Love is cruel
only if it is lost.

A man, a woman
can only love so much.

So only a love
of my Savior I first trust.

New life knows nothing
yet more than I can imagine.
It flutters in a safe, warm cocoon
awaiting the day to see this strange world.

New life hears muffled music and Mommy's voice.
Mommy thinks every second of how she loves you
and how to keep you strong and faithful, but
give you free will and show you how to be still.

For now new life needs nourishment of the healthy kind
the basics of life and love. Mommy thinks in a panicky way
of how she can give you the same peace your whole life,
keep you safe from strife.

But knows it can't all be given by her, who will learn you.
Only by Him, who already knows you,
can show you.

* To my little one

Far flung freedom
feels feverish,
a fierce fire
burning brightly,
but both bear burdens of
pursuing purposeful pain
pinned to people pondering
for future father's from families
far flung from fire
and each other.

Rain is really rainy
running, rolling round'
rendering rhythms on
roofs rather randomly
yet really relying on
rays reaching right
as rehearsed.

What do I write about the rain that never ends?

Does it feel like cool round beads of silk or metal?
I don't know I can only see it from my window.

Does it smell like fresh clean linen or limes?
I couldn't say I can only see it from my window.

Does it sound like children's small feet or toes?
I can't think I can only see it from my window.

Does it taste like a new beginning or old endings?
I refuse to learn because....

I can only see it from my window.

I love surprises!
Well, most of the time,
if they fall in line
with what I had in mind.

And should that surprise me?
Should it be so?
That a something unexpected
is not something I will know?

The way life has gone
and the way it will go
is that God will surprise me,
no matter what I sow.

God's surprises will be
unexpected and so
my mind devised
that though I may love it or not,
should I be surprised?

I stood gazing.
Light shed behind a wooden cross
overlooking your kingdom.
Overlooking your river steady and true
flowing to your sea.
From a distance it seemed to be moving
with the life and morning life of you.

I moved, drawn closer to the life,
at peace, but my heart quickened.
Your cross grew larger and leaped faster,
not away, but towards me.
Now I saw a new color of the day,
the color crimson. Alive on your cross.
Crimson lept away and towards me in time and space it seemed.

When I opened and focused my eyes fully,
I gazed on a miracle of your making.
A harmless, simply beautiful, creation.
Hundreds of pure crimson ladies, your blood shed for me,
danced in hope and joy around on your sacrifice.
The cross you bore for me.

After my wide eyes settled I sat quietly, serenely.
I felt your cool morning dew laying on your jade toned grass.
I sat near enough to soak in your beauty fully,
Just enough to feel hope landing on my arms, harmlessly.

Hope then crawled and spread a joyful smile on my resting lips.
Only enough to absorb grace and all that there was, then.

I sat and looked up, using gifts given , bent my neck to spine.
I sat and saw the wonder you showed me.
I sat and heard your voice whispering through my hair.
I sat and breathed in your breath fully.
I sat and believed in you, still I sat alone with you.

Time unknown went by and then there were more of us.
We sat together no words spoken.
We sat together in weary morning amazement.
We sat together with our hands folded , spirits entwined with yours.
We sat together and the eyes you blessed us with soaked in wings of pure joy.
We sat together and believed in you.

Crimson ladies danced to sow in us peace, love, serenity, creation, quiet,
joy, connection, beauty, light,  sound, feeling and it all meant love.

The cross of your creation, dancing with life.
The sacrifice you made.
Made for us, made for you and me.
We are grateful for all and your crimson ladies.

2008....about my first experience with the Father, Son and The Holy Spirit, which happened in 2002. I lost the memory and my way for a a while and the experience found me later and brought me back to Him in some ways.

The biggest mistake I ever made
was missing the chance I didn't take.

The ground beneath my feet, I feel,
is moving slowly, sharpening steel.

The smallest sign was blind to my eyes,
and now my heart can feel its shrinking size.

The chance He made
I chose not to take
always was my biggest mistake.

There is just no sleeping tonight
I am trying but the twirling of my head
won't let everything be alright.
So I sit, gaze straight instead.

No, there is just no rest in sight.
The coffee pot is waiting ready
for the dawning of early morning light,
but I keep my gaze steady.

If there will be snoozing against minds might
tomorrow will come in glory
to greet me without a fight
and I will continue on
to the following verse of this story.

Verse 2...Still no sleep

Magnitude of mighty morals
must mind minutes on laurels.
Lay lying in lighted luck lamenting.
Love lives lively less forgetting.
Find favor of Father's future.
Fair in fun filled creature.
Crawl in crevasse created.
Can of cold cards played.
Pain of posture posed poignantly.
Part in pretty petals painted loosely.
Learn of leaning lantern low.
Lid open liturgy's lighted meadow!

Rolling on by east west way
I could almost see behind me,
As I almost did yesterday.
In my right corner eye
I saw the sun shine setting
and on my left the ocean was swaying and swelling.
Rolling on by east west way.

The sand searchers toy store
was full and flowing more and more.
Yet while staring at it straight ahead
I only saw a light changing to red.
Rolling on by east west way.

So I glanced a moment to the setting sun
and to my right was the only direction
I could see the light.
But the sand searchers toy store was blocking the rays
and it only beckoned me to play.
Rolling on by east west way.

If only I could've rolled on by east west way
as the sun was rising over the ocean's sway.
Then perhaps I would see and stay
in the right light.
Not rolling on by east west way.

The sky expands and light follows through
down to the tumbling ocean blue.
A cross at the point guides fishermen there
and its bark in the sand reveals God's grace like a chair.

So have a seat and smile awhile
don't be afraid, don't cry child.
God is here though the sand stings your sight
and the clouds close black like the night.

So close your eyes and put yourself to bed
don't be restless and rest your head.
The sky will expand and
his light will follow through
down to the tumbling ocean blue.

With ships sailing from dusk to dawn,
this is when God finds His prodigal sons.
Who swim in circles
searching the shore.

With sails filling from rise to fall,
this is how God hears His son's mournful calls.
Which flutter and fail
through winds wailing more.

With sands shifting from near to far,
this is why God knows His sons live for stars.
That burn and die
leaving them an empty core.

With souls trailing from up to down,
this is where God sees His sons stroke toward ground.
Where He watches ready
to open His heart's beating door.

There is a way of making the day
all upside down and inside out.
A pout starts a draining
of drops from deep eyes.
As lies build up
from behind those lids
I fee just like a grown up kid.

Head bowed,
eyes closed
and praying.

There is a way of making the day
build it backwards and see it all
right side in.
Give the day a spin,
turn it around,
and keep on, just keep on
following Him.

For a while
begin with a smile.

Head bowed,
eyes closed,
and praying.

The only way
for me to see what he is saying;
will be to begin and end the day....

Head bowed,
eyes closed,
and praying.

Dawn is creeping closer
and the wind is blowing past me.
The face of a poser
walking by slowly.
My head is turned away you see,
but not long enough for me to really breath.

I am just sitting here hoping, wishing and saying...
I am never alone.
I am never alone.

Afternoon opens my mind to another time
and the wind is blowing by me.
The face of a mime
walking by silently.
My eyes are watching you see,
but not long enough for me to really believe.

I am just sitting here hoping, wishing and saying...
I am never alone.
I am never alone.

Pretending is easy,
but somehow never pleasing;
and I am sitting here hoping, wishing and saying...
I am never alone.
No, we are never alone.

Night is falling in front of me
and the wind is blowing through me,
the face of forever , lingering in my heart.

My soul is simply praying
just long enough to have a little faith.
Only now as my head is bowing
I am truly breathing.

I am kneeling here saying...
I am never alone.
I believe we are never alone.

My feet
hit the street
eyes down
cast on the ground
trying not to be distracted
by the soldier with a gun on the corner
now I reacted.

Turning my head in circles to the burning sky,
the noises of confusing cars wrestle by.
I hope I can safely cross
for I was warned
there is chance of a loss.

While Tegucigalpa taxis fight for a ride,
I patiently wait for an ebbing tide.
My feet again hit the pavement,
as I wonder what a flower vendor's words meant.

I made it to the other side,
but my time I cannot bide.
For before the first bell rings,
in front of a classroom I will stand free.

Do you know I love you,
every bump and bruise and wrinkle
every glow and smile and ribbon
every day and night and trouble?

Do you know I love you?
You never have to hurry.
You never have to run away.
You never have to worry.

Do you know He loves you;
until your mind has mended;
until your final trial;
until all His time has ended?

My soul's shifting of tides
is ever more
real
changing
and true
as the running river does flow
to a sea

The difference here is the route taken and
the way
my soul
finds me.

To meet my soul swimming against currents and tides
Is always
a difficult
and challenging
ride,
but to be greeted into deeper oceans
after riding through narrow rock ways and rapids
is a much more comforting notion.

This is so because after
the quick
bumpy
ride
through a
narrow water path flowing;
I am sure to find
the end
and a deeper way of knowing.

So even though the tide
of my soul
is still
shifting and true

I choose to take my soul
the narrow way
of a river running quickly towards a deeper soulful You.

You will be the one to hold close
The voice my ears hear the most
You will be the one I can bare
The time and all of our cares.

You will be the one who is gentle
The way faith is so simple
You will be the one where I know
The love of God will grow.

The one is my friend
My world’s helping hand.

You will be the one who is bound
The ring on a finger might be found
You will be the one who shares
The love of God will mend every tear.

You will be the one I will run to
The rhythm in my shoe
You will be the one I will age with
The rocking of God’s true gift.

The one is my friend
My world’s helping hand.

You will be the one I will meet
The smile after a long, long street
You will be the one I will ask for
The other side of God’s great door.

For now you are the one with who I wish to be
The one I wish to see
The one who is at a distant shore
The one God knows I pray for.

The one will be my friend
My world’s helping hand.