John Patrick Robbins Aka Gonzo
Im a madman insane kinda weird legend of Hello.
Better known as Gonzo and yeah i own the pub.
Im a baroom poet influenced by Burkowski. And Hunter S Thompson Im a music freak and have been inspired by many songwritters to many to name.
Im alot of things website owner insane nut.
and a out there writter but hell im fun
Cheers my friends your drinking buddy for life
Ps if ya ever wanna join the real pub feel free to come on over
Hey and if ya like my humor and rather hear than read it check out me out
on youtube at
Just think Gonzo live yeah i know but hell i need the views and fans or crappy comments hey i already know im untalented cheers Gonzo
It's holidays hamsters haven't you herd.
From all that annoying ass music and commercials done by sellout artist
trying to be cool word.
I myself would rather spend this month in a holiday coma.
Buy some cheap hookers some good whiskey and run over a black Friday crowd
in a stolen Sonoma .
It's give me give me and that's just from dad.
He'll break the bank and mommy will give him something the other
night his brother already had.
Maybe I should plant a minefield upon my lawn.
To ward off carolers who only make me yawn.
I'll poison my cookies and sit back and wait.
Rob the old fat man and take Miss Santa out on a much deserved date.
Make your list and he will check twice.
After I blow his ass to pieces it really wont matter if your naughty or nice.
The holidays are a time for people to act insane over shit they do not need.
There addicts of want the stores are nothing more than dealers
selling coke crank and weed.
Maybe you love the lights and the holiday rush with the family and all.
Well you can eat shit and jingle my ball.
I hope to stay on the naughty list as long as I'm alive.
Sincerely from Gonzo.
Shut the fuck up and stop acting worse than a child who's five.
Don't send me a card cause I wont reply.
Here's your present it's a bomb now please die.
I hate the holidays call me a Grinch if you like.
Fuck you Santa all I asked for was a brick of cocaine ,ten cases of whiskey, a key to the playboy mansion , a lifetime pass to the chicken ranch , A million dollars in unmarked bills ,
My neighbors dead ,And Harley Davison Motor bike.
Daddy's little princess such a tarred delusion in white.
Let's forget all it's only between me and you and the page tonight.
False hope's and new found delusions let me slide this hand up that skirt .
Maybe it's wrong but what could feel more right.
You wanted to taste the edge so I took you to the razor.
embraced are sins and found new freedoms sweetheart was it as wicked as you could have ever imagined?
Maybe I'm the worst but it wasn't what you clawed into these shoulders last night.
Cheap moments wasn't it a hell of a time.
Matchbooks of places road stops of emptiness wasn't it a dream that new a nightmares embrace?
If you need a friend it wasn't in the cards but torment is truth mired by bullshit
can I interest you in one last fix.
Sweet nothings weren't on the menu but the passion could have burnt us both.
I hold no remorse but understand every scar holds a memory I wont bother you with that greater good speech sweetheart it's simply goodbye.
A quick slap beats a broken desire the magic was pure no matter the cancer we shared
in backseats and empty nights regression.
I recall you although I would never admit .
Every scar I treasure for sometimes your the one that I can never forget.
I'll wash it away and hopefully for you it will be something better not to have been.
Fuck the stories the page always makes us bleed in the end.
Paper cuts are that and nothing more.
We sat there in a corner booth to old dogs sitting warm by the fire so to speak.
Except are fire was fueled by the warmth of the bottle and the friendship we knew
never would we cross paths again after today.
It's a strange thing to put another person upon a pedestal and for them to view you the same.
We had fought and laughed shared drinks and made scars forever we knew
the stories would fuel the legend or maybe just mask are bullshit.
Where you thinking about heading out to amigo.
I had dreaded these words for they were a prelude to a long farwell
and a permanent goodbye.
I really cant say you know I always been like tumbleweed my friend.
Cast to the wind driven with no true direction.
Yeah well try to not let this shit consume you he said holding the glass just before he kicked
And as he eyed the skirt with a perfect pair a legs walking by .
I had to reply yeah well try not to let your vice drive you insane as well or get you shot
by some jealous husband.
I told you I've given the married ones up I'm strictly going with the young and single.
And I'm joining the priesthood pal.
Least you don't have to stop drinking.
A good smartass always seemed to have good come back dam the bastard.
We had to laugh over that one it was always a contest like two brothers one always
had to out do the other.
Well my friend I said.
If ever you need me well tuff shit cause I wont be there.
Yeah I figured that much he replied.
You know Gonz I got to admit you really are a prick.
Yeah but least I'm a honest one.
True that bud he laughed as he replied.
There was no goodbye after we closed the bar down.
We just laughed off the bullshit while masking are own.
See you shit for brains.
What you getting all sentimental on me amigo?
Fuck no besides least now my bar tab will be semi normal.
Well you know you just cant put a price tag on a good time or good conversation .
My old friend looked at me as always in a state of this guys half nuts yet always had a hard time fighting off the laugh.
Well Gonz I'd stick around but I got a thing called a life and all.
Yeah and I got to head by your sisters place and you know how she hates to be kept waiting .
How's that going ?
Real good since your mom and me broke up.
Well tell your wife and my kids I said hello and dude do you mind not coming home early anymore I mean I just having my fun time cut short.
My bad dude oh yeah and sorry bout the clap.
I finally got him on that one as are verbal tit for tat never ceased to die.
He what's a few STDS amongst friends.
We parted on that note and as I viewed my breath a dragon's smoke chased off into the corners of the night.
You just had to truly admire a prick who could roll with the punches.
No wonder he liked me so much.
Adios brother I hope life finds that which you could never grasp here.
To a very good friend of this very well known past .
Sometimes you realize what's a loss to one is the gain of another.
And me I just remain the same charming bastard I always was to begin with.
To the page I understand and my existence for which I only same to trace.
Have we not came this far on instinct now can we outlast the bullshit ahead?
dam the wrong turns I have far less direction with you may I convince you to stay only to destroy
what never was to begin with my dear.
As we count hours only to empty the glass.
Maybe one last dance upon this edge will break us maybe if only we embrace the hopeless
may we understand death and the emptiness for which you remain.
Tonight a graveside stance forget the souls underneath I walked upon to get here.
Enjoy this agony for these are the days were night will gain depth.
So shallow are my thoughts when blinded by eyes.
You counted the hours but no change would become of you in form.
A favorite monster of my worst design can I slip my poison inside only to admire are decay?
Love you served me well for winter now summers hail will reside my thoughts.
Frozen as glass to water of pond .
Your image lay trapped within my thoughts and ice.
Innocence cant never last.
In the presence of hate it's a fucked up web we spin when the only victim stands myself.
Come on it isn't so bad the repulsive stain never can we erase.
We are flawed and I just a scar left to bleed do we not understand now after I tell all?
Goodbye sweetheart hello institution at thirteen .
The reality would not be pleasant may I interest you in some lies to soften the truth?
What did I do?
A mother questions and fails to see.
We blind are selves to the answers keep it locked away.
Busted knuckles and a failed suicide attempt.
Were we not the victims of age cast in cells of misunderstanding my dear child
please never do as me.
The booze masked it well but your image only further inspired my hate.
Give it all till they see the truths.
Paper cuts are pleasant to the shit I've endured.
It haunts me a relict of a distant nightmare will I ever cease to wake.
I wish only I could say what haunts me .
But you only sent me away.
The past is a real cancer.
So erase it before it destroys you as me.
He rolled a tumbleweed of chaos hitting the floor like a ton of bricks.
Fuck that really looked like it hurt the voice said at the top of the stairs .
The man paused only to light his cigarette and begin his decent down the stairs.
Fuck please look tell MR O'Bannon I'll have the money next Wednesday I promise.
The beaten down bastard said blood slightly pouring from his mouth .
Yeah and I thought last time we gave you a week you would clear everything up pal.
With that the man drove a boot into the man on the floors ribs you could hear whatever air was left in the man expel from him a balloon popped at a child's carnival.
It always came to this he thought and it was the shit he hated most as he took another deep drag and blew the smoke a dragon amongst the lambs.
the victim was Tommy Owens he was a first class gambling fiend with as much luck for betting
as a blind man would have for driving a car on the interstate.
The orders were clear either collect the money or close Tommy's marker.
Jack had known the dumb bastard half his life just all the other stupid bastards who saw hope in swimming with sharks.'
MR O'Bannon was a ruthless scumbag who fed on his own kind and controlled this beaten down neighborhood and Jack was one of the reasons for it.
you think any business mans going to dirty his hands taking out his own garbage?
Jack was the trash man and his hands were permanently covered in his bosses dirty deeds.
Jack hated his job almost as much has he hated himself.
But sharks has have no other choice but to swim or die and he dam sure wasn't checking out anytime soon.
Tommy coughed in agony trying to breath and trying to get past the pain of a fresh pair of surely
He said in a voice more broken than his soul.
Please we've known each other since back in the day please just get me some more time please
What about my son?
He always hated when they used that card but if he were in the same fix jack knew he'd do whatever it took to get out of the certain outcome.
It's not like a movie when it comes to doing what has to be done .
In fact it's far more fucked up than any coked out movie director could imagine.
People cry they beg while others just go silent there the ones that always get to you.
Jack stood Tommy up .
I'll get you some more time alright just this is it my friend you know what happens if you screw this up.
Jack thank you man the tears welled up in Tommy's his eyes.
walking him back upstairs jack could no more tell you what Tommy babbled about than if you asked him a question about the worlds economy.
You have to be able to turn that switch of all humanity off in your head and that's what sperates the wolves from the lambs.
As he sat Tommy down in that drab old recliner he could only recall just how silent he was as he turned to leave .
And how even though he could feel the barrel of the pistol to the back of his head he said nothing.
Everyone deserves at least a grain of comfort and privacy even in death.
It was always that moment before that killed jack.
And as he left the apartment building the another scar and grain of dirt left under his nails and tarnish upon his soul .
He still recalled the sign he saw from the church that read.
Yes he loves even you.
Somehow jack thought to himself that wasn't probably meant for him.
And if he loved Tommy so very much he sure had fucked up way of showing it.
Sometimes you have to realize you cant play the game against a man who holds
a loaded deck.
And luck is just false hope for suckers.
I'm a story teller at heart and not everything in this life is easy or safe.
Embers of my change glimmer within nights breath.
To bask in the flaws my dear we have nothing but endless hours.
Short as in a razor gleams bare were your thoughts cloaked in the
nothingness of my soon departure.
Wicked is she was a poison I would forever embrace.
Are we but mortal in coil so sinful my design.
Ruff she lingered for that which was a bruise .
Fond were the memories cast with sugar laced regret.
Break my desires allow my insecurities demise.
Fuck the flesh only to tarnish the soul.
My hells have seeped within forecast of shadows and a premature demise.
Pulled in pleasure a lash of release .
Do we find a part missing keys lost unlock doors never known to are
existence will you embrace the farewell as I already have my dear?
I'll give you the fires without the signals taste the rage without the pain.
Storms have bounded what never was together to begin with.
Nights ride a clash of bodies finds us a fragment of lovers now frozen
are thoughts as burnt are those hidden desires.
Tomorrow means nothing as page left empty needs only your
words to create.
Tomorrow knows nothing but what we have made of tonight .
Some people make it seem so romantic and some would probably say I'm guilty
of exploiting it as well.
Well let me be the first to tell you there's no glory in burning out.
I live my life and to excess of course but it's not my mission to overdose or end up splattered across
Death isn't a choice it's a promise and to fear it is to worry over breathing its just part of the game folks.
The shit I write about isn't a fantasy or what I believe its like I've actually lived it.
And out of a handful of people I know I'm lucky enough to say I'm still here.
I cant tell you how to live your life and honestly I don't ever give a fuck how you do.
I've done most every drug known to man and some of them are rather overrated
to be honest that's why I prefer booze mainly because I really don't trust putting shit in my system made by people who look like they haven't slept or washed there ass in two weeks.
Yeah cokes real good shit you stay paranoid as fuck and if you get a good taste for it
it'll kill you bank account and your heart but it is good to have on hand for picking up strippers.
Hey I'm just saying if you go to the woods to hunt animals you probably use bait.
Well my hunting ground is probably a lot more comfortable than yours but hey
whatever gets you off.
Where all checking out sooner or later but don't ever fall for that delusion that
getting out early is fucking romantic shit if I had pulled the trigger when I was a miserable ass
teen I would have really missed some overrated times and some hot chicks who just
happened to lower there standards yes be used is kickass especially when you get a
happy ending out of the deal.
Live it as you will not as others would prefer cause only a spineless candy ass
plays it safe.
I write a lot of crazy shit cause I live a lot worse crazy shit.
But at least I have fucking fun.
Sure you can say fuck it all to this world.
Or you can really piss the bastards off and shake shit up till they put your ass
in the dirt.
Me I'm going to go down with the fucking ship.
A drink in hand and laughing like a madman the whole way down.
Cause nothing fucks with the ignorant worse than a son of bitch that just wont
Honey why don't you ever write me something romantic?
Those eye's of my once teenage wife looked at me in that same way whenever I knew I better cave or the fun time factory was going be closed for awhile.
Well honey you know that's not really my style and especially after getting back form the war and all it just seems like something inside me died.
But you weren't ever in the service.
Yeah I know that's what's so fucked up about it.
Once again my use of choice yet altogether confusing bullshit had worked kids there so easily impressed with bullshit no wonder those fucking twilight books sold.
Dam you Jedi mind trick you never fucking work!
Screw you George Lucas for mind raping me as a child not that I watched those films.
What do you think I am some kind dork who post's shit all over the net for cheap
laughs cause he has no true life?
Okay that was a bit harsh I have a life well kinda.
Gonzo! Are you listening?
My demented little hooker with a heart of a gold card asked?
Of course I'm listening duh you know I'm a artist I'm like always deep in thought
about serious shit.
Okay like what?
Well if your a hand model and you book a gig is it called a hand job?
Are you fucking nut's.
No sweetheart I'm a drunk.
Your right I've always been insane with a chance of brilliance in some misspelled ideas.
Look Gonzo I'm not joking just listen okay.
My little nympho just went speaking and like any good man I paid no attention and just shook my head in agreement it's a trick I learned from my grandfather.
Course now it's no longer a secret being I've let all the chicks no dammit.
She kept rattling on all the while I thought pure sweet thoughts while staring at her boobies.
I was lost on a sunny meadow where all was soft and gentle.
I'm kidding it was more like a porno involving Jennifer Aniston ,Rihanna , and that total slut who was all the rage you know that former kids star you know Betty White.
It was all going pretty normal well aside from the pool of ranch dressing and Justin Bieber's
head on a goat's body I always knew he was into devil worship.
I just hate we have something in common.
I couldn't take anymore so I ran I ran so far away.
But still I couldn't get away.
So we have a deal?
Yes what dear lord what had I agreed to?
Fuck you Betty White that Hanna Montana shit sucked.
Oh thank you baby so much I just know it'll be great.
Yes it will.
I had no clue what this strange little female was speaking of for one I was lost
and I felt all naked and vulnerable to bad no hot stripper rapist were in the vicinity
yeah I know that's a big word for me thank you Dora the explorer sure I was disappointed
it wasn't a porn at first but you really have opened my horizon's.
That just sounds wrong but enough with the foreplay kids.
I was silent deep in thought and finally before I could ask my semi faithful
nympho spilled the beans once always beats cutting them yeah girl farts they just take
all the fun out it.
Baby I cant wait to read your new romantic write.
What dear lord!
It was a nightmare from which I couldn't wake it was impossible task
a myth like if you take yoga you can blow yourself.
Gonzo cannot write romance.
It just doesn't happen hell I'm Gonzo and even I know that.
Baby after I read it I'm going to give you the best gift ever.
It's something you always wanted.
My mind went spinning as to this want that would be worthy.
Hmm lets see .
So you mean were going to murder Justin Bieber and bathe in his blood ?
No baby even better.
What could be better than that ?
My mind was working overtime dammit I hadn't thought this much sense
that old teacher asked me what I wanted to do with my life.
Course then I realized when he asked me to find his candy bar in his pocket that he was just a perverted janitor.
Yeah it's a long story don't ask.
You know baby you me and my friend and her other friend and this time you'll actually
get to join in.
It was like Christmas for a pervert.
So looks like I was going to be writing a romantic story.
I could do this especially for some twisted freaky sex hell it's what are country was founded upon.
Duh I mean bribes people they didn't invent freaky sex until the 60's.
You know right around the great depression.
Yeah I bet whoever invented the blowjob put a smile on someone's face.
See not only in my long winded writes do you get perversion you get culture and that history shit.
yeah I know your welcome high five to blowjobs.
I was selling my soul but it's okay it wasn't anything I hadn't done before.
To create this masterpiece I had to get alone with my thoughts yet still have a good
internet connection duh how else would I write this dumbass?
What do you think I am some dinosaur that writes on paper.
Do I look like I'm Amish yeah that shows about as real as my crystal meth operation
I have in the garage.
I'm kidding I don't have a garage but my grandmother does yeah like I'm going to blow up my own house.
I was off to my secret hiding place to be alone and write the greatest romance story off all time.
It would surpass all the greats of the past.
Like Gone With The Wind or that story of those two butt pirate cowboys you know
they made a movie about it called Wayne's World.
Will Gonzo be able to concentrate for more than a half second.
Avoiding booze and freaky things on the internet like I didn't know you could fit that up there dot com.
Will anyone actually get to the end of this without falling into a coma or getting more weed not that my readers smoke weed.
Will little Timmy make it out of that well to find grandpa and lassie having a quality
peanut butter session don't ask.
All this and more will be answered in the next exciting and even more long winded
episode of Go Fuck Yourself A Love Story. Part 2 coming soon to poetry site near you.
Yeah I know I'm not right .
It's always in those moments of afterglows fade it all turn's to shit.
When silence is cut by razors of thought.
And what just happened finds way to guilt of another's regret.
Maybe we should find a place to go but maybe we should just take it for what it never was.
Broken dreams were built upon good intentions and I for one have to many
burnt bridges to cross this rivers distraction my dear.
I can't say I will share in nothing more than a action .
It's just not something I can do .
She listens in pain yet knows truth's seem less intrusive under passions spent.
There's no happy ending just a moments release.
I never promise what I can't even believe in myself.
I know emptiness but sometimes the drunken bliss finds me weak.
Maybe tomorrow will change a hardened heart.
Good thing I wont be here to entertain it's well intended lies.
The aftermath of a supposed good time remain untouched.
Every fucked up flaw for none to cherish and all to judge.
It was a storm of my life one still for which I bare the scars.
You destroyed my existence to show me a life I now cannot from which fathom a departure.
Yet through addictions we clung to reality as we filtered are own bullshit without a care.
Track marks and worn makeup sweetheart the road still cant realize tomorrows embrace.
I see the places now with trained eyes the places we died in self to form a bound of hellish demise.
Sick in love as tortured in soul.
Can I ever clean your burden for which none may ever allow me to forget.
Such passion in that highest of lows we were the nights children now simply we are the
sunrise of a far off delusion.
I saw your depth turn to emptiness as the black hole logic did swallow us all.
It was hell knowing but far worse trying to remain a secret of no true surprise.
I remember when last we sat cold from the night but warm from the fix.
It was the darkest hours.
And forever you a favorite blemish of mine.
now I exist the outcast welcomed inside.
A excitable addict amongst the upper class swine.
There's no difference in the rats simply a title and a bastards ego to try to tell yourself
you made it out alive.
Never believe the bullshit they tell you.
My scars now faded hidden from view.
Still traces remain to remind me there's no difference between me and you.
It always cold even in my vices warmth.
I watched the television for lack of a hot girl bent over the pool table.
Tonight had been a dead night and I was simply counting the hours till I would
pass the fuck out and start it all over again.
I herd one of the overrated windbags on the screen say.
Tonight were here for the art and to honor the artist.
Yet in the sea of overdressed teenagers I saw no art just some corporate nimrods who were selling songs like a hooker sold her ass out on the street.
The glitz the glamour wasn't to honor it was a marketing tool for record labels to push there new product.
And like any good pimp they had brought a slew of there finest whores on display for the wolves.
It was a true gathering of the young and mindless.
While all your favorite overplayed annoying as fuck pricks and bitches were there all
acting as if they were having a blast and lip syncing to all there soon to be forgotten pop
It was like being mind raped by a willy wonka .
And the first award goes to some stupid rehab bound slut who's currant record I really want two of.
One to shit on and one to cover it up with.
And just when it can get no worse we have to see washed up boy bands drag there over weight asses upon the stage to try to get one last fix before they drop dead well we can always hope.
Yes for a channel that calls it's self music television yet plays no actual music why should have I expected any less.
Art isn't cooked up in some factory cranking out radio friendly bubble gum anthems
for little girls to scream to and perverts to have wet dreams to.
True art doesn't wear a G string .
Just usually hot chicks or some fat chicks but that's not usually a G string it's just there underwear has crawled up there ass dam optical illusions.
What fuck are you watching!?
The old regular asked me as he pulled himself from his semi coma of watered down drinks
and half spent cigarettes.
You know there amigo sometimes even I don't know what to call it myself.
Yeah well if your not to busy looking at jailbait give me another.
I flipped the idiot box off and gave the old bastard another round.
So grandpa I asked in my oh so charming and down right annoying tone.
What do you thinks the problem with music today?
Well for one asshole your supposed to listen to music not watch it!
That and I miss the stuff the kids nowadays never hear.
Yeah there father time what's that my friend.
You know that shit called actual music.
Yes this relic of the past had a great point there was no depth in a child's swimming pool
and as me and my lone customer counted the hours till this night's chapter of a close
slowly approached we spoke of the classics and did what any to fellow adults would do.
Turned the jukebox up and put the TV on mute.
cause art may not wear a G string but some really hot sluts do.
And no matter a mans age even Picasso could admire a fine ass.
They always say write what you know but no reader would ever care to travel the roads I know so well.
The unwanted gather in vast groups to isolate.
My thirty days notice is now .
Insanity you claim maybe in this venture I know my ends pleasure to resist I know none better to reside just let me burn out with all the rest.
In code I speak if only you cared to decipher maybe I would give a fuck to explain my dear.
It's been a good run.
We sat on the bulked viewing the sounds no words need be shared for sometimes in silence we say far more.
The sunset was upon us and the booze was kicking in to that perfect sense of a warm buzz and the waters draw poetic in the truest sence .
There were shared stories with added lies simply a understanding of a crossroads part.
The road had ran it's course now the chapter was done and so my own would continue.
Were the fuck you headed now man.
My friend asked in a mild laugh curious yet knowing no matter the direction we
had different stories to write.
I have know clue think I'll just chase the sunset till the highways lends me her thoughts once again.
My friend simply shook his head .
Sometime I really can't begin to fathom what goes on in that head of yours bud.
Hell sometimes I wonder myself I had to think.
It's always on these rides when the air is one with the nights empty promise
I truly grasp the thoughts and understand my roads always best traveled alone.
The drug's the booze simply a mask for others to understand my less than
understandable actions there always has to be something in which to place the blame now doesn't there?
I try not to question and as the road's endless roll drew me yet again I cared less
for the logic and simply gave in to the need to know what lay over the next hill.
I'd far rather die with my boots on than waste away in regret.
Live while you can for times a commodity none can afford to waste my friends.
And as I hit the on ramp bound for nowhere and eager to see it all.
I had to think to the moments shared for they were far more meaningful to friends than I.
Sometimes a lone wolfs howl isn't for emptiness of the fear of isolation.
It's the understanding of one's self that truly drives the one's who chase the highways line.
I viewed the sunset a chapters close for the moment and a endless thirst of highways vice
I so desired eternal.
She's a cruel mistress to some but on this nights ride her embrace is all I ever did need
Fuck the weather !
It always seemed when you planned shit.
Things always turned to shit.
I had been fed the fuck up far to long.
No I was more like hand me a gun and get the fuck out of my way.
the ride had been the boiling point the conversations were as mundane as the Oklahoma
It's sad when you see a tree and you want to get out the car and kiss the ground.
I had to distance myself and the nearest bar called me like a ship to shore .
And maybe after a few stiff drinks I could somehow convince myself the trip was worth the burden of putting up with half the pricks I listened to out here.
The show was going to be hell dealing with some lame ass bastards with there family friendly bullshit.
Hopefully my set would be over fast.
Get up there talk to the deadlights crowd and get the hell off that stage before my drink needed refilling.
Hey so what's your deal?
The strange looking guy had asked me on the way up.
Just prefer silence to a jackasses chatter I guess.
He didn't seem to enjoy my reply and his leaving me alone for the rest of the trip was a pleasant reward indeed.
Little early don't you think?
Another had asked as I broke out my flask and mixed the first of my drinks I like to think as
asshole tolerance serum.
Well honestly being it's already ten in the morning I'm actually running late.
Fuck he's going to be wasted by the time we get there how fucking unprofessional.
I had met far to many of these self righteous pricks on many trips across the states and they all were the same.
To busy watching other's to even realize they had no place being in the company
of actual men they were more like a annoying ex who nagged the shit out of you till you either said shut the fuck up bitch!
Or just walked away silent as she rattled on a mental tornado in a self absorbed existence.
I rarely gave people like this my time let alone my thoughts.
For empty minded assholes could look to other halfwits to fill there heads.
me I had a hard enough time believing my own bullshit to care about anyone else's.
It was a hour till my set and as I knocked back a luke warm beer in a first class shithole
I had to think man I really should have chosen a less interesting career path.
But hell there were like almost ten people in dire need of some saving from the clutches
of candy ass humor and Lord help them if a improve group was around.
I staggered from my stool towards the door as the barkeep said.
Hey buddy need me to call you a cab to get home.
Home hell amigo I'm getting ready to clock in to work.
Maybe I could have chosen a more easy path.
But the drinks seem awful watered down driving a school bus.
Besides who would save the bored few from the family friendly
joke tellers of this world.
Till next time.
It's a feeling passed down from generation to generation.
That old poetic sense of the sea and the men doomed to fall to her powers.
I see it's signs upon the sky but make no attempt to retreat .
A storm like no other is bound to hit and in it's approach I only pour another and wait for it's wrath.
Doomed souls often laugh at there demise yet I prefer a smirk and dead silence.
I cant stop it and honestly I've grown to tired to run.
Why avoid the jaws of the tiger when you can embrace the wings of a dragon?
And that vice I have chased far to long.
Collapsed veins and cold showers shock no longer fix the solution so why not
just say fuck it all instead?
Your no longer the shark amongst the fish my friend your more the forgotten fool
bound for the depths.
Have I lost it now gone to far that the surface is but a dream I've lost in nightmare's
far to long to recall.
Don't look for warning signs simply look my way and understand.
There's a limit one can only push so far .
I view the storm upon the horizon yet I will no longer run.
For one last stand is not in my cards.
But I'm dam sure up for one last round.
The phone rang and as usual I answered with that touch of vocal swagger I'm so greatly
the voice on the other end was timid and who could blame her it's not often
A writer gets to speak with a semi legend in the making well kind of look I can fucking dream okay.
Is this Gonzo?
The voice asked unsure in a world of pitfalls and scammers she had stumbled upon the
true voice behind the madness it was like Christmas minus the annoying little bastards and terrible music.
Why yes yes it is.
Hey this is Lily Mae it's really awesome to finally talk to you.
I understood her happiness it must have been what it was like to first realize
your idols were real Lily was thrilled with excitement she rattled on a star struck
fan in the glow of the great one.
I'm so used to this by now as you can imagine being as awesome as I.
We spoke for hours on some of my favorite subjects like myself.
Duh what else is there to talk about well besides boobies and what a shithole this site has become.
You know you really are a mystery to most and it really works for you.
Well honestly that's mainly because of the whole outstanding warrants thing I said.
To which she laughed.
Although I don't know why being I was serious.
We chatted for hours on every subject under the sun.
she told me all about her interests like miniature golfing and arguing with airhead teens
at writers café.
And A bunch of other things I cant recall cause I was far to busy hearing about how awesome I was .
Well you can't argue with the truth folks I know they don't call me captain kickass for nothing.
So I bet you get a lot of girls writing you huh?
Duh of course I mean it gets so bad cause I mean I hate having to turn them down cause I'm like
yeah I know all you poetic chic's want to get with me but like I got to rest my ding ding sometime.
You wouldn't believe how bad it is I mean there's a lot of really weird people out there on the internet.
Yeah and I think I'm talking to the weirdest.
Seems this hamster was getting a bit jealous I couldn't blame her.
But I was like a wild turkey I had to run cause I couldn't fly and that and I'm afraid of heights.
But I'm usually cool with getting high not that you should ever do drugs.
Cause look what doing to many drugs can do to your brain.
Hell the effects are clear just look at the people that run this place.
Umm Gonzo I got to go.
Seems being in the presence of greatness had all the normal side effects
but honestly enough about peoples personal problems.
Hey don't take this the wrong way or anything.
I knew what she was going to say next oh silly fans like I told my last one
of course you can send me nude pics just not if your a dude.
Duh who wants to look at some dudes hairy sack it was just a faze I was going through okay!
Besides I had to have proof Justin Bieber was really a guy .
I'm kidding like he has hair on his balls.
Not that I would know but I mean he is Canadian it's just there culture okay.
Of course Lily just remember I have high standards I'm kidding I'm a total slut.
What she said confused seems she was experiencing a contact high yes I'm just that good.
What the hell are you talking about?
Look I know how it is to be in the presence of Gonzo
trust me even I cant keep my hands off myself.
Big shocker there Gonz but hey switch it up sometimes and call it a double date.
Lily Mae not only is she a poet She's a pretty good smartarse as well.
Gonz what I was going to say was .
Is that don't be hurt but your kind of weird so don't try calling back cause I'm going to block your number.
I heard what she was saying and like most men I didn't let reality get in the way of my own ego fed
Sure she was saying I was weird and after talking to me she really wanted to take a shower .
But what she was really saying was.
She knew I was a loner a outlaw and a true freebird minus the really long ass song
and drunken redneck fans with lighters held up.
She knew she couldn't tame the king of crazy so she would simply admire from afar like all the rest
hopefully without a restraining order or pepper spray that fucking
shit burns much like the clap.
Not that I would know.
Umm Gonz are you there?
Yes little hamster I am and I fully understand be free my friend and stay crazy.
Uhh yeah you to and well I got to go your really creeping me out.
And just like that she was gone but I believe she took a great deal from the conversation
like don't talk to people from the internet and sometimes people who play crazy
truly are fucking crazy.
So remember if your ever alone and feel like just talking to someone.
You probably want to avoid me cause it's really not a act.
And I'll probably scare the shite outta you or make you take a bath and if so I'm
just saying that web cam is got to get some use sometime.
Stay crazy hamsters
And remember your not shite till I've put you in a Gonzo write.
The bar was empty .
The bartender like always made another run through making sure all was clean and in order.
When like some weird mental ninja she found someone sleeping in a booth.
The man seemed so peaceful lost in perfect drunken slumber.
So she did what any kind hearted soul who stumbled apon some sleeping drunk in a booth
Kicked the shit outta it and said.
Look asshole how many times have I told you stop passing out here dont you have a fucking
But this wasnt any regular drunken sleeping beuthy of a arsehole .
It was everyones favorite drunken arsehole.
And the misspelling madman of hello Gonzo.
Oh my lord someone catch that donkey for he finds out Taylor Swift's in town.
Yes the kids went for a braindead bubblegum shit fest and ended
up with nature show or more like a donkey show but what jackass
hadnt been with Taylor Swift?
What the hell are you talking about.!
The barmaid said to me looking angry yet still there was that strange look of hey if this were a porn something was about to happen.
Hey there Susan, Becky,Rebbeca whatever the hell your name is another round please.
Are you fucking nuts!
The woman seemed tense but I had to ask myself was this a trick question?
I thought long and hard yet stayed semi soft in thought that is get your mind outta the gutter ya perves.
Look miss lets not kid each other theres a reason im here besides the fact that im a drunk
that and im avoiding the cops.
No one would ever think to look for me in a bar.
Yeah you sit behind that bar looking at me asking will that be all but lets cut the crap.
The woman was silent as I could tell there was a connection on one of thoose
deep level's like in one of thoose dumb ass romance books women read
like the Notebook yeah thanks Nicholas Sparks now women want you to hang with em till they go senile and I like to usally leave after I pay.
Not that I read that book.
What do ya think I am a weirdo duh thats why they make movies.
It was for research only.
Well that and this chick I was trying to bang wanted to see it.
Look I had to go cause she was to young to go by herself.
Im kidding well kinda.
But enough with the foreplay hamsters.
Miss I say we turn down the lights maybe put on some music have a couple cold one's.
You can serve cause you know after having a few drinks your not supposed
to operate heavy machinery.
Its a fucking bottle opener you idiot! she said.
Shh I said to this madien of the booze.
Yeah thats what grandad thought now look were he is?
He died ?
Yes he did and there isnt a moment I dont linger to hear him say
Hey shit for brains!
Get off your dead ass and get me a beer!
Wow he really sounds like a prick.
Yeah come to think of it he kinda was.
We sat there in silence togather deep in reflection yet not really cause it was
kinda dark and everyone nothing refelcts in the dark but some things
glow like condoms but thats enough about my glowstick.
Hey the barmaid asked.
Did he really die from using a bottle opener?
Well it was more of the semi truck's fault but if he hadnt of reached for that bastard
he's probaly be here as we speak and I wouldnt be the only one.
Telling you you have a marvelous set of boobies.
Or annoying the shit outta you.
Look weirdo I put up with annoying drunks everyday.
And when I say lastcall your cutting into my time.
So although you got nothing better to do then drink your liver silly.
I wanna get the fuck outta here.
So your saying you wanna go home maybe take a nice warm bath.
Walk around half naked call up your girlfriends wrestle and maybe make out.
While a strange demented man films the whole the thing or joins in cause
im all about inprove acting and filmaking.
It seemed this strange gatekeeper to the booze wasnt a lover of the arts.
Cause befor you could whistle dixie while being spanked by a dwarf dressed as
Dolly Parton I was chased from the bar.
Cast into the cold depths of darkness and alone it's okay.
it would'nt have worked out sure we coulda dabbled in the arts gotta a few thousand
hits off of a adult site really what romance doesnt start that way?
But me I was a loner a cowboy who couldnt ride a horse but hey someone has to break the fucking mold and besides that's what cars are for.
So I was off but i'd see the barmaids face again sure she had knocked me down
like a group of braindead teenie boppers would a security gaurd who stood
between them and Justin Bieber.
But are paths would cross again.
Duh im a drunk and besides it wasnt all a loss.
cause as she was pushing me out the door I felt her boob.
See kids you always gotta look on the brightside.
Untill next time stay crazy.
I sat nursing a overpriced draft in a underated dive
I won't go into the details of it's location.
I won't be there by the time of anyone reading this.
And moments are just that and best left alone.
It was a empty bar .
Only me and the bartender and we weren't here for conversation.
I was avoiding the heat and like some B movie vampire in his coffin.
I found no need to view the light only burn my night world existence.
I never really liked bars much.
The people were pretty much the same social circle rejects and broken
highschool hero's who relived glory one beer at a time.
They always hated the jukebox .
Me I preferred a good song over some far fetched lie
about how some jock asshole saved the game.
Honestly I enjoyed a good drink and some even better music.
As well as the night's silence.
Simple people hate silence.
It forces them to think.
And thinking is a dangerous task for a halfwit.
Course I had to escape my hermit existence sometimes.
Air out my stale thoughts at least for awhile.
I sat there spending what little I never truly had to begin with.
Semi cold beer and smoke the perfume of my thoughts.
I shared only with the wasted page.
Hey mind turning on the jukebox?
I asked the silent man sitting across the bar.
It's broke he said and nothing more.
Well seems me and that machine have something in common.
Sometimes stepping outside seemed like a good idea.
Until you realize outside is filled with a bunch of annoying pricks!
I never went back to that dive although I hear the jukebox was later
With some game that sat at the end of the bar like some idiot box microwave.
Still I think it has more personality than that bartender .
Course I believe at abuck a play it's overrated to begin with.
Ego was the monster that drove you from my arms or was it just another's charm.
It wasnt poetic simply one lights fade to yet another act in a much to dim lit sidewalk's scene.
If you go I wont care so many bitter words stand are refuge of pain togather we shared
it if only for a moment.
Maybe it was a nightmare made possible from a dream.
Maybe it was nothing more than a glimpse at what was never to be.
I closed that door now it seems a shame to view these scars yet once again.
Please dont ever let me leave you.
I recall you asked one of to many fargone nights embrace
I lie to say i could never recall.
Why did it seem like promises were empty as broken hearts games of the grown remain
evergreens of childs play.
Alone I allow you to invade my thoughts one last time.
Sunset from the shore always seemed empty just like are time togather.
Why must you haunt me still.
Watercolors fade still I recall that embrace.
Farewell my friend.
Pain is a burden to you no more.
Sometimes a turned shoulder is all thats left of a deadend street.