I've lost my voice, misplaced or hidden by me.
Quarantined and deemed unclean, I'd rather kick this chair and choke.
This broken record playing, static pitch inside my head
Most tragic note I've ever formed.
You mourn that which I consider normal.
I swore refusal of logic resolve.
You called my bluff, and my throat choked up.
Don't call
This love.
I know that which you see as sacred.
We grow together with no need for words.
Your mind grabs me, leaves me gasping.
Don't call
This love.
My voice returns in vibrant resolve.
Echoes freely, hopelessness swiftly absolved.
Let's just enjoy this.
Don't call
This love.
Let's just
Enjoy this.
Don't call
This love.
Where's my grave?
Simply unfair
You didn't save
A place somewhere.
Too weak to dig
Myself a hole.
Incinerate
Someplace, alone.
You say you're trapped
Inside yourself.
Hostile to my
Indifference felt.
Won't fully grasp
This tragic fact.
My body lives.
That's all I have.
Just wanna fuck
Until I die.
So, let's just fuck
And say goodbye.
Hands around the neck
In search of dying breath.
Dirty nails dig in.
Hoarse cries begin to thin.
I'm not dreaming.
I'm not thinking.
Lost all touch. please, don't wake up.
No, don't wake up.
Hemorrhagic ecstasy while bathing in your tears.
Innocence exhumed for you after twenty short-lived years.
Cheek to cheek
In my arms
Don't wake up.
Please, don't wake up.
Heartbreak may pull me down
Haunted by all I've found
Live and let live
Don't forget, just forgive
Drugs and depression may seek me
Blatant confession has saved me
Bite, spit, kick, and fight
Rage against the dying of the light
Kindred spirits may uplift me
Pithy quotes may stick with me
Still I know my role, sacrifice the one to satisfy the whole
If ignorance is bliss, intelligence is meaningless
Menthol drops stop inflamed, bursting lines and sanitize glass eyes
Leaving opaque walls behind
Perceptions consist of persistent resistance, lists never ending, refusing to change, shallow blame twists into shame
As the drops start failing
I did it again, I let her back in
I knew where to go, but I went where I've been
I did it again, I let her back in
I knew where to go, but I went where I've been
Cursing birth at death
Wrapping my hands 'round her neck
And stealing her last breath
Heard those deadened footsteps
Stark-black, solemn eyes met
Clawing, withered hands crept frantically groping in darkness
Searching for the exit, sweating toxic, life detainment
Lids from coffins open
Wispy curses spoken
Tranquil dreams are stolen
Knotted rope broke again
A backwoods lobotomy filling a five-gallon bucket
While her parents watched in earnest
Her head was just too big
I think she is pregnant
Then take care of it, just use the rusty coat hanger method
This bucket will need emptying first
Feed the slop to the swine
It looks like you two are going to be grandparents
This grotesque, mutilated corpse of an unborn
No, it looks like the pigs will be well-fed in the morning
How long until slaughter?
Hurry up and it will be done
It's been awhile since I've written anything at all
It's been so long since my dying voice sang a single word
I'm desperate to discover this path
This quiet trail into eternity, look at me
I don't cry anymore, but in my dreams tears pour
And drown me indefinitely, finally killing off what I've seen
I scream, I scream
I grow tired of catchy hooks, my nose in books
Your empty looks give away what I guessed for months
I should have run, loaded up my gun
And found peace in nonexistence
But your insistence has brought me back here
Alone and in fear, blinded at the gates my dear
Rediscovered how to care
Then remembered this burden to bear
A slight quiver from the bow in your back
I come on strong like a fatal attack
Hunting you down
A hushed whimper in your throat condemns
The subtle undertones of shameful whims
Cutting you down
A silent breakdown in the guise of guilt
Laying waste to a temple built
Crumbling down
A lucid dream where you all four come
Expecting nothing, but for me to run
Gunning you down
So, it has come down to this
Sinking further between your lips
Holding your hips I aim to fix
This memory with another hit
Self-soothe with a fading bruise
All there is left of you
Leaving you down
Tip off the cops in this murder plot
Left unpursued with a final thought
Burning you down
So, it has come down to this
Sinking further between your lips
Holding your hips I aim to fix
This memory with another hit
Erase her graceful face
Erase her staying taste
Erase her hopeful trace
Erase her
Erase her
(Ich möchte sehen, dass Sie sich für Ihre Unwissenheit brennen. Ich will sehen Sie spucken Blut, du verdammte Hure. Es gibt nichts, ich will in meinem Leben, außer dich leiden sehen aus erster Hand. Ich könnte glücklich sterben wissen Sie nahm das eigene Leben, also, wenn Sie wirklich wollen, mich glücklich zu machen, dann gehen fucking do it. Ich werde weinen gottverdammten Tränen der Freude, wenn du weg bist, dass eine Garantie ist. Gehen Sie weiter und hassen mich, weil ich krankhaft bin, aber dieses realisieren: Sie wissen nicht, Scheiße, und du wirst nie, du Fotze stur. Ich werde dich in der Hölle zu sehen.)
Shallow breaths wish to cease
From cracked lips and stained teeth
Haggard cheeks, dry and white
Wish to harden and end tonight
If only sleep could last forever
And wipe away all seen together
If only we had never met
That summer night, cool and wet
Its so easy to just pretend
I'm right back where I once began
But now I'm waiting for the end
Treacherous lips haunt my mind
Kissing on some other kind
Of man that I apparently can't be
Suffering from my own disease
Starving ribs, jutting out
From pale skin laying down
Alone in bed, wide awake
While she's all smiles with love to make
Its so easy to just pretend
I'm right back where I once began
But now I'm waiting for the end
I'll put a brick in my hood
I'll throw a brick to ya dome
I'll shove about anything
To get me through up my nose
And I still flatter them hoes
And get their panties all wet
Until they drip, drip outta the dryer
I'm washed up they said
Yeah, I'm sauced up too bad
Sick as fuck in the head
Don't give a shit about bread
I'm busy countin' my lead
I'm about as sick as they get
So I break up some nugs
Have a hoe count my stacks
Line my crib with straight thugs
One, two, three, six, click
Clappin' these sixes while she's suckin' my dick
Leavin' my Deagle 'cause I'm wantin' to live
Givin' heaven the finger 'cause I'm lovin' to sin
No one gonna stop me
Yeah, nothin' that can top me
I'd wreck a fuckin' Bentley
Then suit up on a Harley
Take a trip to Muncie
And load up on some chronic
And smoke until I'm smellin'
Like a farm of hydroponic
Damn, I gotta get my mind right
But I can't 'cause I'm livin' in the high life
Not a cent gets spent on a dime, right?
Wrong, I spend it all the time
And time keeps tickin'
My watch looks broke 'cause I can't stop spinnin'
Run outta smoke so I tryna hit some resin
My lungs stuck up, but I just keep rippin'
Them souls apart, them hoes apart
Nothin' but the best for my bros so far
I am the number one in this
God-forsaken little blip
Midwestern farmer shit
No one here allowed to spit
But I do everyday
While all my fuckin' neighbors be balin' that hay
Hooray, we got another couple mouths fed
'Til I force-feed 'em an entree of straight lead
Backtrack twenty years and lose my name
A cigarette resting here ashes straight
No smoke hits my lips
No, my hand drifts in wisps
In vain
One drag buries what were thoughts
One crown and coke on the rocks
No use to think back
One mere note ignites the past
And stains
Ceiling fades to a nearly pitch black shade
Hallucinate by fisting your own eyes shut
Permeate the blood from the gunshot stain
Sleep, sleep, the night has come
Staring downward
Listening intently to the next curse
Intent on you
Wailing
Reverse peristalsis
Rugurgitation of a steel keg
Incurred by you
Swallowed
Eyes dilated
Fixed by an insatiable mind
Allowed by you
Clarity
Senses stoned
Pharmaceutical entities flood the brain
I love you
Baby
Microseconds skid by
As drops of pins
Eyes roll back inside
Deep within the skin
Life turns tide
And plays back again
High time to die
And travel with the wind
You pay for it everday.
No matter what you do now.
No matter how much you've changed
And in your heart, you know you've changed.
No one from your past, especially the ones you loved,
The ones you hurt, and the ones you loved to hurt repeatedly.
No one will ever see you for who you know you have become, no,
People only know and see the past, your whole hamper of dirty laundry.
They only render you with a nostalgia of disgust and pity
And tell everyone who mentions your name
About the things you did, the actions for which you repent.
The price you pay everyday for the person of yesterday.
The one who paled with every drug
Cannot repay.
The one who speaks can only shrug
And pray
For another day to wash away
The grime that's left and always stays.
The one who walks in public stained
Will wince and pay for another day.
Twelve hours to focus
And redefine one's abilities
To chew one's toungue and cheek
To bounce one's knee
There will be no sleeping
Because sleep has become obsolete
An outdated human ritual
Just begging to be cleansed
Twelve hours to come down
To rediscover one's limitations
To nurse one's swollen tounge and cheek
And to rest one's aching body
There will be no sleeping
Because sleep is never an option
An incessant dream
Just begging to begin
Face-up with a wood shard through my stomach
I won't be hungry again
I guess there always is a positive light
Fluids seep out of me
Toxins squirm their way out
From their inhospitable new home
One that will suffocate them
Dreams implode in me
Fantasy at the hand of reality
With his superior firepower
Aimed elegantly and accurately
Sleep aerates the field within me
Dreams rise again, poisons come back in
Slitting my throat again
Licking it off my chin
Spare nothing
A commodity worth everything
So lucky
Chased him from his mettalic lair
Consumed him one and all
Felt him rush to ends of hair
But in the end I lost
