devilgirlzdreamWhisper

American
Feelings for you“I can’t say I haven’t wondered what it would be like, you and I” and “It hurts me knowing that I can’t just go and be yours”. You’ve said them both. Word for word. So why do I feel like it’s a hopeless love? Like Romeo and Juliet, Bonnie and Clyde, Cleopatra and Mark Anthony. All that fell in love but died with their feelings for one another. One night I dreamt of fighting for you. Dreamt of doing everything I had to do just to make you mine. I’m not sure what it is about you. Is it your smile? Your eyes that I can easily get lost in. Maybe it’s the sweet soothing sound of your voice dancing in my head. I’ve only felt like this for one before you. It was in 2012 when I met him, He was my best friend, and he sadly drifted from my life. His feelings were true, he loved me. Just sadly not in the way of romance and true love. He saw me as nothing more than a great friend, and a painful reminder of his past. I feel like I’m in the same situation once more with you. You’re a highly respected man. Thirty-two years of age. A father of a beautiful daughter. The man of someone that doesn’t truly deserve you. Someone that has put you threw so much and has given you so little. You call your job your place of escape. Your home, your woman. Those are things that should be your escape from the world. You deserve someone that’s willing to fight, that’s willing to hold you when you need to let your feelings out, that’s willing and devoted to make you smile every single day, even if they have to act like a total idiot to just see the glimmer of hope return to your eyes. You’ve dealt with demons for so long. I understand that everything can seem so dark. You deserve to have someone that truly understands those feelings. Not a person that will just say they get it. You want to feel their words, feel their actions. You want someone real, honest, true. I get butterflies everytime I think about you. I get a knot in my chest every time I see someone upset you. You don’t understand how much I want to just run up to you and hug you so tightly, as I whisper in your ear that I’m always here and I love you. “I love you” I don’t know what other words to use to describe what I’m feeling. My feelings towards you are so strong. I’d fight through a crowd of people just to protect you and make you feel worthy of every single thing in life. You’re smart, and funny. You’re sweet and protective. You’re blunt and honest. You’re caring and comforting. Your eyes make me smile. While your smile makes my heart melt. Your touch sends chills down my spine. While your voice makes me blush. I may never get the chance to make you mine. I need to accept that chance and move on. Even though just the thought of it makes my heart hurt and my eyes tear. Like you said “this is just innocent flirting, nothing more.” I was all for it. I now have more feelings than I should. I tried. I truly tried to keep my heart out of this, I kept telling myself that we’re just friends, that you have a girlfriend. Nothing can happen. I can’t feel anything for you. That was, until I had my blackout, and while drunk I admitted to three people, as well as wrote it in a suicide letter, that I fell in love with you. I was willing to take my life and the only thing that I could think of while the world was collapsing on me was you. You truly are my savior. Whether I want to admit all of this to you or not….we shall see what the future holds. I’m so sappy. I want to apologize to you about all my flaws. Like apologizing for apologizing so much. I know that just made you smirk cause I just smiled while typing it thinking of your reaction.
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