that no one could give a fuck less about.
Tina just eat a steak mmmm.
Fucking fasinating Tina!
Taking a long walk okay drive cause walking really screws with my drinking.
I made my way through the land of no return no not Canada.
To the center of mount who gives a shite.
It was there at the gates of the mighty lair of the dark lord I stood flask in side pocket
The doors opened and as i walked in the empty room I was met by a huge flat screen
hmm must be where the staff watches porn or animal planet thoose animals are
But enough with the foreplay children.
A face appeared apon the screen.
So I see you've finally shown Gonzo how dare you enter the fortress of the dark lord.
Well ya know the dark lord really needs some security I mean really who the hell keeps there fortress next to a bed bath and beyond?
Look you crazy bastard the anger hampster said .
They have some really great stuff oils and canddles why me and my other half love it.
Hey did you all meet on a trip in the mountians where you were herding sheep.
Dam you Broke Back Mountian now my wife really wonders what im up to on my fishing trips.
Thanks for ruining it for all of us.
Well Gonzo you may have found my hidden fortress but never will you leave.
Yeah I will.
Oh Yes I can !
Oh no you wont!
Yeah I will!
We continued this argument for what seemed like ages then finally after a canadian popstars balls finally dropped it ended.
Duh I do have a life after all people.
Yeah I know but dammit I could if i wanted to.
So just how do you expect to leave my frotress of doom.
Duh dumbass through the front door.
You cant its locked .
Hey like i cant get outta places i dont belong look i got outta rehab no no no.
Talk about a shitty party its almost as bad as my spelling yeah sometimes jokes hurt.
But I do gotta ask lord shite for brains how do ya get all thoose likes
I mean people used to comment there arses off even me sure i cant remember what i said
but hell i was under the influence I know shocking right?
Okay you drunken bastard I'll let you know witness my geinus!
With that the dark lords fishing buddy pulled back a curtan to reveil a room full of
cracked out cyber monkeys all sitting in front of like buttons .
With every push theyd get yet another hit of some sort of fruit duh like monkeys like drugs
yeah you think being they throw there shit around and all but really there just mean pricks.
Mr pickles just did a thousand likes.
Dammit someone needs to stop the insanity.
The evil dark lord laughed like a sinister women does usally when i mention sex.
I swear no wonder I use esscorts im kidding there just regular hookers.
And now Gonzo I reveil to you your own like button.
There at a small desk with my name written apon the table in what couldnt be magic marker dam little monkeys
they love to write shit or with it at least hay whatever floats your boat or tree im just saying.
Mr pickels pushed the button on my desk a little slot opened up
and a ice cold beer and wild turkey chaser appeared .
Fucking kick ass I mean how terrible.
The dark lord slash hooker with a heart of gold laughed his sinister laugh the monkey jumped up and down and played with thenselves while listening to there God Justin Bieber.
Was All hope lost?
Will Gonzo a infamouse party hampster be able to turn down a free drink?
Will the dark lord win in his battle to kill the site and raise the money for his sex change?
Will MR Pickels finally finish his novel titled No Shit A Life story written in all organic ink.
Will Justin Bieber finally fly into the side of a mountain!
Tune in next time hampsters to the shocking finally Gonzo And The Like Button Of Doom.
Yeah it really sucks when ya dont get a happy ending just ask John Travolta.
Till next time hampsters stay crazy
Its more than a feeling when its come down to the finish and even a worse one when you realize its time to start yet again.
Like some sick version of twisted game show your always in reach and anytime your desperate the scum
will gather to praise your failure.
The bottle filled glory days a dinosaur who's back id long fell of of trying to stay in the groove simply has left me with more scratches than I care to speak of so fuck the logic in this I preffer a good bullshit covred lie instead.
Hell wasnt a fire laced horror theme it was a emptyness beyond anything a normal man could ever imagine.
Good thing I would never fall under that title.
We were somewhere in Maryland the bar a afterthought now and are drunken thoughts had left us silent to
ramble in are own personal hells we tried to convince others didnt exist.
As for the big payoff well .
If half empty shows and being more broke than when you left was a sucess then we were true diamonds at this point.
You give it all out there only to question do you have a home to return to.
And Martin was a wounded solider broken from a quick text once read.
Ive had enough I wont be here when you return.
And as he was broken we did what any self absorbed bastards who couldnt face what could be us would do.
Drown in vices and cracked jokes over are friends misfortune and tried to make sure we didnt get to much of his misery to
kill are buzz.
For me it was the usal some quick drinks some soon to be forgotten conversations with women I'd seldom
recall gotta keep chasing that good time cant let the boys see your reallity or you'd fall and
never do you wanna show weakness in a pack of wolves .
Robert was always the same a crash and burn junkie who started fights and had to be half loaded to even greet the day.
Once I saw the geinus behind what had now became the running joke of the group.
The tide had long since returned to the ocean and left him trapped apon the shore.
We all knew he was a dead end street but he paid his way and as long as we could scam a few bills from him
we used him without regard it was the worst kind of cutthroat you could imagine.
All in the name of a good laugh.
Being said that only left me and Tony to keep this shit togather we rode long hours and made little money but just like sharks if were still moving with some drugs in are system were still doing good.
My head against the window rains steady rythm kept me company in this silence I could allow the bullshit guard down.
Count the laughs and ignore the bombs fuck it was a bloodthirsty scene in south Boston lastnight.
The crowd intent on breaking you and getting down watred down drinks overprized and as shallow as there
owners for the moment.
Why the fuck was I here stuck in a prison with four wheels rolling steady and praying not to get pulled
by the cops and wondering if anyone of us could lie well enough to be trusted to drive fuck knows
the best driver had just been hitting the pipe a hour ago.
And I really didnt think my flask in side pocket would be a charming insentive to some officer who hated dealing with a
car filled with drunks and junkies.
So what you boys do?
I could hear this converstaion playing out.
Were comedians just heading home officer been on the road awhile.
Oh yeah you boys any good?
Well as you can tell from this fantastic 1999 minvan crap mobile were driving were a great sucess.
You being a smartass boy?
Some people never get the joke.
The miles passed and soon were bound for are corners.
Off from the battle left only to crawl in
broken down hovels and lick are wounds with whatever drugs we may have left laying around.
And as for me I'd just turn off the lights and sleep.
In the dark nobody touches my often semi burnt out thoughts.
And as the days bled one into the next I'd tell myself screw it Im done!.
But bad habbits and that insane thought of what if is a real motherfucker at times.
And really what else besides the page could ever bring me the misery and false happiness I so desired.
Soon like some worn out race horse id be at the starting gate again I could only run till I drop.
Why do it you may ask?
Cause its just who I am the crowds a drug like any other and that one night of connection
is more of a rush than any needle to arm has ever been.
The finish line never means shit when you know inside.
All that leaves you with is another time to begin.
at least in my scrwed up thoats can write anything.
Sometimes when coming off the road I have these moments when I think .
Fuck all thats left is to just be out there like some hampster i a wheel it just goes nowhere.
But other than its a real pain in the arse.
Stay crazy Gonzo
Its always in goodbye we taste what is the essense of that scar called love.
Pain in nature and no words can capture remorse as well as a milepost in a reaview of thought.
It was there we togather once called home now like a tombstone it stands a marker of what was never to be.
Fracture of heart and bitterness my seal.
Im the leftovers of another we can cleanse this logic or simply say screw it all and regress.
Forever a lie to the young and a curse to the old.
Has it burned this earth and killed me to all that dare to know
what I could never explain.?
A dance of years now a thought no drug has yet to erase.
Pills aside your drug was the best poisen ive known even with another I
know paradise was a cancer ive long since left behind yet a simple moment can make me slide
into a vice that will see me fall for the last time till next.
Im the clown that circus left behind.
Now a skeleton for home I ask why leaving takes a milestone and emptyness a downpour
as my desert has long stayed dry.
Read the riddle like a oinion pealed only more layers remain.
hell has welcome thought for ive found more toture here.
Voices haunt my thoughts as emptyness thrives inmy existance.
Its has misreble as when we knew each others love please drown so I can
breath life into this wornout frame one last time.
Winter's chill reminds me of what we never had yet again.
People often question what has no meaning to begin with.
As for me I avoid its poisen a scared child hidden in shadow of a
Nothing stands as a reminder of pages wasted in promise of a day that never came.
Sometimes I view that place were we were more than a bad memory and a traggic vice.
Sometimes I yern only for end to what has never been allowed to begin.
The worst prison of all is the mind.
And understanding sometimes is more misleading than a half ass like button.
I belive it was in a rest stop outside of Nashville when I first discovred just what lost truely
The people moved ants to a hive.
Ghost's to the shell so to speak.
Looking up routes streching worn stiff leg's and existing in personal bubbles.
Affraid a seconds conversation would burst a moments bullshit cast
But I only sat watching happy to be a viewer to many seperate acts in a bound for nowhere
Hey you have the time?
I dont even have a watch.
I replyed to some lost south bound kid more screwed up looking
He said nothing more as he simply faded into the herd.
They were all bound for somewhere and me I was just killing time.
My home was wherever I could catch a few hours sleep.
And hopefully I'd be outta this state befor long.
I was a nomad most called me a bum.
A traveler of fate and a lazy bastard to caught up in my own personal gains to settle down.
The voices of reason would seem to echo through strangers.
Whenever I'd take time to speak like some twisted record player
they'd always repeat.
So where you heading?
Nowhere and hopefully it has a bar.
Why you on the road?
Well really I just decided to take a walk one day.
Wow why you in Texas.
It's a long walk.
Man your weird!.
Arent we all in some way?
And with that the conversation would fade into my beloved silence.
And I would view the highway and it's ever changing landscape.
The mountian sunset's ,the desert in the moolight ,
A city slum to a rest stop outside of Nashville where you find me now.
I'd seen Americas watercolors and her sharp edges and still charming sleeze.
And from a shared ride to a cold park bench.
I was embracing the forbidden fruit spoken of by
far better fools and writers than me.
For true freedom was seldom safe.
But I viewed this world a travller a stranger to all including myself.
And from strange looks to even more bizzar remarks from thoose who couldnt fathom
someone existing with no true purpose.
The question always was asked
from so many forgetable faces.
So where are you going?
Im just taking a long walk home.
So many truths do embrace a gentle teasing lie.
Im far worse than you may invision a monster of rampage and gentle nightmares poetic reprize.
Do you ever wonder fact from fiction or simply never care just as long as it so does entertain.
Bleed the well to starve the creative fire will it ever make sense again?
She 's always a muse but seldom a creative force my words my own share the glory and you'll
lose sight of the shore.
To many drink's and lost night's lets cast them aside once more in a one night stand passion
Let us never cross paths again.
You'll only see me in shadow so take the best and try to never recall what was left befor sunset called it a night.
Broken dreams gather to make a soul bitter and this shit I just cant stop.
Please understand it's never been a choice dear heart.
A hotshot taken in vice and a final fix.
We never cast the stones we belive will be returned.
A dance will cost you more than you could ever understand.
And once to I saw the forrest for it's tree's now I simply cast blind regards to
thoose I cant truely recall.
They pass me by as so should you.
Sweetheart will a moment cast a delusion I cant be?
Old times were the hell are you now?
So gather your thoughts call me the fool for refusing to care.
Soon I will erase it just the same final round join me toast nothing and old friends
no longer here.
Soon I will carve that place eternal as a nights velvet harsh as dreams that once
I belived were mine.
Sunsets always hold the pain as nights hold my heart.
Forever doesnt seem all that long to me.
Take from it what you will.
Sunsets cast my vision seldom have you seemed more than I can describe.
Moonlit memories are great dellusion for we bask in idle tides time often changes view.
A clocks steady rythm counts my empty hours pace.
Rain tonight will you wash it clean yet one last time?
Old friends and new bottels cast the tide to carry all away but me.
It was passion now its more like regret.
Even demoms have to sleep sometime so when shall I?
Night clubs tight skirts paint the picture i'd raher make the scene than write the finish.
Traps often lure with the sweetest perfume.
Maybe I choose it all wrong accept you.
A jazz bands logic in a semi broken soul.
Will we ever connect for my own sake?
It's taken me so far no longer can view the shore have i finally drifted to far?
They share my company but never my soul Im just counting the hours sweetheart till
its my turn to bid farewell.
But roads lead to many ways.
But I have to question will they lead you my way again.
Old fools were once young dreamers can you still hear me through the haze ive grown to call my voice?
The song always brings me back.
But my aim was seldom true.
Someday seems like sometime i'll never drift by again.
So I'll wait as always in this scene im to screwd up to escape.
Sweetest kiss fire never dies.
But passions are but a glimmer of the emptyness ive grown
to call myself.
Times a dream from which I choose not to wake.
I'll always be around my dear.
In one half out of it form or another.
The darkness can embrace the page a silk sheet of verbal perfection .
Empty streets and bars cast shadows that cling in mind like some ship long sailed from port.
Why must they see the end and never fight it's truth ?
We find so little compassion a snow storms emotion has left this summer night
vacant as the motels sign.
Drift for a second with me and i'll show you nothing but flawed perfection in return.
Cats in the garbage winos hold court in the parks distant to the .
The child never should know.
Poets speak in smoke filled rooms of nothing more than a broken souls frustration and second
avenue's false shine a glass charm and a freakshow diamond the booze a true friend in
times all to often I need.
Whats your sport the streetwalker asks me in such a pure jaded sense.
wash me pilot hands are clean but thoughts seem to stain walls of the union mission
I love its true sense of decay .
Jack are you still on the road or just lost in big Sur?
Bob can they ever decode the message or just set free in the paint you cast as words?
Poets fools profits and second street saints I feel comfort in madness for
sanity's annoying plea just takes up my time.
Are we nothing more than junkies?
Slave to page and the veiw's no matter how blind they may be.
A drunkard , A clown, And a welcome stranger in many a lost souls view.
Charles I can understand your humor in the utter sense of screw it all and the crued beauthy i reconize so very well.
And a whiskey laced brother kindred spirts seem to go better with southern bourban to
wash it all down.
Now sweetheart im not saying im any good but im always a goodtime.
We have to be bastards to be anything at all.
They all knew as so do I.
Heros gone were never heros at all.
Im the last of my kind hundred proof deadly with a shit eating grin.
Only through others eyes are we truely seen .
So I ask how's your view?
Admire many only to realize your lost in ego's storm.
Few understand and even less care.
Im always here till im truley gone.
Stay crazy friends and remember it's not to be admired.
For heros always must fall.
A breeze in the summers burning heat like many others.
I'll only leave a soon to be taken vacant seat.
Please give me freedom in thought to somehow ballance my prison of existance.
Cast stones over the water in a chance they'll skip across dark waters only to be trapped in another place.
Im a grounded pilot viewing clear skies .
Pissed at all but seldom understanding even myself.
As tortured youth's scribble misery with ease still the grace of agony is wasted on jaded old farts like myself.
Im a ageless fool in a counted time .
Hey wanna chat?
Cyber games I can live in the real world for im who you see in the truth of my existance as well.
Empty corners is where I find happiness I just wanna be alone.
Hey want some company?
Yes stupid questions are alive and well spoken by overrated porn stars on the evening news.
Story at eleven the news anchor blew half the crew to get this job what about her coanchor.
Another school shooting whatever happend to a good old fashioned beating?
Im sick of what i see maybe i'll make a fake version of myself online talk to little girls who hate what they see
make em think i have a answer ive never known myself.
Fuck being in style cause thoose people are about as real as there plastic surgeons newly made face.
I hate what I see maybe i'll just rip my eyes from there sockets.
Post my pics on twitter and collect dust with the rest of the half wits that could give a fuck less.
Pour a tall one i'll buy my happiness along with my new liver stop on the way home and buy that happy ending
from some hooker who's sold herself less than I.
Fuck this circus cause I choose to say whats real not give you a verbal handjob
and send you on your way.
Like this if your to lazy to move a mouse and say what you really think .
Fuck the crittics there people who cant do what you can.
Fuck the truth it just gets in the way of a good lie.
Fuck your ego I need the air to inflate my own.
Fuck it all!
Cause it's easier to push away than to ever look at yourself.
Its so easy to give up but few can stand there ground.
Fuck my thoughts cause its getting to the point a zombies march seems easier than a single thoughts remark.
No I dont have answers.
Or say it a punch of times in a semi insane rant.
Hey everyones gotta temper why mask iit cause arent most creative people misreble pricks ?
Good thjing im a happy drunk.
yeah sometimes are own creations are biggest problems cheers
It was a dark and stormy night the wind tasted of emptyness of the midnight hour.
The man was broken as he viewed the ledge and as he stepped out apon it he seemed more lost than
Elton John in a whore house.
Fucking stupid whore!
He threw the picture into the night as it made it's way to the dark waters below.
Then taking a deep chug from the bottle he began to fling the bottle as the picture befor.
Dammit man hold on!
the man shocked almost fell he thought he was alone.
Who the fuck are you!
The stange looking man who sat apon the ledge and smelled of
week long bender and a stripper or two.
Look man dont try to stop me im jumping and that's it.
Hey amigo I dont give a fuck if ya jump but if your gonna jump and toss a bottle at least make sure it's empty dumbass duh theres wino's all over the world and one right next to ya that
right now are dying for a drink.
The man like most people in the pressense of Gonzo looked at me with strange mix of
aww and fuck my life that they all seem to share.
Im gonna jump and all you care about is the fucking bottle!
My good man im hurt besides ya gotta wallet to duh not like your gonna need it
besides someone has to notify the cops besides I might get a reward I always wanted to get on a show besides cops.
The man said puzzled im guessing being he didnt follow so easily he must be Canadian.
Okay okay you got me I was also on Locked Up okay and Americas Most Wanted and maybe To Catch A Perdator that Chris Hanson what a prick tease.
Look weirdo get the fuck away from me here's the fucking bottle as for my wallet here ya go but my bitch cheating whore of a wife beat ya to the money.
So your wifes a whore and you still have to pay sir I belive your suffering from dellusion
here have a drink with me.
The man was far worse than I thought not only a Canadian he seemed to be suffering from some mental issues Jesus was it fate that a rational man as I would be hanging out okay passed out on this very same bridge.
Fuck you batman cause Gonz was on the job and I wasnt gonna blow this one like
last time not that I go around blowing things.
Besides remember kids a whore charges me I give it away now if they offer to pay
thats a diffrent story.
But enough with the foreplay hampsters.
I sat drank and listend to the mans story.
How he fell in love with this strange women who took his money and was a total slut.
Hmm wonder what she'll be up to after this annoying prick jumps?
And when I caught her with my best friend that was the final straw.
Its all over fuck life !.
So did you get this all on camera?
Why would I do that?
Idk hell man just thought it'd be fun to watch I mean who doeant like drinking and watching porn?
I know the Hello staff seems to keep things running great on it.
You are are fucking mental you know that?
Maybe but im not the one wasting booze with a kickass hooker living at home
sure ya gotta pay but dude your getting free shows its like living in Germany
sure kinda kinky but hey beats writting perverted things that no one reads on a website that
died years ago and no one wants you on much like there barely legal daughter.
You sick prick you want my life so much you can have it!!
The man shouted in his outside voice once is okay when outside but if we were inside
id really be pissed.
Just have my life you demmented bastard.
Really sir you just made me happier than that talentless twat Russel Brand after escaping
the clutches of the preaching hottie drag queen Katy Perry.
Im kidding she's great to watch with the sound off.
The man looked puzzled again I swear im begining to think he might have lied .
Cause he seemed more from a third world country like Indiana.
Hey where the hell do you think your going!?
Hey wheres my.
The man fumbled through his pockets .
Looking for these I asked holding up a pair of keys.
Hey bring thoose back right now !
Amigo sure I could hang around here listen to ya piss and moan.
But hey you said i could have your life.
And being you wanna play man on a ledge I figure why the fuck not.
You see what's one guys dirty rotten cheating whore of a wife is another guys
kick arse party to go so later.
Wait stop please Im not gonna jump she's a whore but I love her .
And the thought of your demmented ass living in my house screw it life's not that bad please
I want my life back.
My friend ya see thats all I wanted to hear.
I tossed the keys in one of thoose corney ass movie moments that guys go to just to make the laidies happy and in the hope they'll get laid.
The keys flew through air the man put his hand in the air tears in eye's
so happy he totally forgot he was still standing on the ledge.
And he screamed like a school girl as he fell to his death it was a twisted scene oh well.
I had no time to reflect cause i was off like a madman with a date with a dirty little hampster
Hey someone had to console this woman and who better than the person who spent those last
hours with him.
And was kinda responssible for his deatn but hey whats in the details.
Untill next time hampsters you stay crazy.
And remember when all hope is lost learn to hotwire a car and get the fuck outta there.
Thanks for the important life skills grandpa.
Gonzo has left the site.