It will seem as though life
Is not liveable without me
As the years pass,
But remember I am there with you.

I am the wind grazing
Every blade of grass.
I will take your hand
And guide you through

The moments of doubt and pain.
I will be the warm breeze
Caressing your cheek,
Encouraging you to smile through the rain.

When you miss me most,
And I will not be there to
Watch the changing seasons,
Bring back all of
The treasured memories,

For your tears are falling
For all the wring reasons.
God took my hand
And set me free,

Do not shed one more tear,
The angels have wrapped
Their wings around me.
When you feel as though

Your laughs have formed
Into teardrops,
And your smiles have
Faded away,

I am always with you.
In your heart I will forever stay.

There is so much to see
Beyond these walls you've built.
There is so much you do not know.
While you sit behind closed doors,

There is innocent blood being spilt.
Yet here you sit,
At your window sill
Watching the changing seasons.

Your heart aches to see
The outside world.
Your tears fall for all
The wrong reasons.

The world you seal yourself
From is filled with
Nothing but war.
All our hope seizes to exist.

All our will drops to the floor.
That one second of peace,
Where it feels like the
Whole world is standing still.

The silence of the crime
And the corruption. Peace.
It is in that spilt second,
The earth is bowing to

God's every will.
No matter how many
Times you long to escape
Your hidden containment,

Don't.
For all of your hopes
And dreams will fade
Away with time.

And the happiness
Only lasts for the moment.

Tell me one thing; why?
Why did you take him from me?
Why didn't you let
Me say goodbye?

I've sat up crying all day,
Trying to put the pieces
Back together.
I still can't think straight,

I still can't remember
My purpose.
Why did you take him
From me forever?

I know he's not
Suffering anymore,
And he has no more pain,
But I wasn't ready to let him go.

I wasn't ready to drown
In my own tears.
I just want one last hello.
I want to see his smile

One last time,
Before I get carried away.
I want to hear his laugh,
Feel his hugs,

Tell him everything I
Have to say.
I want my Grandpa back.
Why did you take him from me?

My mind is only slowly
Working on half track.
I am at a loss for words,
And it feels like he's

Still here with me.
I can't believe he's gone.
I love you Grandpa,
You will be missed.

Your suffering soul is free.

Robert Leonard Smith
December 29, 1934-January 21, 2011
Gone, but never forgotten.
I love and miss you Grandpa.<33

Countless lies fill my manipulated mind.
It keeps spinning, and spinning, and spinning.
Like a carosel never wanting to stop.
So many of your lies are left undefined.

Your eyes pierce my heart with every glance I get.
Nothing but regret shines in those eyes as I gaze at my reflection.
I can see the remorse you pray for.
I can see your ignorance you are aware of, but refuse to admit.

I can see that you miss what we had.
I can see that you wish I was yours.
I can see that you want me back.
I can see that my being happy with someone else drives you mad.

Oh charming dreamtaker, don't avert your eyes. 
I'm so in love with someone that is not you.
Look at me now heartbreaker.
I can live without your lies.

As the disease spreads through him, slowly,
He knows he won't go down without a fight.
He looks forward to the future,
Dreaming of seeing things he's never had the chance to see.

Hoping, waiting, wondering if he will be alright.
He is left wondering if this christmas will be his last.
He is left wondering if he will live to be one year older.
He is left to get lost in his memories of the past.

He fights the disease spreading 
Through him with everything he has to give.
He makes the best of what he has.
He thinks of all the events he wishes to relive.

He knows this is going to kill him,
He just prays he lives long enough
To watch his granddaughter grow.
He wishes to see her persue her wildest dreams.

God knows, that until that happens,
He's not letting go.
It's been six months and 
He still fights through the only thing

Strong enough to take him away.
He holds his head high, and keeps holding on.
He knows who will be waiting for
Him on Judgement Day.

I wish he wasn't going through so much pain.
I wish God would give him the strength to push through and heal.
I wish he didn't have this disease.
I wish his pain and suffering wasn't real.

As I sit here
With these tears
Of regret pouring
Down my hot cheeks,

You tell me everything
Will be okay,
Because you still love me.
But you don't

Understand that
Nothing is okay with me now,
Nothing.
I can't eat, I can't sleep,

I can't think.
My life is completely
Torn to shreds without you.
I have nothing left to live for,

I have nothing left to lose.
I just lost my everything,
So what's the point in trying?
There will already

Be a bullet through
My head when you answer
That question.

No one took the
Time to listen
No one took the
Time to care

No one tried to help
Me through my dark
Time of despair.
All those lies that

Made up my million
Tortured screams,
All those nights
I sat and prayed, to be saved,

That those words
You said were
Just bad dreams.
The tears and the

Blood began to mix and blend.
I was so convinced that
This agony would never end.

Loving You

I want to spend forever
Looking into your
Beautiful blue eyes.
Baby I want to spend

Forever wrapped in
Your lovely disguise.
Without a care in the
World I will sit here

And call you mine.
I will get those shivers
You send running up
And down my spine.

I want to keep you and
Only you for as
Long as I possibly can.
It's been you and

Only you since this
Love song began.
Without you,
I don't think my life

Would be quite so complete.
Without you, I don't
Know where I would be,
You are my heartbeat.

I hope you believe
Me when I tell you I love you,
Because this madness is
Hard to fight through.

When I'm by your side
All of my worries no longer exist,
When you pull me close for
One more passionate kiss.

Trying to push away
This feeling crawling beneath my skin,
Putting my head in my hands,
Always giving up, always giving in.

I guess this is what
It feels like to be hurt so badly
You just want to disappear.
I guess this is what

It feels like to be
Stabbed in the chest.
I guess this is what
It feels like to always have you near.

Everywhere I turn I see
Something that reminds me if you.
Everytime I round a corner
I see your face.

Everyday I suffer from wounds
That barely explain
What I'm going through.
You don't know what it's like

To suffer like me.
You don't know how much
Pain passes through my heart
In every degree.

We pass each other everyday
With my face cold as stone.
You grin like there was nothing
Between us.

I guess this is what it feels like to be alone.

I never listen to what
Other people say, 
I dont have the
Patience to wait.

I just drag myself through
Every passing minute,
Every passing day.
My mind won't stop

Spinning and I'm full
Of repressed doubt.
How can someone do
Something so heart shattering? 

I'm breaking apart
From the inside out.
Broken glass lies beneath
Me as I fall to my knees.

A shard in my bloody hand,
Tears blurring my vision,
Thinking of what he
Wanted me to be.

Screaming my pain to everyone,
Squeezing the glass in my palm,
Waiting for my sanity to come.
Thrusting the broken

Glass to my chest,
Puncturing my heart,
Saving myself
From all the rest.

Spilling blood surrounding me,
A slowing heartbeat,
This is the end of my bottomless agony.

Gentle waves caressing the shore,
Soft calls from the birds.
The smell of salt overwhelming me,
As little fish explore the ocean floor.

So many different versions of
Beauty surround me.
Young children playing,
Colorful flowers,
 
The buzzing of an adventerous bee.
You see, 
There is more to this
Than meets the eye.

To some beauty is the appearance,
And to others it's the simple
Way a loved one says goodbye.
Beauty can come to you as

You become older,
As well as when you are young.
No one can judge you for your
Interpretation of beauty,

Because beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.

I still continue searching
For you with tears in my eyes
And trembling hands.
Wandering around in a dream

Like state.
Confused about why you
Will never understand.
I'm afraid these burning

Words I have practiced in
My head may never pass
From my lips to yours.
I have never met you,

And I probably never will.
I have unanswered questions
Running through my mind.
Why didn't you take the position

So many others would be
Begging to fill?
Why weren't you there for me?
Why did you go?

Why weren't you there to kiss
Every scrapped knee?
Answer me this,
Why was I left wondering,

Why didn't I have a daddy to
Tuck me in at night?
Why was I left wondering
Where my daddy was?

Why was I left wondering
Why my daddy wasn't there to
Help me fly my first kite?
I don't know why you left,

And I don't know why you
Weren't there to watch me grow,
But this one question
Eats away at my heart:

Daddy why did you go?

This is my nightmare.
All I can see,
Is what will be the death of me.
My pain is what they desire.

Nothing compares to this hell I feel.
Every detail seems so real.
Fear chills down my stiff spine.
I can barely move, barely speak.

Shadows haunt every hill, every peak.
I can't escape this terror.
Every trace of light dies.
I can't seem to open my eyes.

It looks as though I will never leave.
My sense begins to wither and rebel.
Fear and hate control my every cell.

Forever closed eyes,
Reasoning dies.
Empty inside,
Nowhere to hide.

Lost in the loneliness of my mind,
Losing the sanity that binds.
Falling apart at the seems,
Can't escape these haunting dreams.

Oh why do I try?
No one can see these tears I cry.
Razor to wrist,
Replacing all I've missed.

Convicting those who did this to me,
Remembering what I used to be.
Holding on to life by a thin thread,
My horrid regrets repeating in my head.

The end is near,
My eyes fill with every lonesome tear.
My deep secret is the key,
This is what I need to set me free.

Everything has stopped.
The coursing of blood through my veins.
The relentless calm.
My rythmic breathing is all that remains.

I don't dare open my eyes.
I'm afraid I might scream.
This fire is too much to contain.
The anguish is too extreme.

All I can think is, when will it end?
My reward awaits.
The noise surrounding my still body
I can now comprehend.

The fire subsides.
Retreating to my chest.
The agony in the center of my body increases.
All pain entering the space beneath my left breast.

My heart and the fire battle for control.
I can't think, the pain is unbearable.
The fire will decide the fate of my soul.
My heart beats wildly.

Trying to fight off the fire.
My heart is failing horribly
As I wait for my human life to expire.
One last exploding beat and the pain is gone.

My eyes slowing open.
The morning sun just taking dawn.
I try to think back to before the fire.
My memories, a haze.

I cannot remember what occured.
Even my remaining final days.
This new begining will have so many benefits.
But, I cannot face the consiquences of the life I've left behind.

The memories of that past life
Remain undefined.
My senses were sharpened.
The whole process was so strange.

I think of my new abilities.
I can't judge the rewards of the change.

Nightmares make the person.
I'm falling apart.
I can't take this pain.
Burn what's left of my bleeding heart.

My life has no purpose.
Words can't explain this agony I feel.
My head is spinning.
This can't be real.

I no longer have the strength to stand,
The strength to run.
This game is over.
I'm coming undone.

This is ridiculous.
What is his punishment
For this inhumanity?!
It is me who has been punished.

With the crushing of what was left of my sanity.

Why do you constantly crush my
Heart like a meaningless toy?
Why do you play these games
With me?

Why do think my soul is
Something to destroy?
What did I do to deserve this pain?
What did I do to deserve these tears?

Look at me, they spill from my eyes
Like a bittersweet rain.
I guess my feelings mean nothing to you.
I guess I was just a pawn.

I guess you lied, when you said "I love you" was true.
You got what you wanted
And now you want more.
I don't think so.

I closed that beaten door.
You're already killing me with
Your twisted little games and your convincing lies.
You don't have me anymore.

I'm gone.
Too late for final goodbyes.

It follows you everywhere,
From place to place.
It reminds you of who you are.
The you you can't erase.

Its the thing that lurks in the
Dark silhouette, the thing you fear most.
Its the thing you hate to look at,
The thing you're afraid to keep close.

Its the thing lurking behind every
Closed door, the thing hidden
Beneath every unturned rock.
Its the thing you you push away,

The thing you try and block.
It's followed you over every
Life-changing year,
Its always mocked your every

Move, examined every fear.
Thst something is you,
Always there.
Hiding from every pain you go through.

Always there,
Just ready to blend.
Take a second look.
Consider it a shadowing friend.

We have to be apart.
Don't take this the wrong way.
I'm doing this for my heart.
You came into my life and turned

My whole world upside down.
Because of you,
In my tears of despair I'll drown.
You stand by as my once bright

Life fades to a darkened black.
You stand there and watch my
Desparate thoughts and bad habits
Come back.

The place in your chest where your
Heart should be,
Is filled with cold hard stone.
I watched you turn and leave.

Showing me I'm alone.
I pray one day I'll wake up
And this will all be a bad dream,
Like I never met you,

Like the people I love
Didn't have to hear my anguished scream.
I'm so tired of being here.
Waiting, listening, for my shadow

To remind me of the mistakes I've made,
Whispering in my ear.
The pain in my soul is too much to ignore.
Take it.

Take it all,
I don't want this life anymore.

I can't believe you're in love with me.
I'm silly, I'm loud,
And my mind is open and free.
I get mean, I get paranoid,

And I get crazy in between.
I walk around stores
And speak in demonic voices,
I do weird but fun stuff

With my sisters,
And I still make bad choices.
I slip up and say
Things that weren't meant to be said,

I make terrible decisions,
And I've done things that I dread.
But, hey, I'm human and that's I want to be.
But I still can't believe you're in love with me.