so I'll sit and I'll stare
I'll stop and I'll watch
all of the things that
my eyes cannot touch
my crutch is broken
your hands have spoken
either with or without
you still lose a token
but if joking about it
shakes the fears right out it
would you still want me?
I highly doubt it.

I'm okay with being sad sometimes.

And I'm even more okay with not drinking my coffee black.


I think I'm beginning to grow up.

born again and such a stretch
manifest and etch-a-sketch
my brain is gone, i'm not the best
carry on to ace to test
rhyming words and cracking skulls
parking lots of oily gulls
beating hearts with drumming sticks
mouthing words of stevie nix
getting old and magic wands
dumping bodies into ponds
flash, flash, the smiles of moms
making rent and dropping bombs
gravitate towards running fast
this line's a lemon, and the last

So here I am.
Sitting on my couch
and eating potato chips
and thinking about you
and what might have been.
Wallowing in self-pity
and artificial flavors
and carbohydrates.
The only things comforting me
are my fast metabolism
and the hum of the air conditioning.

"Mind over matter"
only makes you fatter
if you can't see
all the bullshit
you're feeding yourself.

Man, look at 'em go.
Zipping about.
Fast flying, like their fathers.
Fly fishing, like their fathers.
Dropping cones, scraping knees.
Crying, laughing, dirty.
Wooden block, sidewalk chalk.
Old McDonald had a farm.
Mayor Daley had a city.
A whole goddamn city.
Fire hydrants, parking meters.
Public parks, with wood chips.
Rubber wood chips.
For babies and kids and dogs.

I want to kiss your ears and bury you alive.
In dirty snow or rotting wood or something cheap.
I want you to cry and your tears will taste like carrots.
And a little bug or worm or miniature train will fluff your pillow.
She'll make you feel at home and tuck you in for me.

I'll choke on the right things
as they leap out my throat and
go bite things. I'll candy coat
their cryings so they don't
know that they're dying.
I'll poke them as they're
writhing and goad them
to start trying and coax
them to start flying, all
the while knowing that
Bigfoot sightings are as
big a joke as my writings.

You sound like a seashell.
You fall too fast and too hard.
I want to catch you,
but I'm full of secrets.

Closing your eyes and nodding your head.
You are a delicacy too  sweet for me.
I will lick your fingers
and roll into a cave.

I am a mouse, but the bad kind.
Squeaking and stealing and running.
Your bones are light and
I will play fiddlesticks on them.

Come crash my stupid party.
We'll sneak into the basement
and share swigs of gin and
swap spit and oxygen and win card
games we don't even wanna play.

Today I learned the hard way
that my way or the highway
won't fly, but fly away with me
(but not in a gay way).

Not to sound cliché, I wish we
had wings or capes so we
could soar and swoop
through space and I could
score at hoops in space
(like Space Jam). And we can
pretend that rabbits and
carrots and green circle stars
have magic and real far away
our ending's tragic, but we don't
have to think about that yet.

We can go home and roam
around and let fun abound
until the right timing to quit
whining and open our eyes
to all our lies and do grown
things like answer phone
rings and own up to our
feelings, but let's hold off on
that for now.

Fat cats sit on mats
for kids to rhyme
and wile away the time
of day and I'm dazed
by the haze of my days,
'cause seeing clearly's
overused and I'm
amused by your subtle
clues you choose to drop
and hint that we're a pair.
You squint your eyes
at mine and find I'm
back inside my head
rhyming kid words
too cold for snow and
too old, so though
you think it's bold for
you to say, I was told
you'd stay to play, which
makes me not surprised
you'd spill your guts
through your squinty eyes.

He's got a nice mouth
that talks and kisses.
That whispers.
And eyes that sigh.
And his hands are
nice to hold and
clap and be around.

Brains and minds
don't mind or matter.
Soon he'll find that
her eyes are too big
and mouth's full of
shit and her hands
are tied, just like
her stomach.

He'll discover on his own
(or with the help of a poem)
that her heart's all
cluttered and flooded
with stupid things.

Time and thoughts
are remedies, but heads
are not extremities
that we can see with
naked eyes and touch
with tender hands.

She's got words
that ramble and
circle his name.
When the tongue
hits the teeth,
she stops because
she likes it.
And she likes
his sideways glances.

He's got guts
and a dark side, surely.
Which is good. And
earlier what she
said about being
trapped in her head
is only maybe true.

It's all become flaccid memories.
You look so nonplussed. Sitting there.
I bet we're not thinking of the same thing.
That night, that time.
I'm thinking about you.
Can you tell?
Does my face show it?
The way my eyes bend the light that
cast shadows underneath your brow,
making you look mysterious.

Great, now I'm embarrassed.

All I held close.
Bet you didn't even know.
Or care?
Is this our way of . . . well.
Unsharing?

First, let me binge on all of the things I love about you:
I love the way you smell. And your strong hands.
Your smile, your laugh. Your charisma, your warmth.
Etc, etc. (I could go on, but for my own good, I should stop.)

Now, let me purge myself of these things.
Yes, I'm puking out your good.
I'm vomiting love.
Hold my hair back, will you?
I can taste it, coming back up.
Hurts. Much easier going down. Figures.
There it is, in a messy pile on the floor.
The stench burning my nose,
making my eyes water, wafting into
other rooms.

Everyone, sniff. Smell that?
Acidic, putrid.
Regurgitated love.
No one wants that shit anymore.  

Does that repulse nonplussed you?
Go ahead, get on your fucking hands and knees.
Lap it back up.
Just try.

feasting is beastly
devouring the measly
souls of the weaklings
how mild and meekly
cowering, quivering
stock-still, but shivering
delivering evil at doorsteps
grabbing the forceps
take a few more steps
I'll cut you and your kids
and your wife with her fits
are you aware of
the pits of despair?
shit, now you're scared
fuck all your cares
'cause you're going nowhere
except back to that place
drool drips down your face
crusty blood-caked lips
you faked your trips
seen what I've seen?
please, your nightmare's my dream
nothing as it seems
sewn up the seams
blown up the reams
of shit that you wrote
and with a knife at my throat
I'll dare you one dare
just one
sit there and stare

Quail eggs, duck fat
Liverwurst at its worst
Pâté is passé
Bulgur is vulgar
Shellfish emulsion
Widespread revulsion
Giblets and gravy, soured and skinned
Simmered, steamed, fried and fucked
(order up)

A big band roaring, eagle soaring
Freedom rings, America screams
Schools burning, no one's learning
Hurricanes, earthquakes
Mother Nature's big mistakes
Or triumphs, it's all perspective
Uniformity, parallelism, have gone to the dogs
About time

Just like that.
Things are.
      Have been, will be.
Your past predicts
your future.
History repeats itself.
        Itselves.
Histories repeat themselves.

Lyin' under an oak tree
Bleedin' hearts bloomin' all 'round me
Seasons change mysteriously

The grass is itchin' at my skin
Summer thoughts they begin
Everything comes from within

It's as uncertain as death is certain.
Fish grapple at hooks and answers.
Pointy elbows scraped on bricks. Bruises.
Soap-making kits collecting dust.
      Nobody wants them.
      Nobody wants you.
A twelve-cent stamp doesn't get anyone
      anywhere these days.