I will cradle you in my arms; bringing you into
a shimmering moat of light. You will stay there,
gold glitter raining upon your soft face---so youthful and wise.
Until the end of time.
Standing on the ledge of the building, the wind steering her from her fall, the girl gazed out to the city lights. The night was cool, the air gust fatal, but she paid no mind. She let the wind whip at her dark curly hair, closed her eyes as the sky begged, no, pulled for her to follow it. Such a playful force of nature the wind was. It wanted her to play to her death. Even on a thought such as this, she didn't care.
She was the one who brought herself to the fourth floor roof. She wouldn't question the elements for her own decisions made now.
The street bellow was a black river, chalked with line strips, calling her to land.
Once there, she couldn't deny it right?
She let her arms spread out...
Took a deep breath and smiled...
Yes, we where all once there.
Wisp your hands
Twirl my dear harlot
The night has come
with moon and stars
twinkling like a garnish
Smoke the smoke
My dearly forgotten
Watch in heady delight
The figures dance
in gold and white
their minds resound the chant
Wisp your hands
You are in no man's land
I feel I am drifting away from you,
Does this mean we can never go back to before?
To the place that held us together?
Everything is thin.
A layer of pretense we may never define...
But a lie that we with hold to keep the true reality safe.
I don't want to lose you.
Please keep my smile close to yours.
My feet sludge through the mud,
my cheeks, red from the beating sun.
I don't know why I am in this desert,
thought it has rained here just days ago.
I was watching you through the rain
gazing, your eyes melt through mine.
Felt a cold touch in my heart...
It was the detachment from our souls,
they are finally joining to meet.
So long I have lost you,
now here we both stand.
It was here in the water,
in the desert sun,
I found you once again.
I beg the boiling sky,
I beg the now dry land,
to bring me back to him,
so our hands could clasp as well.
I don't know the days,
I barely know the time,
hours we have parted,
without ever saying goodbye.
But my eyes grow weak,
bleary and exhausted.
I long to close them, thinking of you...
we will meet again in the next life.
My love, I am so sure of it.
We will be here once again.
The sway and pull of this madness
a dance too vibrantly bade
I pause in the still framed freeze
to remake thy own steps in a dream.
My voice grows soft as I call you
Wondering. Was it all a waste?
the lantern was lit and I cannot quit
I've journeyed too far ahead.
Why do I want to cry for you?
Why do I feel like I've lost?
The most precious gift that has guided you
is derailed and left at the cross.
All I can say as I pray
the most gentle of whispers in day
I've never wanted you more.
We are parted here after, evermore.
Divided between two
corrupted data like a bug
Was there a way to see this coming?
Foreshadow what's come to be?
There's no way this could be happening.
No way this could be real.
The emptiness that took my mind and heart
Leaves little to tell.
I can't explain it properly...
but she's gone.
Repent my mistakes dear sister.
My soul needs redemption.
Sad thing about forgiveness,
There is always the past of shame.
Just beneath the surface,
you're the one to blame.
Sweet thing about love
you always want "return."
To be there once more willing,
the smile is not forlorn.
Tragedy strikes again.
No going back again.
No remorse, apology
it's far too late for that.
I really wish it didn't have to be this way,
I chose because you did too.
Cornered in the end again,
there's nothing left to do.
Multiple questions; quizzical words springing up to catch my attention such as "Hindrance". Who was the one hindering my smile? What force was blotting out the sincerity in my heart? Insecurity was a factor; memories long past--a warning to cease any actions leading me forward. Even through the word I sought a way out. I tore a hole into the plastic bubble subtly titled "Hindrance". I peeked past the thick material, careening forward with one eye looking out. It was hard to overcome the hesitation of fear--yet it's gone now. Hindrance isn't such a complexity any longer. I know its meaning; I know its cause.
The scientist proved the hypothesis with experimentation and observation. Now I will search for a new word to move forward with. This one will become obsolete.
Those words once written to you, were never such a lie,
Thrown casual to fool you, no never, a disguise.
The choice to run was childish, appeared dormant inside,
Yet day by day that went away, I wished I needn't hide.
This gross image distorts, the expression won't clean itself.
I'm speechless when I heed, needless to the ground...
The words are there to say, I cannot get them out,
I told you once, you disbelieved, my cries go on without.
I live this life without.
The air rushed through my lungs,
pulling with such force that my heart palpated.
Then the rain came, falling like a thousand tears;
wetting the brown dirt, darkening it like my eyes.
I let out the expression of my deepest emotions;
You took those words to the bottom of the grave.
Decay left for the animals to scavenge,
the remains of my words so brave.
I can't relinquish the surety of myself---
in all my belief in you.
You---both beautiful and ugly---
in your selfishness and sophistication.
My thoughts were undiluted...
My thoughts where pure, as my intentions.
These feelings were never about me.
They were about you.
Here I am, standing with my chin held high,
A travesty of backbone while my insides quiver.
I can't look back for my aversion of the past
halts my very need to do so.
Three words---tattooed on my bearings.
I count to ten, painting my memories with you;
Taking a step forward--only to unearth that
doing so extirpates you.
I'm a bowing flower following the sun---
shrinking when photosynthesis fails,
shunting through the clouds with all its might.
The sun is out today. Watch me extend.
I take a few more steps forward.
I am gentle, I am kind
I am pure and divine.
I am sweet; sweet like wine,
I'm the happy you can't define.
I am a jewel, I am rare;
The ruby in rock you know is there--
So timid and shy until you look in my eyes.
I am the prize.
I am genuine, I'm not fake
I'm the sound that your heart makes
When it's fluttered and it's freed,
And I'm just being me.
You gave me up and watched me bleed,
Taking all, far more then you need,
The frail glass girl you come to see,
Will bloom more beautiful then you'll ever believe.
I envisage scenarios ravaged by plague
one concentered by my caliginous qualms...
they cannot be shaken---nor calmed.
The plasticity of my hope is taut,
I hold my fear in naught...
Love is when you can't go one day without thinking about them at least once. It's that feeling of seeing that one person and feeling like you're finally home. It's about the good memories that make everything else seem dull in comparison. You can't be in that other persons presence without wanting to touch them or hold them--hear their voice speak and look deep into their eyes. It's a physical ache when you're gone from them too long. Most importantly love, true love is about loving someone for being who they are. Its unconditional and you would do whatever was in your power to make sure there's a smile forever touching their lips. You can't imagine a world without them in it because they are the one you cherish more than anyone else in the world. Your life is made better knowing them and without that you can't make the world shine as bright alone...what is true love to you?
These words dig me deeper,
I patch the wound, but it only festers.
I love you.
The words are desperate,
absorbing the ache that's always growing.
But you will not,
I've abused the channel connecting us.
The way I feel when I'm lying,
Alone in my bed in the midst of the night.
Myself for the things done,
Loathing for the things that I'm not.
It never parts me,
The solitude it comes to haunt me.
Come and daunt me,
I grasp a straw to keep me drawing...
If I could say it right,
I promise you I'd say it bright---
loud and clear; tried and true...
If only I could get to you.
I am the water tickling your feet...
I am the wind; caressing your ear with my secrets.
I am the fire licking the oxygen from the coal,
Warming you when my sister elements bereave you.
You are the rock in the earth, no water may move you--
Your weight is too fitting---too grand.
You are grey with shades of color,
The wind cannot ask why--you are deftly submerged.
You are almost aflame from reflection of water;
No fire can warm you without being dowsed.
I am an element befitting of the gods--
They made me to touch all in need.
Your element---the rock-- will not abide to my aid.
For you need these elements no longer.
In the ever expanding reaches of the universe,
I will cradle you in my arms; bringing you into
a shimmering moat of light. You will stay there,
gold glitter raining soft upon your face---so youthful and wise.
We are inside my most prized possession:
a hand forged jewelry box painted with silver dragons.
The light that shines inside it bleeds the inside orange---
a color far brighter then gold.
Here we lay together. Just you and I,
awaiting the unseen light to touch every part of this plain with ingenuity.
The rays catch each strand of dust; purifying it to become a perfect garden of Eden.
It grows until we are basking---the warmth of it driving away all heavy slumber and doubt.
Your hands moved---slow for they remained still too long; mine follow unseeing.
It was then you opened your eyes---and I mine.
You were no longer blind from a dark deadened universe.
I watched as you saw me--your clear brown irises glowing with the vision of a woman smiling in wonder.
You finally loved me---as I always will you...
...to the end of time.
through the morning, through the night
I mourned my Loss with prickled sight.
the synchrOnicity that we shared---
disjointed now---can't be repaired---
i will keep the fondest articles of time
And reliVe them often in my mind;
until they disclaim to remind my hEart
of heartache and sublime...
acceptance has coated this festering wound,
palpating it to heal---whollY attuned;
to euphOnioUs music to ease the part,
the part of me that fell apart.
please let's start---again.
One day you will see me again--for what I was and what I am.
One day you will look back and remember my beauty, my kindness, my charm.
I trusted you enough to give you myself---everything that made me who I am.
You took that without knowing exactly how much that was.
One day you will find me when you are all alone. When the quiet of the world has awakened you.
Your hold on the unreal will loosen to a light grasp...and where will your woman be?
Farther into the past...
Her smile that stirred the heart, it won't be yours anymore. The touch endowed with love---you can never experience there after.
The woman so pure you broke for no reason--will come to trust no one. Like a wounded bird she tries repeatedly to fly--but the broken heart has tainted her feathers. The light in her eyes is gone...
One day you will look at her and see--she was a good person for you. You meant and still mean everything to her...for you took her everything. She can't get it back.
She will be your one regret. When she builds a new everything on her own.
I remember our laughter---
touched by smiles.
I remember your hair
like waves of earth, saturated in sun.
Your warm hugs enveloped me---
like a furnace of smoldering cinders.
Your eyes, framed by glasses murmuring
the place where you belong...
I was, and always will be remembering "you"
the "we", "your", and "I"s...
I can never forget your sighs---
the shimmer of joy in your "hi"s.
You are wondrous and strange,
An equation that always remains
unsolved for value of X.
What happens next...?