as long as everyone say what she wanted
then it was alright.
the image of perfection
i shattered it.
there was no hidding that
and she hated me for it.
it wasnt the act,
but the fact
everyone knew.
my dear mother,
she never cared.
she just needed people to see it her way.
that she was perfect in this world.
so she sent me away,
her house no longer a welcome home.
she had her perfect life.
there was no need for me.
she just needed eveeyone to see it that way.
These are the scars of battles you couldn't help me win.
Don't be afraid to ask about them,
I'm willing to share my stories to you and your kin.
I've got the eyes, that tell you I've seen more then I should.
So beautiful and blue,
The color so light, the ice melts into pools if it would.
The beatings have ended yet I still feel your hands.
I've got a past, that would make no one proud,
yet I can still find some comfort simply by putting my feet in the sand.
The desk is plastic, cold and dark.
The keys click as I type each word.
The music playing in the background, making me feel the feelings of others.
The feelings I can no longer create on my own.
I've become numb.
In a world that teaches us to do so as such a young age.
I sit here, trying to explain what has happened to me,
So that someone,
can try to understand.
Hanging,
Waiting,
Slightly swinging.
You wait for someone,
anyone.
To use you.
You've never know anything else.
So you sit,
waiting,
for someone to use you.
I see you standing there
I think its just not fair
for you to be, so happy
without me.
I walk away
cause i just can't stay
to bear the sight of you,
without me.
you where the one i loved
i put you up above
the ones that i was from.
So now I just can't see.
how your so damn happy,
without me.
I need to forget you.
Just go on without you.
Why can't I leave you?
But you can leave me.
Because I loved you.
Because you left me.
I have been broken.
I have been broken.
And everyones gone,
they're all just gone.
They left me,
just like you.
Now we can't be friends,
no we can't be friends.
Because i loved you,
then you left me.
As the tears fall down
and you scream across the crowd,
that you don't love me,
you never loved me.
So I'm sitting by the phone,
waiting for the okay to go back home.
Now I'm leaving.
I'm leaving.
Waiting for the okay to go back home,
then I'm leaving
I am leaving you,
like you left me.
Cause I'm without you
and you never loved me.
So I'm leaving.
I hope your happy,
I just Hope your happy.
You see me
I look straight at you
Then I fall
Laying on the ground
You run over
Leaving her side
The blood drains out of my body
As you start to cry
Yelling "look at you!! Look what you've done!!"
I'm slipping fast
She starts to scream
Saying you never loved her
I can't lift my head
You put it in your lap
Tears running down your face
I miss what you tell her
But she runs, almost crying
I hear the screams of the sirens
Helps almost here
I won't make it
I look up and see your face
It gives it away, you know It
The tears I always held back start to form
You kiss me, one last time
My eyes slowly close
And with my last fading breath
I whisper
" I Love You"
So pretty in blue
that's what they say
your so pretty..
but I wonder if they knew
if they knew what I was up to
what I've done
what I've seen.
If they looked at my arm
my thighs
what would they say?
how would they react?
would they still feel that way
or just see the past
the person i never hope to see
In the end
that person is me.
And I'm not pretty.
I've done things only an ugly soul can do.
the marks are still red
still fresh
itll take a week or two
for them to fade into scars
scars that will always be there
the skin has been broken so many times
now its rough and has deep ridges
i cant help but run my finger over it
i cant deny
i love how this feels
the broken skin
not just my wrist
thighs too
you can feel them through the fabric of me jeans
they say i need help
that i cant control it
I dont want to give this up
but i could
if i had to
it doesnt control me
does it?
the blade has always been there
but now i might not be able to let go
i might not have an option
but then,
who cares? (I care)
There are many ways to do it
any one will do
how you do it
is just half of it
planing it out
that's the hard part
not just a fleeting thought
but the will,
the want
to really do it
it doesn't go away
its always there
looming in the back of my mind
the little things they become deadly
any moment
could be my last
and i cant say i'd regret it
The scars are always there
stare back at me, without a care
with there sick, twisted beauty
Calling me names like cutie
trying to lure me in, to play their sick games
with promises of happiness and change
but in the end it all stays the same.
I've been down that road before
It left me broken and sore
But I miss the sweet relief
As once again I fall beneath
below where no one can see, hear, or understand
I feel trapped, as if I've been canned
Its one hundred degrees out, and I've got no fan.
The skins re-torn, been open hundred times before
tonight is bad
The blood runs, away, as far as it can get
dripping off my arm as if it where sweat
The blood and tears finally meet.
I'm sick, and used, I've been spent.
I watch it trickle down my arm one more time
I know it wont be the last
It isn't be far the first
The skin
My skin, is now rough
the groves there from years past
and fresh marks from tonight
it feels more like the groves in wood
Not human flesh
the rag soaks up the blood
keeping it out of sight
but always there
i look down
not satisfied with the job I've done
I know this wont be the last.
It isn't by far the first.
That metallic blade
Oh, that sweet little blade
It holds so much
Yet, so little
To most its simply there
Has no meaning
Not a second thought
But to me
And to so many that share the same fate
That stupid little blade
Knows all of my secrets
Feels all of my pain
Takes on what i can't handle
Holds with it so much power
So much that the very thought
Of losing it worries me.
Scares me.
Makes me curl into a ball
Cry in a corner
I'd give my world for it
The little shinny piece of metal
The metallic blade
That holds my world.
Kiss me one last time.
Press your lips onto mine.
Make this count.
Kiss me deep,
Kiss me hard,
Kiss me with everything you've got.
Kiss me,
Then leave.
Leave and don't ever look back.
Don't look back.
If you did,
You'd see me
but not the me you know.
I'd be on the ground.
The blood leaving my body.
So kiss me one last time.
Remember this in your heart.
And.
Don't ever look back.
I carve your name onto my skin.
Letting the letters sink in.
Its not out of hate or pain.
But a love I cannot contain.
My face is red
My eyes are puffy
The mascara runs down my face
I've stopped crying
But the signs are still there
My first thought
was self-harm
To give myself something else
To think about
to deal with
Then.
I thought of you.
Now all I want is you
Your arms whrapped around me
Taking care of me as if I couldn't
Because...
I can't.
But the want, the need
is still there.
I need you more.
Nothing else.
Just you.
Everything else.
It can wait.
The waters are tinted blue
the deeper the water
the darker the color
i plunge in
the water all around me
it smothers me
for a moment
i cant breath
for a moment
the life is sucked out of me
if only this moment
could last forever
i break the surface
the moment is gone
i'm left wanting more.
You see me
I look straight at you
Then I fall
Laying on the ground
You run over
Leaving her side
The blood drains out of my body
As you start to cry
Yelling "look at you!! Look what you've done!!"
I'm slipping fast
She starts to scream
Saying you never loved her
I can't lift my head
You put it in your lap
Tears running down your face
I miss what you tell her
But she runs, almost crying
I hear the screams of the sirens
Helps almost here
I won't make it
I look up and see your face
It gives it away, you know It
The tears I always held back start to form
You kiss me, one last time
My eyes slowly close
And with my last fading breath
I whisper
" I Love You"
I see you standing there
I think its just not fair
for you to be, so happy
without me.
I walk away
cause i just can't stay
to bear the sight of you,
without me.
you where the one i loved
i put you up above
the ones that i was from.
So now I just can't see.
how your so damn happy,
without me.
I need to forget you.
Just go on without you.
Why can't I leave you?
But you can leave me.
Because I loved you.
Because you left me.
I have been broken.
I have been broken.
And everyones gone,
they're all just gone.
They left me,
just like you.
Now we can't be friends,
no we can't be friends.
Because i loved you,
then you left me.
As the tears fall down
and you scream across the crowd,
that you don't love me,
you never loved me.
So I'm sitting by the phone,
waiting for the okay to go back home.
Now I'm leaving.
I'm leaving.
Waiting for the okay to go back home,
then I'm leaving
I am leaving you,
like you left me.
Cause I'm without you
and you never loved me.
So I'm leaving.
I hope your happy,
I just Hope your happy.
