I love....

butterflies. movies. music. my family. my friends. my wii. chocolate. ice cream. chicken. lemonade on a hot summer day. watching tv. talking. God.  my computer. my classroom. my job. my sister. my mom. my dad. my grandma. my grandpa. love. working out. playing the flute. driving in my car listening to music. walking. biking. sledding. the first snow. chap stick. sleeping. dogs. my house. my roommates.

you.

pull it
twist it
smash it.

still
i
feel
nothing.

Punch
KICK
PULL.

nothing.

HARDER, PLEASE!

pulltwistsmashpunchpullkicktwistsmashpulltwistsmash.

nothing.

hit
pound
kick
spit

what? nothing still
numb.

*ADMIT IT! YOU ARE NOT OKAY. *

YOU NEED HELP.

thank you.

hug me.

look me in the eye.

finally....

a symphony of tears

waves of unending, uncontrolled emotions.

and finally, you're back :)

I really missed you.

I tried to "defy gravity"
But I fell
on
my
face
I thought we'd have fun
But you put me in my place

Now I'm stuck here waiting
for someone else to come
and right here in this moment
Im glad you're NOT the one.

You listened to your heart
And that's all I can ask
I can only hope that our friendship
gets back on track

When I see you Monday
I will not mplay my game
cause even though you knocked me down
I'll call you by name.

I'm happy with who I've become
So relieved that you weren't "the one"
Because now I can explore my options
Without a care in the world.

Soemtimes I wonder how you could hurt me so much
But then I realized you did it for yourself.
You're not who I thought you were...
but now that we're done I'm better off for sure!

Living without you I set my own pace
I walk alone without your hearts' embrace
Sometimes you cross my mind and I wonder what I did wrong
But I know it's nothing we could control

I just hope one day you understand how much you hurt me--when it's the last thing my heart needed

A funny thing happened the other day
I looked at a picture of you and me
and...
nothing happened.
I saw teop people...neither of which still exists in this time and place.

You were there when I needed you
And me for you
But I can say with great conviction
That I'm myself again...without you.

You hurt me--bad
But I've forgiven you.
Sometimes I jusat ask, why?
But then I realize that I will not have the answers....and that's okay.

I've got my "Once upon a time"
but there's no end to your story

My heart's on a mission--
It's searchin' for you
Cause' you were a dream--a dream come true.

But now you're gone
and my life's a diaster
without your embrace
I just keep falling faster

You were my once upon a time
And now I'm alone
But if you ever come around
I'll welcome you home...

My prince charming
A dream come true
A knight in shinging armour
It was you

But I guess right now
I'll put an end to this chapter
But I'm still here waiting
On this happily ever after....

You came into my life...
you told me the words I'd heard 100000 times before
The word of Sod from Sunday school when I was 4.
But this time was different
You taught me to pray
and then I saw Jesus in a whole new way
i learned just who I am
I learned to love again
My heart now hears His call
you shaped my soul, healed a broken heart
But now it's been so long, and I miss you all the time
So....thanks!
for giving me new hope
for showing me the love, that I am worthy of,
for giving all my friendships a new meaning.
You're the brother I've never had
thanks for showing me you cared
And even though you're gone now....so far far away
your presence is in my heart will always stay.
You've changed my life.

From the outside:

Plan
Greet
Grade
Teach
Discuss
Send off

Plan
Greet
Grade
(discipline)
Teach
Discuss
Send off

From the inside:
Plan
getting creative is what makes it work....think think think...you're kids are gonna love it!
Greet
make a day--ask them how theirs was
Grade
show them how to be responsible for their own work
Teach
inspire a new thought and self-esteem--make mistakes, because you're human too!
Discuss
their lives, their days, their goals, their fears
your life, your path, your fears, your goals...
Send off
Knowing that ready or not  you'll see them tomorrow

Always aligning
but never aligned
the stars are in motion
I'm falling behind

For a moment it's perfect
for a second it's right
but then in an instant
i'm here with tonight

I force myself to feel something--
but i'm just a fool
not thinking with my heart
trying to break my own rules

But things are in motion
like a rising tide
the season of changes is among us
and i'm ready for the ride

First
kiss
memories
dancing
love
compassion
desire
parking lots
dark nights
nothing else matters.
only you and me.
right here.
right now.

just
let
it
go
and
revel in the moment

I want you
Just KISS ME!
Where have you been all my life?!?!?!
I'm sorry....can I have a kiss?
Ok, commercial break...let's GO!

But the last kiss

speaks

volumes...

numbness
bitterness
confusion
guilt
no more bliss
no more love
just loss
and hurt
and pain
and tears....

until....


First
kiss...

Stop it
Control it
Speed it up?—no…WAIT--I didn't mean it!!!!

Where did it go?

I lost it

Just to find it again…
In the memories
Sweet, sweet memories
Now its racing
And  winning.
I’m challenging it.
It’s ceaseless
Relentless
Uncontrollable
Undefeated.
But maybe…I won after all….

I’ve always thought he’s cute
Never doubted that for a minute

I’ve always thought he’s nice
Never thought I might want to get it.

I’ve always thought we were acquaintances
Never imagined I might want more

I’ve always thought he couldn’t dance
Never thought I’d join him on the floor

I’ve always wanted something, but never thought from you...

Never thought I’d say this, but maybe I someday think that  you and I could potentially be a “we”

melting.

i melted.

was like liquid wax

I was yours and you molded me.

I didn’t resist.

it almost worked.

BUT

I was slipping through your hands.

dripping like hot melted wax.

running through your hands…

it burnt you.
you couldn’t mold it.

i wasn’t following your rules anymore.

you washed your hands and....

finally i was free.

free
free
FREE!

Chill

the

fuck

out.

He

was

not

perfect.

Learn

a

thing

from

me

and

(try to)

be

strong

and

(pretend to)

move

on

with

your

(boy-less)

life.

STOP.

Stop

(admitting to)

crying.

Stop

dwelling.

You

will

(eventually)

be

okay.

I promise.

Alone
Not a place or time
but rather
a state of mind

Alone
Without the loving touch
of the one.
you desire

Alone
Your friends are gone
now you're stuck here
with the voices
that
won't.
shut.
up.

Alone
numb.
wanting what I can't get.
trying to re-create it.
not sure if it worked.

Alone
Wanting to cry.
Couldn't say why.

Not because of him, her, or "it"
Tears are welling up inside

Alone.
no reason to hide.

Alone
My heart feels different
on a break--
from love.
from loss.
from reality of whats next.

Alone
in space.
in time .
in need of a friendly touch.
to rid my life of this haze...or maybe to wake me up.

I never thought
the first time we met
would define the next four years

With Jell-o nights
no useless fights
and crying each other's tears

You were here for me
during love, lust, and loss
and when I felt down
you reminded me that I'm the boss

We shared countless stories
Many many bottles of wine
who could forget the pudding
oh! and our dance moves are FINE!

But now our time as roommies
has to come to an end
I'm so glad we met that very first weekend
I couldn't have asked for a better best friend.

We'll both be on our journeys
with plenty to do
but remember all the times we've had these past four years
Because my time here would be wasted if it weren't for you!

to be quoted somewhere other than facebook...

for once, to be "that girl"...

to travel...

to have uninhibited, amazing sex...

to find faith like a child...

my parents to be on the same page...

to make the best decisions i can...

to love someone like my life depends on it. without regrets. without frustration. without bitterness.