My hand is glowing
with another cigarette
The ashtray's overflowing
The bottle meant
to ease my pain
is nearly spent
and I'm still going insane
I’m left alone with wine and cigarettes
tonight, wondering if I have regrets
I yearned to know the taste of lips on lips,
desired nothing else besides your hands
to caress my cheek, my waist, my finger tips
With ease, it seemed, you met all my demands
You gave me passion only found by few
I crave it now, so nothing else will do
By light of day the torture can be veiled
A smile, a game, assorted hollow things
conceal my actual thoughts ‘til daylight’s failed
By night I feel what disappointment brings
Alas! It's dusk; his hunger grows.
The beast crawls into sight.
Briefly he will watch his prey
'til day gives way to night.
A firefly flew by today.
I ran to catch him quick.
He graced me with his presence brief,
then gave his wing a flick.
From the top of the hill I can see
How the road drips tar
Down the path of least resistance.
What sort of fish would keep
This dark river as their home?
Foul creatures, filled with teeth,
Gnashing at their prey.
I bet I would make a tasty treat for them.
All I have to do is dive in.
He shut off the light.
It was utterly dark in our tiny room.
Hands disappeared in front of faces;
Sounds turned sharper and stung the ears.
The other one used to scream at night.
I felt the mattress sink as he crawled into bed.
My nose was buried under the pillow,
Not that it mattered, no one could see me.
His gentle touch was meant as an act of comfort.
But his fingers were cold at the tips.
Lightly, he kissed my forehead.
It was the only part I left exposed.
His fingers, warm now, pushed my face up.
It’s a shame at 21 I can’t hug my teddy-
I let him hold me instead.
There was a whisper, “It’s okay.”
I knew the other was no longer there.
Opening my eyes, I realized his gift.
“Look what I did,” he said,
“I made the dark go away.”
Endless nights of playing a game
Pleasurable fights, all the same
Arrogant fathers sending their spies
Plausible faith based on sensible lies
Tumble out of bed and greet regret
Stumble outside, light a cigarette
Take a drag and consider what to say
Redundant motion on a recurring day
With each turn I meet a well-known face
How could I not while I reside in this place
It is hard to tell if I am awake.
The line is dead that parted real and fake
In silence we agree
that someday we will be
finding ourselves South Bound.
In recent days I’ve found
this city to be suffocating.
We need something invigorating.
Though when we talk aloud
about being south bound
I notice that it mostly seems
like we are sharing only dreams.
And so in silence we agree
That someday we will be
Hands gripped tightly to the wheel
Radio off, wipers on
Nowhere to go
The house is not home
The car was quiet
He had one passenger
His blue knapsack filled
With what he could salvage
He threw the car into reverse
And now the only thing left to do
I’ve trudged through them before
Like dragging through wet snow
My body has been growing sore
And Time is moving slow
The nights they seem a little darker
The days are not so bright
In my room I see a flicker
And am consumed by fading light
Despite the night I will see all
A motion picture in my head
Tomorrow my motion will cease to crawl
I’ll lie still within my bed
He shows and she sees
Blind to the image
He sings and she listens
Ignorant of the tune
He gives her the rules and she plays the game
Mindless of the opposing team
We watch and wait
He didn’t give us the rules
Rocks and glass never did mix
I’m haunted by the words
You whispered in my ear last night.
We were lying there,
A tangle of arms and legs.
My hand was lost
In your slowly graying hair.
I’m haunted by the touch of
Your fingers, gently gracing
My shoulder. My back. My thigh.
May face was buried
In the nape of your neck.
The memory of you is cruel.
Acid has a similar sting,
And the sting makes me write poetry.
I can still smell you on my pillow.
In silence I wait
Suppressing the ache
To see you at last
Time didn't go fast
It was the first time you called
Since the summer of 2008.
After we both hung up our phones
I sat back and thought to myself
About the way a little green frog
Leaps from lily pad to lily pad,
Indecisive on where he wants to sit.
In my mind I watched him go.
His last stop to rest was brief.
The lily pad seemed fitting enough
But across the pond looked so good
He had to give it a try.
He dove into the water
He stroked and kicked until
After seemingly endless work
He arrived to where he wanted to be.
This one was bigger, more room to rest.
But, O, how the violent sun beat down.
He spotted a rock, grown soft with moss
Over in the shade of the willow branches.
The little frog could do this for ever,
Never really knowing where he wants to be.
Meanwhile, my phone sits quietly on my desk
Having thoughts of it’s own.
It was still warm.
The light in the parking lot
illuminated your face
made your tears glisten
graced the curve of your nose.
The glimmer in your eye
told me what you felt.
I touched your cheek,
wanting to comfort you
when I could not comfort myself.
It was late.
We stayed too long.
I was almost to my car
when I realized
I had to say goodbye.
The memory of a soft kiss
for three words.
I know you heard me.
We are driving down Main Street
The radio is faintly singing for us
Cars are whizzing by
The sun is shining so brightly
I can hear the glow hit the window
It is spring
Birds are chirping
Flowers are grunting
As they pull themselves
Out from underground
The light ahead clicks to red
I shift in my seat to look at him
Our lips meet and linger
For a moment, sucking sweetly
We break apart and he smiles.
And I had a lovely wife
I once had a prestigious job
Where I worked long hours
And rarely saw my lovely wife
I once had a bank account
Where I hoarded my pennies
As if they’d follow me to heaven
I once had a massive home
With many rooms and stairs
And hallways that led to nowhere
I am now at last a happy man
Who has many friends
And I live a simple life
I once had a lovely wife
But I once was a wealthy man
She heard it when she left the room
That held them in like a murky tomb
And forced them to a painful crippled state.
He wailed aloud
Like a lonely child
A hungry and a desperate, “How I need you!”
That simple phrase
Was all it took
To make her raise
Her head and look.
In the middle of the room he stood.
His eyes said all they ever could.
They were pained and needed somewhere to cling.
With strength at last
She whispered fast
A careful and a trembling, “I need you too.”
It was late in the day
The sun was busy hiding
Behind the towering city
He hid in the shadows
He stopped right next to me
We each nodded to the other
As if we had been nodding
To each other for years
We smoked our cigarettes
Watching the people walk by
We nodded as they past
That’s when I realized
I might be invisible too