Caleb Eli Price
I try not to write about my own emotions as much as I can, if that makes sense. Instead, I try to interpret the feelings of something completely alien to me, some nameless, shapeless figure who personifies the emotions that have never existed in my own mind. Of course, it doesn't always work, and my own emotions show through. Mostly, though, I just write what comes to mind, because I think that the best poetry already exists unconsciously inside of us.
I'm not the man in my words
I'm just the man in my mind
Can you turn it down?
Loves on turbo, hearts destruction,
Willing partner needs eruption.
Love is rivers, I might drown.
Can you turn it up?
Souls construction isn't flowing,
Welcome warmth is ever knowing.
Love is wine and you're the cup.
Can you still be more?
Whether chained or will be freed.
Love is knocking at the door.
Can you have it all?
Handled well but simulated,
Diamond eyes were stimulated.
Love, so handsome, shall it fall.
Can you die tonight?
Left in bliss, and still tuxedoed,
Warm expansions, then I'm vetoed.
Love, or is it loveless flight.
Let me stare for just a little bit longer.
Let me feel my snow globes within yours for just another moment.
Let them touch,
I know you know it's not too much.
I don't stare because I want your perversion,
Certainly not from lust.
The nature of your figure, the lips sprinkled upon your mouth, the eyes under your eyelashes,
That is not my pleasure.
What I yearn for is behind the face, and it's manifested two fold.
I do look upon you, but I cannot look upon myself,
A pleasure held only by you.
The back of my face, I'd like to know,
My own existence, 180 degrees to my perception,
So different, yet the same.
You might offer the other so easily to me.
If only for a hint of conscious thought propelled at me.
I just want to feel you, and have you feel me back,
A simple act of thought for me is all I ever wanted.
Those words created a translucent fog on my vision
Against which I would judge every misty morning from that moment on
It was warm, but the robins wouldn't play their song
If only I could have known then
Basking in your radiation, I felt simple
Contained within a bottle of lemon juice
Sewn together with white wash threads upon the presentation table
And I felt whole
A lack of lacking that filled my filling
Satisfying the rumination, you could never trip
Haven't lied before, so my thought were undeniable
Still I remained liable
When I was made of sand and toothpicks
Simply molded by circumstance
I was supposed to stand on my own feet
Not wobble upon your stilts
You told me that from the start
But all I wanted was your heart
And all you wanted was my words
For temporary fulfillment
If only I had known then
When did I realize
Unfortunately, I don't know
But the edges of my cloud were still trimmed at your feet
So that you might reflect upon your selfishness and realize I was still there
I try not to disappear
As much as I am able
Since once upon a time I shall have the potion of immortal unity
That only lasts as long as we might
But it would be enough
Not for you
But for me
Too many names to remember the face
Washed by the river of uncertainty
Eye deep in the ritual
Seems too habitual
Nothing my oar does will loosen the tides
Still, it's alleviated by the slight martyrdom of my peers
But my peripheral circuits still see what I try not to
The attachment isn't sufficient, but ignorance certainly is
Enough to calm my blood
Or make it take another route through my heart
But it isn't enough for them
Not when they understand you
And you are lost in the tangled web of labeling
Fleeting images of letters
Won't stay together
Not long enough to extract the meaning
Or distract the context
But they know
And they always will
It can't be resurrected once it's been forgotten
It can't be revived once it has died
It can't be revived once it has died
The thought contained within this evil mind
Thought it before the feelings left behind
Now is the time, now is the final one
Did it before but now it must be done
The life, it starts, the birth, begins
And now, we're left. It seemed so truly right
Take that breath, before we see the night
I don't believe that we've been here before
That time was like it wasn't less but more
And now we find ourselves inside it's thoughts
The evil minds in which we've both been caught
Where do we go
Oh, now where do we go
Where do we go
My mind scream I don't know
The thought contained within my evil mind
Not like the feelings that we left behind
Now is the night, now its our final say
Where do we go, when can we see the day
Don't want, to jump, now it's, so deep
The love we felt, it's left behind
Now that we've fallen into this evil mind.
Where do we go
Oh, I don't know
Where do we go
No, I don't know
Where did it go
Oh, I don't know
Where did it go
This evil mind will know
What if those pink chocolate roads
Led to the answer?
What would it matter
If we melted right there.
It's not so sweet
When you lie on the ground.
What if the roses
Led to more blood?
You know that I've got a few thorns
But what would it matter
If I trimmed my petals
And wilted in the sun?
What if the electrically charged peaches
Opened up your lungs
And made you a sweet
Sugar filled mannequin?
What would it matter?
If your skin was plastic and your eyes dull marbles.
Would I start to love you more
Or the display window in your chest?
If you met with fire at the edge of a cliff
I don't think it would matter
You'd jump and I'd catch you
But whether we fall or not,
Would it matter?
If I told you that I'd see you in heaven
Would you believe me, would you believe me?
If I told you we would meet in Elysium
Would you see me? Would you see me?
When my wings broke
And I landed in your arms
I knew I didn't fall from paradise
But into its open palms
Our future's so beautiful
Our passion is strong
Only your voice is suitable
To make my heart belong
See, we don't need the open air on our face
Or the running waters
As long as we have a trace of each other
And never more another
Tonight's not long enough
Tomorrow never will be enough
Only in the blissful ecstasy
Will this moment last
We link our lips, our minds and bodies
Tied into each other’s bliss
Never lost a moment
In between every lovely kiss
It should just last forever
Like your blinding beautiful beams
A magic lust of pixies
And their dust from both our dreams
The stars all glare in envy
As we make sweet dazzling love
The moon bows to our passion
As it shines on from above
You know this love can grow
I see it's only begun
Now I'm in Elysium
You are my only sun
I go crazy, I go crazy, every time I look at you
Can't take my eyes off your radiant glow
I feel like I'm dreaming when I hold you in my arms
But it feels so real, and my sun she makes me grow
I'd meet you in heaven, but we're already there
This love that we have we will forever share
And so my sweet Elysium, this dream just must be true
I know my light eruption I will always love just you
I've found myself again in this place,
Alone with you.
Just the rocking bodies of sweat stained Lucifer beating against our chests,
And there you are,
Right next to me,
But I don't find you in my grasp nor in my thoughts.
Only can I live, as I have before, so I try to think
But I can’t help wanting to escape.
And so there we are,
Just me and you.
And the gyrating bodies of adolescent lust lashing out with open fists and closed lips,
But I can't hold you in my arms
Or place your teeth to mine
Because your mouth interlocks so nicely with the world.
Can't I be the world?
Can’t I be the dream or the dream of dreams that never escapes your mind?
I thought I could, but you didn't know.
Here we are,
Just you and me.
And the turbulent manifestation of youth and ignorance on a dance floor,
Clasped by the ever weakening fingers.
It starts to slip into something else,
And I can't help but try to dive in after it.
But it's so much shallower then when I left my perch.
When I left in search of the one,
I was left with zero
You and me,
The blessed babies of a tormenting world
And all I ever wanted to do was hold you in my arms just a little bit longer.
But the fire was to bright, and your eyes became a window.
The latch was shut, the cloud shone through
And I let myself fall to the glass,
Not knowing whether it could hold me or not.
My life was in its hands.
And it couldn't.
I couldn't help but feeling alone within the crowd
Even when the lights went out I didn't feel too proud
Even when you kissed me, and in turn I kissed you too
I felt quite forgotten and this feeling wasn't new
I forgot to mention that my heart was full of wax
I thought that you could melt it but you stopped it in its tracks
Maybe if I wasn’t just a figure on display
Maybe it would help to find some happiness one day
I can't change the message, I can only change the words
I can't be a tiger if I’m just a mockingbird
You stared into my eyes, but these orbs could not foresee
That all they'd get was sorrow as you walked away from me
Since I’m just a petal on a rose to tear apart
Maybe if you find it you'll no longer need my heart
What will it become without the one to keep it beating
Sacrifice the love and when the love comes back its bleeding
Consumed by my thoughts, berated by life
Friend with the gun, and acquaintance with knife
Blessed art though, so why does it hurt
Made from the ground and I still feel like dirt
If it's so lovely, then where is the love
If I find peace will I then find my dove
Where was I hiding? Oh where did you, too
I'm always here, I'm afraid that it's you
Can't find the feeling, nor will it away
Can't stop from reeling when you said you'd stay
Couldn't help thinking it might have been then
Yet here I stand quite alone still, again
Maybe my tremors can shake you from sleep
Only a dream since you dreamed far too deep
Maybe I wasn't the one I had thought
I'm just the ghost which emotions had brought
Tuning the dial, the frequencies thinning
If I were god would I still keep on sinning?
Thought it was nothing, it's actually me
Once I was blinded, and still, I can't see
They should love me, so they should
Long and slender, short but good
Have I got it, what they need
Lust for beauty, not to breed
Sharp, in context, understood
Lovely wordings, so I would
Much perception, live beneath
Rusty weapon, sharpened sheath
Played against you, harp and string
Notes I give you, words I'd sing
Head so clouded, feet on earth
Destined wholesome, since that birth
Wide in image, not in hips
Perfect toenails, fingertips
Hollowed cheekbones, not in flesh
Simply lost on simple breath
Not to say perfection lingers
Once again I'm drawn by fingers
Tourniquets turn to roses and bleed through the sky,
All the rain turns to oceans of death, I know why.
All the deities are dead, and you'll ask how I know,
You and I, we both killed them with nothing to show.
Violins make the screeching of banshees this time,
Try to speak, but the words never come out in rhyme.
Yes, we tried, but the music, it died in our sleep,
Still it vibrates, and yet, it is buried too deep.
Marionettes cut their strings and they turn back on us,
All the morals and meaning were drowned in our lust.
Dreams lost out to seduction, our hearts turned to stone,
I'm surrounded by monsters, but feel so alone.
In your cup in the morning, just what will you see?
Is it something to bind you or something to set you free?
All the stars have collapsed right in front of my eyes,
I can see them up close and their fire is lies.
Need a pulse, or a heartbeat to show you're still here,
Take my hand, we can wade through the greed and the fear.
Though it's faint, I can sense there's a pinprick of light,
One last chance, let's escape from perpetual night.
Fair Cordelia, the name I have borne,
Young and beautiful, so I have been told.
Held in regard as a rose with no thorn,
Soon, my hand clasped, in marriage shall unfold.
Of France or of Burgundy is my fate,
As wife I shall be as wives do commit.
To whom in desires is good and straight,
Shall posses my heart, of that I submit
Thou couldst say I’m young upon naked glance,
I shant deny, to that I share no joust.
Thou couldst say I’m mature in circumstance,
My age of mind that one cannot contest.
To my father, my king, I share a bond,
Not created thusly from emotion.
Made by Mother Nature when I had dawned,
Loyal to my crown, thus is the potion
The seeds of change have blown upon us now,
Watered by the rain of age and reason
And taken root upon my father’s brow.
Now ‘tis I to change the royal season.
He hath called upon my sisters and I,
He who holds the crown for nigh a second.
Vanquishing his power and we comply,
Now the taste of ruling, so it beckons.
I must have flight, the alarums did sound,
The time of great division, it is near.
I go to greet my husband, to be found,
And to the simple man that they call Lear.
If I must profess my love upon his ears,
I may leave a bride, but a father in tears.
What did ya think,
Did ya think,
You could float on with the rest,
Just sink into the mess.
Want some help up,
Did you think you'd help yourself up,
Or maybe you realized
The methane helps me stay alive.
And when you,
Sat there thinking,
With your hands against your palms,
Did you think you could just get up and then sink into my arms.
I neglected to tell you,
I am just a ghost.
I am just a spirit or a memory at most.
I tried to tell you
It doesn't matter about the metal in your hips,
The ethanol on your lips,
The molten lava in your veins,
And in your mouth,
If I really cared about the halo strangling you and turning you purple and red,
Or the train tracks lining your skin through which you drive in
Or the rivers of poison that you dive into head first so you can drown your
Do you honestly think my eyes would shine so bright?
So reluctantly bright?
Because they wouldn't.
It doesn't matter about the stitches in your heart,
The patches in your skin,
The zippers that run down the
Back of your neck
And opens your mind.
I can't see you falling apart,
But I can't seem to miss
Our pupils touching,
Not that they do
I still remember when you draped your arms around my neck,
Your fingers tracing my lust and running across my desires,
Always a tease,
But never a touch.
Never to please.
But always too much,
I felt your heavy breath on my cheek and your heavy pleasure in my
Twisting to feel,
But always out of reach.
I asked you quietly to say my name,
So you turned around and walked the other way.
That's what you said,
Let's make believe that we're already dead.
But I've just started living,
Or so I try to tell you,
But still you hold that knife to my wrist,
And whisper softly in my ear,
"You can hold me all you want,
Tell me I'm lovely,
Run your tongue from my neck to my naval,
But only if you give me your life."
Too young too live, I thought,
Yet too foolish to die,
And still I submit to your blood-soaked lie.
Scarlet red crimson,
Blackened by your touch,
See, you've left me black and blue,
But the clearness is too much.
And all I can remember,
As you conquered my obsession,
Is how your warmth felt against my own
And how we both asked for more,
As you held my hand in yours,
And I thought it was fine,
When I held your lips in mine,
But it's not,
And it wasn't,
It never will be,
Or so you liked to tell me in between shots from the smoking barrel.
And when you lay there,
Head against the tiled floor,
Waiting for the haze to lift,
And you said you hated me,
I didn't really hear you,
And I didn't understand,
Because then you said you loved me,
And it disappeared again.
Fiery expressions beckon to the lover,
Churning oceans lost within his eyes.
Wrapping him in vines, to pull upon his heart,
Convoluting lines that kept their lives apart.
Burning cheeks that call out to their beauty,
Sirens to his love upon the waves.
Opening his iris to the sunlight,
Blooming forth, his pupils seem to ignite.
Flame tipped tongue she tipped towards the lover,
Raindrops flung against her open touch.
Overtaken with the bowing petals,
Not confusion stuck between the metals.
Still her eyes get larger and get hotter,
Still her boiling liquid yearns for touch.
Only if the roots could feel the beating,
If not for the lovely veins retreating.
If you asked me if it was worth it
When I ate that block of ice and drank that glass full of
Melted, snowy water
Beckoned to my lips with the pointed icicles
And let the frigid winter landscape slip down the back of my throat,
Then I would probably tell you it wasn't even that cold
And that the blackened chunks of skin on my
Nose and tongue
Are really just ash from when I kissed your fiery face.
If you asked me if it was wrong
To let the mysterious seed land in my handsome bed
And let it spring forth its life upon my pillow,
To allow the gnarled roots to clasp upon my soil
And hug my freedom straight from the aura of my being
And let the leaves and fruit that fell from the trembling bows upon my face
Then I would probably tell you that the sweet smell of the flower blossom was the prize
That I let myself wither and die for.
If I asked you why
You didn't have the courage to say you were there
When I saw you standing in the shadows trying to hide your face,
Would you tell me the real answer?
Would you stop the lies
The simple lack of response that makes your shell
And hides your face.
Would you tell me that if I saw who you really were
I would run
And I would never want to hold your hand again?
I don't believe you are as ugly as you say.
Not because of the sound of your voice as it echoes past my walls
Or the scent of your perfume as it floats above my ramparts.
No, I have a telescope with a magic lens,
Made of dignity, cured genuinely,
And no matter how deep you try and bury yourself beneath the mountains of
I can see what you are on the inside,
The beauty inside that you're trying to kill.
I've got the medicine,
But you won't seem to listen,
The only pills you want are sarcasm and false pretenses.
Your so high on your lack of self,
And I've been drowned in your loveless passive aggression
Now is the final question,
The last one that I'll ask you
If you won't listen here and now,
I have nothing left to say.
Have all of my efforts been in vain?
Or are you just too ugly to see that you are beautiful?
All the cuts and the scrapes,
The bumps and the crashes where our hip bones multiply and divide the line between our movement,
All the hair held clasped in slippery fingers,
Lips tipped pink towards the ceiling,
All the floating rhythms that have penetrated our fantasy,
Compensated for our feelings.
It wasn't enough.
Not that the body,
Or the soul,
The hair or the lashes,
The mind or the skin.
No, you said it wan't that,
Never more than a remorseful fact.
Only for the broken conscience,
The loves that existed forever apart,
Could then both twist together in heart.
But then you said...
And I looked down at my hands and I saw the callouses,
The etched pattern of pent up emotion that I spent so much time carving with a rusty bullet,
And my ears believed you,
But my mind did not.
All the pretend kisses that tempted my cheeks and pulled at my ripcords,
Turned on my motor,
Flipped on my switch,
They sank into the mud,
And the hands that brushed my forehead to wipe away the sweat began to fall to pieces and smash against the tiled floor of the bathroom where you first said you loved me
With that voice of yours,
That god awfully beautiful voice,
Where you first put that red lipstick on and bound your mind with a halo of
Just so you could summon the courage to stand up there in front of those people and let them eat your words with their ears.
And all I wanted to do was eat your lips with my eyes.
I was so close,
I could taste the perfume on your neck
And I couldn't take it anymore, so I reached out to touch
Then you said no.
And all the times I said that I was there,
When I really wasn't,
When I took off my jacket and the steam rose off my skin to wrap your arms in ghostly tendrils,
When I took that blade and let my blood just so when you'd crashed too hard and burned too much you could keep your mouth from
I thought I did what I was supposed to do,
And still you said...
But it wasn't you, was it?
Can the man in the iron mask feel this emotion tonight?
Can the shiny face, the living place expect to make it right?
Through the metal, through the handsome, ugly, living dead.
Through the cortex, all these thoughts are floating through my head.
To die, to life, a toast, we see,
The way we meant, the things we sent,
Were not too great to be.
The trips keep going, whispers flowing,
Can't escape it, tried to fight it.
This level, not so high,
Pressure builds, so does the lie.
So does the torture and the sanity,
Greed, the lust, the sloth and vanity.
Too much hell to walk at night,
The concretes hot and turning white.
Cracks and canyons break the surface
Of your morals of your purpose.
Time is leaving, clocks take flight,
Wings of steel that shine so bright.
A heavenly body to steal from my dreams,
Or so it seemed.
As he had deemed.
Don't want to die but I'm to young to live.
Don't want to lie but I'm to selfish to give.
And it's far too late,
The wall is too great,
The bricks, the mortar,
Marble, and slate.
Said you dreamed of blue and gold,
So your dreams could soon be told.
Green, green star, green, green nightmare.
Don't resist this green, green nightmare.
I am the native son,
I've got the naked tongue,
I'm gonna be the one
To show you how it's done.
Don't hate the player,
Just hate the context,
Hate the prayer
And gate up the complex.
A few more years,
A few more dollars,
A few more pills,
A few more collars.
The doctor says
I can only get taller,
But my teacher says
That my brain gets smaller.
This shit is new shit,
Spit the new spit,
Flick the new tip,
Stick that new flip.
Get your wheels,
Get your engine, get laid,
Get the profit,
The paper, get paid.
Don't wait around
And see all the dreams fade,
Don't let the banker
Take all that you made.
Don't say nothing,
Just try and let go,
Just try to make peace,
And flow with my flow.
They're ain't enough beats
To make enough dough,
They're ain't enough streets
For all of these ho's.
The line in the sand,
That you made with your hand.
There's a line in the sand,
So where do I stand?
The line in the sand,
That you made with your hand.
There's a line in the sand,
So where do I stand?