brittany-jacksonWhisper

American

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Do I have his eyes?It's a saturday evening. I'm sipping a cold redbull and ***** talking with a loved one. When suddenly one sentence, one look, one change in tone, and all the puzzle pieces fall together. But it all lacks one, do I have my father's eyes? / October 21st 2017. / This is the day I found out, I do not know my biological father.

67

Oct 25, 2017

LimpI had a dream last night, it left a quiver in my bones. / Driving and I had no control, suddenly spinning in circles over & over. / I let go of the wheel, turn behind me and reach for two things, a picture of my grandmother tucked behind my seat and my camera, full of memories I cherish and everything stops. I'm thrown against the windshield. My body crumpled in a ball, limp. I realized I was no longer living, I was watching from above my body. My life didn't flash before my eyes, I wasn't walking into the sky on a ray of sunlight. There was no dramatic last breath or thought. I I was looking at my broken body, lying there cold and alone.

4

Apr 7, 2017

Untitled"Don't look at me." She said as she shook on the coach staring at the ground. / "Brianna, you can't just smoke *** and pass out with an open fire right next to you, you're going to hurt yourself! You're being reckless." / "I know how disappointed in me you are right now. And believe me, I am incredibly sorry I have done this this you. But you don't understand what I went through to get away from this, Cole. I found some pills in that old box in the closet.. Hydrocodones, the big ones. AAdd I took them. I didn't even think, next thing I knew, I was swallowing two pills down with a glass of sweet tea and my heart was pumping. Blood pulsing. I forgot the lust of my old abusive habit. And instantly, I wanted to be sober. I couldn't believe how incredibly stupid I had just been and I couldn't take it back. Hours of feeling this and hating myself for it and then Having to look you in the eye and tell you what I'd done. God I'm sorry. I broke. I didn't think... "

7

Dec 2, 2016

I hate my heart."Don't look at me." She said as she shook on the coach staring at the ground. / "Brianna, you can't just smoke *** and pass out with an open fire right next to you, you're going to hurt yourself! You're being reckless." / "I know how disappointed in me you are right now. And believe me, I am incredibly sorry I have done this this you. But you don't understand what I went through to get away from this, Cole. I found some pills in that old box in the closet.. Hydrocodones, the big ones. And I took them. I didn't even think, next thing I knew, I was swallowing two pills down with a glass of sweet tea and my heart was pumping. Blood pulsing. I forgot the lust of my old abusive habit. And instantly, I wanted to be sober. I couldn't believe how incredibly stupid I had just been and I couldn't take it back. Hours of feeling this and hating myself for it and then Having to look you in the eye and tell you what I'd done. God I'm sorry. I broke. I didn't think... "

7

Dec 2, 2016

8 years strong.It's strange to me that after all these years, there's still this tension in the air. / Gravitating to eachother an inch every minute. Lying to ourselves so there's no guilt in it. / I feel your shallow breaths, but the words never come out.

6

Oct 30, 2016

I hate you.I hate you, I hate you. / What have you done? / So hard I worked, & in one second, corrupt.

17

May 18, 2016

Leave it at the door.You know in the beginning of every relationship, you try to hide every bad part of you. If you're a woman, you make sure your hair is fixed, you change clothes 87 times in an attempt to look effortlessly beautiful. Which never feels like you look good enough standing in the presence of a dark haired, blue eyed angel. You make sure you're make up is perfect, you **** in your stomach and giggle softly instead of your true crazy hackle of laughter. Then it starts to get a little serious and you pretend like things that bother you, don't. So he thinks you're not crazy or emotional. And then you fall completely, it's real. And you start peeling all the layers you put on when you began the relationship. And the perfect relationship seems to not be so perfect anymore. You're still incredibly in love. And happy. But you both show your true colors, you're tired eyes, you're bad days, you're faults and flaws. The things that intimately make you, you. And it's not what you showed the other in the beginning. You came to the table with a Royal Flush and turned out to be a cheat who pulled them from a sleeve. It's no one's fault, it's human nature to want to be adored. But never the less, it makes things hard. And you can't make the other person feel bad for the flaws they have. And nor them to you. But rather, if you love eachother enough, care for eachother and work together. None of it will matter. But you have to try every day, because one day you'll come home from a long day at work. And their sanctuary, is your sanctuary. And you have to leave it at the door, because hopefully, they left their bad day at the door. And you can enjoy your sanctuary with your best friend. And love them for being, them. Who they are, and who they are with you.

1

Mar 22, 2016

.I can't get the words right. I'm starting to get lost. / *You're bubbling emotions that don't make sense.* / You can't understand me, we're both at a loss.

12

Mar 1, 2016

Bloodlust.I can't understand my breathing, it's starting fast and ending slow. / I need my demons to leave me, let me return to never being alone. / Cause I'm pushing away the only one, who holds me while I scream inside.

22

Jan 29, 2014

Through my eyes.When the damage was done and your soul was won. Did you feel a sting? Did you know you were done? / Did the lights dim down in your common sense, did you ever think once that your sins would win. / Did it hit you hard when I ran away, or was it a sweet release from inflicting pain.

12

Sep 27, 2013

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