I haven't slept in weeks
My mama said you need to eat
and baby, what's going on with you?

'Cause I've never seen my daddy cry,
but last night i saw it, for the first time
and baby, what's going on with you?

Now my brother normally stays hush,
but lately he's startin' to get crushed,
now what's going on with you?

So baby, why?
Baby you're gonna die
you gotta eat, you gotta sleep
sweetheart you're getting weak

I slide my fingers down my throat
I feel myself ridding the calories.
I will have that body to gloat.
My teeth cut my fingers and knuckles.
I do not care.
I can now tighten the belt buckle.
A little tighter every day.
There is a little less of me.
Body and mind.

I look in the mirror
Fat stares back.
Terror stares back.
Despair.
The mirror is not my friend.

Can't you hear me screaming?
Help me!
Can't you tell i'm no longer dreaming?
Please, God, help me.
I shant ask you directly, but don't you see me?
Don't you see my pain? My angst?
Of course you don't.
Why would you?
But now that you know,
You know that inside i'm dying.
Please. Please help  me.
Even for just one day.
Help.

0-
happy
70-
I'm still ok, i can handle more
250-
Still hanging on
578-
Too much now
945-
Out, get it out.

0-
Maybe i can do it right this time
32-
why do i always fail?
67-
Out. Purge it out.
0- Back to the start

I need more number, to keep me awake.
I need to lose number, to keep myself alive.
Disease or not, it's a part of me now.
1,2,3,4 and not a drop more.
Water is my drug and food is my love.
I hate this.

Run, jump, cyle.
Do what i need, to keep the numbers down.
Count, count, count.
Lose count and i purge them out.
Start again.
Count.

Packing her life in to boxes,
She sighs.
Packing her memories away,
She cries.
Her entire life fitting into a car,
She whispers to herself "it's alright"

It's not fun and it's not exciting.
It's not an adventure,
A new home is certainly is not inviting.

The world is not changing around her,
She is changing to fit the world.
To fit her family, to fit her friends.

A new life
A new home.
A whole new person, perhaps?

I'll be strong today.
Nobody will know what is wrong, today.
Open my eyes
Watch the sun rise
As i start the burning process
I'll buckle under stress
As i continue hurting.

I Fill myself with hopes and dreams,
So why?
Why does the pang of hunger hang over my head?
Why isn't it enough, to make myself beautiful,
To make myself just get out of bed?
Each morning i'll be strong.

But I know it will never last
as i continue to hide my past.
I endure the present
and look forward to the future.
As if she hasn't taken that already.

Nobody knows
They can't tell my pain
They can't see my tears
They won't feel my hunger
They won't notice until i fade away

Excuses.
My life is built on them
Excuses and lies.
My mind is full
Yet my stomach is not

Who would know?
That happy girl,
That chubby, happy girl
She's crying inside
There's a disease in her mind
She's struggling
I'm struggling.

I'm too far gone

Hurt myself again today
Lost myself again today
Lost in your eyes
Hurt with your despise

Left out in the dark
Nowhere to go
Nobody to save me
When I'm feeling so low

What's wrong with the world?
No hope to be found
Love crushed on the ground
A world full of dreams
Broken by reality

What's wrong with me?
Sometimes i do have fears
Sometimes i can't stop the tears
You can stop them from falling

Heaven is over rated
Maybe it's just a vacation
Maybe one day we'll come back to earth
And rid of this temptation

I left you behind
for me to grow
Not knowing what i did
Would leave you so low

I'm sorry for hurting you
for breaking your heart
You say you have to forget me
That you didn't want us to part

If i could have but one wish
It would be to love you forever
Unfortunately i can't turn back time
Unfortunately, it's now or never

Nothing's worse than this stupid self hate
Meaningless self harm brings no tears to my eyes
The only one who could hurt me was you
You hurt me soon enough, which was no surprise

You broke my heart
And tore me in two
Now i'm the bitch
For breaking up with you

This isn't fair
This isn't right
Not everything is black and white

You told me i was hated
You told me you never actually loved me
That i deserve to be Unhappy

Now you want me back
Now i'm the love of your life
Well guess what?
You hurt me and you're not going to do it twice

I'm not the person i once knew
You put that spell on me
At the time i didn't know who
At that time i was free

I'm doing things I'd not normally do
This isn't me it's you
My body isn't free
My body isn't me

This is destiny
But baby this isn't me

I'm not talking about moving in
I just want more time
I'm not talking about living together
It's not the view it's the climb

I don't want us to break up
I just want us to make up
It's not like i'm perfect
But neither are you

I'm not talking about moving in
I just need more time

Why is everything so complicated?
Why do you have to do this?
Why can't we be normal?
Why does the sun never shine on a monday morning?
Why does my heart never give warning?

Why are you so horrible?
And why do i still love you?
What wrong with this life?
What's wrong with us?

Fairy tales don't exist in this world
Never have and never will
You'll never be my perfect man
From now on it's all downhill

I blame disney for my idealistic thoughts
I blame myself for getting caught
Your the reason we all cry
Your the reason we told this lie

My soul split in two
The day you unveiled the truth
I'll never trust again
There are no good men

Red is a flower, a stunning rose
Red is the colour of the hat that i chose
Red is a ruby
A beautiful Jewel
Red is anger that makes me cruel
Red is a colour in the rainbow above
Red is the colour that resembles love
Red is the colour of blood that i shed
Red is the reason that i am now dead

My love for you is strong
My love for you is everlasting
My love for you feels so wrong
My love for you, is quickly fasting

Your love for me has disappeared
Your love for me grew weak
Your love for me is feared
Your love for me is Bleak

Why can't we see behind these lies?
Why are we blinded by the sun?
What if this love never dies?
What if our time is done?

I told you i loved him
right from the start
I told you i loved him
That we would never part

You couldn't listen to me
You never understand
You didn't listen to me
You let his hate expand

You could have let us be happy
You could have let me be free
But instead you ruined it
Instead, it's you and me

I saw you in the distance
Too far for my voice to reach
Too far for my eyes to clearly see

For i moment, i thought you looked at me
For a moment, i thought you smiled at me
I turned around,  and there she was,
Smiling back at you,
The girl, you swore you never knew

I trusted you, it was my mistake
Now nothing will fix this heartbreak
You were once mine, and i were once loved
Now it is up to the angels above.

What will be, will be
What cannot be, shall not
But because of you, i have a weak spot
And you'll forever be on my mind