Brook Ilges
Quiet
Only my heart beat in the space occupied
With the heavy weight of shadows
Soft, gentle rush and hum
Of a potential tragedy
This is not the first time
Subtle clues as to how and why linger just on the edge of my once controllable perception
Pipe the fuck down!
Too many voices in here
Concentration a mere past time
Untouchable
Sharp and acrid my fingers taste of indigo ink
As I suck softly at their habitually stained tips
Punctuated only by black coffee my diet is sparse
Like so many things, desire for even the most basic functions is lack luster at best
Where have you gone?
Did you mean to take my sanity with you?
My ability to pull it together more natural than forced
Although I cannot say the same for my smile
Tomorrow I may switch to bitter tea
Soak up some sun
Do my best.
But today, today I'll enjoy the clouds.
Stay
You always seem so far
Away
Even the bleached roads between us
Cannot keep these lies from drowning
Piece by piece
I don't want this to hurt you
I don't write this to hurt you
My hands fall down by broken sides
Bruised love handles telling their own
Version of what always happens
Stay
You don't have to rip away
Tearing what little fabric we still hold
Deafening, the aching numbness that follows
Silence
A sword wielded by an expert marksman
On your own time, sweet heaven hurry
Tensed like a bow string, ready
Stay
Never fade
I've got your ashes sitting quietly on my night stand
They whisper me to sleep at night
So do the lazy legged spiders lounging in cobwebbed corners
I am sad today. Lost.
"they" say that time heals all wounds
Tell that to the hemorraging cavity of my war torn chest
Looking down to take in the carnage the absence of my heart doesn't startle
Only numbs
I knew with you that my every beat, gush of blood
Had found its home
In the unkempt rhythm of yours
The silence that followed is deafening now that stillness has over come
You never gave up.
You just gave in.
Spirit pulling to interrupt
I will never be the same again
He is suffering
The tell tale signs of decay setting in
It's all I can do to not break down
Five hours later
Gentle hum and gurgle of breathing treatment
Wakes me from dreams of good-bye
Sweet and gentle but suffocating
Do you even know I am here anymore?
Two days later
I can hear them whispering outside
He's too fragile, not much else we can do
My voice catches in my throat yearning to rail at them
HOW DARE YOU GIVE UP!
His breath still draws and my hands are fighting
The failings of a weak condition paired with bacterial war are too much to bare. Go home babe. Sleep with the angels for I cannot be selfish and keep you here so tortured.
I never let go.
You pull
I push
The break is never easy, like taffy cooked too long
Shattering when stretched thin
That's how my inner monologue copes with anorexia
Eating holes straight through
But you could never stand the smell
Driftwood wet-rot thoughts boiling down
Catarizing the wound that always worries
My sluggish heart
Take a deep breath
Swollen and stolen it beats heavy in the starving cavity of my wintery chest
Longing for summer
For the cosmic revolution that will bring it back around to the aching center
The sun.
You.
Life.
Wake me up when night falls
Wake me up with stars burning behind my eyes
Im in the process of forgetting
Everything I used to know
Looking up into the vast expanse of the past
I remember that we used to be part of that wandering star dust
One day soon we will be again
A breath of silver coats my lungs
Tasting a luminous horizon
Reaching out to suspend the fabric of my thoughts
Shining
Blinding the shadows into hiding
You only ever yearned to fly
Never to fall
There is such sweet sadness in letting go
That space I between I'm sorry and Good-bye
It waits for us all
*
Even broken down I'm always worth something to you
Your hand, it falls away
I am left in twilight
Always in the growing shadow of your ink stained heart
Crescent moon marks the purple deep of failing strength
To fight
I whisper on the easing wind to come find me
Following the soft edged sorrow you laid bellow
Where are those falling stars now?
Burning straight through
Leaving me blind and broken
The rushing tide of blood drums through my ears
A silky, salt water love song humming me to sleep
In that space between gripping and letting go I can still taste you on the ghostly wisps of nicotine smoke
All that remains is twilight
I'm always left wondering where you've gone
I will do it when I damn well please
And don't look at me like that
Like I'll never touch you again or grace you with my presence
I just cannot breathe in here
Your lines remind me of slipping
Further and further off the edge
Hollywood is not happy any more
A thousand nights of sequins and booze
Collecting beneath her skirts like love letters
Plastered with admiration and cheap perfume
Blowing into breezy corners as she twists and turns
Escape attempt
Razor glitterati teeth biting at the media's ankles
GET OUT OF HERE!!!
They never listen
Watching, waiting with flash bulbs and endless ink wells
This will all be over soon
Lit match in her justice hands of frigid midnight
Sins of sulfur and sex saturate
She will burn you all down
Wooden hearts and cork board shoes
Hollow
All to ash before the dawn gives birth
In the aftermath she sheds sooty skin
City once again clean
that is
Until the next ultra gaudy fad comes to town
Your phone calls always startle me
Never knowing what I might find if I pick up
ANSWER THE DAMN THING!!!
Your voice is deep and melodic
Dragging me back down into the hypnotic erotic
Of late night phone sex
Viiiiiiicccttttoooorrrriiiaaaaaa
Your moans do not escape the pulsing of my secret flesh
Reaching crescendo as I bare witness to the sound of your cum
Just a little longer you say
Tie me up a bit, spank the delectable juicy round of my generous ass
Fantasy handprints mark alabaster like a second grade Thanksgiving turkey art project
Only here feathers are far more threatening
I'll be whatever you want me to be
Between midnight and six a.m.
Caressed by the curling waft of sunlight through smoke and shadow
Your voice fades away into static
Always left wet and wanting for more
Helium balloons smell strange
Lending a birthday clown like quality to the sterile state of hospital rooms
My feet hurt from running fluorescent hallways
Your gown was never tied right
Even after you slipped away
Down in the morgue, cold, laying in wait
While I cry myself into exhaustion amongst your death soiled bedding
Still smelling like sickness and you
We stand before them gray and numb
wake up
All eyes vacant, fingers lax
wake up
Waiting patiently, thoughts sterile, for meal time
wake up
On the menu today is fascism
wake up
But we've been fed that so many times before it is
considered comfort food
wake up
All of our threadbare clothes are dull, without variety
wake up
The food sits soggy and weighted in our ravenous gut
wake up
Clawing at the cage of our hearts to do something
wake up
To be something
WAKE UP
Yet still we toil in our once free soil
WAKE UP
The feel of dirt under our nails the only connection to the earth we have left
WAKE UP
I read today that they plan on patenting our DNA
Placing RFID chips deep inside the child's brain
So that when he grows older he will be tame
Now I don't know about you you or you
But I'd rather be dead than not free
Barbed wire cages with iron for bars
Under the guise of "security"
For the sake and safety of "democracy"
My hands are still shackled
Even though my feet shuffle on
Our children are poisoned by vaccines
Yet if you decline you are an unfit parent
Who are they to fucking say?
Where did our voices go?
Have we become consumed by consumerism?
Numb and blind to our basic instincts of survival
Toilet paper will be a luxury one day
Most will be crying in the bushes as they wipe their ass with poison ivy
Uneducated. Barely skilled. Their media sources corrupt.
I'll be in the woods hunting deer and building shelter
I'd rather be dead than not free
She's got heavy rain boots stomping
Silk pagado parasol soaking up the shadows
Leaving all her hard angles edged in mist
Behind her black sunglasses you see no sorrow in her eyes
As her pouting lips wrap around a good bye
She's a walk away with a heart full of metal
Twisted and rusted, she'll ruin you too
Midwestern skies always seem to be teary
A day and a night suffocating under the bleak drowned and dreary
Tomorrow won't feel a thing like Thursday
Blues filtered underwater dreams of escape
Trapped in here
Trapped in here with every dark desire
Eating through her iron heart
Steel ribcage cannot protect from corrosion
Wasting precious time searching for an end
When all she had to do was start to begin
Open palms red and sore from ringing
Grandfather clock ticking away down my hopes for tomorrow
I toss and turn all night dreaming black ink bleeding along the edges of my aching, submersed mind
Where were you when my hands were tied?
My mouth sewn shut against their ignorance
Always another ribbon to cut
A line to cross
When you are ready to wake up and see, actually focus
On the here and now
I'll be here to show you that we are ALL born free
One at time with not just the blood of war on our hands
But stars of wonder in our eyes
Constantly dipping through gray and black
Wraith like and silent, slipping through undetected
I, Captain Shadow, stand guard at the wheel
Inky hair liquid alive around my shoulders
Whispers back and forth through the mist
Shady Lady glides easily through calm waters
No light penetrates her hull
Booty and women a plenty to plunder
But it's knowledge this captain seeks
Traveling the world over for barnacled secrets
Treasures that spark the mind and illuminate the darkness
A bottle of rot gut fits comfortably in my rough hands
Reinforcing sailor's spines grown weary
They all said a woman belonged on land
I pissed in their ale cups
Jumped my rails and set sail
A cold fire in my heart
Weaving through shadows into the night
Come play in the dark
Through the eyes of heathens
Dancing altars made of poppies and ash
Coat jaded tongues in bittersweet memory
We are eternal yet our spark is on the verge of annihilation
Government needs a turnicate
Big heads bloated, filled with ego
Defiled our homeland
Seemingly snuffing forever the bright flame of freedom
A sea of distraught bodies marching onward into the night
Their chants of "HELL NO TO GMO" crescendoing as it passes by into the packed square
Those in power so easily comforted by their AKs and steel walls
Dia de Los Muertos masks hide determination
As the bombs ignite setting fire to the sky
Comprehension of our purpose is realized
We are not here to ask nicely
We will not be obedient to our peers as masters
Behind our smiling sugar skull masks
We grin as they burn
I would like to feel again
Burst abruptly from this cocoon of numbness I find myself in
Ice Queen.
Eskimo pussy is mighty cold or so I've been told
Lucky me no Inuit runs through these punch drunk crazy veins
The taste of blood, copper and meaty, is sharp on bitten lips
The facade of laughter, worry
The years that stand between us
Are held up for scrutiny
You are always lacking
I am always wanting
It is our way
Now I find us at a crossroads
Another path blossoms thick and heavy with unkempt erotica
Dripping silky sweet between the sheets
It is one I will walk alone, living sin
Our path is ripe and full
Surprises swinging around every corner
My every desire obtained
Going to sleep lonely but repeat
Such is the choice of a woman
Or is it?
Your words to me are like music
Singing through my flesh with savage pounding intensity
Machine gun metal grating against dead nerves
Making me feel
Bringing me alive
Opening my eyes
To all the rotting visceral pain of the world
You consume me
Twisting turning yearning and burning thoughts
Broken.
Weak and open to the heated weight of your gaze
I sway into the bass line
Entranced
Veins bloated, full of liquid want
Racing wild through my senses
Come closer with those playing fingers
I want to feel you
Feeling me heavy with saturated desire
Igniting the night with the wet want you inspire
Feeling a little like a bruised peach
Still sweet. Still juicy.
But soon I'll make you gag on my decayed flesh
Repetitious onslaught of daily drudgery leaves me hollow, tender
Used
Dawn bleeds into twilight, another one bites the dusk
Left alone with my thoughts and the far away rooting of night creatures
The darkness is an engulfing cave
My rampant desire to create is a halocline
Salt water day dreams meshing smoothly with fresh water nightmares
Hard to distinguish between the two
I'm sad you are gone
Tears fell for your fall
I cannot strong arm you into a game of pong or light a smoke
But I can sing into the silence hoping the melody helps fill your void
Static is a constant background
I've never treaded water of this depth in some time
My arms getting tired, legs sore
I look to you for comfort and realize you are already sinking
Where's the point when I decide who to save
Or do I too slip below the surface?
