It rang through my chest
And settled deep in my heart
My shields weren't up to numb me from the start
I was unprepared for your choice of her over me
A pain deep down I couldn't let you see

In the frantic search for physical connection
I lose my purpose and sense of direction
The joyous climax I wish to peak
Defers me from your heart and mind I truly seek
The side effect of mental haze
Is one that often lasts for days
I have lost my rational feelings for you
The difficult process I must start anew
While I find this challenge painful yet rewarding
It has left me libraries of feeling due to emotional hoarding
Till I find on book to call my own
I must frequently return to renew my loans

As they lie there, she waits.
For something, for anything,
but not for anything, for affection,
acknowledgement at least.
The sheets ruffle as he turns,
away form her. She storms out, pierced
by fact that tonight will be viewed
as nothing more, than a mistake.

There were hundreds on that ship
He watched her and thought she's beautiful
She saw him and thought better look out
He was cordial and she was cold
But in the two dates that they had on that ship
They found something to hold
And carry to opposites sides of the country
She visited that summer and he that fall
Every ticket expense was worth it all
On the 19th of April the two from hundreds became one

I’m lying on the floor
My stomach is twisting and screaming
I behaved in a way my parents would deplore
But the hands...’n drinks--
Lights blaring, music beaming
The walls are moving and I might be drooling
But I don’t have the ca-ca-cognitive function to help my condition
The laughter sounds like...
Ughhh...
I’m lying on the floor
Wishing I was one-hundred percent sober

I’m sorry my brother gave you lice
After this you will have had it thrice
Although icky and gross
The lice certainly know
That a girl like you will entice
I’m sorry my brother gave you lice

The
       ants
              came
                    today
                          Through
                              the always
                                 hiding crack
                                    Lurking unknown till
                                      already on her back
                                        Marching steady towards her heart
                                        their regular attempt to tear her apart
                                       The unannounced guest
                                       Here to steal leftover happiness
                                       Happiness that would hold her over
                                       Turned to crumbs eaten away till she was numb
                                       She could list them off by name
                                         Knowing exactly who to blame for the excruciating pain
                                            There was Rejection, Frustration, Unmet Expectations,
                                               Helplessness, Worthlessness, and her favorite Loneliness
                                                      They’re never quick to leave
                                                             ­     hiding underneath
                                                             ­                      her sleeve
                                                             ­                                For one last go
                                                             ­                                             at her heart
                                                             ­                                                      before they                                                                                            ­                                                                    truly
                                                                                ­                                                            did
                                                             ­                                                                 ­                  d e   p     a       r         t

Telling in a skill I have yet to master
However sharing is one that I can do faster
In order to convey my thoughts to you
I will create poems that you may relate to
Or perhaps change your views

I have decided to accept the poetry challenge
A task that at times may be hard to manage
Although I am late
July 23 is the date
That will start my 30 day fate

You walked away from me
Stabbed me once and let me bleed

Proved that all you said were lies
Then ran away with no goodbye

"My head says I don't need you"
Really hon? Well screw you too--
                                Who needs you?




Oh wait...I do

One steady pull is all it would take to clear my mind
The cold metal producing a steady stinging pain
One cut, one slice, one scar brought by my quivering hand
Anticipation and fear driving me to dare
To challenge my established thoughts of "out of control"

In the silent hours of the night
The monsters of the world come out to play

In the security of the silence they are free
Free to be the silent terrors that they are known to be
Free to be the silent terrors they own to be
Free to be the silent terrors they only know to be

In the darkest hours of the night
The beautiful creatures come out to play

In the security of the dark they are free
Free to dip their toes in waters unknown
Free to follow the example the monsters have shown
Free to return their personalities they have on loan

In the latest hours of the night
The beautiful monsters come out to play

From the world
the list of things
                                                             ­                             I
want is endless
from our friendship
it is just as long
from both I learned the need to
                                                             ­                          love
from the world
the simple things
and from
                                                             ­                          you
all the complexities
both taught me
the list of things
                                                             ­                        I want
is much longer
than what I need
from the world
I learned I need
    water
    food
    shelter
and from
                                                             ­                         you
    patients
    kindness
    understanding
I have come
                                                             ­                      to love
both for their simple ways
and complexities,
for their lessons taught,
and those I have yet to learn
I hope that both
can learn from
                                                             ­                     me too

Silence fills the air
Questions fill my mind
Times up

(Apr 6, 2012)

In the darkness I am brave
But shine a light and I'll return to my cave
For if you see me you can judge me
And make the choice of not to love me

In the darkness I am brave
I seek the adventure that I crave
But shine a light and I'll slip away
Leaving that life to another day

In the shadows I can breath
Between the light and dark I can weave
Fast enough that eyes don't adjust
They miss me in the morning rush

In the shadows I can grow
Seeds of a new me I will sow
One that needs no covers and no veils
One that will grow from previous fails

In the shadows I can be
A better me for you to see

(Apr 3, 2012)

There's no reason for this feeling
This sense of betrayal has me reeling
I thought we had an understanding
We agreed to be friends
But you refuse to see its end
I'm half convinced this pain you cause me
Is what keeps you going, like water to a tree
We've been here before
I have countless memories walking through this door
But you turn and run to things you know
As if you haven't another place to go
But just remember when you're stuck I am too
For there is no place I can go without you
Now I may think too much
But I refuse to live my life with a crutch
So suck it up and pack your bags
This hopeless crush will cause no more lag

From,
Head

(Feb 01, 2012)

We each have loose strings we'd like to mend
But we don't have the right touch to make them bend
The thread I have doesn't match up to you
After all the strain we've both been through
The chance we had for us to learn
Was a missed opportunity for which I yearn
Our thread has unwound and become tired and tattered
And I can no longer recall a time when this wasn't that matter
After tying us in countless knots
Don't you feel it's time to stop?
From our choices it's too hard to choose
Try again, or cut and lose.

(Feb 13, 2012)