Its funny what I heard come from
Your mouth, to say you wanted
Me so bad, but couldn’t make a
Decision, I guess you got over
Your inability to resist me.

I stood there waiting and hoping
For something more just a little
Bit of your touch, but the grasp
Of your hand was inches from
My reaching arms.

I guess it’s the average tale of
What we call love. We see two
Following the standard almost
Scientific procedure of playing
Games, holding hands, whispers
Of doubt followed by going
Ahead anyways.

In the end what you thought you
Would regret comes to be. A split
In a bond you and God knew was
Never to really be and when you
Promised you two would be ok
The only thought across your
Mind is that bit of spite brought
Out so blindly.

The taste of affection is so
Addicting, it brings you back to
What common sense tells you is
A bad idea. We give in to the
Submitting sound that is settling.
We never really get what you
Want and when you come close
She lies to you and breaks you.

I thought running away would
Be my escape of one deceiving
Heart breaker only to find
Another temptress finding her
Way into my life like she has a
Map to what could bother me
The most.

And I’ve been told to nor blame
You, that its not your fault, to
Forgive and forget what’s shoved
In my face almost everyday. And
Im trying so hard to forget your
Face, forgive what you are and
Tell myself you were never really
There for me. I think Ill get past
This and hopefully soon enough,
but until then you are burned in my
Heart and never leaving my mind.

I have found that looking at life for what
It is, is so depressing so we must lie to
Ourselves to make this world look better
Than it is. We make phrases we know we
Cannot live up to, try to make the best of
A rainy day, but in the end our world is
Soaked and the sun is not shining.

Even the rich are poor and not to sound
Cliché, but the loneliest lie amongst the
Selfish. We might as well live in a cave,
Why is that such a bad thing, to be free
From what we thought was such great
Knowledge, but knowing is what has
Led to our downfall.

Oh Adam who was once so ignorant
Why bite from the fruit to have the
World come crashing down from your
Loins. The misery of many comes from
Knowing there is evil that dominates us.
I must think that apple is tart because it
Has made this world so bitter sweet.

To expect anything better than from
Where your standing might be a big leap
For we who are so small. Sure our
Accomplishments might be great
Sometimes, but I guess in the end its all
Conditional and that feeling never lasts
Long.

I wish I could be dancing naked in a
Garden with a beautiful wife by my side.
While everything is there for me to reach
Out and grab and the Fathers voice is not
So far away.  To live like a king amongst
The beast who will not harm me, but be
My company. What A dream.

My distant relative why must you have
Ruined such paradise to live in the rest of
The world so dry and barren. To run away
From all you knew because of a curiosity.
But isn’t this how all life is we make one
Mistake and we never stop paying for what
We did.

Is this what life was meant to be, a request
For obedience that’s punished when we fail
With more failure. And Lord I know you
Have a greater purpose and we must reap
What we sew and Lord I confide in you all
My struggles and know I cannot be what You
Have asked us all to be for Lord I am
Disobedient.

God I know you forgive me and I know you
Still provide the best for me, but sometimes
You must strip my garden away, you must
Show me what I have done and like Adam I
Hide from you Lord when I am in sin and I
Run Lord for knowing I have disobeyed you
Is knowledge I would not like to have.

Ive found writing to be my only
Release a key to sleep for once
My soul is at ease the rest of me
Sets and my heart can move on.
To lay sleepless with a mind
Drenched in self pity and reeking
Of self reflection.

As I write I find I have nothing
Good to say, no positive thoughts
Or expressions of a good day
Gone by only how everything
Went wrong and a tale of ones
Pathetic life.

To be miserable feels so numb,
You see depression is like what
People think falling in love is,
Feeling overwhelms you, a doubt
That anything else could come
Across your mind is planted and
You wonder how long it will
Last. In the end I guess its all the
Same.

To see a bit of attention from
Someone, to think they care to
Think they appreciate your inner
And outer beauty is a nice dream
Until like the rest of everything
Else, realities cold wrinkly
Fingers claw it away and you
Feel more unwanted than before.

How could anyone care, to pay
Attention to someone who is
Such a nuisance and who the one
Person who was supposed to care
Finds hard to look at you why
Would anyone else take the
A second to?

And don’t you feel sorry for me
Pity feels so good but when
The attentions gone you are
Worse then you were from the
Start. I guess we have to let
Cruelly slow time heal our
Deep wounds.

Its always an argument with in myself
Is this what I want or should move on
Live in a way I know wont get me
Where I am supposed to go but I tread
Down this path knowing the road is narrow
And the results are Grimm

When life is guided by your heart alone
You are prone for disappointment and
Likely to wonder off the beaten path
You’ll walk in directions you know
You should not go, you’ll find pain
At every end and regret at every corner

So once we have wondered the path
Just strays away, will you find it again
Your heart makes a poor compass and
your getting lost in dangerous woods.

Haven’t you heard what lurks within this
Dark wooded area, have you heard of the
Monsters that  plague this empty terrain
They bring sorrow and curse what was
Supposed to be so wonderful

We will listen to our hearts alone, after
All the heart knows best right? I mean it
Pulls us into unnecessary attachment and
Obligation we never really needed. I think
We embrace what we think is so good for
Where we are now but when it all comes
Crashing down we wonder if we should
Have ever took such a gamble in the first
Place

I can paint you a picture of beautiful hues
And silhouettes of mountains and happy
Hearts but Id rather head warning to a
Dangerous hike, a “shortcut” through
The trees, the trees our hearts told us
To walk under, where are hearts told us
To go even when the road was clearly
Marked

So I say to  you, walk carefully and be
Cautious, your heart is no map and your
Spirit has the answers.

Ill strip the integrity right off those
Lying bones and burn those lies fed
Like coal to a furnace. Ill expose
What you did to me, how you made
Me feel, but in the end it doesn’t
Matter because at the end of the day
I’m ready to puke when I see your
Tall dressed to attract self walk in.

When you smile Ill look away, to
Know you never cared for how you
Made me feel, for leaving me out
All alone in the cold. And I see you
Laughing with your friends and
Chatting with some man and I am
All alone. When you see me sitting
There by myself I bet the
Accomplishment is too much for
You to handle, I bet there is a party
Going on in that head dressed with
A big red spiked Mohawk.

And ill curse your name with all I have
But it wont bring you back and it wont
Make me feel better. And I know trying
To speak to you cant help me either
It cant give me what I need and you’ll
Never be want I wanted you to be.
I laugh about what I thought we had
What I thought would last but you’re
Just like the rest. Take the satisfaction
You need and decide im not worth your
Time, that you play by your own rules
And I don’t know how to play your
Games.

I can go along with it for a while and
Hope for the best, without any request
You just got up and left, and the
Saddest thing is I watched you go and
Never thought you’d affect me in this
Way never thought you would tear
Me so far down. Id be the author of
A book that tells a story of woe a
Story of what a man with not much
For himself but this one hope that
Looking in the mirror might be
Easier. And for a while you could
Provide such a desire only to strip
It from these cold bones and leave
Me worse then when you found me.

Remember what you used to say
With all you kind words and praise
I felt as if I were on a pedestal like
For the first time I was being
Admired and the thought was so
Overwhelming the drive was so
Pleasing and the dream seemed
Like it could be everlasting until
You blew me away, dropped me
Like a piece of old news. Your
Forgot me, moved on like you
Never saw me in a different
Light like I was after some
Careless plight. Don’t think
I cant see those shame free
Eyes.

I guess you can forget me,
Leave me as you wished to
Give me up. Break the chains
That are Jake because they
Were your oppression right?
These hands that tried to
Please you bound you where
You stood, is this how it was?
And I cant make any more of
It and you cant make what you
Did any less and to leave it at
This is a damn shame but I
Have no where else to go
With it no other results. So
Farwell beautiful girl who
Tore me down live a
Wonderful life in a land alone.

The days where our naïve minds
Let us believe every word spoken
From the mouth of those who
Exceed us in years. Brought in by
Empty promises of hollow
Punishment and easily tricked by
Foolish jokes half told by our
Young classmates.

Too much of me wonders where
Such innocence has gone and why
We were so blind to the blandness
Of a world so gray. Is it from lack
Of love or the saturation of neglect.
Do I have too much time on my
Hands due to the lack of human
Affection being poured out to a man
People can only stand for such small
Dosages.

To ponder may bring logic, but they
Say to be naïve is a blessing, I guess
The wandering mind brings thoughts
Of just how pathetic your life is and
To constrict such imagination might
Bring an impending gratitude for life,
That being one I cannot really find for
Myself.

I find myself amused by the satire of
Another man on the world, is it
Because I find joy knowing im not the
Only one who sees it for how miserable
It truly is, im not the only one brought
Down by the lack of shine in every day
Life.

But for a brief moment in that time I can
Share with the ones I love that brightness
Causes a slight smile for a brief point in
Time only to vanish when ignored by the
Ones I thought were happy to be around
Me. And what of this ignorance of a child?
As I recall from when I was younger that
Children exclude and group together to
Leave what is not like them out. Are
Young people really so different from
The adults that make up this world. Do
We really become “men” and women
Or just keep up with early childhood
Patterns and keep out those who aren’t
Apart of our club.

And sure I can write all about my complaints
Of this world only to be heard by maybe a
Few and to bring concern to many of those
Who “care” about me but I never really see the
Use except maybe in the comfort of knowing
Someone took the interest to hear what I had
To day.

I cut the apple in half before I take
A bite because a fruit that looks so
Wonderful always has a worm so
Cleverly captive inside.

If we expect disappointment can we
Avoid being disappointed or if to live
In a way of expecting grief to come
Have we already let ourselves down?

I drag myself through life not sure
What to expect from the left or the
Right but at least I can usually see
What’s in front of me and I usually
Try not to look to see what I left
Behind.

What can I trust in the people who
Surround me, to believe what they
Tell me, keep what they promised
Me, tell me what they truly think of
Me. I think its more realistic to
Believe that they will disappoint me
Break any engagement, trash who I
Am behind my back and leave me
Out in the cold.

To be left out of what I though I was
So perfectly nit into, but I guess Ill
Always be that loose stitch, the one
That is torn away, the annoying
Nuisance on the back of your neck.  
And you’ll tell me its not true and
Beg words of sympathy that you
Truly believe I want to hear and
Pass it off as me being forgotten
A slip of the mind, if that’s true I
Guess everyone’s mind is made
Of ice.

Don’t worry about me because I
Know you wont anyways and
don’t fret if I get mad you can
Just make it up to me later right?
That makes everything so a.o.k
Right?

Welcome who is welcome?
Am I? For such a distance
To reach out and grab your
Attention may mean letting
Go of the hand that’s
Holding me from falling.

When there’s no one at the
Bottom waiting to catch
Me when I fall is it worth
It? Would I let them catch
Me if someone cared
Enough to be waiting.

If I fell I think I would
Keep falling, that the
Thought of a bottom
Would be just to tease me
Mock my sense of hope
And bring out the worst
For a man who doesn’t
See the world as so bright.

The most beautiful light
In the world comes from
A place that’s dark most
Of the year and I’m miles
Away to even catch a
Glimpse.

Come hither brothers and
Sister so that you may
Congregate in you own
Circle in the corner of
What I thought was a place
Welcome to all who shared
In what I thought we had.

While im guarding your
Back a knife got shoved in
Mine and Im bleeding and Im
Waiting for what was
promised to me as a smile
Slowly stretches across my
Face Im going to a place
where  Ill always be wanted.

Is faith one huge cry out in desperation? Do I go through
the motions and hope to move on from the current bothers
in my life. Lord does our pain cause our dependency of you
Lord does my love only come out of hope for a brighter
tomorrow.

Why is it harder to seek you when everythings going so well
why do I not call on you to express my heart when it feels so
warm. I feel like a failure in your eyes, but you say you are
pleased with me. Jesus how could that be when I spit in your
face and you tell me its ok?

Lord you are so mysterious to me, to be proud of me when I
cant even hold your simple truths Lord you show me love when
its so hard for me to return it back to you. Lord I could never
equal up to what I feel I should be for you, Lord all the things
I could do for you but just hold back because these hands
stay at my sides.

And God when your shining down on me, I am in the shadows
in a place I shouldnt be and God I hate those people Lord and
it kills me father. Lord I cant stand those people Lord those
people you still love that I find it so hard to. And God I criticize
those men Lord like Im any better, Lord Ill say it again Im such
a failure.

Lord why choose me, God why call a man who finds it so hard to
stand on these two feet that you gave me. Lord I keep trying on
my own But lord I dont know how to tap this power inside of me
your holy spirit to guide me.  Sometimes I feel that free will is a curse because it causes everyman to stumble. I guess Lord thats why you gave yourself as our crutch.

And Lord when I call out your name with doubt in my heart and a pain soaked soul, Lord its only in desperation and God when I find it so hard to stand on my own then Lord ill fall to my knees.

Lord be my rock and my shelter let no waves crash over me and
no fire burn me. Lord you are my father and I love you. Amen!

Limited to irregular tendencies and open borders

tied down to bold lies and the calluses of another

mans hands. We find ourselves starved of logic

and surrounded by herds of sheep bleating out

nonsense.



Welcome to your future a fate of everyone who

takes part in this hall of broken records. The halls

are long, but they are not narrow. Filled from wall

to wall, see the molding crumbling, the floors

scuffed, the chandeliers so dimly lit, cobwebs in

every corner.



A nightmare can be awoken from, but this is your

slightly permanent dwelling place, embrace where

life has placed you and do not curse the mirror that

reflects such misery. Amused by what others around

you call light what they claim is alright, when they

say things look brighter when the lights have gone out.



Sir I tell you this life is not better, this heart is not stronger

pacifists are liars, we are doomed to bitterness and

judgment. Listen to the whispers that poor from the

tattered ceiling they tell a story of false hope, and

call you to this place that no man should call home.



The cracks in the door shows the age of this grim structure.

The draft chills me to my core and I choke on the air that pours

in from poor insulation. From many rooms comes the echoing

of under-toned depressing music played by unhappy musicians

who are trapped in a world of sucked out inspiration and choked

exploration.



I am not alone here, many others surround me, but most cover

themselves, optimists claiming they're fate is different, claiming

good comes from our stale surroundings, are they blind to

the environment that engulfs them? Do they not see what

they are destined to?



Browsing the many faces that haunt me, these are my

colleagues, the beings that share my not too welcoming

home. A home to all and all shall come to live in this

ugliness, come and share in what should not be seen.

Live this because this is what you've been placed in.

What is fine? Fine is a state of mind.

It is a conscience decision to be

content a choice to go on and live

life for what it is.



Pain is made, pain is caused because

you choose to hurt. If you plant

seeds of sorrow expect a tree of

heartache. To be miserable is to

actively feed into misery. If you

continue to feed then expect it to

grow.



Ill stand solid, pain will not push me over,

adversity will not get the best of me. Ill

meditate only on what makes me stronger

I will not entertain thought that make me

weaker. I will cast down imagination of

every high thing, this enemy will not hold

me captive.



My time will not be wasted on a concentration

of what could have been, but what this bright

future holds. I am a child of Christ nothing of

this world can hold me down.



I will come out victorious because I choose

victory. I will live a happy life because I

choose joy over pain and celebration over

mourning.



Life is your choice, your heart is yours to

make and nothing can tell you otherwise.

We'll call it a long day, pass it off as

nothing and burrow into our beds

on empty stomachs and what we

claimed was physical exhaustion.



Like a cancer that leeched its way

into our brains, this enemy that

tears us down and brings us up

from our knees.



I try to bow at your feet but, this

disease has latched on and blocked

me from your grace. Oh Ill sing

another hymn in the hope he'll

run away Ill push it aside as nothing

and go on about my way.



What is the use, this force is greater

than us, what can I do this enemy

has me tied by my hands and

pushes me along an empty pointless

road.



So ill call out to what I used to know

Ill take back in all my fixes and get

through just for today



He will have himself another laugh

and be at my throat again when I

drag myself out of bed.



And finally when I have had enough

I scream father and a light shines down

and burns your demon hands, you

ripped apart from my soul and I live a

free day.



No longer bound by his chains

no longer will I live by your sin

I am free, the enemy has no grip

on me

Ive seen a thousand good men bleed out their oppression in this scene,

Let go of their trouble in a pit full of frustrated giants.



An absence of a greater purpose in the lives of those

who live from show to show These mosh warriors,

fist swingers and trick kickers.



A show can feel like a lifetime, but this night will end

back to reality you must go. What about these kids who

have nothing else? The kids who have nothing else?

What should we tell them?



Their only outlet of aggression, the only way they know

how to release such pain, their only place to turn.



Have you heard? Was there anyway for you to see someones

out there for you, to bare this pain and lift your hate filled

concentration.



Have you heard the phrase "Ive got your back and you've got

mine? Well I'm here to tell you he has your back even when you

don't get his.



This man has a heart for you, for you the screw up, you heavy

music loving scum who the rest of the world hates.Bring him

your pain and bring him your brothers, bring it all to a

being greater than your scene.



My God is here to take that burden you let shoot out of your fists.

The original creator of drug free, the man in the cloud watching down

offers redemption.



Embrace your scene for the glory of your almighty father, throw around

your fists not in anger but in praise to the one that bled for you. Let this

scene revolve around the man who died for you and me.

This bodies taken, it has been pulled away brought out of place.

Weve walked away with a corpse and weve got nothing left to lose.

What can we do with this, this empty shell, this doomed lifeless man.



What a reflection of our lives, what a dance in our minds, where will we go

what shall we do, we are sitting here wasting away without a purpose.

Im always looking forward, but ive got no destination, no compensation.



This unwholesome life this tattered dream, why am I here why dont I believe?

Im looking for answers, a purpose to this routine, where am I going what have I to gain?

Tell me my purpose, feed me some truth, you stand there as if you have something to say but the words never escape

your mouth.



I see this body, this soulless body, who told this man what truth did he receive.

I guess an ending to everything he was or is there something more?

Is this man burning? Do flames consume him? Is he paying for his mistakes or is he paying

for the fear of another mans fear to speak?



If someone had told him, where would he be, would he be with the angels would he be at his feet.

To think where this mans body lays and where his souls seperates, could have all been changed.

To think this mans fate lies within the words of another man, a man sent by the creator but a man who was

a coward, a man who was ashamed, now a man lay dead in his grave and his sould is chained to a lake.



Many men suffer and many men die, we with hold the truth and another man burns.

We tell ourselves theyll be reached by someone else, how can we know their faith, how

can we know where theyll end up.



What a responsibility we have took on, where souls lie in our hands, where some men burn

and some men live in paradise from the speech out of our mouths. Tongues of fire have power to

breathe life into men and death into others. Open your mouth and speak the truth to save another mans fate.

With Christ nothing is impossible, then why do I stand here a defeated man

My faiths so weak to see any results from it would be a miracle in itself

Oh Lord why do I question your plans for me, Why do I let my mind run from your truth



We must not let our faith be defeated, hold fast in what we’ve come to know as truth

We must not be tempted by lies and the deceit of this black poison that plagues us

Overcome with a weight my knees began to give out and my shoulders begin to break

Here comes my crutch, my lord has come to bare my pain, the tension is gone

Oh lord lift up this rain of unbelief that comes down in my sea of doubt Jesus I want to believe holy spirit I want your power to show through my prayer



Why is it Lord that we as men, men who are witness to your greatness let our minds fall

We are no longer moving mountains lord, my faith like a mustard seed has dried up and died

God I know your out there but Lord why is it when I speak your name miracles seize to come



What comes from our mouth has the authority to change worlds but my spirit wont allow change in the smallest of settings

I have died to my own doubt, unbelief is a killer of souls, the choking of miracles it is causing a drought in this American faith Mighty Jehovah man has a far way to go for any progress in our stand for you, if we cannot believe then how can we lead others to



Lord make a faithful nation out of us, let us speak with authorities, let mountains move and let me see evidence of my belief