How can I make you understand?
I'm hurting; you don't care.
I let you see into my soul.
You pretended to be unaware.

You say you're here forever
But I've never understood,
How can you watch me shake and suffer?
Help me, I thought you would.

Open your eyes. Listen for once.
I'm crying out for help.
I trusted with you, my heart, my mind.
But I hid from you what I felt.

You watch me hurt, you see my pain.
I cry out in distress.
But what you say's not what you mean.
Your true thoughts, you suppress.

You don't believe that I'm afraid,
Or why it pains me so.
You think I should forget it all
And what I can't, I shouldn't show.

I know that you're afraid to try.
You can't accept what happened.
Things went wrong, he was too strong
And now my heart is blackened.

Help me, please. I'm calling out.
The pain, I can't escape.
Deep in the corners of my mind,
it's his face that's taking shape.

The self inflicted pain I feel,
No match for your hurting words; so real.
I cut, I scrape, I burn for you.
Not pain, not fear; it's release I pursue.

Sit back, relax, enjoy the show.
You watching hurts more than you'll ever know.
When you're around I feel that hurt.
I reject your presence, but that's not what works.

You turn your back and walk away.
Promises broken, promises fade.
You said you'd stay, you'd help me let go;
can't accept what you've done now that you know.

I cut, I bleed, I die inside.
I lie, I cry, from you, I hide.
Because of you, I'm never at ease.
Why can't you see, I'm longing for release?

In bliss, these lips kept speaking soft your name
in whispers, slipping smoothly from my tongue.
So soft a voice I heard, and then you came.
Though knowing you must leave; how hard it stung.
The crickets silence as you pass them by
in presence of such peacefulness and grace.
The wind will blow your name about in sigh,
just as I did when wrapped in your embrace.
But as I watch the slowly setting sun,
I shiver as the lonesome embers die,
like memories of you that just begun.
A newborn star, a beacon in my sky.
The gentle thoughts you bring me now and then
say heartache is the price to love again.

I am a girl who believes in spirituality and loves to stare at the stars of the night sky.
I wonder if my children will ever know the simple wonders of life that I cherish so.
I hear the words of a book leaping off the pages, calling to me.
I see angels watching over the people I love, dancing about the room.
I want to see countries less fortunate than the one I live in, and somehow make a difference there.
I am a girl who believes in spirituality and loves to stare at the stars of the night sky.

I pretend not to miss my best friend, even though he’s too far away for me to hold him close.
I feel afraid of the dark because my imagination runs wild there; wild and out of my control.
I touch the lives of those who confide in me, listening to the language of their hearts.
I worry I will never completely overcome depression, that I will always be held down by its weight.
I cry for all the people who are suffering but do not have the resources to help them heal.
I am a girl who believes in spirituality and loves to stare at the stars of the night sky.

I understand that one can never be irreparably broken.
I say that being helpless is a state of mind, never a reality.
I dream of having a child that I can raise to become a beautiful human being.
I try to hold my head high, even when the world feels like it’s crumbling around me.
I hope that I will find the one person that truly understands me, and hold them forever.
I am a girl who believes in spirituality and loves to stare at the stars of the night sky.

Frightened of my thoughts but trying to let go
Of everything you did to me, it's too bad you'll never know. i am constantly
Reaching for something to believe in, and
Growing to be a girl who is strong enough to fight. i am strong, and
I forgive you,
Vulnerable to your memory as i am. i look in the mirror, and i am still afraid of what I see. because
Even as I sobbed and screamed, you
Never knew how much you really took from me. because, with
Eyes empty of regret, you watched me cry. because you
Scrutinized my every move, in
Silence.

innocent eyes
sweet laughter
trusting heart

cold hands holding
fast hands touching
careless hands hurting

eyes vacant and empty
staring into a dark void
hot tears on my pillow

too young to know better
too scared to fight back
too stupid to understand why

No silence,
No peace,
No sleep;

I dream of you.

so many missing years
so many forgotten memories
so many moments lost

no longer myself
no longer a child
only an object

all virtue gone
this childhood stolen
all innocence murdered

so much distrust remains
the child is gone.
the child is dead.

We fight, you scream, and I talk back.
I cross my arms, then you attack.
Defending myself, protecting my heart.
Breaking my shield, you have down to an art.

Some words can sting, some make you bleed.
Leave me broken; they're words I don't need.
Throwing daggers and knocking me down.
No longer a smile; a permanent frown.

I keep so much hidden, you need not know.
In the depths of my mind, my secrets, I stow.
You pry at my heart to open this vault
of things I hide, because their my fault.

You do not deserve my trust or my love,
when just words have turned into push or a shove.
Lying to me, one hit at a time,
You smack down my walls so you don't have to climb.

You hurt me just to get your way,
what do you expect me to say?
"I trust you, I love you, I know you understand,
Just spare me the wrath of the back of your hand?"

I won’t ever again be afraid of your fingers
or suffer the ache of a hand print that lingers.
I won't beg or plead at the mercy of men.
I won't cower away. Never again.

Bloodstained

flowing warmly through my veins,
rushing out like falling rain,
knowing only that this pain

feels good.
feels safe.
yet, distant.

tainted blood, my veins contain,
the kingdom of my mind, you reign.
this body and soul, in one moment you drained.

it's empty.
hollow.
yet ever aware of you.

face up against the window pane,
you left me here, but you never explained
why you did this for short term gain.

the advantage you took.
i've been betrayed.
yet now, i'm empty...

the way i always wanted it.

why did i long for these remains;
pain, the memories i'll always retain.
now, it's you that i disdain.

you left me standing in the rain.
forever,
bloodstained.

the scars of what you did restrain.
i wish that i could break these chains.
to bleach the color of these stains.

but i can't.
my scars are open.
they're still bleeding.

She’s nothing more than a singer, a writer, a lover, a dreamer;
merely a relative of darkened thoughts.
A lover of roses, sad songs, and thunderstorms,
who feels empty, alone, and afraid.
A girl who needs her boyfriend’s love, a best friends hug,
but above all, the music to save her soul.
Her only dreams?
To see her best friend face his demons,
the setting sun in Africa,
and a child to call her own.  
Who fears the nightmares when she lays her head to sleep,
fears she’ll never be good enough,
fears being alone in the dark,
but gives her heart to music,
her soul to poetry,
and her trust to anyone who asks it?
She does...

I am but
a doll in a paper town.

She is but
A girl who lives
and breathes.

A poem is like a dancer.
Crafted by words and whispers,
body quivers,
the immense flow of one expression;
beauty.
It comes to me as a silhouette, cast upon the wall.
I am but an intruder,
a silent face,
spying it’s fluid expressions,
devoting it to paper.
Passionate movements,
like flaming words to the page,
ignite the movement in my bones.
Swaying like reeds blown in the wind,
the words hover in a sky of imagination.
Leaping like tigers from a cage,
they engulf my limbs,
ignite my soul,
and bliss consumes my mind.

It's impossible to count
how many times he's made her laugh,
made her smile.

In times when she thought
happiness was impossible,
he made her see, they were worthwhile.

Such tenderness in his touch.
ever comforting,
when skin makes contact.

Tie died eyes
staring into hers
past the surface, past the mask.

If for only a moment,
their eyes lock,
skin touches,

And the masks,
the restrictions,
everything but them

disappear

I still have the same blue eyes that sparkle when I cry
The broken heart you tore to pieces, every time you lied.
The same false confidence I wore, that took you for a ride.
The quick replies that always left you, quiet and tongue tied.

I always ask, “what's on your mind?”
But you tell me you can't say.
I don't know why you hide from me.
If it's a game, let's play.
And you say,

“Some words are better left unsaid”
Some thoughts are locked up in your head
Some things I try to figure out
are wrapped in silence
and full of doubt
Some days I can't hold back the tears
Sometimes I talk but you don't hear
Some nights I cry myself to sleep
but I'm caught in the darkness
I'm in too deep
And I'm telling you,
Baby, I'm through!
And now the choice is mine,
This time.

I don't like your words when they spit fire at my name.
Pretending I don't know the curses, the venom, or the flame.
Every bloodstained poem you write, it's me that they're due to.
Well I'm not stupid, little boy. Look again, that's you.

You helped me test my limits boy; I've been breaking my fears
I'm not that little girl you knew, and used from junior year.
Childish as this may be, even just a bit insane.
Here it is; your last warning, welcome to my game.
And you tell me,

“Some things are better left unsaid”
Like everything I lost, in your bed.
Some words I try to hide, but they're true!
Some days I scream,
but I can't get through to you.
Sometimes I hate the boy you are.
Sometimes I hate that I went too far.
Some nights I think that you used me
just because you
wanted to!
But I'm telling you,
Right now, I'm through!
And baby, I'm not sorry!

I've walked the line,
I'm tired of tryin',
This life, this choice, is mine...
This time.

Don't tell me that you understand
Don't tell me that you know,
How I feel and what I need,
Too many secrets I stow.

Don't question all the answers
That can only come from me,
Don't tell me that I can let go,
That I will soon be free.

Don't stand there, stare and judge me
On all the things I've seen,
Don't tell me that I will survive
You don't know where I've been.

Don't tell me how to let this go
Don't ask me reasons why
Don't sit there, pry open heart
And expect me not to cry.

It was her place to hide
where nobody could tell her
she was wrong

It was her place to be alone
privacy guaranteed
inside her mind

It was her place to cry
her place to scream
without being heard

It was a place for her to be unmasked
to be herself
without being scared

It was a place for her to be the girl
she was looking for
without being told,

that girl is damaged.

lids closed tight,
the quiet darkness preferable
to what awaits.

I absorb the peaceful nothingness;
allowing pearls of water
to fall and stain my pillow

unsure how long
I'll have to wait
I begin to pray.

I pray for sleep to engulf me
and lead me away
to a place I am safe.

reality has no happy endings.

Speaking in code,
of memories you stole.
Secrecy extinct,
twisted words take their toll.

You imply what's not known
to each surrounding ear.
But who are you to share with him
everything I fear?

I look you in the eye,
begging, keep your mouth shut.
But I know what you're thinking,
just the mention leaves a cut.

Experience I've left behind,
you bring to memory.
Sharing just to hear yourself speak,
it hurts me, can't you see?

Anyone who listens
seems worthy of your thoughts.
But share with them a piece of you,
not memories I fought!

Remembering is easy for you
but for me it comes without glory.
I defend myself against those thoughts,
It shouldn't be your story!