There's so much I want to say
Though finding the right words can be so troublesome
A "but" at the wrong time could tear you apart.
An "um" can make me seem unintelligent.
And too many "I"'s may cause us to lose a connection.
The point could be lost at the misplacing of a comma.
And a crummy adjective can throw off our mood.
Though, if you manage to look past my unpunctuated lines
Or my sloppy placing of a rhyme
Or the misspelled words
Or repeating of a theme
You might happen upon something real
A heart conveniently on display
There may be no rhythm
Or Shakespearean resemblance
But each letter is history
And phrase is a lesson
Even if you don't understand
Maybe someone else will
And my version of therapy could be theirs
But God-willing I touch your heart
And be the change I'd like to see
And my words could hug your soul
And hush your inner crying child
Because we aren't alone
I just want my words to sit with you for awhile
I just want the page to be your shoulder
The situation you can put yourself into
And not feel selfish for seeing it as you
The friend you don't have to pretend to hear
Just to get to talk about your day
Let this one time be for you
Let your feelings show
Its the words and you now
Let it take you where you'd like to go
This is about letting go
Because of all my knowledge
Its still something I lack to know
I lay entangled with you at night
To others though, you aren't in sight
When I no longer hear the tenor of your voice
And playing a recording is my only choice
And I can't recall your kiss
The closest is my lips to my own wrist
The instances when I go through my own hell
As I walk in public by some man with the same smell
Or pass a truck of the same color
Sends my heart running for cover
Or the time your name accidentally slips from my mouth
Warrants a moment of silence, how we grieve in the South
The worst of it could be that there's no grave
No place to spill the tears I save
Much to my astonishment they don't bury the living
Even after their soul stops giving.
Each touch rips away my
My heart actually beats
The moment when life sparks tears
How real living was having you near
I used to love myself before I lost you
You can't protect me from me
My brain I am not
But it tries to take over
Clear my mind
Your hand in mine.
These are the things I would say to you if I could call.
I'd say how dare you ever hurt me, it wasn't supposed to happen at all.
You'd say you didn't hurt me, not technically anyways.
I'd know you're right, it was I who begged you to stay.
My rebuttal would be that you know better.
You know every mountain I'd move for the chance to be together
Every rule I broke, and lie I told.
Every second I drank up, and how I ruined my mold.
How I sang love songs, danced, and how I don't do those impractical things.
The way I dreamed while trying on rings.
You'd say, in the most adult manner, how you warned me of all of this.
How difficult it was to manage a kiss.
So how could you build a future?
You're not a proper suitor.
I'm blinded by fantasy and naive.
I grew to trust your word, felt you wouldn't leave.
But days drifted by, no word at all.
I write poems, you don't call.
There's a pang so large on the inside of her heart
She feels like a resident of Hiroshima in 1945
But on a crowded day in a restaurant
You may just see a waitress with a short attention span
You would not be bothered to ask her
If her world was indeed crumbling
But rather for a refill of Coke
And the check if you have time
As she punches buttons and prints receipts
You wouldn't notice the swirling of the sea of emotions
And the crack of her heart, in a physical sense
As if it was real, we all hear of grief killing a person
Dutifully she's ordered to and fro
Possibly knowing that if she stops for a second,
An instance, it would kill her.
But maybe an instance in which someone cared wouldn't.
Maybe if you reached your 9-5 arms out to hers
Pulled her close with a "there-there"
Tucked a strand behind her ear?
Whispered someone is here.
But you won't.
She'd probably slap you.
And everyone would stare!
The atrocity. A human being to actually care.
She'll shuffle on in the bustle.
Wishing maybe she'd pause for that instance or two.
You'll pay the bill, never having thought twice.
But man wouldn't the compassion of two strangers sure feel nice.
Brown pools of magic.
And I grew to realize
Even that didn't matter
My eyes can't look at you
Any other way
Than picturing a thousand
Years in the past
Like the inner center is my
Long lost old friend. The
only one to unravel the shell
where mine has resided, dying.
When your breath entered my
Lungs I knew all the secrets
And maps to both of our paths
The story lines combined.
Forces ripped apart the pages
Giving my glimmering future
The promise of rain
Making my heart wonder why
You'd ever came.
I sit before him in my room
"What would you wish for if you could?"
Taking long, painful breaths I cried.
"Honestly how could you choose?"
A smile danced across his face.
"My child that is the secret to life."
Shame pouring upon me I looked puzzled.
Like a father yearning to comfort he leaned in
to whisper, "You must put aside all humanly
longings to decide what it is your soul yearns
After an eternity of silence I managed to squeak,
"But what would you wish for?"
A smile upon his lips, "Well, nothing.
It just came true."
Piece by piece
To form something else
And something else is put
With another creation of
Which gives something
Else a meaning
Suddenly you have
Painted a picture
Of birds in the wind
Of where you've been
Of ships and pirates and
Princesses and captains
Then you build with these tools
It tells you about that boy
It tells you the state of our troubles
The world's dire need for change
Or how to bake a pie
You wonder what other
Mystical powers these things
Have. Put together on paper
Weaving imaginary battles
Incredible tales of triumph
Demanding action from political figures
A jumping heart in your throat
Remembering how good it feels
To feel you can do anything...
Remembering that doing anything
Isn't just for eight year olds
Who want to be a hero
But for the entire world to
Be reminded every now
Feelings onto paper
They'll be repetitive
I'd stare at your soul for days
I'll reenact our kiss
I will weep
A soul mate might not be meant for love
I don't know what we thought
I don't know what I think
What is love?
I know I can speak of anything
Tell you everything
Call you anytime
But we can't kiss.
Because a kiss ruins our lives
Makes our voices shake and causes awkward silences
Takes away my partner in crime
Replaces you with this other stranger
Who won't drive into forever
Or laugh at phrases no one else would find funny
I'd give up every touch
For what once was fragrant and luscious
Now lack luster and dead
Two years without a kiss
Now after one night
I'm just begging to know why
Trapped in between the desert and my home
I revel wandering in the waste land,
Gazing at the stars, teasing the sand between my fingers
With no distractions, its easiest to get lost in the sky
I've observed my own behavior
The lyrics highly predictable
If I can't pursue the desert I should just stay with the familiar
I can't touch you yet so the home will feel it all
If only mortality hadn't doomed us from the start
I'd give every last inch...
So I'll run the other direction
Colder than ice caps, vicious like wolves
The only fool is the one who chased something they already lost once
No regard for others, feelings fully upon the sleeves
Its hard to do that with permanent marks
I swear no other will ever know that side of my heart.
Why can't we resist a tantalizing kiss?
The way the pain starts from the cherry red lips
Travels down to slender hips
Ends in your heart
Wait...when did all this aching start?
Again with the tears and fears
Look him in the windows to his soul my dear,
Do you see a true future in there?
Or are you merely falling for the soft blonde hair?
You believe everything spoken in whispers
But your sensibility shouts how it differs
And you'll bargain, and plea, and cry
How none of this is fair, you just want him to try
But you can't force a wolf to change packs
Nor is it fair for a horse to live with saddles on their backs
Both of their instincts run deep
Its in their blood, its the company they keep
The won't change for a girl with a pretty smile
They'll just wear sheep's clothing, let you ride them for awhile.
I'm the wrong left turn you took when you thought you knew the way
I'm the shitty picture you slaved to paint and then threw in the trash
I'm the old friend you reminisce with, but would never show off
I'm the nagging voice in your head when you know you shouldn't do that
You're the sound of the rain on a Sunday morning
You're the slice of cake I don't have any room for
You're the cat that plays hard to get
You're the car that runs shakily but always gets me there
We're the love song that causes teenage girls to mourn their crushes
We're the regrets of all our past lives
We're the scents left on the sheets the next morning
We're the old pair of heels that look so good, but wear so painfully
Today I laughed at someone else's pain
Tomorrow I seek selfish gain
It broke my heart to no end
How I wished suffering on an old friend
No one's fault here for what you have become
Though thought should be with you for what could be undone
Try not to remain in the mistakes you've made
How much do I blame myself for the part I had played.
There is no ballad that can compare to our world
I don't know if I'll ever feel this real again
When we separate like characters from different books
I won't know the sound of my own name anymore
Or the way my hair falls against your palm
Obsessed over us; from behind, on top
In every sense of the words
My insides ache for a better ending
For the perfect shot as the piano plays
Pressing your lips to mine
Please don't make those instances so far apart
We've grown so much from tantrums and tacos
You're still my hero in blue eyes
My today and tomorrow
What if there is no rhyme or reason, ebb and flow, or meaning to why we live and die?
What if we float around as randomly as the clouds in the sky?
Which causes one to think, that isn't random at all.
Maybe we move like the earth around a fiery ball?
Forces pulling us to things for reasons bigger than us.
Causing chaos and then theories to explain all the fuss.
When we find comfort in one another, its easier to understand
My limericks and daydreams, as I reach your for your hand.
I don't want to use this as means
to strike you with my brilliance
Or cater to an ego, talking about
our amazingly strong resilience.
I don't want to evoke in you some
passion. Or to divulge the darkest
of my fantasies. I want to soothe
one another for hours on the carpet
Talking about a deeper meaning
A rhythm and rhyme to life.
Not forcing any expectations, or
indications I expect to be a wife.
I want to pour over the tapestries
of what our separate futures hold.
Loving paths we might take even
if together our timelines run cold
Forfeiting resentment, as one
our pasts bare no existence.
Loving like a new born to the first
face they see no matter the distance
Or illness, ailment, wrinkle or
sin. A love bears no witness,
only a solid grin. A forgiveness
that never runs cold. A tender
Heart that will never grow old.
No matter the host, or troubles
of old lover's ghosts. We fall
together comfortably. Meant to be.
True love shouldn't be dark
We'll hurt together, destroy, ravish
Draped in your armor, you find my Achilles heel
Stone like a statue
Conquering like Caesar
I clawed my way in
Feels like home
But you'd burn it inside out for laughs
A prisoner anticipating a fire fight
Flames that won't burn until I forget
By then I'll take every inch of your injustice
Light a candle for your sins
Blow out my innocence
You will never cherish my scent on the pillow case
I will never again be a nice girl
It starts with my stiff lip breaking
Hi, how are you?
Lying for politeness
How had you know I'd been so desolate?
I never wandered off this far
And when my hand will slip into yours
Couldn't make up a lie like that
I could have sworn you had known.
I melted at the sight of your eyes
Letting myself disintegrate into you
Not at all as jaded as it seems
Can you sense it as well?
I'm craving you in an entirely new way
I'm terrified out of my mind
I don't know how to proclaim it
Its just always inhabited my heart
I don't stand a chance
Its in the air
The danger of it all
The fact we know it will fail
And when the fallout begins
I'll wish I never replied
For the moment I'll cling to every last inch of your existence
Engulfed in every fantasy I ever held about a man
You were everything to the little girl in me
I never stood a chance
Bluer than the Atlantic
Colder than its depths
Your eyes more or less windows
Closed shutters you've always kept
Swimming inside them I grew gills
I failed to see I evolved too fast
Breathing in nothing but you
But time is needed to make a good love last
Changes like that shouldn't happen over night
Now we're more or less strangers with feelings of deja vu
I loved you many times before
Now you're something new
I couldn't take that step
Afraid to dive from these heights
Your water is inviting
But I can't shake my frights
Fears of creatures in the depths
Or giant sharp rocks
Your ocean is one of brilliance
With tides that don't stop
Maybe I can avoid the plunge
Stick a toe or two in
One thing I am certain
These waters will win