

Jacquie Bullinger
I have to wonder
When moments like this
Where I feel like the worst daughter in the world.
If I were to go right now
Would you be happier?
Do I hurt you by being here?
Do you love me?
Or am I seeing a beautifully played lie.
I just want to rip my heart out
Right here
Right now
And die.
I’m not worthy of such a lie.
Have you forgotten about me?
Am I just not important?
Had it been him,
You would have done it in a heartbeat.
Is it just me?
Or do I see the truth?
You do have a favorite.
You both do.
I mean little to you.
My heart,
My feelings,
My health,
And life,
Are unimportant to you.
You treat him like a king.
You serve him like a prince.
While I am left to fend for myself.
Do you even know you are breaking my heart?
Do you even care?
As I lay here dying inside,
You are somewhere upstairs.
So I’ll ask you one more time.
And you’ll say “sorry I forgot.”
But it’s too late.
I’ve already given up.
And the worst thing is,
I don’t blame you.
I left my heart lying in a field in Kansas.
Broken, bleeding and hopeless.
I left my body in a city called Gotham.
In a lightless tomb of delirium.
I left my spirit in a Metropolis.
Where heroes are born fearless.
I left my mind running through time.
In multiple dimensions of earths and crime.
I will never be whole inside.
But all I need is you by my side.
That cross right there.
A name carved there.
A girl so young.
A girl well loved.
Seventeen and beautiful.
Full of life, full of love.
Remembered forever for dying young.
Always in our hearts,
Imprinted on our souls,
Living in our memories,
As we continue alone.
A girl so powerful a town mourned.
A girl whose death left us all torn.
A girl whose love as so warm.
Today would have been your twentieth birthday,
But you aren’t here to celebrate.
And at the end of the day I don’t regret,
The time I had and the way we met.
Your friendship was an anchor,
And without it I would have drowned.
But there are still days I feel I’m going down.
See that cross right there.
A name carved there.
She was my best friend.
And now she is gone.
You can be my Robin and I’ll be your Batman
And together we will clean up this wasted land.
Do you know the power for your words?
How they break my heart.
Do you know I can’t see beyond those scars?
That words that might not have been spoken in hurt,
Have cut me far too hard.
And the hole burned in my side,
Won’t heal in time.
I can't understand the pain you are going through.
And I don't even want to try.
But my heart is with you are you grieve and say goodbye.
I am sorry for your loss.
And I wish I could do more.
But know that tonight angels stand outside your door.
I hope in time you learn to breathe.
And memories don't bring you pain.
I hope you will believe in happiness again.
You feel insignificant.
Not even worth it.
Nothing but a replacement,
Waiting for the real thing.
You live in the shadows.
A ghost in the hall.
No one seems to see you,
Not even when you’re gone.
You strive for perfection.
It’s all you can give.
Just your brain and your body,
To do the right thing.
They think you’re mad.
Crazy with loss.
The final straw broke,
But you’ll show them all.
Little brother is what he used to say.
But now it’s different.
He has someone new,
The real thing.
So what if he lied.
You knew the truth.
You weren’t meant to stay,
But it still hurt.
You go on your mission.
To prove what you know.
That your “father” is alive,
Just stuck back in time.
You are right he is alive.
And your “brother” apologizes,
For not believing you.
But the damage is done.
The truth is you’re not needed any more.
Your job is done.
Leaving to start on your own,
Because you’re not one of them.
They say you are family.
But you know they are just words.
For you will stay,
So they can control you.
Now things are different.
You are on your own.
But if you should need them,
You can call home.
Trouble has found you.
All hope is lost.
You call and call,
But you get no response.
You lay there bleeding out
No one to save you from hell.
Last breath
Where are you now?
We used to have a future,
Something to believe in and to fight for.
But yesterday I found you in love with another.
And you tell me I’ve got it all wrong.
And I have to, wonder, if you see me for who I am
Or do you only see what you believe I’ve become?
The monster, in the closet, is getting harder to keep locked up.
And if you think I can survive the downfall, you’re wrong.
‘Cause tonight is the night I fall.
Tonight is the night we lose it all.
Shattered
Screaming and fighting
Out of breath and out of love
Tired of lies and heartache
That left me without cause.
You stand there waiting for me to apologize
But I am afraid you’ll be waiting a long time.
You couldn’t see the damage you were doing to me.
I see the truth of your lies.
I see the things you tried to hide.
You tell me I’ve got it all wrong.
And I have to, wonder, if you see me for who I am
Or do you only see what you believe I’ve become?
The monster, in the closet, is getting harder to keep locked up.
And if you think I can survive the downfall, you’re wrong.
‘Cause tonight is the night I fall.
Tonight is the night we lose it all.
Yes tonight is the night I lock the door.
Tonight you don’t have a wife any more.
I just needed you.
I needed you to tell me it was ok.
I came to you broken.
I came to you in pain.
I reach out for you.
And you slapped my hand away.
You told me of your pain.
You said I shouldn’t complain.
I apologized to you.
I ripped my heart out for you.
And all you said was yeah, Ok.
You put my heart in fear.
Made me sick with worry.
You must mean more to me.
Then I meant to you.
Because you gave me nothing.
When I died for you.
I’ll walk in silence with you,
I’ll stand in the shadows too.
If you need me I’ll come,
No questions asked for none.
But someday I’ll need you.
Will you come too?
Or is this a one sided deal?
Where only my time is for real.
Will I be left to defend myself?
Or will you be there above all else?
But if I die,
Before you arrive.
Will you bring my body back,
And for all the family that I lack.
Will you bury me,
Beside the sea.
Where I may rest in peace.
False memories
Of what used to be
But you’re not the hero
I believed
False memories
Playing in my head
Silence deafening
I wish I as dead
I don’t know how these memories
Came to be
All I know is
They can leave
False memories
Are haunting me
Telling me lies
Burning me
False memories
Of times gone by
You standing there
Saying goodbye
I don’t know how these memories
Came to be
All I know is
They can leave
False memories
Stealing this life of mine
My last memory
Is running out of time
False memories
Let’s burn them down
I won’t stand here
And let myself drown
I don’t know how these memories
Came to be
All I know is
They can leave
The fallen angels call to me reminding me who I am,
They try to bring me back into their world but I’ve gotten free.
Because I found my wings and I’m flying high,
I am now over the sea.
Don’t come for me,
I am too far gone.
Don’t try to follow,
You won’t last long.
I can hear the fallen angels sing,
Whispering words of fear,
And I don’t want to listen,
But I still hear.
Don’t come for me,
I am too far gone.
Don’t try to follow,
You won’t last long.
The fallen angels stand silent waiting for me to fall,
They want to remind me why I was one of them.
A broken girl,
They want to see condemned.
Don’t come for me
I am too far gone
Don’t try to follow
You won’t last long
I worked hard to get where I am.
These wings of mine are very strong,
They beat with the power of freedom,
Somewhere the fallen angels don’t belong.
Don’t come for me
I am too far gone
Don’t try to follow
You won’t last long
Don’t come for me
I am too far gone
Don’t try to follow
You won’t last long
You said we were going to be together.
You said that nothing could break us apart.
Now you say that this was never right
Now I am left living a lie.
I am on my knees begging for this pain (to be over).
Standing on my doorstep late at night (fully broken).
How could this have not been right?
How could you let me live a lie?
How could I have trusted you?
And how could I ever get over you?
You promised that you would never leave me.
You promised we could make it through everything.
Now you say that you need to go.
Now I am left here all alone.
I am on my knees begging for this pain (to be over).
Standing on my doorstep late at night (fully broken).
How could you promise me something untrue?
How could you leave me alone that night?
How could I have believed in you?
And how could I ever get over you?
You never meant for this to go this far.
You never meant for me to fall this hard.
You didn’t see this coming.
You didn’t stop to think.
You didn’t care to tell me I didn’t mean a thing.
And now I am on my knees begging for this pain (to be over).
Standing on my doorstep late at night (fully broken).
Even though I know I deserve better.
I still loved you more than ever.
I am on my knees begging for this pain (to be over).
Standing on my doorstep late at night (fully broken).
Just wishing for this night to get over.
Waiting for the wounds to heal over.
Watching for the rising sun.
For I was nothing but a long con.
To lose your heart,
To save a life.
To know the truth,
But tell only lies.
You look at me with that sadness in your eyes.
The look that makes it hard not to cry.
The pain is still fresh like it happened yesterday.
And I know there is nothing I can say but this...
Just remember her, remember her smile.
Remember her laugh and the way she danced.
Just remember her, let her memory last.
What happened to the pure of heart?
Where did they all go?
The innocent have all but gone.
They aren't in this world any more.
They left us with greed and cowardice.
Streets washed red with blood.
Of life and love there is none.
It's one man for himself.
They stand on the front line,
But there is no physical enemy on the other side.
Where did the strong of spirit go?
Do they not still live?
Is chivalry really dead?
Or is it in hiding again?
We are left in a pit of darkness.
Where hope is all but none.
But wait!
There is a light, so bright that it nearly blinds.
The light is warm and beautiful, where love and hope shine.
There is a man who is holding out His hand.
"Please, come and take it. I will free you from this land."
So we take His hand and walk with Him.
Away from this place.
To somewhere so beautiful no description can name.
"Welcome home, my child." He spoke with a smile so bright.
And for the first time we are safe in Heaven's light.
I hate the way you look at me.
You look at me like I'm worthless, nothing.
You see someone who shouldn't be.
A disgrace, a broken dream.
Someone you never wanted, someone who couldn't be.
The blood in my veins doesn't matter to you.
I'm not the son you wanted to live through.
You've crushed my heart and shattered my dreams.
I've tried all my life to gain your love,
But all the things I've ever done,
They mean nothing to you, nothing at all.
You see a failure, the reason to fall.
What are you running from?
What do you think you’ll find?
When the battles lost,
And there’s no place to hide.
Do you think you can,
Stand up in the end?
When all time has stopped,
And all hope has died.
What if you lose your heart?
What if you fall apart?
When the world lies,
And you’re left to cry.
Do you think you can,
Stand up in the end?
When the fight is lost,
And your strength is gone.
What if you found you had been betrayed?
What if you could never fix it?
When everyone you loved walks away,
And you can’t pick up the pieces.
Do you think you can,
Stand up in the end?
When you know everything is gone,
And you are left all alone.
What are you going to do?
What are you going to say?
When you’re at the end of the line,
And you’re running out of days.
Do you think you can,
Stand up in the end?
When time gives out,
And you’ve gone cold.
I wish I could look into your eyes and see them reflecting back at me.
I wish I could hear you voice saying my name to me.
I wish I could tell you I loved you so much.
Just so I knew you understood that I loved you.
I wish I could take your place.
I wish I could change fate.
I wish I had one more chance,
To hold you in my arms again.
I miss your laugh.
I miss your smile.
I miss your voice and how you’d walk.
Every step you took had me mesmerized.
The way you could never tell a lie.
Every day I breathe.
Every day I dream.
Every day I pray I can make it through.
Every day I miss you.
You had this quite strength.
You had this wicked wit.
You followed through on everything.
I never once saw you quit.
Even when you faced the end.
I never saw you quit.
